SirButchTX

What is the proper protocol for contacting someone on a site like this?

This should be a question we all ask, but I fear, few do. While there are no rules per se about how to go about it, some common sense would seem to indicate that you would approach someone on here the same way you would if meeting them at a restaraunt.

Let me be more specific (some are slower on the up-take than others). Company Manners...remember those? Your parents used to make you be on your very best behavior when the family had company over. Use that same sense of manners when approaching someone on sites like this and it is likely you won't be thought a fool until you give yourself away as one elsewhere. It's not a difficult concept. Courtship is Courtship no matter what lifestyle we participate in. If you want to get someone's attention, be polite, well spoken, and be respectful. 

I feel sorry for some of the folks on here. I read a lady's journal entry about how some "dom" insisted on being referred to as Master so and so in his first contact...this is sadly funny. In my experience, people who demand respect do not deserve it, people who command respect get it before they even open their mouths. It's not what you think you are that defines you, it's what you do with what you are born with that tells who you truly are.

If this made any sense to anyone but me, I'll be totally surprised. As with any opinion, your mileage may vary.

SirButch.

I've officially entered the online commerce world with my own commercial website for my leather goods and accessories. I'm pretty excited about the prospects and hope it brings in more business.
On a different note, I wonder just how many people read these journals. I know that I read journals because most times I can learn more about the person from their journal than the information they provide in the forms available for the profiles. It's entertaining, enlightening, and usually quite informative. Maybe more people should blog here and let others know more about them as a person. It could save them a lot of bandwidth and time from the excessive emails. Just my thoughts on the matter, your mileage may vary.

SirButchTX

I wrote this presentation earlier this year and finally found a copy of it so I could post it here.

Introduction to Knife Play

In the general BDSM population, the term Knife Play has a somewhat mysterious, sinister, even forbidden flavor. A vision of a Jack the Ripper type standing over his bleeding victim comes to mind when some folks think of knife play. Yet others may see some sort of abduction at knife point or even sexual assault. Theoretically, it could be any, all, or none of the above. It is dependant on the participants.
 

I have been a student, collector, practitioner and fan of the art of edged weaponry for over thirty years. Way before I became active in BDSM I studied various forms of martial arts involving edged weapons as well as receiving training in knife to knife combat. Some may see my knife ?hobby? as an obsession, so ingrained is it in my daily life. I began using knives in my ?kink? in early 2000 when I found that ?spark? that had been missing in my play.


Having established my modest credentials, I will now attempt to explain some of the finer points of knife play in the BDSM lifestyle as well as categorize it into simple forms that will hopefully be understood by all. We have all seen these ?BDSM partner checklists? that list various types of play styles and some will simply say ?Knife Play??.now I don?t know about you, but if I were a bottom/submissive and had never had a knife used on me in a play scene or had never seen one used, I would yell NO WAY! The vanilla part of our brains will kick in and we imagine cuts, blood, severed limbs, etc. To simplify anything as tricky as knife play is to do it a disservice.


Categories of knife play


Intimidation: This is very simply ?showing? evil intent by displaying a knife?usually very ornamental but not very practical. Perhaps a threatening gesture or comment goes along with this intimidation. It is a very effective and safe tool to instill ?fear? in a submissive.


Sensation: This is not unlike using any sharp object to create a scratching or scraping sensation on various body parts of the bottom. It will leave scratches and abrasions on the skin that are very susceptible to infection if not taken care of properly. I often will use a spray bottle of alcohol on the skin of a bottom to clean and add to the sensations.


Knife as a sexual aid/prop: This can be dangerous and is not recommended to anyone at anytime, but I should take the time to give you some information on it. In some scenes such as play rape, I?ve used a knife at the throat of the ?victim? to keep them ?subdued?. I?ve heard of others doing this same type of thing using butter knives or trading off the ?intimidation? knife for a plastic knife?etc. This would be a couple of ways to do this safely, but again, it is something I do not recommend to anyone without proper knife handling experience. Even a plastic picnic knife can sever a jugular vein.


Shaving: Now we get into a type of play that is very specialized. Using a knife to shave anything is tricky business. For one thing, it must be RAZOR sharp. You can not shave anything without an appropriately sharpened knife. Secondly, shaving with a knife is not at all like shaving with a straight razor. A knife of any sort is not designed to shave, so it is not shaped appropriately to hold comfortably while shaving. I suggest practicing by shaving one?s self first.


Cutting: This is pretty self explanatory but I?m going to dive into it a bit deeper than its surface meaning. In some households in the BDSM lifestyle, a slave is marked in some way. Sometimes it?s a tattoo, sometimes it?s a brand, and there are a few who will ?cut? their mark into their property. Normally, this is not done with your run of the mill knife, but with a surgical scalpel that has been properly sterilized and every precaution has been taken to ensure as much safety as can be reasonably expected. Other times, cutting may be done with your average ?clean? knife with small nicks and cuts that would require only minimum care to heal properly. Most all cuttings will leave scars that may or may not disappear over time. This is something to keep in mind when doing any type of knife play.


Things to consider when playing with knives


Safety: Certainly safety is foremost. I maintain all my knives to near razor sharpness. I do this so that I know that every knife can inflict possibly lethal damage if not handled carefully. This may sound somewhat redundant, but for those who have ?stand in? knives that are dull, plastic, or otherwise less dangerous, there is always the possibility of a mistake during a scene when you think you have a dull knife only to find out too late that you are dealing with one of the sharp ones. For me, when I go into ?top space?, I can get lost in the moment and it is only the hours and years of familiarity with my knives that keep my bottom and myself safe.


Experience: If you are new to knife play, and not very familiar with knives in general, I suggest you start with tiny steps. Some things you might try are using a butter knife on a blindfolded bottom, or a sharp horseshoe nail as a knife point. The idea is to take it easy and slow. Spend some time alone with your knives, experiment on your thigh or arm?even your chest or across your nipple. You will VERY quickly learn how much pressure can be applied before it?s too much.


Careers: Say WHAT? Yes?consider your bottoms? career. What does he or she do for a living? What do they wear to work? Who do they live with? These questions when answered and considered well may keep your partner safe from unwanted questions. I mention this because I use knives on every part of the body, whether male or female. If the bottom has a job where they wear clothing that exposes any skin, I will refrain from making any marks on the skin that would be exposed.


Scarring: Yes, playing with knives will leave scars. Imagine that! Not in every circumstance, but chances are that in most scenes where a knife is used, there will be some place where the skin is broken. If any bleeding occurs at all, there is a chance of a scar. People heal differently and some will scar much easier than others. I once played with a lovely fair skinned girl and at a point near her ankle the point of my knife pricked her skin?one small drop of blood. She still has a tiny scar there to this day, several years later.


Aftercare: Unlike the cuddling, petting, holding type of after care we normally do, knife play aftercare extends beyond the moment. Physically speaking, there are usually scratches and sometimes cuts that need minor medical attention. Treat them like a normal scratch and every thing should be fine. Keep in mind that there are usually a LOT of scratches so there will be a lot of little places that will need attention. Keep the scratches and cuts clean and dry. Suggest to your bottom that they use an antibacterial soap in bathing for several days after your scene. Unless you suspect an infection, do not use any antibacterial ointments on the scratches/cuts as it delays the natural healing process. Mentally, it is always a good idea to check in with your bottom or have them check in with you regularly for about a week after an intense scene. It helps keep both parties grounded and in touch with reality.


Negotiating a Knife Play Scene


Tops:
1: Know your skills and limitations! Do NOT assume that you can do something that you have never done. Work within your own experience level and do not try to push yourself further at the expense of your bottom.
2: Establish Safe Words. This is EXTREMELY important when playing with knives. Some bottoms may think they will be fine with knife play but when actually under the knife suddenly develop anxiety or panic?they need a safe way out to insure their mental well being.
3: Make sure you ask about how the bottom responds to being tickled or sudden sensation. A jumpy bottom can hurt themselves if everyone is not on the same page.
4: Determine if the bottom has ever experienced knife play and to what extent if they have. This is pretty much a no brainer. If the bottom you are negotiating with has done some extreme knife play scenes before, do not attempt to ?out play? their previous scenes; again, only play to your own experience level.
5: Discuss the possibility of scarring and the aftercare needed in the event that the skin breaks.
6: Discuss your expectations and ask of their expectations. Again, this is just common sense, but alas, I?ve discovered there can be a severe lack of common sense in our lifestyle. If you are expecting sexual favors for your trouble, you should let your bottom know this. If you expect him or her to fetch your drinks and munchies for the remainder of the evening, express this. You get the point.
7: If the bottom has never experienced any knife play, by all means give them an example before the scene. If you just show them (on yourself) a couple of the things you will be doing, it will make them much more relaxed.
8: Find out if the bottom has any hard limits in regards to the scene you will be participating in. Very seldom are knives the only toys being used in a scene. Make sure that you know what limits your bottom has.


Bottoms:
1: Always keep your personal safety in mind. If at all possible, get references from other bottoms who have participated in knife play with your potential partner. Get as much feedback as you can, and even find a friend or two to observe the scene if you are at a public play party.
2: Know your safe words and do not be afraid to use them. A lot more bottoms would use their safe words if they weren?t so worried about disappointing their tops. I say Bunko to that! I have little respect for a bottom who will put themselves in danger of physical or mental harm for the sake of a top or their reputation of having never used a safe word.
3: Establish your previous experience level in knife play if you have any. This will help the top relax a bit if you are upfront about your previous experience. Try to be as concise as possible without romanticizing any previous experiences as this will tend to make most tops a bit ego-centric and may cause them to attempt things they shouldn?t be messing with.
4: Make sure you understand that scarring is a possibility and tell the top what areas of your body may NOT be marked at any cost. Make sure you understand the aftercare of the scratches and possible minor cuts you will receive.
5: Discuss your expectations and ask of their expectations. You will be surprised to hear ?I don?t expect anything? yet after the scene the top acts like they own you and you get the impression they expect you to come home with them. This is why expectation discussion is vital. This way, everyone is on the same page.
6: If you have never experienced knife play, ask the top to demonstrate on themselves during the negotiation. If you are comfortable with what you see, you might ask them to demonstrate on your shoulder or calf.
7: Make sure that the top knows any triggers you may have that could cause the scene to go bad. A trigger could be a word, gesture, or even a place on your body. I know one bottom who can?t handle having a hand near their face.
8: Hard limits are not unheard of even in specialized scenes such as knife play. For instance, a bottom may not be able to handle having a knife held to or pressed against their genitals.


Techniques


This is a very open area as there are many techniques that can be used in playing with knives. Some are very advanced and require a lot of familiarity with your blades whereas some others are quite simple and very effective. One technique I am particularly fond of begins with the bottom standing with their wrists bound to spread suspension cuffs thus creating an X shape out of their body. I will stand up against their back, grab a fist full of hair, pull the head back and growl ?It would be wise if you were not to move, this is a VERY sharp knife? as I press the cold flat surface of a knife against their throat. (note: I put the flat of the blade against the skin first to see how their body reacts to sudden sensation) From the above technique, I may shift into dragging the back side of the blade across their skin and at the very end of the stroke, allow the point to make a very short contact?this makes them think they have been cut when in actuality it seldom even leaves a scratch. You may note that these sound pretty safe when you read about them, but when you have a gorgeous bottom hanging there and your brain starts to get mushy?.even the simplest things are dangerous. Once you establish how the bottom reacts to the various feelings you are creating with your knife, you can then begin to get creative by tracing patterns with the point of the knife on their shoulder or on the buttocks. This can be fun?you can write messages that the entire dungeon will be able to read after a few minutes. Like I said, techniques are so varied that it would take an entire volume of text just to cover half of them. This writing is designed to familiarize you with what I consider introductory knife play and hopefully dispel some preconceived notions of what knife play is and is not. I do hope you find this helpful in your journey.


Sir Butch

Humility, what is it? Look it up in the dictionary before continuing with this journal post. Life being what it is, is so full of surprises and unexpected twists that I often wonder why we pursue anything as resource consuming as this lifestyle. I didn't expect my father to break his hip not long back, I didn't expect to find myself in the midst of starting my own business venture...many things have transpired in my life that take time and other resources that I would normally allocate differently.
Is it not so when we become involved in a BDSM relationship as well? When the new car smell is gone and we gradually realize that life has been continuing without our acknowledgement do we find ourselves behind on the bills, missed an important birthday, turned our friends away, forgot what it was like to have breakfast at our favorite greasy spoon? Now what would prompt a person to write this? I didn't just fall off the internet Master/slave turnip truck. I've been actively participating in this lifestyle for about 10 years give or take. My interest in it has been for even longer. I've made all the newbie mistakes, I've even made some old timers mistakes. Experience has taught me many things, but the keenest lessons have come from my failures and mistakes.
How many people analyze their success so they can repeat it?...I would venture to guess that there would not be many. On the other hand, when we fail, or make a mistake, we will pick it apart, try to figure out what went wrong, try to understand our part in it. Nobody likes to fail, but face it, we all will fail in our lives. It's human nature. If we were perfect there would be no challenge to living. Personally, I like a good challenge.
Note to the handful of people that might read this: Humility is the key to success in any endeavor in our lives. Without humility, we can not succeed AND achieve the things we want most in our lives. Granted, the ego can bring riches and "things", but without humility, our hearts will remain empty and alone.
SirB.

I've been having this recurring thought process that tells me that a very high percentage of the submissives out there, and on this site are looking for a husband. Oh...I can already hear the screams of denial and I haven't even finished typing this. Let's be realistic shall we? What does "24/7" mean to you? What does "committed" mean to you? OH...and the topping on the dessert..."willing to relocate". If I were asked from a completely vanilla aspect what these things meant, it would point to marriage or some facsimile thereof. From a BDSM aspect, I would see it as entrapment to be honest. Now this all begs the question...Are these people really so desperate for companionship that they are willing to be on either end of one of these arrangements? Sorry folks, I was married once, and I'm not going to make that mistake again, nor will I subject myself to the strictures of a "marriage" type relationship. Nevermind that it may be with a beautiful, young and extremely horny submissive. It's just not worth me losing my sense of self for. Perhaps it's again my idealism kicking in, but I just don't see how marriage and BDSM have to be the same thing. I believe that there has been a dilution of the core of the BDSM lifestyle that has allowed in influx of vanilla to corrupt the values and moral codes we've developed over the years. I'm sure this journal entry will go over like a lead balloon.

SirButchTX

I'm beginning to get a clue here. People read my profile and see that I'm not actively seeking a committed relationship so they just breeze right by. Judgemental of them don't you think? By reading carefully, one would see that I mention the possibility of a LTR..which is very true. Also true is that I'm not actively seeking one, but if it happens, it happens. As for the training I mention. I'm not out to take advantage of anyone, but I do believe there are basics within this lifestyle that must be understood. I would also say that most of them are protocol related. How to behave in given circumstances and such. NOT how to give good oral sex or how to be pretty while being beaten. Such Physical training, while very much a fun thing to do should be left to the individuals involved in a relationship. I suppose my "training" would be more along the lines of a mentorship as I push my "students" to find their own way and find their own heart. With guidance, the journey is much less scary and dangerous.

SirButch.

Relating to my last journal entry...Do I LOOK like an advice column for disenchanted submissives who find themselves stuck in the middle of something they never bargained for? Again, it boils down to "What Do You Want?" But NOOOOOO today it's all about instant gratification, jump in with both feet, damn the consequences! Do not come whining to me because you made a bad decision based on online manipulation, hormones, and lonliness. Granted, not many people enjoy being alone/lonely, but being somewhere that is unhealthy is worse. Call me an idealist if you will, but I'd rather be alone than in a relationship that is not gratifying to all parties.

SirB.