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For all those ( and you know who you are) stay off my page.... my life is none of your buisness |
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Wondering where I have been? I got a real life and gave up trying to please everyone....
Now I am truely happy and I am loved.... |
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Dont hit me up claiming to be looking for a sub and all you want is a piece of ass..... I am so tired of the same old shit . I am not your convienient fuck or your doormat. |
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Gotta love "Tool's" "StinkFist"
Something has to change.
Undeniable dilemma.
Boredom's not a burden anyone should bear.
Constant over stimulation numbs me
But I would not want you any other way.
Just not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I said, I don't want it.
I just need it.
To breathe, to feel, to know I'm alive.
Finger deep within the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together.
Relax, turn around and take my.
I can help you change tired moments into pleasure.
Say the word and we'll be well upon our waaay.
Blend and balance pain and comfort deep within you
till you will not want me any other way.
But it's not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I said, I don't want it.
I just need it.
To breathe, to feel, to know I'm alive.
Knuckle deep inside the borderline.
This may hurt a little but it's something you'll get used to.
Relax. Slip awaaaaaaaay.
Chupa minha pica pichu
Chupa minha pica pinto
Something kinda sad about,
the way that things have come to be.
Desensitized to everything.
What became of subtlety?
How can it mean anything to me,
if I really don't feel a thing at all?
I'll, keep, digging
till I, feel, something.
Elbow deep inside the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together.
Shoulder deep within the borderline.
Relax, turn around and take my hand.
Tool |
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My Mother always said "Dont let one man get you down..... There are so many fish in the sea. Keep on fishing". So i said fuck it! I broke the pole and jumped in the water......hopefully ill get eaten by a shark |
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 http://www.collarspace.com/htmlarea/smileys/0317.gif" align=absMiddle border=0>Seriously........ Some of the mail i get on here is fucking hilarious!!!!!
I don't want to be "YOUR" pet..... Or anything else for that matter. Most of you are full of shit anyway, so please dont even bother.
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yes i am back in Florida....... |
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Ive had enough of California........ July 10th ill be going home , back to Florida where i belong. Am looking forward to seeing my friends again. |
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If its not broke..... Dont fix it!!! |
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To many times have i come to this point in my life where i stop and take a look behind me. Grateful for all the things that I have overcome sadden by the precious things that I have lost and hopeful that the future will only get better.
There is much to learn on this path I have chosen......and much much more to be seen.
My heart still lies with the only man I adore, though we have decided to take a few steps back from each other.
I am still his in every aspect. I cant bring myself to be with anyone else. But I let go as he suggested and can only hope that all is not lost.
Life is not a bowl of cherries but then again its not as bad as it could be. I live each day hoping tomorrow will bring an ever brighter ray of light. And i live each moment as if it were my last. |
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Let me sleep , let me dream, It's there, where I am loved.
And if i never wake from it, would it really be so bad? |
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I am one who is into pain ... the more it hurts the better it feels.... But the pain I'm feeling right now I dont like at all. "Or do I"???
Do I purposely sabatage everything that is good in my life because somewhere in my sick little head i enjoy the pain that it brings? sure its a different kind of pain but its still pain.... right?
I dont know.... All I know is that I keep doing it to myself and I'm so tired of it . I just want to kick my own ass sometimes. |
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Am so tired Im discombobulated....lol . Talked to my Love this morning and discussed a few things about his play time with other women. I think i have a better feeling about it now . Its easier to live a swingers life when youre doing it together in each others presence. Its a bit different when your thousands of miles apart and its all one sided. I am fine with all of it as long as its not too often more than once a week is too often |
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Being back in Cali has its ups and downs. i look around and remember why I left a year ago but at the same time I get to see some of the greatest people i will ever know.
My girl Melinda (she calls me her orphan) is always here for me no matter what and loves me unconditionally. Shes alway honest with me and tells me the truth weather I want to hear it or not. She and her husband tolerate me and thats not easy .... Ill love her always
My girl Dione brought me back out here..(wasnt cheap either) has been my friend since we were 9. She worries about me because she sees how unhappy I am to e here now that I am here. And would give her right arm to change it if she could. She has alot of love in her heart and i will always feel lucky to have her as a friend.
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Cell phone died today and i had forgotten my charger soo i went most of the day with out a phone and it was then that i realized how addicted to it I am. BADDDD!!
Since i am so far away from my love at the moment it is our main source of communication . i have put at least 7000 text messages in 3 weeks. Its sick lol!!!! |
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Played bingo last night(damn i feel old) but i won 125.00 so i think ill have to go again lol.
feeling better today since i took the advice of my love and finally went to the doctor. I have a damn cold and i got bit by a spider. who would have known....
Anyway wishing time would just speed up so i can be back in his arms... i am missing his abuse and my ass is definitly in need of a good work out. Fuck the lube lets get to it!!! |
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http://www.collarspace.com/htmlarea/smileys/0152.gif" align=absMiddle border=0> I sure did pick a crappy week to quit drinking and smoking.....not only am i sick but now i feel.....hell i dont even know what i feel.
I want to thank everyones journals for keeping me up to date on everything i need to know. |
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Today i dont feel good and am missing him even more... Its almost depressing but the thought that wee will be together again keeps me from going there. |
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The days seem to go by so slow sometimes. And no matter what I do I cant seem to get him out of my head. He consumes me....thinking of the last time I saw him, his touch, the sound of his voice. Thinking of how nice it was to just lay in his arms, or how amazing it was when he violated my body. The pain I felt as he used me was electrifying and made me want it that much more. He did things to me that made me feel in a way i had never experienced before and i loved every second of it.
I long to have that all back and it seems as if time is moving so much slower than usual...i wish i could speed it all up. But i do know that when we are finally back together , I will never leave again.
Thank you for your patience my Love |
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http://www.collarspace.com/htmlarea/smileys/0395.gif" align=absMiddle border=0>Things are definitly looking brighter these days... if i could only occupy my mind until my return to Florida . He consumes me, filling my heart and my mind. Thank goodnes for unlimited text messaging.....lol i sleep with my phone in my hand for fear i might miss a message or call from him.
He is so patient and supportive he makes me feel so important in his life. I am forever grateful and devoted to him .
Though my heart aches i know it will all be worth it i the end |
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http://www.collarspace.com/htmlarea/smileys/0088.gif" align=absMiddle border=0>Everything is starting to move forward and soon enough i will be back in the arms of the man i adore with all of my heart. This distance has truely been tortureous and lonely and yes we have had our moments of question . But it seems through everything.. he is still so supportive and holds on to what might be...
you have my heart Tamkeat |
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http://www.collarspace.com/htmlarea/smileys/0493.gif" align=absMiddle border=0> With every new day brings a new emotion, with every new emotion brings a new hope......I feel a little bit more a part of him everyday... the man that will share no emotion......doesnt have to because i feel him...I enjoy showing him how everyone is not the same....i enjoy seeing the smile on his face or hearing it in his voice when he see's how different I can be and how happy i can make him if he wants me too. he is the world i revolve around...He is the the life in me... |
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its amazing what you will stumble across if you just watch where youre walking |
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You touch me , feel me, kiss me, hold me, want me , miss me, taste me, know me . but im still your little secret |
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3 more days and im on a plane back to california. That much further away from the one person that means the world to me...
I am sad |
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Thank you my sweet for 3 of the most amazing days of my life..... http://www.collarspace.com/htmlarea/smileys/0088.gif" align=absMiddle border=0>
I look forward to the day when we wont ever have to say good-bye again... |
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