niphredil

100% Multiplayer
98% Degradation receiver
96% Masochist
96% Bondage receiver
94% Submissive
81% Bondage giver
79% Experimentalist
77% Switch

71% Sadist
70% Fetishist
63% Dominant
57% Degradation giver

42% Slave
35% Master/Mistress
30% Pervert
5% All-rounder
5% Vanilla

Well.  Hello world.  I'm single again, but not actively looking at this time.  I'm basically just here for the attention ^_^

Fuzzy Fetish

Within BDSM there are many different orientations.  The acronym itself is made up of three of them (B&D, D/s, S&M), but there are others, too - fetishists of various sorts, people who scene versus those who are lifestyle, those who roleplay, and so on.

The trouble is, because there's no real lexicon for the variety out there, it can be pretty hard for a newbie to be able to tell what's being offered by different people, let alone to figure out what it is they want.  Really the only way to learn is to just plunge on in and experience it, but that can lead to broken hearts, or worse.  Imagine the emptiness you'd feel if you were a masochist in a relationship with someone who was into pure D/s.  Or a Daddy Dom in love with an independent, grown up latex fetishist.  If the personality match is good, you can come to compromises, but it seems to me that a lot of heartache could be avoided by there being a resource to help categorise and showcase all the different styles of play/life.

I wish there was a quiz or something out there which encapsulated the variety of activities we engage in.  Something which, when posted to a person's profile, would show all the different things the person wants, and the amount of time they would spend doing them.  Or maybe even a self-help book with erotic stories of each of them which show the possible wins and downsides of each kink style (bruises are a downside to some people!).  Perhaps I'll write one myself someday.

Consent is so important in this lifestyle.  Even if you're not 24/7, when you play on (or over!) the edge of what's normal as we do, we must never try and engage someone without their consent.  Yes, it's simple, but it's not always easy.  To get true consent, you have to fully articulate your desires and where you're coming from, and that requires bravery.

Twice recently I've come across things which have started me thinking about this.  I'll share the less personal of the two.

It was the other night.  I was followed by a man who was holding a cellphone to his ear, talking loudly about the panties he was wearing.  At first I was amused, because if he wanted to scare or upset me, he certainly picked the wrong girl.  Then I thought about it, and it made me sad, and a little worried.  Worried because the way he's going about fulfilling (what I assume is) his desire for public humiliation is non-consensual.  If he had picked someone else, he may well have frightened them.  That's not on.  And sad, because he hasn't found a way to safely explore something he wants.  He hasn't found someone who can inspire the level of trust required to let him ask for, and receive, what he needs.

So what I want to say to everyone is, please, always play with consenting partners.  And when you find someone who consents to listen to what you need, be brave and tell them everything.

A gentleman, or gentlewoman, is a person who knows how to use their manners to make others feel at ease.  Sometimes that means leaving manners behind.

I am going to dress up as a pirate and teach kids to fence sabre.  I am so excited!

Long Distance Slavery and Teh Crazy

I've been in a long-distance relationship with my Master for the past six months.  We met on here, and then first met in person in November 2010.  We've managed to have meatspace meetings a few times since then, and each time it made me realise that the amazing, awesome thing we have found and built together over the distance is really, truly real.  However, each time after we've met, when we've been apart, something really odd has happened.  I've gone crazy.

If you know anything about me, you'll know how weird this is.  I've been a very together, stable, engaged and happy person for the last ten years.  Not much fazes me.  So going crazy was a big thing for me.  I was totally jumping off the deep end - crying, catastrophising, picking irrelevant things to get upset about, telling him he was horrible, trying to get him to release me... the whole bit.  And this is immediately after spending time together that was nothing but wonderful.  Time during which I got to see and confirm all the caring, sexy, warm, wise, loving traits I've come to expect from him over the distance.

Thank goodness for < not really competing website >'s  O/p forum.  In reading a thread there, I realised that, guess what?  It's actually normal for slaves, when separated from their Masters, to go quite crazy. 

Knowing this has been a help, though the only thing that has stopped teh crazy completely has been knowing that he's moving here (24 sleeps!).  So I'm posting this to let people know that if you're finding this weird, up-and-down pattern in yourself, that there may be an innocuous reason for it.  Consider that it might just be this "slave frenzy", and see if you feel better.

So, you want to go to a munch.

But, probably, you're a little nervous or unsure what to expect.

Well, I think I can help.  This is something I wrote recently for a new person on the scene.  If you have any questions about it, don't forget to ask them through my Master rather than straight to me  :)

Munches are just a get-together of kinky people.  There are two which I know of and  go to in Auckland.

The main one is just like... well, imagine if you could (without really telling the pub owners, hehe) turn a bar into a kinky-people-only place for a couple of hours on a Saturday afternoon. About thirty or forty people go over the three hours it runs for, but not everyone stays the whole time - we all wander in and out over the time, depending on when we're free and who's there. We meet new people and catch up with old friends and regulars, have a beer or wine, then head off to go about the rest of our Saturdays. It's really casual; just a good place to go hang if you want to meet people in a completely non-sexual environment. I guess because it's so big, and so diverse, it can be a bit cliquey though (in my opinion). That's where the "TNG", under-35 munch comes in.

The Under-35 munch is much smaller - probably five to 15 people on any given occasion - and held for two hours directly before the main munch, at a cafe a few blocks down the road. We meet there first and have a coffee and catch-up. Because it's smaller, it's a nice way to start out. The organiser (who is that by default and awesomeness rather than being anything official) generally keeps the conversation going, drawing out the new people and getting them to talk with the more confident ones. It generally goes so well that anyone unattached end up getting bitten and/or fondled by the end of it. Not so great if you're not "out", but hilarious if you aren't worried about being seen around such... enthusiasm. I don't participate, but PDAs (or perhaps rather, Public Displays of Horniness) are pretty common. We all leave that munch and head to the main one together, so we are often the first ones there, and the first ones to arrive after us come talk to us.

All pretty non-threatening stuff, as you can see.  I hope this helps get some more people out from behind their computers and into the gentle bosom of their local community.  :D

So guys, I met someone!  On here originally, if you can believe it.  So I thought I should post here that I'm actually pretty close to entering into a relationship right now, so I'm not looking for anything other than friends, but if you'd still like to chat, feel free to message.

Stolen from an acquaintance:

WARNING: Any universities or institutions using this site or any of its associated sites for studies or projects - You DO have my permission to use my profile or any of my pictures in any form or forum both current and future. If you have or do, it will be considered a routine use of stuff that I have freely and willingly posted on the Internet for all the world to see and use and there will be absolutely NO legal ramifications whatsoever. What am I going to do, pay a lawyer to tell me that I posted it, so I'd better live with it? Yeah, right!

It is HIGHLY recommended that no other members post warnings similar to or different from this or any other as they are absolutely useless and serve no purpose whatsoever, other than to annoy those who see them over and over again.

^_^