slutkillian

Well...it's been about a year since i updated this thing...i suppose i should.

subbing again...i caught the attention of a Domme that's a Veteran in local scene. She's sick, twisted, and most of all fun, and i know She appreciates my attentions, so that makes me feel good.

Ordered my violet wand on June 10th, just waiting for that to get here now. Dropped quite a bit of cash on that one as it was the largest and most extensive kit i could find.

i still often think of my last Dominants, wishing i had the balls to contact Them. Thinking about what was, and to quote NIN "...and all that could have been"

i still find myself tearing up or crying when thinking about the good times. It took me quite awhile to get to a point where i could feel submissive again without going into a panic attack, which was ultimately a horrible feeling.

i care alot about Them still, and pray that all is well in Their new life, and that They find what They're looking for.

i still check Their profile on here, smiling when i read good news in Their journal and whatnot. i hope They don't mind...


just some thoughts...

- Dave

and i forgot to mention...

the place i've been working part-time for the past 3 and a half years has been waiting for me to finish school so that i can go full-time...and come monday, i'll be there full-time. i started there 5 years ago as a co-op student, and they eventually hired me as a part-time guy...now i'll be running the show...

it IS a customer service oriented job...IE people come to me when their shit dun work and bitch and complain, especially when it's not covered by the warranty...i gotta provide them with a solution, it may not be the one they want, or like...but that's what i do...they may not like what they hear, but i tell it like it is...

the guy that was my immediate supervisor got burned out from all the pissed off customers and didn't care anymore...he got the change of position he wanted so that he doesn't have to deal with customers, and being basically his understudy for the past 5 years, i got his job...so things are good *nods*

Well...i did it...i said the 2 things i needed to say...

It was the hard play party at breathless a few weeks ago.

i had decided that the next time my Dominants and i scened, i would bring myself to say it. So at the end of the scene, i was wrapped in a blanket on the couch.

Sir and Miss were sitting across from me. i took several breaths, composed myself, got Their attention and said "i don't mean for this to offend You, so let me know if this does..." with tears in my eyes i said it "...thank You Master, thank You Mistress..." and then i just sort of smiled and bit my lip.

It was difficult to say because of the deep significance those words ("Master" and "Mistress") have for me. They're not "terms" i say to just Anyone, and in my opinion they're overused in this lifestyle.

Although They didn't have as much of a reaction as i was expecting, They both said They didn't find it offensive. i felt great that i was finally able to say what had been on my mind, to coin a phrase that has been used many times before, "it was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders". A few minutes later as i was getting dressed again, Master said that He was happy i chose to say it on my own after this period of time.

Also, for those that missed the slosh last night...

Wednesday was my final day of Highschool, i finished up my last test for my grade 12 math that morning. So in celebration, we ordered a shot for everyone there at the time (sorry to those that missed out!). Draegon was nice enough to split the bill with me for the shots (thanks again Sir!).

School was a bumpy ride for me all my life. i battled depression, ADD, and my temper. Starting in grade 1 or 2, i was getting suspended more times than i could count (which ultimately just became vacations for me), expelled several times (last time was in grade 10), but i pushed forward, kept going, despite all the things people said to me (do you know how annoying it can be for people to encourage you for every little good thing you do? It becomes a reminder of how you're still there, while the people you should've graduated with have moved on already.) Sometimes we are our toughest critic.

The lifestyle helped me alot, i found a place i am comfortable with myself, where i was accepted, and helped me get my mind off some of the things i didn't like in my life. For that i thank Lady RedHawk for being the One to initially invite me out to the old east end slosh.

i've gone on longer than i thought i would have, so this is the end of this entry...

till the next one,

I'M DAVE!

things are going well...enjoying life...a lovely Dominant couple has accepted me into Their lives and i've enjoyed every minute i've spent with Them (individually and together) thus far...i hope i don't mess things up anywhere along the way. it'll be cool to see where this goes, but alas, it's still blossoming...

always eager...
always attentive...

killian