The battles getting hard, there's assholes everywhere. The 50's lifestyle is gone.

Somehow i thought i'd be more special.

Every day is a new one. I check in here every now and then to see whats new. Sometimes for days. I've taken a job dog sitting for a neighbor. Playing with doggies. Relaxing at home. Clubbing on weekends. Its a lonely life, just not expecting the tears to come with it.

Bored. Tired. Frustrated. All fakes. All ego issues. Tired of the bullshit as well. I know he's out there. Patience is truly a virtue at times. I'm still here and waiting.

        This is really powerful and makes one think!!!! 

            A few years ago a group of salesmen went to a regional sales convention in Chicago. They had assured their wives that they would be home in plenty of time for Friday night's dinner. In their rush, with tickets and briefcases, one of these salesmen inadvertently kicked over a table which held a display of apples. Apples flew everywhere. Without stopping or looking back, they all managed to reach the plane in time for their nearly missed boarding.  ALL BUT ONE!!! He paused, took a deep breath, and experienced a twinge of compassion for the girl whose apple stand had been overturned. 

            He told his buddies to go on without him, waved good-bye, told one of them to call his wife when they arrived at their home destination and explain his taking a later flight. Then he returned to the terminal where the apples were all over the terminal floor. 

            He was glad he did. 

            The 16 year old girl was totally blind! She was softly crying, tears running down her cheeks in frustration, and at the same time helplessly groping for her spilled produce as the crowd swirled about her, no one stopping and no one to care for her plight. 

           The salesman knelt on the floor with her, gathered up the apples, put them back on the table and helped organize her display. As he did this, he noticed that many of them had become battered and bruised; these he set aside in another basket. 

            When he had finished, he pulled out his wallet and said to the girl, 'Here, please take this $40 for the damage we d id. Are you okay?' She nodded through her tears. He continued on with, 'I hope we didn't spoil your day too badly.' 

            As the salesman started to walk away, the bewildered blind girl called out to him, 'Mister......' He paused and turned to look back into those blind eyes. She continued, 'Are you Jesus?'

            He stopped in mid-stride, and he wondered. Then slowly he made his way to catch the later flight with that question burning and bouncing about in his soul: 'Are you Jesus?' Do people mistake you for Jesus?

        That's our Destiny, is it not? To be so much like Jesus that people cannot tell the difference as we live and interact with a world that is blind to His love, life and grace. 

            If we claim to know Him, we should live, walk and act as He would.

        Knowing Him is more than simply quoting Scripture and going to church. It's actually living the Word as life unfolds day to day. 

            You are the apple of His eye even though we, too, have been bruised by a fall. He stopped what He was doing and picked you and me up on a hill called  Calvary and paid in full for our damaged fruit. 

        GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. 

Patient : ?what are the chances of my recovering doctor??

Doctor : ?one hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I?ve treated. The others all died?.

 

1. Viagra, It?s ?Whaazzzzz Up!?  
   
2. Viagra, The quicker pecker upper.  
   
3. Viagra, Like a rock!  
   
4. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there tonight.  
   
5. Viagra, Be all that you can be.  
   
6. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.  
   
7. Viagra, Tastes great! ? More filling!  
   
8. Viagra, We bring good things to life!  
   
9. This is your p*nis?.This is your p*nis on drugs. Any questions?  
   
10. Viagra, Strong enough for a man but made for a woman.

A young girl, not terribly experienced with men, ended up marrying an older man. Her mother agreed to stay in the house on the wedding night to give her any advice she may need, since she was a bit nervous.

The happy couple retired to their bedroom, and he took off his shirt.

The bride ran out of the room and off to her mother.

?Mother! Mother! he has hair all over his chest,? she said.

?It?s all right, it?s quite natural,? says the mother, so the girl goes back. The bridegroom takes his trousers off, and she rushes out again.

?Mother! Mother! he has hair on his legs too.? The mother reassures her again, so back she goes.

The husband takes off his socks, revealing that one of his feet is false. The bride rushes off yet again.

?Mother! Mother, he?s got one foot,? she says.

?A FOOT?? gasps the mother. ?You stay here, this is a job for your mother.?

A policeman is walking his beat when he finds a totally drunk man collapsed against a building, weeping uncontrollably and holding his car keys in his hands. He?s moaning something about ?They took my car!?. Seeing he is quite well dressed, the cop thinks he may have a real case of theft on his hands and proceeds to question the man.

?What are your car keys doing out??

?My car, it was right on the end of my key, and those ba**ards stole it! Please ossifer, get my Porsche back. My God, it was right on the end of my key! Where is it? They stole it and it was right here; right on my key!

?OK, OK, stand up, let?s get some more information. (he stands the man up, and notices his penis is hanging out). Aw s**t mister, your thing is hanging out, would you put that thing away!?

The man looks down, sees his prick hanging there and screams, ?Oh my God, they stole my girlfriend!?

2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.

3. I live in my own little world but it?s OK, everyone knows me here.

5. I don?t do drugs ?cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.

6. Sign In Chinese Pet Store:?Buy one dog, get one flea??

7. Money can?t buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

8. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the ?terminal??

10. I don?t approve of political jokes. I?ve seen too many of them get elected.

11. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.

13. I love being married. It?s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.

15. I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.

16. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I?ve stayed alive.

17. That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a friend my plan to attain world peace, and he told me I have ?Schiffer Brains.?

18. No one ever says ?It?s only a game!? when their team is winning.

19. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

20. How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you?re on.

21. Isn?t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

22. Marriage changes passion?suddenly you?re in bed with a relative.

23. Why is it that most nudists are people you don?t want to see naked?

24. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

25. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom?s wise words: Don?t pick that up, you don?t know where it?s been!?

The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He?s got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. ?What are you going to do?, the homeowner asks?

?I?m going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I?m going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van.?

So the guy puts the ladder up, gets the bat and the shotgun and walks towards the ladder. As he gets to the base of the ladder, he hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

?What?s the shotgun for?? asks the homeowner.

?If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog!?

It is with great regret and sorrow that I?m telling you that I eloped with my new boyfriend. I found real passion and he is so nice, with all his piercings and tattoos and his big motorcycle.

But is not only that Mom, I?m pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that?s one of my dreams. I?ve learned that marijuana doesn?t hurt anyone and we?ll be growing it for us and his friends, who are providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we may want.

In the meantime, we?ll pray for the science to find the AIDS cure, for Ahmed to get better, he deserves it. Don?t worry Mom, I?m 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Some day I?ll visit for you to know your grandchildren. Your daughter, Judith.

P.S.: Mom, it?s not true. I?m at the neighbor?s house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than my report card that?s in the desk drawer.

A man boarded a  plane with six kids.

After they got  settled in their seats a woman sitting across  the aisle from him leaned over to him and  asked,

"Are all of those kids yours ?  "

HE replied,

" No. I work for a  condom company. These are customer complaints.  "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ole and Sven were fishing in the Minnesota opener when
Sven pulled out a cigar.
Finding he had no matches,
He asked Ole for a light.

'Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter,'
He replied, and then, reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.

'Yiminy Cricket!' exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic lighter in his hands. 'Vere dit yew git dat monster??'

'Vell,' replied Ole, 'I got it from my Genie.'

'You haff a Genie?' Sven asked.

'Ya, shure. It's right here in my Tackle box,' says Ole.

'Could I see him?'

Ole opens his tackle box and sure enough, out pops the Genie.

Addressing the genie, Sven says, 'Hey dere! I'm a good friend of your master. Vill you grant me vun vish?'

'Yes, I will,' says the Genie.

So Sven asks the Genie for A million bucks.

The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there waiting for his million bucks.

Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks... Flying directly overhead.

Over the roar of the million ducks,
Sven yells at Ole, 'Yumpin' Yimminy,
I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!'

Ole answers, 'Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da Genie is hart of hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10-inch Bic?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it.  The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.  The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?' pointing to the bowl.

 'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'isn?t it wonderful?  I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.  The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter?'  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mohammed entered his classroom.
"What is your name?" asked the teacher.
"Mohammed".... Answered the kid.
"We are in Canada and, there is no Mohammed. From now on your name will be Bruce," replied the teacher.

In the evening, Mohammed returned home. "How was your day, Mohammed?" asked his mother.
"My name is not Mohammed, I am in  Canada and now my name is Bruce."

"Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to disown your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you," and she beat him.
Then she called the father and he too beat him savagely.
The next day Mohammed returned to school. When the teacher
Saw him with all the bruises she asked:
"What happened to you little Bruce?"
"Well, Miss, 2 hours after becoming Canadian I was attacked by two fuckin? Arabs!..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gettin' married is like getting into a bathtub. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
-_-_-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-
Doug: I think my marriage is in trouble.

Bill: Why do you say that?

Doug: Today I overheard my wife telling a friend she prefers fishing to sex. "It's not as boring," she said.
-_-_-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-
Q: How can you tell if two lesbians are twins?
A: They lick alike.
-_-_-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-
A fellow drank with friends until they closed the bar. He staggered home about 2 o'clock and was met at the door by his wife. She was madder than heck and wanted to know where he had been all night....

He said, "I have been bird watching!"

She said, "Bull sh*t! What kind of bird is out at this time of night for you to watch??"

He said, "A double-breasted, red-headed, mattress thrasher!"
-_-_-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-

Rules of Public SM ?
Etiquette

?
?

• Call a dominant by the title of her or his choice ?
  (e.g., Mistress, Ma'am, Master, Sir, etc.) If you don't ?
  know what his or her preference is, ASK. ?
  
• Don't lunge at a dominant, stand too close to him or her, or ?
  thrust your hand out in greeting. Wait politely until the ?
  dominant greets you or initiates a handshake. ?
  
• You don't need to act like a mouse but it is respectful to ?
  periodically lower your eyes in deference to the dominant. ?
  
• The only person who has the right to give you orders is ?
  someone to whom you have consensually surrendered control. If ?
  such a person gives an order, an appropriate response would be, ?
  "Yes, Sir" or "Yes, Ma'am." ?
  
• When an order is given, do your best to comply ?
  immediately. ?
  
• If the order pushes a limit, either use your safe word (if ?
  you have one), or tell the dominant that you are having a problem ?
  and need to talk to him or her. ?
  
• If a dominant wanna-be tries to order you around, an ?
  appropriate response would be, "I have not consented to ?
  this." ?
  
• Anyone who tries to pressures you into service or tells you ?
  it is expected of all submissives should be avoided. ?
  
• Basic rule of thumb: if someone is rude to you, you are under ?
  no obligation to be polite to them, even if he or she is a ?
  dominant. Clearly he or she is not a good one. ?
  
• Open doors for the dominant and wait until ?
  she (or he) passes through before following. ?
  
• Have a lighter or matches handy so you can light a dominant's ?
  cigarette or cigar. ?
  
• If the dominant does smoke, discreetly empty the ashtray ?
  every so often. ?
  
• Offer to fetch a drink for the dominant. ?
  
• Keep an eye on the dominant's beverage glass and offer to get ?
  a refill whenever it is empty. ?
  
• Offer to carry the dominant's coat, equipment bag, or other ?
  cumbersome object. ?
  
• When standing beside your dominant, make sure to stand just ?
  behind ?
  his or her elbow, so that the dominant is slightly in front of ?
  you. ?
  (Note: some dominants may require that you kneel in attendance.) ?
  
• Do not assume you may take a chair beside your dominant ?
  unless she ?
  or he has already discussed this with you. Wait until your ?
  dominant tells ?
  you where to sit. If the dominant gives you no instruction, ?
  politely ?
  ask where she or he would like you to be. ?
  
• Avoid starting requests with phrases such as ?
  "I want" or "I need." ?
  Instead, ask for the privilege by starting with: "May I please" ?
  or ?
  "Mistress/Master, may I have permission to...". ?
  
• If you are in a club or at a party, never bolt away from your ?
  dominant's side or give the impression that you would rather be ?
  anyplace else but next to your dominant. If something exciting ?
  is going on which you are dying to watch, ?
  or if you see people you know, ask permission to go. ?
  
• No matter how attractive another dominant may be, when you ?
  are in the company of your dominant, control yourself and do not ?
  flirt or otherwise express untoward interest in someone else. ?
  Even if you are not ?
  yet collared or formally owned, if you wish to become ?
  owned, you will significantly reduce your chances by acting ?
  shallow. ?
  
• Always remember to say "thank you" for every privilege your ?
  dominant ?
  grants you. For example, if you've received permission to do ?
  something, ?
  do not charge off like an animal just released from a cage. It ?
  gives ?
  others the impression that you couldn't wait to leave your ?
  dominant's side. ?
  
• Do not argue in public with your dominant. If you are ?
  genuinely upset about something which cannot wait until you get ?
  home, ask your dominant for permission to discuss it privately ?
  and out of earshot of the crowd.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2005, WHEN.... ?

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

I deserve to be,

I want to be,

I can be,

I will be,

I am.

If you want to change your life you need to change how you think and change what you do. Self-help, personal change, being happy: it's up to you. No-one else.

You decide. This is the first step. Self-help starts with you. Self-help and personal change starts with your realisation that it really is in your own hands, and your decision to do something about it.

Your own self-belief is the key to successful life-change, achievement, contentment, and happiness.

Your own mind, particularly positive suggestion and visualisation, will develop your self-belief, and your determination to make successful change to your life.

This page will help you begin to change the way you think, feel and act.

Visit it any time you want to boost your self-belief, to relax, and to regain control of your life and direction.

Print this page and put it above your mirror, above your bed, above your desk, anywhere you'll see it every day.

Make time - actually schedule some time in your planner or diary to do this. It will dramatically improve your mood, attitude, and approach to life, and therefore what you get from life.

Positive suggestion and visualisation, combined with deep relaxation, is an easy way to make powerful positive personal change.

Just going through this relaxation exercise alone will help to change and improve the way you feel. If you combine the relaxation techniques with a repeated script of positive statements, such as the 'I am' script below, you will begin change the way you think, and feel, and act, and all that life offers as a result.

The more you use the relaxation exercise and say or hear the script, then the greater and more sustainable will be the effect.

The time it takes to change depends on different people. Stick with it and it will become easier, more natural, more enjoyable, and it will work.

relaxation exercise

 

1. Sit or lie down comfortably. Properly comfortably. Straighten your back, put your shoulders back to open your rib-cage.  
   
2. Relax your shoulder muscles particularly. Relax your whole body, and empty your mind.  
   
3. Close your eyes (obviously open them when you need to read the next stage).  
   
4. Take ten deep, slow breaths. Breathe from the pit of your stomach and feel your lungs filling.  
   
5. Focus on your breathing. Feel it getting deeper and slower. Feel yourself relaxing and any tension drifting away.  
   
6. Relax your shoulders and neck again.  
   
7. Visualise yourself being happy, succeeding, winning, being loved, laughing, feeling good.  
   
8. Relax your forehead, your mouth and your eyes.  
   
9. Allow a gentle smile to appear on your face as you feel a calmness enter your mind.  
   
10. Then say (out load ideally) the words below (a script for personal change) to yourself:

Women and cats will do what they please. And men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 Little Johnny goes to school. His first class is English,
and the teacher wants the kids to say what they ate for
breakfast and spell it.

The first girl says "toast" -- t o a s t.

The second boy says "eggs" -- e g g s.

Little Johnny says "f*ckin nothing" -- f * c k I n g
n o t h I n g.

The teacher stands him in the corner till lunch.

After lunch Little Johnny is allowed to take his seat.
The first class after lunch is geography. The teacher
wants to know where the Polish border lies.

Little Johnny shoots up his hand and says, "He's at home
on top of my mom. That's why I got f*cking nothing for
breakfast!"
-_-_-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-
Billy Bob goes to the local novelty shop and finds a
pair of x-ray glasses. He checks them out, and isn't
fully convinced, but as usual, the store assistant
comes along and closes the deal.

On his way home, Billy Bob puts on his new x-ray
glasses and, bingo! He sees everyone in the street
naked. He takes them off for a moment, and everyone
has their clothes on. Puts the glasses back on...
everyone is naked! "Cool!"

As he arrives back home, he is eager to show his new
toy to his wife but can't find her. He goes up to the
bedroom and finds his wife and the postman, naked in
bed. He takes his glasses off, and the two are still
naked. He puts them back on, and they are still naked.
Billy Bob then says, "Damn, I just paid fifty bucks for
these and they're already broken!"
-_-_-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-
Q: Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A: In your breasts.
-_-_-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_
Our forefathers guaranteed us the right to the pursuit
of happiness. They should have given us a few clues as
to where to look.
-_-_-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-
Out to lunch one day, a couple of immigrants were having a
fine time until Hymie began to gag!

"I---I tink I svallowed a bone," Hymie gasped.

"Hymie," said Morris, "are you choking?"

"No, demmit, I'm serious!"
-_-_-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-
Q: What are the terrible twos?
A: Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.
-_-_-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-
Gail, the attractive secretary was inclined to brag way
too much about her "dates" to suit the other women in
the office.

One day, she was going on and on about a Texan who had
treated her like a Queen all evening and at the end of
the date, gave her 2 hundred dollar bills for "cab fare".

"Imagine that." came a voice from the other side of the
filing cabinets, "A hundred-and- eighty dollar tip."
-_-_-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-
Yakov was on his death bed, breathing his last. His
family had gathered around him. Through half-closed
eyes and a barely audible voice he asked, "Mama ---
you here?"

"Yes, Papa."

"Sammy --- you here?"

"Yes, Papa."

"Isadore --- you here?"

"Yes, Papa."

"Rosalie --- you here?"

"Yes, Papa."

"Rachel --- you here?"

"Yes, Papa."

With his face purple with rage, struggling to his elbows,
the old man shouted, "So who's watching the store?"
-_-_-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-

 "It is a beautiful moment when the woman realizes that the man who owns her is her love master, and the man realizes that the girl he bought, looking up at him, tears in her eyes, is his love slave.Then the only danger is that he will weaken. One must be strong with a love slave. If one truly loves her, he will be that strong. The slavery in which a love slave is kept is an unusually deep slavery. She must serve him with perfection which would stun and startle other girls; if she should fail in any way, even in so small a way that the lapse would be overlooked in the case of another wench, or bring perhaps a mild word of reprimand, she is likely to be tied at the slave ring and whipped; there is a good reason for this; she is, you see, a love slave; no woman can be more in a mans power; and with no woman must he be stronger"

Beasts of Gor, page 236

A little boy about 12 years old walks down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He comes up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocks on the door. When the madam answers it, she sees the little boy and asks what he wants.

He says, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."

The madam figures, why not, so she tells him to come in. Once in, she tells him to pick any of the girls he likes.

"Do any of the girls have any diseases?" he asks.

Of course the madam says no.

He says, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. That?s the girl I want."

Since the little boy is so adamant and has the money to pay for it, the madam tells him to go to the first room on the right.

He heads down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he comes back, still dragging the frog, pays the madam, and heads out the door. The madam stops him and asks, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"

He says, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant for dinner, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter?s, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom, and catch the disease. And he?s the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my frog!"

I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don't mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don't mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling all that I am capable of doing but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.
~ Anais Nin

 Fall in love with someone that is willing to love you, wait for you, understand you even when something doesn?t make sense or it seems crazy, help you, guide you, support you, be your hope, be your everything.

1) NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents .'

3) KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'

4) MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.

'It sure is,' I replied.

Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

7) ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8) DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'

'And why not, darling?'

'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

9) DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.

The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.'   

10) SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

11) BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.

'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.

'What have you got there, dear?'

With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!' 

I am a submissive woman
~Author Unknown

i find pleasure, joy, and fulfillment from being submissive
to my Master in a loving relationship.
i am not weak or stupid. i am a strong woman,
with firm views and a clear concept of what i want out of my life.
i do not serve out of shame or weakness, but out of pride and strength.
i will look to my loving Master for guidance and protection, for never
will i be more complete than when He is with me.
i know that He will protect my body, my mind, and my soul
with His strength and wisdom.
He is everything to me, as i am everything to Him.
His touch awakens me and His thoughts free me.
Only in serving Him do i find complete freedom and joy?
His punishments may be harsh, but i accept them thankfully,
knowing that He has my best interests always foremost in His mind.
If He desires my body for pleasure, i shall joyfully give it to Him
and take pleasure myself from knowing that i have brought Him happiness.
However, the pleasure of the flesh is but one facet of O/our relationship.
The love, the trust and sharing, the words spoken and felt,
those are all parts of this relationship.
My body is His, and if He says i am beautiful, then i am.
No matter what i look like to others, i am beautiful in His eyes,
and because of that i hold my head high.
If He says i am His precious jewel,
then i am that?a beautiful, sparkling gem.
If He says that i am His pet, His slut, His whore, then i am that..
as wanton and dirty as He wants me to be.
My mind is His, to expand, to explore, to know only as He can.
i have no secrets from Him? for secrets are a thing that would
keep me from being more perfectly His.
Secrets would put a wall up between my Master and myself?
and i do not want walls.
His lessons are not always ones i would seek on my own,
but they are lessons He has decided that i need, and so i learn from Him.
My soul is His, as bare to His touch as ever my skin could be
when i kneel naked at His feet.
Never a moment goes by when i do not feel His presence,
be He miles away or standing over me.
If i were to ever displease Him, His displeasure would be a blow to my soul,
worse punishment than any lashes could be.
The anguish of my soul that i feel when i disappoint Him
is harder to bear than any physical anguish i feel.
i am grateful that he cares enough about me to spend
His time and energy so freely on me.
i have the easier job, to feel, to experience,
to let myself go and abandon everything to Him.
i am His pleasure and His responsibility, and He takes both seriously .
i am a submissive woman.
i am proud to call myself that, my submission is a gift that i do not give lightly,
and can only be given to the One who can appreciate that gift and return it tenfold.
Only to my Master who has that strength, will i give myself fully,
because i am strong and proud.
i am a submissive woman.

~Author Unknown

Your Hawaiian Name is:

First- I updated my profile...again.

Second- I know, i know, were not real sub/slaves if we have 'requirment' i've heard the speech, but ive been owned before, intrested in many a Masters on here, and ALOT of them are either old enough to me my father, dont want kids, or have no respect. no here ya go. its a little more clear.

And mind you, it actually IS possible to have a "family" a be "discreet" in being 24/7 in front of little ones, like "hunni" meaning "Master" between Master and slave.

The end.

Translation Below...

TEH HIGHLIGHT OV MAH DAI....
WUZ SUPPOSD 2 HANG OUT WIF MAH EX-MASTAH TODAI. GUES WUT "IM SRY I FORGOT! I OVERSLEPT"
YA I KNOE....
I WAITD 4 F&^%ING HOUR!
SECOND OV ALL, I TELL TEH MASTAH IM AKSHULLY INTRESTD IN DAT IM FALLIN 4 HIM.
"U DOAN KNOE ME, U DOAN KNOE IF ULL LIEK ME"
DIS AR TEH MAN I SPEND ALMOST 2 HOURS TALKIN WIF ON TEH FONE EVRY NITE 4 ALMOST WEEK OR SO.
YA I KNOE...
AN ALL DIS BEFORE NOON.
DIS F&^%ING SUCKZ....
AN PEEPS WONDR Y I LEFT DIS LIFESTYLE....

KITTEH

P.S. PROFILE UPDATD 4 ALL U MORONS.

The highlight of my day....
Was supposed to hang out with my ex-Master today. Guess what "im sorry i forgot! i overslept"
Yeah i know....
I waited for a fucking hour!
Second of all, I tell the Master i'm ACTUALLY intrested in that im falling for him.
"you dont know me, you dont know if you'll like me"
This is a man i spend almost 2 hours talking with on the phone every night for almost a week or so.
Yeah i know...
And all this before Noon.
This fucking sucks....
And people WONDER why i left this lifestyle....

Kitten

P.S. Profile updated for all you morons.

Antique Shows (Expert) - My mom started off in antiques years ago by visiting garage sales and all that fun stuff and started dragging me with her when i was still a kid, after a while, i picked up and fell in love with finding lost treasures. Later she started her own business (now its closed) which i used to work for.
Art Galleries (Expert)- I love, no, i ADORE going to galleries and seeing new works of art, i'm a huge fan.
Beachcombing (Expert)- I'm a pisces, a fish, we love the ocean. I love the beach, i love the water, and i love watching down the beach and collecting shells and pieces of broken glass sanded down by the sea.
Fine Dining (Beginner)- I may have grown up in a poor family but i still know fine dining. Haven't gone to too many but i still love fine cuisine.
Fishing - When i was really little, my brother and daddy used to take me fishing with my mom, and we used to sit and watch, when i got of age, they taught me, ever since i love it. Haven't fished in years but i still miss it.
Flea Markets (Expert)- Refer to 'Antique Shows'. Mom drapped me to these too.
Garage Sales (Expert)- Refer to 'Antique Shows'. Mom drapped me to these too.
Museums - I'm a huge fan of Monet, Van Gogh, Dega, and Renoir. Some of MOMA's (Museum of Modern Art in NYC) has them, i love going there and learning, studying the strokes of their brushes, and learning from the great artists of time.
Opera - No words to explain. If you've gone once and fell in love and cried, you'll understand.
Renaissance Faires (Expert)- Classic Rennie, yes, i am a registered Wench of Lundegaards Armoury. Wench # 2581 Wynter Rose. If you know the faire i dont have to say more. Been going since 2001.
SCA (Expert)- I explained Rennie Faires, This is just DUH!
Camping - Ever since i went camping with my lovable hippie gal Crys, i've been addicted. Let's get that bonfire started!Dancing - I used to be a non-professional, unpaid dancer at QXT's (normal non-strip club, goth dance) in Newark, NJ. Thats where my nickname originated. They said i danced like a little kitten. ^_^
Hiking - Appalachian Trail to Bear Mountain. Nature and Me are the bestest of friends.
Horseback Riding - Love it, Hate the sore ass afterwards.
Hunting - Never hunted before, getting my hunting license Summer of 09', i hunt for food, not play. Bambi is yummy!Begging (Expert)- LOL. No need to explain this one.
Blindfolds (Expert)- Fun fun.
Body Worship (Expert)- I will not worship any genital areas, sorry thats just so wrong.
Bondage (Expert)- My very first experiences.
Cages (Expert)- Fun, just dont keep me there overnight.
Collars (Expert)- Collars are a sign of ownership, i wear discreet ones.
Corsets (Expert)- Corsets i'm only expert for due to the Rennie Faires. If you can't breathe in it, your wearing it right!
Local BDSM Community (Expert)- Axis Lounge of Carlstat, NJ, haven't gone in a few years but they do awesome shows there and fun to meet other community members.
Fire Play - I'm a pyro. Careful, dont let me near any lighters, i will burn your house down. ^_^
Hair Pulling - Very fun as long as you dont rip any out ^_^
Knife Play - Very very erotic, just dont slice me.
Leashes - My first owner used to take me to my old club on a leash. Love it when i'm seen that way in allowable areas.
Mental Bondage - Control. Thats all i need to say.
Obedience Training - I've helped train other subs and slaves in the past. So yes i am experienced in that degree.
Pony/Puppy Roleplay (Expert)- I do not like pony, im a kitten, i've acted like a cat since before I ever heard of gor or bdsm.
Public Play - Refer to 'Leashes'
Role Playing (Expert)- Started off with RP. Actually started off in X-men years ago. Big fan. Then migrated to Gor. Became real from there for me.
Sensory Deprivation - Very fun.
Theatrical Scenes - This is vanilla fun for me.
Wax play - Wax is fun to play with, then again i accidentally learned how to make my own candles.
Whips (Expert) - Haha, do i really need to explain this one?
Arcade Games (Expert) - We were all kids once....i just never truly grew up from these.
Board Games (Expert) - I'm a sucker for 'Scrabble'
Card Games (Expert) - I'll probably loose to you, i suck at them.
Cartoons (Expert) - We were all kids once....i just never truly grew up from these.
Chess (Expert) - When i was little, i stayed with a my grandparents for a few years and my gramps would take me to the park where i would play on the playground while he played chess with his friends, well when my friends were there or i was awfully bored or tired i would watch him play and i asked him to teach me, mind you i was only 5 or 6, so i picked up, been playing ever since.
Comedy Shows (Expert) - One of my friends does comedy shows in NYC, i picked up on watching shows and going to see my friends shows as well.
Cybering (Expert) - Been there, done that. Now i do it just to fuck with peoples heads. It brings some joy to my life.
Historical Shows (Expert)- I'm a huge sucker for history. Favorite class in school. Gettysburg is my favorite as of yet.
Horror Movies (Expert) - ADORE horror movies. If you LOVE and i do mean LOVE any of the 'Saw' movies or even seen 'Room 1408' you are awesome!
Online Chatrooms (Expert)- Refer to 'Role playing'
Online RPGs (Expert) - Refer to 'Role playing'
Puzzle Games (Expert) - Just something for me to put my mind at work.
Role Playing Games (Expert) - 'Dungeons and Dragons' and 'Sims' sucker...
Romance Novels (Expert) - Guilty.
Science Fiction (Expert) - You'll usually see my head stuck in one of these books.
Simulation Games (Expert) - Usually war or star wars games.
Sitcoms (Expert) - Short entertainment.
True Crime (Expert) - Its intresting to see how our minds work watching these.
TV News (Expert) - I dont feel so left out from the world when i was the news.
Web Surfing (Expert) - Eh, entertainment.
Alternative Medicine (Expert) - I'm pagan, do i really have to explain this one?
Art Collecting (Expert) - Love to be surrounded by art.
Astrology (Expert) - Who can't resist reading a horoscope?
Beading (Expert) - It helps calm me down.
Body Art (Expert) - I have 9 tattoos, do i need to go on with this? Its self-expression.
Candle Making (Expert) - Refer to 'Wax play'
Cooking (Expert) - In my family, if you dont know how to cook by age 12, your a discrace.
Drawing (Expert) - I draw, i paint, whats new?
Gardening (Expert) - There's a love you have for fresh soil and flowers thats just too hard to explain.
Herbalism (Expert) - Remember we didnt have pharmacies 2,000 years ago...
Karaoke (Expert) - The best thing to do when your drunk off your ass.
Meditation (Expert) - This is the best gift to us...
Online Auctions (Expert) - Ebay is irresitable..
Painting (Expert) - Refer to 'Drawing'
Photography (Expert) - I model, i photograph. Fun, fun.
Pottery (Expert) - I took 2 years of pottery classes in high school, theres just this sort of weird calm when your sculpting.
Sculpting (Expert) - Refer to 'Pottery'
Singing (Expert) - Yes, i sing, i doubt you will ever hear me sing until you got your ear pressed to the bathroom door when i take a shower. I used to sing professionally when i was younger with my aunt and cousin.
Tattoos (Expert) - Refer to 'Body Art'
Archaeology (Expert) - Rocks are always more than just rocks.
Astronomy (Expert) - Took astronomy is high school too, the things you learn about the stars and planets are wicked.
Blogging (Expert) - I do this almost everyday, keep up!
Occultism (Expert) - Me being pagan, this is self explanitory.
Paranormal (Expert) - Professional Ghost Hunter of 8 years, used to have my own equipment.
Poetry (Expert) - If you haven't guessed it by now, I'd whap you upside the head. Yes i write and read poetry. Tennyson, Frost, Byrne, are all my favorites.
Psychology (Expert) - I was a major in psychology. I remember my stuff, you piss me off, i know how to fuck with you and make you cry like a little girl.
Writing (Expert) - I used to write fantasy short stories back in my day.
Gorean Lifestyle (Expert) - Self explanitory.
Goth Lifestyle (Expert) - Yeah im a little discreet goth girl now.
Lifestyle BDSM (Expert) - Refer to 'BDSM Community'
Vampirism (Expert) - If you know this scene, i dont need to explain. If you dont, i wont explain it either.
Victorian Household (Expert) - Just part of my antique and rennie heart.
Alternative Music - The music i dont need to explain, its just the music i like.
Eighties Music
Industrial Music - VNV, Daft Punk, Birthday Massacre, Rammstein, etc and so forth.
New Age Music - Enya mostly.
New Wave
Punk Rock Music
Rock Music
Druidism (Expert) - Self explanitory. I follow this path mainly.
Neo-Paganism (Expert)
Reiki (Expert) - I mildly know this
Wicca (Expert)
Auto Racing (Expert) - I blame my love for this on my brother.
Kick Boxing (Expert) - At one time i made a grown man cry...
Paintball (Expert) - I tried paintballing for the first time when i was 5 months pregnant with my daughter, pretty fun, dangerous, but fun.
Street Hockey (Expert) - I grew up in Brooklyn, i grew up on this!
Swimming (Expert) - Once again, me loves water.

 Loves:
Clubbing (Expert) - Refer to 'Dancing'
Coffee Shops (Expert) - If your in my area, check out 'Cool Beans Cafe' of Oradell. Just very chill enviroment.
Movies (Expert) - Fun fun.
Musical Theater - Very cool.
Travel - Its always fun driving around and finding new places out of state and even in state.
Climbing - Since i dont like heights too much, you'll find me climbing, just not too high up.
Martial Arts - Yeah, yeah i took martial arts when i was a kid.
Rafting - Always wanted to try.
Sailing - Always wanted to try.
Aromatherapy (Expert) - Verrryyyy Relaxing!

 Likes:
Amusement Parks - You'll catch me here during the summers.
Bar Hopping - Only for new drinks and live music.
Raves - Eh its okay.
Shopping (Beginner) - Never enough $
Volunteerism - I used to volunteer at animals shelters and community programs. Still do sometimes.
Running - You'll see me running after a bus sooner or later...
Skate Boarding - I wish...
Surf Boarding - Maybe one day.. *sigh*
Tai-Chi - Verryy Calming and Relaxing..
Walking - Most excersize you'll see come out of me.
Wind Surfing - Double i wish...
Housework - Honestly, cleaning is the best way for me to calm down.

 Tolerates:
Bird Watching (Beginner) - I see birds everyday, it gets boring.
Spanking - I used to get spanked when i was little for being bad, if you spank me you will get me pissed off VERY fast.
Judaism (Expert) - I was forced jewish, so this is self explanitory.

 Dislikes:
Gambling - Its a very bad habit (dont worry i dont), and dislike it very much.

 Hard Limits:
Tickling - My brother used to tickle me when i was little so i actually hate it very much. Probably my biggest pet peeve.
Rap - Only certain rap.

   
?Tis midnight o?er the dim mere?s lonely bosom,
    Dark, dusky, windy midnight: swift are driven
The swelling vapours onward: every blossom
    Bathes its bright petals in the tears of heaven.
Imperfect, half-seen objects meet the sight,
    The other half our fancy must pourtray;
A wan, dull, lengthen?d sheet of swimming light
    Lies the broad lake: the moon conceals her ray,
Sketch?d faintly by a pale and lurid gleam
    Shot thro? the glimmering clouds: the lovely planet
Is shrouded in obscurity; the scream
    Of owl is silenc?d; and the rocks of granite
Rise tall and drearily, while damp and dank
Hang the thick willows on the reedy bank.
Beneath, the gurgling eddies slowly creep,
    Blacken?d by foliage; and the glutting wave,
That saps eternally the cold grey steep,
    Sounds heavily within the hollow cave.
All earth is restless?from his glossy wing
    The heath-fowl lifts his head at intervals;
    Wet, driving, rainy, come the bursting squalls;
All nature wears her dun dead covering.
Tempest is gather?d, and the brooding storm
Spreads its black mantle o?er the mountain?s form;
And, mingled with the rising roar, is swelling,
From the far hunter?s booth, the blood hound?s yelling.
The water-falls in various cadence chiming,
    Or in one loud unbroken sheet descending,
       Salute each other thro? the night?s dark womb;
    The moaning pine-trees to the wild blast bending,
       Are pictured faintly thro? the chequer?d gloom;
The forests, half-way up the mountain climbing,
    Resound with crash of falling branches; quiver
       Their aged mossy trunks: the startled doe
    Leaps from her leafy lair: the swelling river
       Winds his broad stream majestic, deep, and slow.