Timethief

I may be a little late on the responses. My husband and I are moving back to PA and we have two weeks to get everything ready and find a place so I'll be pretty swamped with two girls, two dogs and moving.

K

Time to really REALLY start on this eating better and working out thing. I am in dire need of loosing weight.

Resume writing sucks....It's just hard to really figure out what is too much, what isn't enough. What isn't direct enough. It's just a logistical nightmare.

I apologize if anyone has message me in the past couple of weeks and haven't gotten a reply. At least the people I was intentional on wanting to reply. Things have just been busy and stressful and I really haven't been online much other then a quick glance on my phone.

I hope everyone is well..

K

   So I feel like I needed to put this out there. I am not going to respond to you if you say "Respond NOW" Or anything of such. So your a Dominant, and? Just because I am a submissive does not mean I'll be your door mat. Please don't misunderstand that statement I am not a bratty submissive who is unruly and lives for disobedience. I am a submissive who gives such respect where it is deserved.

   There are so many angry men and women out there pretending to be Dominant. Just as many fake submissive. But just because you are mean or forward means nothing to me.

    I am not a hole to be used by anyone I don't desire. I am not for rent, or for use. The person who 'uses' me is a person I choose to have do so. My submission happens out of my respect for you. Not just because your mean or ordering.

   I've come across some real idiots on this website. But I'm to the point where I just laugh. But on that mark I have come across some genuine Dominants who I willingly will address as such. I really enjoy talking with some of you. Others I'm sad to have lost the conversation between us - but it's completely understandable. 

Getting back into shape on your own is very hard. I miss the direction back then it was simple for me. I had someone to make sure I kept on track. Now I have myself, and well..I have a lot of ups and downs.

   I have to laugh, every time one of my friends gets close enough to me that the conversation moves to the more intimate things in our life. Truthfully it doesn't take long for that to happen. Just takes me enough to gauge how well they would take it. Most really think about it and consider what they have in there life that can relate. Anyhow, the funny thing to me is no one, and I mean no one guess I am the submissive in the role description.

   Something that only really makes me look at my life. No one here really knows who I am. Except for the select few I really enjoy talking to on a regular basis. But as of now, I am a stay at home mom / house wife. So I wrangle little ones all day, while still attempting to keep my house presentable. I can be quite forward in my statements to my friends.

   My husband once told me, most people consider me mean. Because i don't really get massively excited for anything. Most people who get excited have an elevation in there voice, all of the body signs I suppose. And according to my friends and my husband I have none of that. I'm very straight forward in my moods, happy, sad i hold them all the same..At least its how other people see it.

 So because I'm not giddy, outspoken and excitable I'm told they think I'm more Dominant then anything. And perhaps that's true to some degree. Maybe that's also why a lot of Dominant's never interested me. I never looked for a Dominant to puff his chest out and command on a dime. I looked for the sincere men, who knew themselves. Who could control there own lifes, people who didn't command respect. It was given to them long before it was asked. Intelligent men, who knew what someone else needed and could decipher the needs to the wants. A person who made me excited to hear from them, someone who mad me sad when they had to work late.

  I suppose through all of this I've learned that my submission was always reserved for those I thought deserved it.

I hope all the Sir's out there are having a good day. I know me being taken make most of you roll your eyes.  But I really enjoy conversations,  none of this is done behind my husbands back. He is well aware of this account and what I'm searching for. ( Friends and conversational partners that is. )

Give me a go, i will not return all the emails I get.

I've lost ten pounds in two weeks..! I'm excited.

Well it's a new day.

  Things have been pretty stressful in my situation. All my desires have hit a stand still, and I suppose its justifiable so. Our marriage and children need to take the front stage to this.  My husband and I moved back to our home state three months ago because he got a job offer that couldn't be passed up. Everything was doing well, bills were being paid completely off we got a brand new van for the kids and I.. Everything was working, there ended up being another company who contacted my husband and asked him to apply.

He did, they shot him an offer he thought was a bit low so he said he'd like to negotiate. They said that was fine, the job came with a vehicle as well and a bonus or so it was said. All the preliminaries were completed to the point he was even on the schedule at this new job. Then there corporate office called and offered him 15k less then the original offer with no vehicle... Something he refuses to take and I completely agree. It's far less then what he's currently making.

And within the same week, he sat down at a meeting only to be told his company where we are would be closing. The company is all over the US, it's just run out of work here.

So now we are left with the decision and the thoughts of how big of a mistake it had been to get up and move. Only to have to do it once again...Moving isn't easy as adults, but with two little children and two dogs makes it completely different.

Life is hard...

I am still very interested in talking to people about the lifestyle. Experiences I've had, things I have always had interest in. Please make no mistake our conversations will more then likely never leave the computer world. But I am an intelligent 'Real' person, if you want someone to have a conversation with you won't regret chatting with me.

Also, to the same note. I do not return all the messages I get. Some I do and it will take me a few days. Just please be respectful, I've seen some pretty low things on this website. I really don't understand why people waste there time showing the ignorance. If you have nothing nice to say in your greeting don't waste your time.

Time Thief

My theme song these days... "Flaws" by Bastille. Give it a listen its a pretty good song.

I never realized how much calmer my life was when i didn't have all the decisions to be negotiated. Stress becomes so much harder when the decisions are 'ours' and not 'his'. I miss being the smaller person, so to speak. 

I know many people have messaged me and I don't always respond. Things have been beyond stressful, in a situation I would have wished never happened. It's just hard feeling as if something is missing and running on the endless treadmill of defeat.

Every goal I try and set, gets pushed aside somehow. I miss the control, and I suppose the sooner i come to the realization I will never get it the better I'll be for myself. My life will be that of fetish and not control in anything other then sex.

It's been a bad day, and quite lonely.

I know I haven't been online for a long while until recently. But I will express my confusion at this whole "Financial Domme" Seriously? Why would you just give someone you don't even know is real your hard earned money? Isn't that what credit agencies are for?

-shrug- I suppose to each there own.

   Does anyone know a good book for a novice learning to be a Dominant in D/s not necessarily the sexual aspect of BDSM or S/M,?

Hrmm, guess I'll give this journal thing a try and write down my current thoughts. If you've read my profile then you'll know I'm married and committed. I am not interested in serving other people. I am merely interested in Friends. I however do not mind speaking candidly about what i do and have done. I have had a lot of experience in the submissive life, a lot of what i miss alot.

  I guess the more I think about this journey between my husband and I. My husband who is not at all against learning about this. I fear that it will change my relationship so much that it just won't work anymore. I am just fighting with my own thoughts, on how much I desire this, vs. How much i fear that this will turn my relationship into something I wasn't expecting.

  People change when they move into their own I suppose. Although my husband was naturally dominant, and assertive. I just don't know where he will take this entire situation I guess. I've had my share of dominant's who I really enjoyed serving, and others that were down right mentally cruel who played games that were far past our agreement. Which was how I ended up where I am now.

  Who knows I suppose.