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Hello, I'm always asking myself, "what are the ingredients for a lifelong stimulating relationship?" There are so many variables...for example, some mutual intangibles are needed immediately (e.g. attraction, respect, passion, stability, etc...). To engage in a relationship is rather easy, to sustain a relationship is where most of us falter.
Now add BDSM to the equation and you lower the odds of finding the right person for you. Think about it, we are seeking someone that has their shit together, is intelligent, compassionate, and likeable --someone you can bring home to Mom. Yet this same person must match your aptitude and desires in the BDSM realm.
I find it interesting when I ask people about their connection to BDSM. Understanding how they got there (drawn to the lifestyle) and how YOU got here may be an important element in achieving life long chemistry.
I think courting is more effective when the BDSM discussion is first substituted for a deep dive deep into each others heads. For example, one of the things I've learned is tolerance eventually leads to resentment. Telling yourself that you can tolerate a certain behavior because your partner has so many good qualities, simply will not work, and you may be years into the relationship before it surfaces. There is no such thing as perfection so acceptance of flaws is unquestionably necessary. Who wants to grow old seeking the impossible? It's like good and bad cholesterol...you can live with good cholesterol (acceptance), while the bad cholesterol (tolerance) will kill you :)
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