submsvqtee

I know they say patience is a virtue but when do you know when your standards are just to picky to be waiting.  How long should one wait? 

I am worried that my desires are so strong it may cause a risky decisions.  I keep myself in check and venture out of comfort zone, by going to munchies. Mind you this is a big deal for me since I am naturally quiet until I know you.  I wonder if I am making it difficult to find My Daddy.  But I will wait and I speak when spoken to.  

I guess what I am wondering out loud is.  Can being picky hender you from finding that missing piece to fill that void?  That void I hold in my heart, that I want so desperate to fill.  Then I begin to wonder am I lettting life go by because I am waiting.  

I feel so lost all the time. I need the guidance. What do I do?

its amazing that most want to automatically own you with out getting to know who you are as a person.  then others tell you what they are going to do to you or what they would like to do to you personally.  But somewhere in the mist of it all; they expect you to be excited or even turned on about the description of a scenerio.  Maybe in there eyes they think its fair that they are offended when the reaction isn't what they feel it should be. 

Tell me something, if I have to earn your trust to recieve the goals I am searching.  Should you not earn my trust for me to submit completely my body and my mind entirely to you? 

I lay awake most nights wondering if this will ever come true.  But then I wonder if I am going about this all wrong. I don't want to be reckless and jump at all who give me attention.  But when I am overly cautious; I am wasting everyones time.  Its like I am damned if I do or damned if I don't.  What do I do?

 Why do some want to own without getting to know if the person is a fit.  Does it always work that way? Or am I too TIMID to be in this for my own good?

 I am honest, I get the feeling that people think I am joking. I haven't experienced a lot.  But I enjoy flogging.  There are times, I wish I could have it every night.  But I suppose that is a little extreme.   Parts of what I have experience; I enjoy and want it.

 The crufew, the bedtimes, the permissions, and the restrictions. Its feels good. So much to learn and I am beginning to wonder if I will never get it right. 

Is my Daddy out there?

I can't sleep. 

Dreams aren't coming easy tonight.  I think about the Daddy I long to have...

I re-live the play night from the other evening. It felt so natural being tied down. {Weird I am longing for it to happen again.}  I must seriously trust you and the feeling of safety, is like a secruity blanket.  Comfort. Sleep came so easy for me afterwards.  

Last night was like a dream come true....  Being tied down was the one experience I will never forget.  I wish I can experience it more.  If I didn't have nights like those walking away would come easier.  But because I get to do those special evenings; its gives me hope that maybe I can achieve more and my dreams will come true.

I felt so light headed better than drugs; if I do say so myself.  I look forward to the next time. 

Not knowning is the hardest; followed by waiting.

open up... speak.... but nothing is returned.

But I continue to wait, it's around the corner.

Right?

I am so lost. I am torn between leaving this lifestyle or giving it another try.

I have been hurt unbelievably, lied too, ignored and put down worse than dirt. {Damn this was in the first what six months or so} Was beginning to wonder, if I knew this would be the same as vanilla should i have even opened up this freakin account. Don't get me wrong.  I have met a few good people and I am glad they are in my life. 

They both keep me grounded and I appreciate it.  I can't tell them how much them listening means to me.

But in actuality is it worth it.

I am up a night thinking what am I doing wrong. Or is it me? another pundering question; which may never be answered. I hate feeling this way.