NeedsOwned

Every sane person has limits. Even dominants have limits. Then why when I stated that licking someone's asshole is a limit for me, did I get told I have to many limits?

Yes I know that sticking my finger up a guy's butt for a prostrate massage will give him a hard on. Older men, I suggest Viagra because I'm pretty sure I have not lost anything up your ass that I want to go looking for.

Some things on my limits list are there for health reasons. Other things are there because I plain am not going to do them.

I think it would be interesting to find a dominant who valued a relationship more than he valued stuff he saw in a porn movie. It would also be interesting to be treated like a person and not like a whore.

Hey doms dial back the egos.

Just because I exchange mail with you doesn't mean I want a relationship with you.

If you are going to attempt to have a conversation with me then do so with politeness.

I am not your owned property so calling me slut or slave is not appropriate.

I judge a man by his manners and if you don't have manners them stay the hell away from me.

Another one bites the dust. I find the best way to catch a phony is to let them talk till they hang themselves.

Right now another Iowa dom is crying in his beer because I put my foot down when he wanted naked pictures of me. The poor twit did not even consider his request out of line.

Why would I want to send naked pics to some dude I don't even know?

HINT: If you are interested in me then I expect you to be a gentleman and not another cyber wanker.

I've been away from anything to do with this life for several months. Things with various people just got to me too much and I knew I had to distance myself.

I really don't know why I came back. More and more I think that I'm to old to ever experience this lifestyle again. However, it still draws me back.

I have noticed something in the profiles of men who claim to be dominant on this site, several of them have listed as a Like CBT and Strap-ons. That is hard for me to get my mind around. Switches I can understand listing those as likes. However, men who claim to be dominant are not generally masochists.

I am certain sure of one thing though. There is no way I'm going to do CBT on an owner. There is no way I'm going to perform anal sex on him with a strap-on. There is definitely no way I'm going to put MY tongue in his ASSHOLE.

I've already been told, "You have to do what I say because you are a slave."

Just because I am a slave does not mean my brain goes into neutral. I'm only a slave as long as I consent to be one to that person. The above activities would have me handing back a collar and waving bye bye.

I get many compliments about my journal and I'm glad some of you enjoy reading it. I'm told I'm smart and know what I'm talking about.

Well if that is so true how come I'm not owned?

I asked someone that today and they said because smart women are scary to men. That is something I don't understand. I'm not scared of smart men so why should men be afraid of me?

Could it be because I know what I want and will not settle for less? I'm smart enough to spot a kinky sex player claiming to be a master.  I would think an owner would want someone who is intelligent?

Dear Chicago Dominants,

I deal with many of you and my opinion is ya'll need to learn to read the English language. You also need to learn what Master and slave is outside of erotic fiction and porn movies. Your ads do make me laugh though. You think you can lure a woman to you with the stuff you offer?

Gee sure I just want you to cum all over my face and loan me out to your friends. I really love it that when I say no poly you still think you can have me and date vanilla women at the same time.

I try to be very very painfully honest but it seems Chicago doms have a problem with the truth. That is really sad since this life is built on truth, honesty, and communication. Personally I don't think most of you are dominants. You just want kinky sex and you want to find someone to beat on. Women who have a good sense of self-esteem and understand how to say no just scare you so bad your testes shirvel up and refuse to drop back down.

It is really sad considering the size of Chicago that I can't find one guy who really is a dominant and who really understand how to have a M/s dynamic.

For the trillionth time, if you are interested in me then read my profile and journal.

You will find out many things about me.

For instance, I AM NOT GETTING SHARED. In my worldview dominants do not share their toys, they are selfish that way and I LIKE IT!!!

I'm a slave not a fucktoy or a whore. My self-esteem is pretty darn good and I'm not interested in making someone happy at the price of making myself miserable. Maybe in your porn BDSM films that can happen but it will not ever be part and parcel of my reality.

To the dominants who are looking for sub/slaves I will make a very strong suggestion.

Alcoholics can be very nice people but they are still alcoholics.

What makes someone an alcoholic? I was told it was a very simple test. People who are not alcoholics sometimes want a drink. People who are alcoholics NEED a drink.

"I need a drink to unwind from work." Yet that drinks turns into several every night.

In the vanilla world I can understand alcoholism but in the world I live in which deals in power exchange relationships I cannot understand it at all. A dominant first needs to be in control of himself before he can control another. There is no way I will trust myself to an alcoholic.

The other thing I do not quite get is people who contact me and do not read my journal. The journal reveals quite a lot about who I am and how I think. One thing that really does need remembered I AM NOT INTO PAIN AND I AM NOT INTO BDSM.

Please do try to absorb that small detail before contacting me.

It has occurred to me that a large majority of the male dominants on CM have no idea how to go about the negotiation process.

First, until a person consents to you then you have no authority over them and you should have no expectations from them. They do not have to defer to you or call you Sir. When meeting face to face the smart move is to behave like a gentleman towards a lady.

Negotiations

Negotiating does not mean telling the s-type what she will and will not do. This is where you both lay your limits and things you want in the relationship onto the table. Doms and subs you are never going to get someone who 100 percent agrees with your wants so it is necessary to either compromise or find a work-around.

Limits

IMO limits are things a person will not consider doing period. These limits need to be respected and for goodness sake they are NOT to be pushed. I do not believe there is such a thing as a soft limit.

After you have the negotiation part finished you need to understand that it will probably be fluid rather than concrete so be prepared to re-visit this at times to make updates. Some people prefer to write this stuff down and then it is called a contract. Please remember this form of contract has no legal standing but is merely a reminder of the things that were discussed and agreed to.

All dom and s-types should take their time and go through this process. It is the foundation on how you build your dynamic.

Good lord I just read 7 'married discrete' profiles by men.

I guess cm is supposed to be where they lying assholes come to troll. Yes, lying asshole and that is NOT what this life happens to be about.

We are about truth and honesty between people. But all the 'discrete' little boys do not mind lying to their spouse. Is that someone who you really want to be in a relationship with?

I am married. It is an open marriage. That means we have agreed that I can pursue this life. He knows who I am with and always meets them. Everything is 100 percent open. I could not look myself in the mirror if I was lying to him. However, I have values and ethics.

The 'married discrete' contingent just has an itch in their balls and they don't care how it gets scratched.

For 20 years I have gone into relationships as a slave. I have started to wonder if the deep end of the pool approach is where I want to start a relationship.

I am a good slave but trying to adapt to a new owner, learn what they want when I'm limited in my responses to them I think is a recipe for disaster.

No one disagrees that submissives have much more leeway in a power exchange relationships. Subs can have limits and some believe slaves cannot have limits. Subs can say no and some believe slaves do not get the right to say no. Subs have rights but slaves only have the rights their owner gives to them.

Submissives have a large degree of autonomy in how they behave but slaves are expected to perform blind obedience.

I really think I want to wait and decide over time if I want to be a slave to that owner. One can only know how the owner handles the responsibility of ownership by living with them or being exposed often to them in real life.

Rome was not built in a day and neither is a good Master/slave relationship.

Many people on CM do not seem to understand anything other than bondage bar room porn. They have no idea that there are lifestyles to be lived and not just kinky pain games.

One of the biggest parts of the master and slave lifestyle is COMMUNICATION. I've found though that some people only want to communicate to catch your attention but then after they get your interest the staying in contact feature goes fubar.

As a woman and not as a slave; if a man isn't going to stay in contact with me like once on a daily basis then I'm not really important to him. If I am not important to him then I'm sure not going to want to do a face to face with him.

Folks relationships get started here for some people. If you are not getting one then it is probably because you are not putting enough effort into it. I get too many mails to count and most of them go  in the junk pile. BSers can get buy plying their crap on newbies but experienced people spot it fast and toss it to the side.

For the record, if you are interested in me and expect me to return that interest then brace yourself because I expect you to keep in contact with me.

A mail. A txt. A phone call. They don't take long to do but they tell me I am important to you. I'm not a woman who wants to be treated like a beast. I'm a woman who expects to be important to the man who wants to own her.

What do you do when you make the dom you are interested in is pissed at you?

You did not deliberately intend it to happen but you pushed a bit too hard and forgot who was dominant and who was slave.

You could tell by the tone of his voice and how he phrased the question "Is that all rght with you?"

Then you start responding with Yes Sir and No Sir because those are the safest things you can think of to say. Btw, when those start coming out of my mouth it is because the person who is chewing my butt really is the dominant he claims to be.

The only thing you know to do is apologize and pray he gets unpissed. But it's awkward. You are not sure what to say or really what to do to make things right.

If it was a face to face situation you would head off to your room or another part of the house. You do not go into isolation because you are pouting. You need to process the shame you are feeling for failing to do what you know is right.

Maybe the only thing you can do is give it time so you can get past it. No doubt if the two of you make it work there will be other lectures in the future.

If you have Master or Sir in your online name the odds that are one is slim.

What Do I Look for in a Master

1. integrity, it's important that I know he has ethics and principles

2. honesty, without it we won't go far with each other because I'm bluntly honest

3. sense of humor, life is to short not to laugh all you can

4. intelligence, I need the mental stiumlation of discussion with another person

5. consistency, necessary for me to function as a slave

6. ability to give structure, again needed for me to function as a slave

7. reasonable, understands that sometimes shit just happens

8. enjoys touching, we need that bond with at least one other person in our lives

 9. flexability to adapt to different situations

10. a good listener

11. doesn't mind me spoiling him

12. territorial, he ain't sharing his woman with no one

You say you want to own a slave but do you really understand the commitment you would be taking on?

You would be responsible for her. If she's ill you do what you can to get her well. If she's in need of new clothes you get them for her. She will need your love and guidance.

Sometimes she will be moody and out of sorts. It's your job to be supportive of her.

I know many of you think M/s is all about the master. Surprise, it is about both of you.

Think long and hard before you say you are willing to step up to the plate and be a master. For some of us M/s is not a joke.

I used to follow a philosophy that is called Gorean.

I believe in honor, honesty, integrity, independence and loyalty. That was called Gorean also.

However after seeing how small minded and bullying that happens among Goreans these days I call that philosophy just being me.

I am a slave not a sub. That is a very important distinction. My owner is going to have to be able to provide control, rules, discipline, consistency, caring and be happy doing it.

This month of May makes 2 years of being cancer free.

I write a profile and journal for a reason. Any prospective owner can get a bit of a glimpse on who I am and what I seek. If you ask me a question that is covered in my writings I'm going to tell you its in my profile and you can read it. This is actually a test. This small litmus tests shows me if you are willing to do a small bit of work to look for the information you want. I do not believe in hand feeding the dominant. If you cannot do a small bit of work then you cannot dominate me.

I see men complain all the time about how rude women are in not answering mail.

Well I get men all the time who will exchange a couple of emails with me then disappear.

To be polite all it would take is a simple 'i do not think you and I would match well. Good luck'

That little line must be pretty hard for a mature man to type.

How to Have an Open Marriage

Both parties sit down and discuss the concept and then decide if this will work for them. They then establish the parameters of the relationship.

This whole process is no one else's damned business. Even if you think its wrong it is NOT your damned business. What 2 people agree on is up to them if you are incapable of understanding such a simple concept then you don't belong on this type of chat site.

I'm upfront about my open marriage and I say that it does not overlap into M/s. If you can't respect that you will be blocked. Go do your kinky swinging nonsense with someone else.

Also do not ever think I'm going to put myself into any unsafe situation. I'm too old a bunny to be that stupid.

I'm upfront and I expect boundaries to be respected.

For those of you who express interest. I refuse to chase men around the internet. If you really are interested you will find the time to stay in touch with me.

Gentlemen you would save yourself time if you would simply read my profile and journal.

Why is it so hard to be an adult woman and find a master? However, if I want to do incest play I can find a zillion Daddy Doms?

Are men here afraid of adult females?

discrete = I'm cheating on my partner. Remember if they lie to their spouse they are going to lie to you.

Gents, some of you have the manners of a pig. Don't be demanding pics of me or where I live. Don't be demanding anything because I am not yours.

Do learn to form a letter like a gentleman otherwise not only will you not get answered I will block you.

Don't tell me I do not get a choice in what I will and won't do. Have you ever heard the word consent? I won't have an owner who's limits don't closely match my own so yes I DO get a choice.

If you think this is all about you and not about the slave then you need to get a grip on M/s. This is about the wants and needs of two people, not just one. Take the Story of O stuff and go back to cyber sex because you are definitely not ready to be the master of a real woman yet.

Iowa subs/slaves if you want to know who the players and wannabees are in Iowa feel free to contact me

If you call me and all you want to do is talk about your cock it will be a short conversation. Some of us want D/s or M/s not kinky fucks.

If a man does not pay attention to his woman then his woman will find a man who will.