Safety ~ Meeting someone for the first time
Deciding to meet someone for the first time is always a big
step and should never be taken for granted nor lightly. Your safety should
always be your first consideration no matter how long you have emailed each
other or even talked on the phone. First meetings should never be a “play date”
but rather a face to face introduction and a chance for open discussion and
negotiation. This is a big step in a new relationship and no matter how excited,
anxious or eager you may be, take your time and do it right. If this person is
right for you they will respect that.
How to meet ~
Hopefully you have exchanged photos already so you know what
the other person looks like. Sometimes it is good to request a second photo,
one not posted on a website just to see if they have other more personal
pictures to insure they are indeed a “real person”. You both should let each
other know what you will be wearing and/or have some other form of a marker
available like a distinctive piece of jewelry or other accessory.
When to meet ~
Weekends in the early afternoon are real good and it should
leave you extra time for a nice chat over dinner if all goes well. A good
number of people are usually out then as well and provide you with the best
opportunity to have a private talk in public.
Where to meet ~
Parties, munches and other scene socials are not recommended.
Both of you may know others there and there are too many possible sources of distraction.
A local coffee shop or small restaurant is preferred as you can usually find a
nice balance of people vs. privacy. Try to avoid locations with lots of
children present just in case you are overheard. If you are both local to each
other try to find a location that you both are familiar and comfortable with. If
you are separated and meeting halfway or near one persons hometown, pick a
location that is not too hidden away and can be accessed easily from major
roads, highways and can be found on Mapquest or other driving direction
service. Set the date far enough in advance so that you can make a “dry run”
and visit the location and become familiar with it.
Safety net ~
Set up a safe call. Let someone you know and trust know
where you are going and arrange for them to be home to receive your calls at
specific times or on the hour. Don’t just tell them, rather write down for them
where you are going, and provide them with information on who you are meeting
in detail, i.e. phone number, photo or any other details you can provide. Do
not leave this information up to their memory as memory is often one of the
first things to fail in stressful situation. Use a safe word as well when you
call such as “flower(s)” inform them that if you do not use this word you are
under duress. “Yes, he brought me a flower”, “You have to tell me later where
you got those flowers from” and so on, plan this ahead with several variations
that are not too obvious in case something does go wrong and someone is forcing
you to make your safe call.
Back up letter ~
Put together a letter that has very thorough detail as to
when, where and how you met the person you are going to meet. Photos, contact
information and every possible detail you have about them. You can leave this
at home and let your safe call friend know where it is in case something does
go wrong. If you do not have a safe call friend then at the very least you will
have left police with a lot of information to help them find you in case of
foul play.
Miscellaneous ~
Try to avoid alcohol during a meeting for obvious reasons
and also to minimize the potential of the other person utilizing any “date rape”
drugs or similar substances.
Don’t assume anything, just because you are a strong female
dominant you still may find that the male you are meeting is not so submissive.
If you are traveling a long distance and will be staying at
a motel, do not tell the person you are meeting about this or where you are
staying.
If you are feeling pressured let the other person know and
try to end the date, leave after he or she does, try to make sure you can actually see/verify them leaving in their vehicle.
If they are not cooperating at all, go to the washroom, slip
out the back door and GO if you can do so safely and without being followed.
This is why the dry run is important.
Know where the local police department is, if you are being
followed call 911 and drive there or another very public place.
Do not allow yourself to compromise any of the safety protocols
you have set up for any reason, I don’t care how hot he/she is they will still
be hot next week for your next date.
I am sure there are lots of other safety tips out
there so make sure to check them out, this is by no means the end all be all
guide but I hope it gives you a place to start.
