reva270

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	Update: I have been in Southern California for?over 7?years.� The kids are basically grown and I'm really ready to enjoy life. I am single, 42 years old, and very busy.. but I will make time for the right person. I am looking for a fully faceted relationship. I am not a 24/7 slave, but I appreciate the need for a head of household. My interests are primarily sexual, and I am really turned on by very tall, commanding "naturally dominant" men. I don't want to be micromanaged, but I do look for a relationship where I can relinquish control. Anything else that you would like to know.. just ask. I am a submissive originally from the SF bay area and very active in the local community up there. I now live in Los Angeles area, since 8/2005 and am still finding my place in the local BDSM scene. As a mother of two teenagers, my life is very busy, but I find myself more and more ready to find that "someone" to share it with. Until I do, i am interested in meeting new friends and playpartners.I am a very honest and straightforward person and I expect the same from anyone I would welcome into my life as a friend. I should also tell you that I am a full figured girl.. about a size 18, if that is not your thing, I quite understand, but please do not contact me unless my weight is not an issue. If you have questions, simply ask, I am an open book.

I find it interesting how many "Doms" lay down ground rules within the first 5 sentences of the first email sent. It's bizarre to me that someone who claims to value respect and honor would think that someone who calls them Master or Sir, by their own instruction, before having any knowledge of you, would be in anyway trustworthy. This is not a role play, nor is it a game. If I call anyone who claims to have a penis, Sir, then where is the value or respect when I call you Sir? I am not a meek, shy little girl looking to be intimidated. In my work, I am the Ma'am. Be sure that I am looking for a Dominant partner. When I find him, I will likely call him Sir, Master, Daddy, or some other name we agree upon. But I will not be calling every so-called Dom on the Internet "Sir". Further proof that I am not a " true sub". Oh well.

The reason so many of the subs on this site are suspicious and aggressive. This exchange just happened. SPANKSssHARDER on 4/29/13 at 1:07 PM: what do you mean no, you fat fuck pig reva270 on 4/29/13 at 1:05 PM: No SPANKSssHARDER on 4/29/13 at 1:03 PM: hi reva Prior to this he introduced himself by asking if I wanted to suck his cock. Classy.

In the interest of clarity, I here looking to meet, not just chat. If you're not close enough to reasonably make that happen, I probably won't be interested. No offense. I am not a fan of phone conversations with strangers, but I am open to meeting quickly. To be clear, again, a meeting isn't a play date. I need to know and like the person I'm playing with and that generally doesn't happen after a few online chats. Thanks and you may now continue with your regularly scheduled perving. Happy hunting!

Whatever happened to honest, straightforward communication? Why say you want to meet and then drop off the planet? Why not just say you're NOT interested? I'd take honest rejection over dishonest interest any day.

Whenever I see a profile that says "if you're a fake, poser, flake or bot, don't bother.." I always have to laugh. I picture r2d2 in front of the computer screen, sighing in frustration. I'm curious, though, does that warning ever work?

I'm discouraged.. I'll admit it. I'm not sure where, if not here, I will find that person.. The one who sees me, knows me and loves me. I'm so done with all of the men who can't be honest about who they are.. Their marital or relationship status. Their height, their weight.. Hell, even what they really want. I know I'm not a 5'10, 22 year old model, but I'm not just a disposable bedmate. I want.. I need.. Fuck it, I DESERVE more. Tired of being patient and understanding. Just tired, I guess. Pity party over. I'm done. Carry on with your regularly scheduled perving.

It's interesting to me how often I read journal entries by Dom males who are frustrated that they've sent emails and never even received a courtesy " no thanks". It's a 2-way street guys. I can't count the number of respectful enquiries I've made without so much as a "thanks, but no thanks" reply. I try to respond with something for every email I receive, but, I no longer send many first emails. Sorry, but, being ignored is just not one of my fetishes. I realize and accept that I may not be everyone's cup of tea, but how long does it take to send a one line response? Karma, friends, is a bitch. Remember that when your mailbox is empty.

How shall I put this.... ummm... ok, I got it!

Valentine's Day sucks when you're single!!

I know, I know.. its a hallmark holiday, doesn't mean a thing... blah blah blah... but a whole day where everyone around you is getting flowers and planning their romantic evening.. well, it gets a girl down. Fortunately, it's only one day, tomorrow I can return to my regularly scheduled programming.

OK, rant over.

I'm looking another birthday square in the face. My, oh my, how things have changed in the last year. Professionally, my life has done a 180.. Validation, oh yeah, I got that. And yet... Maybe it's having a fairly recent failed relationship, but, I'm not complete. I can honestly say I have no regrets, but I'm still a bit vulnerable. How can I have friends who look to me for sage advice... Employees and coworkers who think I shit wisdom and insight.. And nothing that even resembles serious, as a life partner. I've always said I'm pretty much a guy when it comes to sex. Love optional. Poly at heart. I believe that, and it's true. But (and maybe it's age) lately I find myself longing for a deeper connection. For someone to guide me. For comfort when I'm down and direction when I'm floundering around, ridiculously pretending I have a clue. Sometimes I wonder if it's just not in the cards for some people to have that kind of support. Other times I think maybe it's just me. That somehow I'm not worthy of receiving the tremendous love I have to give. My last relationship cost me friendships. Maybe I'm just scared to take the risk and therefore sending out commitment phobe vibes. Maybe I'm just rambling. I'll stop. But I wonder.

In Houston for a few days...

So, apparently december 26 is the busiest day of the year for Disneyland. Good to know for future reference. Yeesh!

Slowly but surely finding my feet in SB. Now living part time nearby to ease the commute. hopefully I can find someone fun to spend time with nearby. Keeping it light for now as my fairly recent history with intense ended rather badly. It's time for me to be a little selfish. For once, I'd like to hold out for the man, the Dom that really clicks with my needs and to find someone for whom what I have to offer, is exactly what he wants. I'm tired of turning myself inside out to be the perfect sub, the perfect woman, the perfect girlfriend. I'm me... and as me, I'm pretty damn good. I'm ready to be desired for myself, as is.

Things are going well. In a new job in Santa Barbara.. Why is change so hard? It's mostly good, but I find myself almost unbearably sad and lonely. It'll pass, but just now, it kinda sucks.

Just had the weirdest exchange with a "toothless, smelly, Dom" from northern Ca who wanted to know why I viewed his profile, since I was so far away. When I replied that I was just browsing profiles and had no idea where his town was located, he wrote back that since I claimed to be up there regularly it was "weird" and then blocked me. Very surreal to be treated like one of the scanners on the site. I didn't like it.. Lol.

Back in The Bay Area for a few days. Gorgeous but the travel is getting old.

Sometimes it's hard to know exactly what we are supposed to be learning from this life. It still surprises and hurts me when I open myself, expose all the raw, delicate, sensitive bits and then get hurt. I expect that I will get what I put out to the world. That if I love completely, I will be loved completely. That if I give myself openly, honestly, I will at least be treated with respect. That if things don't work out, at least the love and openness I've shared will mean that I will be treated with love and respect. I don't know how to be anything other than what I am. It hurts. It scares me. What if my answer is that I just don't get to have, to experience total, unconditional love? How do I maintain my sense of value, of worth, if my best efforts still leave me feeling broken and alone. I want to feel utterly loved, respected, understood. I don't want to lose my faith. Right now I am totally defeated. It won't last. I hope.

Headed back to Marin for work.. Seems like these trips come sooner and sooner. Are there still 30 days in a month? Are the days still 24 full hours?

And just that quickly.. I learn another life lesson.

Wish I could figure out what it is about a British/Scottish/Irish accent that makes me crazy with lust.. It's ridiculous! Add over 6 feet, and strong and now I am a puddle of girl goo... it really limits the pool! That said.. it continues that many that I talk to on this site are simply looking for a quick lay. I want to thank the several Dom's I've spoken with recently who had interesting and thought provoking things to say. Even though it usually stops with a few conversations, it has made reading my messages so satisfying.

I recently read a post from a friend of mine. She talked about an epic moment in her life when a Dom was able to affect her actions with a single gesture. About how profoundly that touched her. As I read it I was stunned to realize that I completely understood her recognition of that moment. I've had that moment. I now realize that, while I am willing to play and even fuck men who will not have a permanent place in my life, that natural ability to get into, and stay inside my head is what I'm waiting for. I have time, I'll wait. I realize what I need, and I'm no longer going to sit at home and wait for the universe to send him to me. I'm no longer going to deny myself the amazing human experience of interacting with attractive men, just because they are not "the One". However, I will acknowledge that I am looking for Him.. and that I am worthy of him when He finds me. So there!

It's funny how some things never change. I have recently had such interesting and promising conversations with Doms met on this site. Almost everyone of them has been unable to sustain the conversation for long though, before demanding a naked picture, or dropping off the planet. I wonder what it is about my profile that invites crude vulgarity. Nowhere do I say I WANT to be treated like meat or be objectified. Where do I go, and how should I post to attract intelligent, attractive, dominant men? I try to be honest, I'm not a 22 year old playboy model. I am full figured and 40, but still incredibly sexy and with the added benefit of being able to hold a conversation. I just gotta wonder... WTF?!

I must be growing up.. or maybe old.. but I am just tired. Tired of the games, and the wanna-be's and the Dom's who contact me and expect me to submit right there, online, 10 minutes after meeting them. I am looking for the real thing. forever, happy ever after, multi-faceted, all encompassing relationship. <Gasp> yes i used the "R" word. That takes time.. building of trust and getting to know someone. It won't happen in one conversation. It won't happen in one date. And a date is NOT a cup of coffee and then off to a hotel room to have sex. Why is this so hard to find? I'm tired, and discouraged.

revred	Revoral	reverie
revsiniste	Rev	Revanent
Revan	Reviewer6	ReverendDa