Seraka82

Tonight I was watching some adult movies, and I came to this realization, I need to be fucked. The movies I watched were different than others I have seen. They had a romantic feel, that these couples had a history, were in a relationship, cared about each other but just generally wanted to have sex.

I have been in a few relationships. I've been made love to and had just sex. I even have had a one night stand. I've been fucked over at work and by those that were "friends". But never have I ever been fucked.

Never have I ever been fucked hard by someone that cared about me because they just needed me or I needed them.

Never have I ever been fucked until I was speechless.

Never have I ever been fucked so thoroughly I forgot my name.

Never have I ever been fucked so much that I went blind.

Never have I ever been fucked so hard that I was deafened by the pounding of my heart.

Never have I ever been fucked until my body turned into a trembling mass of jell-o.

Never have I ever been fucked that I almost immediately fell into a deep restful sleep.

Never have I ever been fucked until my throat is dry and sore from moaning.

Never have I ever been fucked because I was so loved and desired that being fucked was the only way it could be explained.

I am 32 years old, and I need to be fucked. Not only that, but I deserve to be fucked.

Sometimes the loneliness gets to me. Makes me want to have random sex, just to be touched, but then I remember I'm worth more that just a one night bang session. Why settle for a burger when there is a delicious steak somewhere with my name on it?

Hey, you know what's a not a good way to get me to like you? Calling me a worthless slut. I am neither. 

That's all.

Happy Birthday to me!

Today, I went to the back to get a dog from the kenneling room. I saw two faces in one kennel. I was at first shocked and then giggled a bit when I figured out what happened. A blond pit bull mix was caged next to a 5 month old brown pit bull. The cage was divided by a slide in divider. Unfortunately sometimes, a persistent dog can move/push the divider out of the way. The blond pit bull had done just that. So when I got back there, they were both just laying next to each other, chilling, watching the world, and wondered why I was so confused. I felt bad having to move one of them, but policy is policy. The brown puppy let out a little cry when the blond pit bull went home.

I am getting rather tired of being bitten at work because one of the girls doesn't follow protocol. She has one more time to get my hand mangled before I punch her. Ok, I won't really punch her, but I will tell her off.

Also, they canceled one of my classes. That's annoying. I think I found a reasonable replacement. I hope they don't cancel this one too.

My ad on Craigslist is going pretty poorly. I did not realize what I was seeking was so hard or too much. I want an intelligent, between my age range, that is Dominant. This long difficult search just proves that life isn't like the movies. They never have to search this hard to find someone. Oh well, someone I'll find him or her.

All registered for classes. I am so excited to start the new school year. I even got more money in my Pell Grant this year. Woohoo!

If I message you, it does not mean I want in your pants. It means I found something in your profile I liked enough to comment on. If you're not interested in my that's understandable. However, not replying because you think I want to fuck you and you're not interested just makes you look like an asshole. Don't be that asshole. Say "Thanks" and move on, I know I have.

I have been watching about polygamy and polyamorous relationships tonight. I have never been totally against either, because I feel as long as they are adults they should do what they want. However, I have decided I’d rather be in a polyamorous relationship than a polygamous one. To me, it feels as if a polygamous relationship favors the man. He gets to have multiple wives to love him, care for him and bare his children.

Yes I understand that the women get friends to care for and share their lives with, but what about the sex? I have watched that show “Sister Wives”, and they aren't sleeping with each other or even in love with each other. Sometimes it doesn't even seem like the ladies are friends. It totally seems about him, the husband, and his needs.

I think if I am going to be in a relationship where my partner gets to share emotions, experiences and physical love with another person, I want that as well. Tonight on “Taboo, USA”, they showed a polyamorous couple that dates someone as a couple and then each one dates someone separately. To me this sounds much more appealing.

Even with all that, I am not sure I’d be able to be someone’s “secondary”, you know be the third person in his or her polyamorous relationship. Maybe I could or would be able to do that if I had my own primary.

These are just my thoughts on the subject, I am in no way saying anything negative about either lifestyle, these are just my feelings. If you are in either type of relationship and are happy, great! I am very happy for you to be in a loving relationship of your choosing. I always want people to be happy even if it is in a relationship dynamic I don't understand.

I think if you have to say things like "I am real" or "I am serious" or "I am a true/real Master" in your profile, then maybe you really aren't. The more you state a "fact" the more likely I am to doubt it.

Why do you take a picture of your abs? I'm not going to submit to your abs. 

If a Dominant is seeking submissives, then why did his profile pop up when I clicked seeking "Dominant Women"? I think some are just seeking any hole they can find.

I have decided if someone is old enough to have been sexually active longer than I've been alive, I am not interested in having sexual relations with them. (Unless it's a certain celeb or two!)

I think there might be something to that whole "girls only want bad boys" thing. Personally I've always said that was a lie. However, recently I came to the realization that I am attracted to the "dark" and "twisted" or "hurt" and "bitter". As if I have some hopes of "fixing" them or restoring their "faith" in humanity.

That's ridiculous. I am bi-polar, and only able to handle things while medicated. If I were to truly be around or with someone that dark and bitter for very long, I think it would have negative effects on me.  

I wonder how I can change this, or amend my desire so that I can get what I want and what is healthy for me at the same time. Any thoughts?

Just to put it out there, if a girl Y/you've met on a dating website, tells Y/you her REAL name, and yet Y/you refer to her as her screen name, it makes Y/you look like a douche-bag. One that's probably juggling way too many women to remember names. In which case, kindly see Y/your way out of her inbox. 

Today was the first day of Lent. Even though I am not Catholic, I decided I would give up as well as try new things.  Here is my list:

1) Alcohol - Giving up drinking any and all for the duration of Lent.

2) Soda - Giving up drinking any and all for the duration of Lent.

3) Fast Food - Giving up eating any and all for duration of Lent.

4) Fried Food - Giving up eating any and all for the duration of Lent.

5) Elevators - Giving up using elevators unless going up 10+ floors.

6) Insults - Giving up insulting myself and judging others.

7) Compliments - I will compliment myself on a social media site once a day.

8) Comfort zone - I will do 1 thing a day that pushes my comfort zone, going to a new place, trying a new food, revealing something personal to someone new, etc.

9) Porn - Giving up watching and reading all porn for the duration of Lent.

10) Exercise - I will do my 10-minute Trainer Video once a day.

11) Reading - I will read at least 10 pages in a book a day for pleasure.

12) Journal - I will keep a journal of my ideas, thoughts and experiences for Lent.

(I did my compliment on Facebook today.)

Hey, did I mention that I made the Dean's List for last semester? I totally did! Now, let's hope I can keep it up for this semester as well.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! (To those that celebrate) HAPPY HANUKKAH!!! (To those that celebrate) HAPPY KWANZAA!! (To those that celebrate) HAPPY FAT GUY IN A RED SUIT!! (To those that celebrate) HAPPY TUESDAY!! (To all those that celebrate)

Grades are in. My GPA is 3.54! I am very proud of myself. However, no one else around here seems proud, surprised or even impressed. I guess it is only community college. I'm happy, so that should be all that matters, right?

I am finally done with this semester! I am so very excited to have a few weeks off just to relax. Hopefully I won't forget all the things I learn over the past few months.  I also am looking forward to spending time with my family this holiday season. I hope everyone has a great holiday season as well!

It amuses me when Dominants claim they are "very Dominant" and etc in their profiles. One of the biggest signs for me anyway, that someone is a Dominant, is taking the time and care to proofread their profiles. That's a huge sign to me that a person like that can be trusted to be in charge of my well-being.

I can't wait for this semster to be over. I have a ton of work still to do and in such a tiny time frame. I better get my butt to work!

Really? Three tests the day before Thanksgiving? Silly professors. All I can say, is that I'm thankful they are before not after. Who would study over Turkeyday, when I can be eating turkey and pie while watching football?!

I have personally never spoken to or with a slave that wants to sleep in a cage everynight. Why do people think it's ok to say a slave will sleep in a cage? That's not comfortable. How is she suppose to get the rest and relaxation she needs to serve someone, if she's sleeping in a cage? Even if there is comfy padding in there, there's no way it's big enough for her to get all the room she needs to sleep soundly.

I am 5'10", and very large, I can't imagine the size of a cage needed for me to sleep in. I suppose that's why people want little slaves that are super skinny and short. Oh well, I guess I'll just stick to being single and sleeping in a bed made for humans.

Here's a quick note to anyone on this site.

1) Proper grammar goes a long way to impress those Y/you are seeking.

Woman - singular, one woman

Women - plural, two women

Correct: I am looking for a great woman.

Incorrect: I am looking for a great women.

Today, I found out I got a 49/50 on my psych test. Hooray for me!

I bought a new betta to replace the one that died last night. I also got some dannios and a snail. Seems like everyone is getting along so far. Hope it stays that way.

Also, on a side note, my journal entries are my opinions, based only on the life I have lifed and my experiences. If for any reason, my opinions offend, annoy, anger, depress, or upset Y/you in anyway, feel free to never read a thing I write again. Since these are my opinions on some pseudo-anonymous site, they only have meaning to me. Good day!

One of my fish died today. I hope she had a good life at my house.

I don't think I have unrealistic expectations when it comes to finding a mate, especially about their physical appearance. However, is seems, at least on this site, there are tons of men only wanting short, skinny, young, pretty girls. We can't ALL be that. There are going to be tall girls. There are going to be unattractive girls. We all get older. Just because I'm not a tiny little cute young thing, doesn't mean I'm not fantastic.

Oh lovely day! I was just blocked by someone that doesn't know how much fun I have insulting them. *pouts* But now I can't tell them they suck. So sad.

On another note, how about them Cards?! That was FANTASTIC! I love Cardinals baseball!

Oh goodness I haven't updated in a while.

Let's see what's going on with me. Still in school. I got my second English paper back, A+, because I'm hella smart and stuff. Doing well in Math, Psych and decent in Bio. Getting ready to register for Spring classes.

I went to a haunted house with my friends last weekend. It was fun. I don't like being scared, but my friend made me go first, so they ignored me, and tried to get her. She just laughed at them, that seemed to annoy them more than anything.

I guess that's really it, nothing too exciting going on here. Oh well. I'm alive and doing well, that's all anyone can really hope for.

Ok, so last weekend I decided to color my hair, blue. I bleached it first to make the color more vibrant. That's the picture that is my main.

Then I colored it blue, appearently I did a crap-tastic job. It looked horrible. I colored it again last night, and it's not as bad, but still bad. There are places where the color didn't take. I know I mixed it in, and used the whole bottle. Maybe I over bleached those sections or something. The only other thing I thought it might be, is where I folded, or gathered my hair to make a pile on top of my head. Other then that I have no idea why those places didn't take.

Tomorrow, afterh classes, I believe I'm going to the shooting range for the first time ever. I want to learn to shot a gun. I'm 30 I figure I can if I want. I'm rather excited about it.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

I worked decently hard on a paper yesterday, hurried into school to get it all printed out, only to find out it isn't due until Friday.

Oh well, at least it's done and now I don't have to worry about it.

What's the point in lying about your appearence and or age? If I can look at your photo and tell you are about 10 years older than your profile says, I'm not going to talk to you because in my mind you're a liar. I don't like liars. I'm not one, and I'm not looking to get involved with one.

I'm fat. I don't hide that. I post full body photos of me as often as I can. I don't want someone to meet me and then say I lied about my looks. Not happening. I'm fat, I know it, I figure anyone that might want to date me should know it too.

I had a great night in Biology. At first I thought it was ruined because I forgot my goggles and my bio-kit at home. Luckily I was able to hurry over to the bookstore and purchase new ones.

We looked at cells tonight. I was able to look at my cheek cells. Those were interesting and didn't creep me out as much as the protozonians. They were moving!

Test in Algebra on Friday, and thankfully my test in Psychology has been moved to Monday. Hope everyone else had a great day.

I had a wonderful day in class. I watched a movie in pyschology, learned more things in Math, then got rained on all the way back to my car. Figures it would rain today, the day I park very far way, thinking the walk would be good for me. I suppose it was. A little rain doesn't hurt. I'm not made of sugar, I didn't melt.

Now I need to do MORE math to get ready for my test. I'm feeling unloved since I haven't had any emails, or messages from people on this dating site or the others I'm on for a while. I guess I'm losing my mojo. I hear that can happen when you are over the hill. Just didn't know 30 was "the hill".

Oh well, I'll get over it, more time to study for me.

I had a great weekend. I went to trivia night on Friday, then to a carnival on Sunday.  I did all my homework as well. Hope everyone had a great weekend as well.

Please respect my age limits.

I know there are so many people that say,"Age is just a number". It is and yet it isn't. I'm not attracted to someone that is old enough to be a parent. That's just me. I don't care if they are fantastic in all the other ways, in the back of my mind, I will know they could have fathered/mothered me.

Even if I could get passed that, I'd have to introduce this person to my family eventually. How can I look at my father and mother in the eyes when I introduce them to someone close enough to have gone to school with them, and say,"Hey mom/dad, this is the person I enjoy sleeping with."

Not to mention, I have aging parents. Sooner than I'd like I will have to make choices on adult diapers, retirement homes and etc. I don't also want to be making those same choices for my spouse at the same time.

If this reasoning offends you for any reason, do not contact me. I will not change my mind, save both our times and move on, or hide my profile so you never have to see it again.

I'm putting off doing my algebra homework. I want to be a nurse, I'm not sure how knowing how to figure out the slope of a line graph is going to help me. It might. I will have to ask my nurse friends.

I am proud of myself for going to my first study-buddy meeting. I have a test in psychology on Friday. A fellow classmate and I met to go over the practice quiz. Very helpful, she and I were able to discuss things we didn't understand. 

I have also picked my first topic for one of the five English papers I have to do. I got one of my sources from the library today. All I have to do is read it. 

Got a nice fortune from my cookie at lunch. "A cheerful letter or message is on its way to you." That sounds really positive, I look forward to reading said cheerful letter or message.

All in all I will have to say I had a pretty good day. Hope everyone else is having a good day.

First day of my 30s was pretty good. I got some great cards, some cash and learned some things in biology. Looking forward to the next 364 days of being 30.

Happy birthday to me! Now I have to change my age on all my things, because as of today, I am 30! That's right the big 30! No longer in my 20s. Not really sad about it, I think it's great.

I generally enjoy talking with random Dominants, teasing and flirting. I joined a few groups on another site, and they are making me bitter. I'm seeing more and more of submissives being rude to potiential Dominants.

I know that not all that claims to be Dominant is in fact worthy of that title or respect. But it leaves one to wonder if they don't deserve the respect because we assume they don't? Are we as submissives pre-judging and therefore looking for any reason at all to bite off their potiential Dominant heads and feed them to the wolves?

I would hope I'm not doing the same, though I do see some trademarks or habits forming. Maybe I need a break from such toxic groups and just go back to believing in the good in all humans, being polite to any and all the have to courage to approach another, even if it is poorly written, and rudely conceived.

Another school day done. I have a quiz tomorrow and need to finish my math homework. I really wish I wasn't so freaking poor. I guess I will have to get a part-time job doing something. Just don't want it to get in the way of my studies. I plan on doubling my class load next semster, so I can't get in the habit of working too much.

If only I could just win the lottery then I could go to school all I wanted and not have to pinch pennies just to get gas money.

Another day in class. I'm not sure if I learned anything. But at least I got some work done in Math.

I had my first lab tonight. I watched a pillbug (rollie pollie) avoid ketchup and snack on some applesauce.  I learned SO much.  Hopefully next lab will be more informative.

I finally got my books for school! Now I feel like a real student. Tomorrow is my first biology lab. I'm looking forward to it.

Oh my gosh! Demo-ball was SO fun! I was told our team lost, but I don't care. My thighs are bruised all the heck, but I don't care. My voice is all hoarse and raspy, but I don't care. All because I had a super fun time! I'm so glad I went.

Here is a link to where we went:

http://www.db-az.com/index.html

Then we all played some arcade games. I won enough tickets to get a blow up mace/flail.

I highly recomment going if anyone has the chance. Well worth the money.

Very annoying that I still don't have my financial aid money. I know that it's my fault I filed late, but I think I still can be frustrated.  I really need to get my books. Two of my professors have online features that I need to have an access code to get. These codes are inside the text books or purchasable online.

Oh well, soon my money will be here and I will be able to quit my bitching.

First day of school over and done with. Now to get to that homework stuff.

I love cock as much as the next girl, but damn, I get so tired of looking at it all the time. Why does every Dominant have to have cock shots up? I know of no girls that have ever been swayed from the cockshot.  I will love whatever cock my Master has. I don't need to see it before hand to know that.  I'd rather wait and see in person, in my face, so I can lick it, suck it... feel it...taste it.

Asshat (noun): 1) One who seems to have placed their asses where a normal person's hat would belong; 2) one suffering from the condition "cranial rectal inversion" wherein one's anus has transposed the head for cognitive faculties causing the majority of their communications to be replaced by fecal matter.

*sigh* I guess I will go take a shower.  Anyone want to help me shave my legs and scrub my back?

Hey, if You're looking at my pictures and You think,"Oh, she's fat. I don't like fat." Don't message me. I know I am fat. I'm working on it. I don't need some random person pointing it out for me. I have a mirror.

New student Orientation today. It was silly and almost informative.  My FASA was processed, but they sent me a message saying that my forms weren't signed. That's a freaking lie, I totally signed them.  Now I have to call them or go up there and talk to them.

Also, I love Detective Robert Goren. He is so sexy.

I am so excited about school. Very glad it starts on Monday.

When I was growing up, I had a crush on Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation. As I got older I developed a crush on Dective Robert Goren from Law & Order: Criminal Intent.  Now I have a crush on Him, as well as Special Agent Aaron Hotchner from Criminal Minds. Not to mention my on going crush of Sherlock Holmes.  I guess I have a thing for super smart guys.

Finally watching the first season of Game of Thrones. Jaime Lannister looks like Prince Charming from Shrek.  He's also evil like Prince Charming, though a bit smarter.

I have noticed how many profiles on here are pictures of the same person, just in a different hat, or with a haircut.  Do They really think that will work?  It's so funny and sad really. I guess it must be doing something for Them to keep it up.

Man, the Cards couldn't hold it today. *bummed*

I had a great time tonight at the charity event.  Great music for a great cause.  My brother won a wheelbarrel full of top shelf liquor. He even gave me a few bottles. What a wonderful time. Seeing my brothers was the icing on the cake.

I can't wait until August 20th for my first class. I suppose it is time to go to bed.

Now I'm all registered for school and start back on August 20th. Hooray for moving forward with my life! I am awesome.

I am so tired of this heat!!

According to the assessment I took at college today, I'm pretty smart.  Who knew?

$7 for parking? That's nuts. I'm not even going to be inside the building for $7 worth of anything. Just run in and get what I need. 20-30 minutes tops.  That's crazy! Dumb government taking my money!

Killing zombies! Woot!

I had a dream that while I was registering for school I ran into the class/group that was using BDSM images/profiles in their studies. I covered my face and hurried to my car. Weird dreams.

I love my cat very much, however, he is dumb.

I love my bast friend but damn she's a slob!

I am not looking for a couple, nor am I interested in joining a poly household. If Y/you are part of one, that's wonderful, I'm very happy that Y/you are happy. However, I do not want to join one, please save time and energy, do not message me.

I think my fish tried to commit suicide. I was sitting here and heard a plop noise from the tank. The lid is on and nothing was near them.  I think she tried to jump out!

Crazy Bhetta!

I've been watching "The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron" on Netflix.  Jimmy's best invention is Goddard, his dog.  Thank goodness for Goddard, otherwise the day would be ruined way more often.

I can't wait to start school. Very excited to get my new life in the works.

Karma can be mean sometimes. I find W/we only say that when she turns on us and bites O/our butts.

I like pop-tarts! I love the frosted cherry or any of the chocolate ones. Why a person would want an unfrosted pop-tart is beyond me.

I don't even need the name brand ones. Store brand is just fine with me. I also like mine a little burnt.

Just got back from seeing "The Dark Knight Rises" It was awesome!

Hooray for clean sheets! I love clean sheets. I swear I sleep better on clean sheets.

Mmm mmm had some yummy seafood salad!

Today I got some lame news and then some great news.

Lame news: Can't do the program I wanted to at school, because FASA won't pay for it.

Great news: I got a job interview!

It's amazing what a nice ice cold treat can do for you in this blistering heat. Stupid heat!

I am currently a free submissive. Which means, I can act as a vanilla woman in lots of aspects. If I do not like a Dominant, I do not have to sleep with Him. I'm not here to serve Someone's needs.

Please understand that. If You can't get that through Your egotistical "Dominant" head, do not contact me.

Do you ever sometimes take the long way home just so you can listen to the radio a little longer because it's a great song?

Just now it was "Jessie's Girl" By Springfield followed by "Hotel California" By the Eagles.

Sometimes singing and beating on the steering wheel is just what you need to pick up your mood.

I'm thinking of taking a shower, which is always good, and then putting my hair in curlers, so that it will be curly tomorrow, for about 10 minutes... but might be fun to do it, just to do it.

I love Futurama! So silly.

Went to a family dinner, was lots of fun.  Made fun of my brother's new moustache.  Hugged my nieces.

Went to the casino with Dad after, turned my $8 into $30, then lost it  all.

Over all a great night.

*sigh* Damn it...

I really like double penetration porn. I especially love how by the end the woman looks so exhausted because she's orgasmed so many times.

*drools*

Talked to my ex Dominant last night. That was awkward. Though, not as awkward as talking to His best friend earlier in the evening.

I have decided I'm a needy sub.  I don't need 100% of Your attention ALL the time. But I do need some sort of contact once a day. It makes me a little nervous, because of my past, to not hear from my Master/Mistress for over a day.

I hope that's not too needy.

Thank goodness for aloe sunburn gel. It works for actual burns as well. My thumb doesn't hurt at all tonight.

Ouchies! Ouchies! Ouchies! I just burned a huge chunk of my thumb taking pizza out of the oven.  *whimpers and pouts*

I love how some Dominants feel like They can tell me They are the boss and control me, when I've never made agreed to serving them.  I do still have to agree, You can't force me to serve You. That's not how this works.

Especially online. You are easily blocked, and forgotten about.  Unless I ask to be Yours, You have no say in demanding me to do things for You.

Baking cookies is also a great way to improve your mood along with a shower.

It's amazing what a shower and shave can do for your mood and outlook on the world.

Maybe watching a comedian on Netflix while trying to be quiet, wasn't such a good idea.  Almost hurt myself trying to contain my laughter.

What's so wrong with getting to know a submissive before ordering her to get on her web camera, and take her shirt off?

She's a submissive, she's going to do what You ask/tell her to do, that's built into her brain.

Maybe you should try to get to know her, find out why she is a submissive, what makes her heart beat before You tell her to show her breasts.

Trust me, getting to know her inside and out, before being inside her, will make it that much better for You as well as her.

Recent events have made it more clear in my mind what I want, need and desire from a partner.

I have changed my profile to better fit these recent findings.

It amazes me how many women on here want support, or "tribute". Really ladies? That's crazy.

I know times are hard on everyone. But if you can't support yourself now, how can you expect a self respecting man to just pick you up and take care of you?

Any relationship, even D/s is about supporting each other. It's a partnership.

I can and do take care of myself. I expect the same from a future partner.

Happy Fourth of July America!!

I really need to stop watching Hoarders. It's infecting my brain. Now I'm freaking out thinking I'm a hoarder, and wanting to throw everything I own away.

I am so sick of this heat. It needs to rain something fierce, for days and days here.

I just joined this site today, 6/17/12, in hopes to of finding that "one". 

I'm new to the real time lifestyle but have served online for a while. I'm on several other sites seeking. (They all have the same screen name.)

I'm very nervous and excited about my future in the lifestyle.