My wife keeps losing her wedding ring at the bar lol! Sheād lose her damn head if it wasnāt screwed on š¤£š¤£š¤£
William Angus
23 posts
- Just executed a flawless Clog & Jog (Clog toilet -> demand a different hotel room)
- Nickelodeon should do a stream for the presidential debates like they do for the NFL. If Iām gonna follow along, I need SpongeBob & Patrick to explain to me what a Two-State solution is
- Had to rush my dog to the vet this morning. I donāt know whatās wrong with her but her poop tastes really weird
- My email with my full name that Iāve had since 13 is unusable. It is a rotting carcass filled with maggots. 100 emails a day about god knows what. Someone from Iran logs into it once a week and changes the password. Itās time to pull the plug
- Business Idea: A bar of soap thatās 7x bigger than a normal bar so you only have to wash your hands once a week
- To the people that think itās āhilariousā to piss and poop all over the toilet seats at the bar: guys like me have to wipe up with our bare hands and rub it on our tummies. Grow up.
- Iām gonna be the uncle that asks to hold the new born baby and they say āuhhh sheās actually really tired right nowā
- Oh I was a āburden to my family,ā huh? Ok hot shot, then why did my parents say if it wasnāt for me they wouldāve gotten divorced way sooner?
- I am rage incarnate (my tummy hurts)
- Cops in horror movies are useless Woman: please officer help Cop: itās probably just old pipes in your house maāam Woman: my daughter was skinned alive in her room Cop: probably a draft from the open window. Maāam, donāt call again unless youāre in real danger