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Almost three weeks have passed since the passing of my father. It is still hard to believe that he is gone. I know that he is no longer suffering and is with God. But still I struggle. The sadness and loss overshadow what I know to be true. I have devoted most of my life for the past six months taking care of him. I think I hear him calling me to help him when I am asleep. I pick up the phone to call him but he is not there to answer. I have to remind myself every morning when I wake up that he isn't here for me to take care of. Tomorrow is his birthday. I will spend it with him by his grave. I will bring yellow flowers as they are his favorite. There will be no birthday cake or celebration of life for it is gone. All that I have left are the memories we made. It makes me sad to know we will never make anymore. Time is precious. I would give anything to hear his voice or see him smile. I hope he is smiling now. He died on my birthday, it was also his anniversary with my mom who has also passed. I pray that God take me tomorrow on his birthday so we can be a family again.

Feeling really low today. Having one of those days where you don't want to face the world or answer the phone. I just wanted to stay curled up in a ball and stay in bed all day. Maybe giving in to that urge wouldn't be a bad thing.

If your life is lived waiting for the right time or moment, you will probably never get anything accomplished

There are no words that can describe the sadness that I feel or the empty spot in my heart right now. Ten days have passed and it just doesn't seem real, I keep wishing that it this is just a bad dream and that I will wake up soon.

This is my favorite poem,

The Rose and the Thorn

Once upon a time in a small cheateau

There lived a noble man

As he dined one day

A rose bud in the garden caught his eye

He never saw the thorn sprouting underneath her

"What a beautiful delicate thing"

"I shall nourish this exquisite object". He thought

And when she was thirsty

The man gave her water

The thorn drank the excess

The bud became aesthetically pleasing

Instant gratification

All of the Mans expectations are met

Exactly as he invisioned her

In the shadow of the rose the thorn grew

The man showed her to everyone

The rose was displayed

Enjoyed by all who visited

The thorn was never noticed

The man spent many hours

Inhaling her fragrance

Caressing her soft petals

Protecting her from the wind

The thorn stood erect and watched

One day the man was called away

on a business matter

He was not there when the wind blew

and the rose hungered for more

When he returned he saw to his horror

the rose was gone

All that was left was one petal

impaled by the thorn

He went inside

Returnining with the shears

He chopped off the thorn

and tossed the scourge aside

Cussing the ugly monstrosity

The man never knew

The thorn he cursed so

Knowing the man loved the rose

Caught the petal on the way down for him

For the thorn loved the man

On the ground

The thorn still stood erect

For although rejected

The thorn embraced his pain

Her only sadness was for the man

who only saw?with his?eyes.

when someone shows you who they really are, believe them.

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