WhitemomforBBC

Male Dominant, 48, Elgin, South Carolina

Male Submissive, 32

Female Submissive, 37, cartersville, Georgia

Exhausted. Emotionally and otherwise. Had a really intense night with Daddy. He thinks that I think too much - I wrestle and mull topics over until I'm exhausted by options and possibilities. The truth is I don't want to need this. I don't want to "need" to be on my knees in front if this beautiful black man as he degrades me and I beg for his cock and feel victory in his cum. I don't want to NEED to need to be at his feet and feel my pussy actually tremble when he takes of his belt to beat my ass but it does. I wish I didn't. My life would be easier. A white Irish catholic would never do this-- but that's not what I need. And I accept it

Still progressing out of punishment mode. Daddy was a little happier with me today but boy can he push my buttons. Why do I care so muh about his other relationships? My heart dropped out of my chest when he told me someone else used tocall him Daddy. He's too good at his job; he makes me feel like I'm the only person in the room or the world. Tonight I wore a dog collar and leash and the leash hin kind of beautifully between my tits. They were perky but felt heavy tonight. He liked the way it looked and even though I was physically uncomfortable I felt a lot of emotional peace wearing it. That's not the worst thing he did. He pulled my tits out of my shirt in gas station parking lot and teased me about how much I like being on display. I do like very much the contrast- his strong black hands pulling and tugging on these bright white barely tanned tits of me. The same pure tits that fed white babies for months are not simply marked down meat to this man who owns me. Sometimes if I'm mouthy I get water, cold tap water sprayed at my face with the dish sprayer. It's cold and I immediately feel so furious I could cry. Instead of course I stand with my head back and wait for my next insturctin

Emotionally exhausting day today. The physical humilitation is hard but the mental stuff he puts me through exhausts every part of me-- He taunts me, reminds me that I could have a normal Irish catholic boyfriend who sits with me on the couch and cares about my day-- would never dream of using me as a footstool or calling me a cow--- And there it is- why do I struggle with that. Why wouldn't I be happy with that

I'm not getting any better at the listening. I thought I was too and I've been punished this week so severely. I know for sure that I am here to serve my strong black Daddy. These hips and these tits are all made for BBC. I just have to start really trusting this. Or I could lose him. He's growing intolerant of me and my inconsistencies. As am I.

I will learn, right? At some point I will stop instinctively tying to one up him GOD even flirt with him. He's in charge and at some point this sassy brain of mine will clue my smart mouth in to that fact. I was punished tonight with less than flattering pictures of my naked body- this disgusting body of wide hips and sloppy legs and huge udders that swing low. This body that has no torso and intoned arms and a marginal face was made to take pictures fully naked with a bag over my head. He likes to remind me that I am meat- nothing but three holes. Does he know that my greatest fear is that no one wants even that from me? He keeps daring me to leave- "YOU want out?" He asks over and over. My feminist well educated suburban mom voice screams YES!! You aren't allowed to do this to her! But my body--- those holes he owns clench and pulse in protest. He knows we aren't going anywhere. And that scares me most of all.

12/10- still being punished . I was made to leave my heavy tits in a toilet bowl for 40 minutes yesterday while talking to strangers on the phone. I have disobeyed daddy very badly and the punishments keep coming. I cried. I haven't in a while but I did last night. As I was showering I just had that realization that he actually occupies real estate in my brain and I will never get it back- it doesn't even feel like it belongs to me anymore. These tits and this ass and this pussy of mine all belong to him a be I was prepared for that- it's the mental space and emotional dependency that suprised me the most...

12/9- Received quite a difficult punishment from Daddy today for my smart mouth and story telling. I lost clothes privileges for over three hours and had to wear nipple clamps for an hour or so. These heavy tit/udders are so bothersome when they aren't being supported by a bra- not to mention the chill. I understand the punishment and will be making Daddy happier in the future by showing some more respect

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