sweeetone4u

Female Submissive, 28

Female Submissive, 43, Ontario

Male Submissive, 31, houston, Texas

so again i am here, watching what i do. thinking about everything and wondering. maybe it's me maybe my standards are too high. but i wont compromise on those. but maybe someone who is fat. who cannot lose weight due to PCOS, who has facial hair (i keep it gone but it's still there) who has a child who isn't...perfect. who isn't graceful who... just isn't doesn't deserve...better i don't know

so tonight i am sitting here almost in tears...because my mom and my daughter have gotten into yet another fight. I don't know what to do...i seriously seriously seriously don't know what to do. I don't know what else i can give this woman, I have bought her a house, she lives with us. I have paid...god knows how much...on health bills for her this year. (at this moment i think close to 10,000 ...) I don't at this point know what else to do, I am working...like freaking crazy..I mean I made $90...today...massaging horses.. how the HELL is that a bad thing???? seriously? i mean come the fuck on. *sighs* i'm sorry to vent here, but i don't know what else to do

I just have to scream this out here cause i can't really any where else but DUDE I AM NOT FUCKING CHRISTIAN your first response to me should NOT be "have you found god yet" yes i have...in my bread box...thanks

so i figure i might should actually do some writing in here. and express real thoughts, not just random bitching. I freaked out...i couldn't meet him...after everything that happened with my late husband...and after everything else...i just... i freaked. certain triggers were hit, that i didn't even know were triggers until it sent me into an absolute panic attack. by panic attack i mean i literally shut down, ended up curled up in my closet (my safe place)...sobbing...shaking and barely able to breathe. i kept seeing the chair over and over again, and that feeling of absolute powerlessness as it broke over me. The feeling of cowering under the desk... and it's not fair to him, because HE didn't do that to me, my husband did. and so this week i've been dealing a lot with the inferiority complex, thinking i am not good enough that...there is no saving grace in me, and truthfully? i'm sure there is. I am well liked among my peers... thought of as generally an intelligent person, artistic creative. I mean, I am developing a new style of boots... i mean hell...who can say they can do that? yet... i am... scared to death....of being with someone god i want someones arms i want to curl up in someones arms on my bed and fall asleep I want to feel hands, rough from work run over my body...I want to cook someone supper, I want to sit out on the front porch and drink iced tea with them. I want to hold hands walking down a street knowing that someone has my back. and yet... inviting someone in inviting that into my heart, and opening myself up to that again scares the shit out of me.

so i find...the "perfect on paper" and it just isn't. i find again....and he's with someone. i am destined...alway's...to be alone i guess, i should get used to it.

I would like to know why exactly my limits when I actually enforce them, are looked at as "wrong" i do not like being called demeaning names. "Cunt" is not a "term of endearment" i know it probably doesn't make any sense to any one but me. But I've worked so hard...and am working so hard to get my self esteem back up...That i really dislike

Why is it...and this i cannot understand just because your view of how things are differs from someone elses, you are considered "Rude" and "backhanded" just because i don't trust you, when you say you are a woman, and your yahoo connection to me showed blatantly a man. gee...i'm sorry i don't trust

lately i have been wondering, if these feelings i've been having are normal. Is it normal to think that i am attracted to women also? yes i'm sure it is. i don't know exactly how i can explain it it's some very strange feelings ...very very strange feelings i've been having. some...nice squirmy feelings in my tummy and delightful experiances

Okay so here's where I guess i'm going to have to get picky... I don't want someone old enough to be my great grand father... i don't want someone that LOOKs that old either. I don't want someone so far away that we'll never meet, i don't want someone who can't spell simple words (IT'S YOU people...three letters, seriously))

*sighs* just have to say...i am sorry...again...that you can't see the value in the woman i am...I can see the value in who i am...just because you can't..doesn't mean i have to change me, to fit you...*nods* i am proud of myself there

Female Submissive, 20

Female Submissive, 27

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Female Submissive, 41, Long Island, New York

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