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I suppose it's been long enough, I should update this. After much deliberation, I decided to return to driving, so I've been on the road for four months now. I enjoyed being home at first, but after a while, it felt as if a part of my soul, a vital part of myself, was withering away. I could no longer stand it, so I ran like hell for the road. I won't lie, there are several times I've regretted the decision, but for the most part I'm happy, content to wander the country and see the sights, enjoy this country I call home. I never know where I'll be the next week, or who I'll run into in my travels, or what amazing sights or opportunities I'll run across...and I love it. So, with that in mind, I'm perfectly willing to talk to people, but don't expect me to be available for coffee or whatever within a day or two! |
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I'm bored, so I figured I'd write another journal entry. Nobody ever really reads these things anyway, right? So, I'll fill it with random things about me juuuust because.
- I curse. A lot. I think "fuck" is one of my favorite words. That's not to say I don't possess an extensive vocabulary...I do, but there's something about yelling, "douchebaaaag" at someone who pisses you off that's just so therapeutic! Also, I know when it's not appropriate to curse, since I also possess common sense. Imagine that!
- I actually hate talking on the phone. I actively hate it. So, if I want to talk to you on the phone, consider it a huge compliment, because...seriously, I hate it.
- I have a weakness for guys with natural muscles. Like men who do physical labor for a living...yep, sexy. Gym muscles just aren't the same. Also, guys with facial hair. Dear god, I love facial hair.
- Brains! Men with brains are the biggest turn on ever! I've dated (yes, vanilla dated) my fair share of stupid ass men, and I can't do it anymore. I don't want to be the obvious intellectual superior! I want someone who will challenge me, who can hold a conversation about various things without the "derp" look.
- I love being outside. Once the weather warms up, I'm off! Fishing...I could fish for days and be perfectly happy. Hiking...I went on a ten mile hike/mushroom hunt the other day, and my only regret was that I didn't pack "real" food and a flashlight so I could stay out past dark. Then there's swimming (good luck getting me out of the water), camping, jumping off waterfalls, hunting for mushrooms and foraging for other edible plants and herbs, bonfires and beer and cookouts...in short, if you're all about staying inside, it ain't gonna work.
- Lifestyle-wise, I don't really have all that much experience. There are a lot of things I'd definitely consider doing, a few things I'd love to do, but not an awful lot I've actually experienced. I've spent most of my time dipping my toe in the water, so to speak, only to yank it out when the sharks came too near. I've gotten over the majority of my inhibitions, but I'm still surprisingly shy and timid when it comes to the lifestyle. So, take it easy on me!
I think that's enough for now, this is getting kind of long. I may write more, I may not. Ninety percent of the guys who write to me don't even bother reading my profile, let alone my journal, so, eeeh, not a priority. However, brownie points if you do read! |
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This journal entry has nothing to do with BDSM, and everything to do with "purging my demons", so to speak. I've been home about three weeks now, after a year out driving the country. I used to wonder, as I went to truck stops, why truckers always seemed so miserable. I get it now...I truly get it.
At first, I was overjoyed to be home, to see my friends, spend time with my family, revel in the fact that I didn't have to do anything. I could stay still, I could catch up on all the sleep I had missed, I could use my own shower, in my own bathroom, without wondering what those funky truckers had done in it and how well it was cleaned afterrward! I...could walk around in my underwear, with my hair all fucked up, and only my sister in law would stare at me (mainly because I look like Medusa if I don't do my hair).
However, I started to miss the road. It started with remembering places like Reno, or the mountains of Washington, or Jetty Beach in Cape Canaveral. Just places I'd been, things I'd done. And then it grew, into a sense of how...BIG...my life used to be, with the whole country at my disposal, all 48 lower states to play in, live in, experience and enjoy. In contrast, life at home is so small, with the ones I love but with no excitement, no variety! Same city, same scenery, same people. The voices of those I love grated on my nerves, I didn't want to talk to anyone, I found myself wishing to be alone, in my truck, driving off into the sunset.
A near-and-dear friend told me, the road gets into your blood. How right he was. It courses through my blood, this need to see the world. The road calls me like an irresistible siren's song, luring me out to see (sea? lol), promising to show me everything this country has to offer. And yet, we all know what sirens do. I know out there lie the rocks, the loneliness, the sleeplessness, the depression.
Yes, I know why the truckers look so miserable. They can neither be happy on the road, nor at home. This wanderlust they possess is both a blessing and a curse. And so, I ask myself every day whether I too am doomed. Does my happiness lie out on the road, or is it merely a matter of finding the right person, who opens up the world for me in a different way? I guess only time will tell. |
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It always makes me sad when I try to talk to "normal" guys who are interested in me. Talk inevitably goes to sex eventually, and they ask me what I like. Usually I try to avoid the subject in the hopes they'll drop it, but some of them are quite persistent. I was talking to one of the persistent ones a little while ago, so I finally just told him about my love of hair-pulling, spankings, being tied up and helpless, paddles, floggers, nipple clamps, butt plugs, and above all, turning "ordinary" sex into something mind-blowing, primal, nerve-searing, with bruises and welts for days to remind me just how much fun I had. The poor guy went silent, hasn't talked to me since. It's really too bad when they can't hang... |
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It's been over two and a half years since I created a journal entry. I figured it's about time to remedy that. For the last year, I've been a driver. I've been in all but three of the lower 48 states, seen and done things I never thought I would. I've gone swimming in both oceans, hiking all over the country, fishing in a few great places, etc, etc. Unfortunately, I also learned I have limitations as to how much solitude and reflection I can take, and I learned that driving can make a person weary and jaded. After watching so many accidents, being alone for so long, and a series of unfortunate events, I decided to quit my job and move back to my hometown, Syracuse.
I don't know how long I'll be here, but for now, I'm recuperating from the road and making decisions as to what I want to do with the rest of my life. I also hope to find somewhere to belong, and someone to belong to. Thus far, I've talked to some interesting people, but haven't yet found that spark, that thing that makes me perk up and take notice. But, they say good things come to those who wait, right? *grins* I'm waaaiting! |
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