mistysoul

Letting my mind think Daddy/little girl thoughts and the release that it brings.

Wishing that I had the catheris of a strong dom to be slave to. Needs to forget and have reality taken away.

These couple days I am away from the computer a lot. I'll try and catch up on Monday.

I fogot all about this acount. I'll try to look in more often. I didn't know that I still had it. If you sent something and I didn't answer I haven't looked in here in months. I'll see if I missed anything over the next day or so.

I'm not sure if I am ready for the emotions of this life again. I do know that I am ready to scream in real time and that it has always been a realease for me. If I didn't say it in my profile I don't mind being friends with married doms but I won't get involved with them. Thank you for taking the time to read what I write.

I'm looking back in here after a very long time away. Not sure if I'll find anything or not but I'll answer if the email is genuine.

Hates nightmares...........Shivering in the cold as i wake up from one. Wishing that i could get past things in my life to like my slef again. Sounds like different topics. Trying still to get the nightmare out of my system as underneath it that is what this one was about.

Just a side thought. I am in the Alexandria area a lot to visit family there. Meeting some one from rt there is a possiblity for me as well. I love the area. Especially Old Down Town Alexandria but who doesn't who goes there?

Very seldom even look here any more. Would be nice to find some one who really understood all of this in my mail box. i would answer when i came back in. New Year, maybe some will get honest about what they really want and more real about who they are to themselves.

God last night i need good humiltion. Sitting at a resturant of your choice. You telling the waitrest that i was not allowed to have a menue. Blushing at her look and nod.

Dresses in the short black skirt that you had wanted me in and white sleevless top. Cut low enough that breasts easily showed. NO bra on so every one so how hard my nipples were. No panties on under the skirt. Just your slave's shaved cunt against the seat.

The water glasses come and drinks. You get a sinister smile that i have learned to love and hate. How is your tummy doing dear one?

I had been trying to forget that you had made me take two water pills before we came. "Cramping Master."

"Good my sweet cunt. Lift an ice cube out of your glass and slide it against the seat up into the whorish cunt of yours."

Back arching like a cat.After a year together in bondage i almost never question anything that you tell me to do. While you had reserved a corner table in the back one or two people can still see as I lift it out and obey Your will.

Thank You Master, for giving me orders. Especially in a public place.

Good little bitch. Keep it in there. I know that's nothing compared to all the other things that I've put up that fuck hole.

"NO Master. It's not. It's running down as it melts."

Just then the waitress arrived with the appiterizers. I went silent. Watching him flirt like crazy with her. She stepped away.

Fill that snatch up with two more ice cubes. NOW! I jumped at that tone used in publice. I could care less about what i was eating. All I could do was keep my eyes just below his and quivering, unable to keep still, the ice cubes went in. My fingers soaked as they pushed them up through cum juice. My heart beating wildly.

Oh God Master, your slaves tummy. Cramps slamming into her.

What is my precious slave feeling? He reached across and held my hand. i knew hat i would do any thing for him.

Bathroom, pee, she has to...eyes go wild. Eat your salad. He pulled his hand away calmly. Your body obeys me. It does not do what it wants to do. You know that by now fucked up bitch.

Gulping on his words of humilition. God trying to eat, Tummy muscles held as the ice ran out. Waves upon waves building. Digging my nails into my hip.

Finally he reached out for my hand again after he had a few more sips of his Southner comfort.

Does My precious slave need to go to the potty?

Please, oh my god please, Yes Master. Hope rising for such a basic need. Please Master.

Then the devil smile.

You may go to the potty any time precious but you may not leave your seat.

There was dead silence. It registered in my mind what he ment oh Jesus. To depend on him this much. To obey this much. Everyone would know.

You will not clean it up when we leave. If it gets on your skirt even know it is raised that it is your fault. As much as the water pills will do I suspect you will be soaked.

Starting to cry silently as I could not control my own bladder any more. Sure as the waitress brought our order and saw the position of my body hat she could also smell the warm piss that no longer could be held back.

Master just charmed her. Brushing his foot against mine under the table.

Eat my slave and enjoy peeing each time you need to. For you had better get used to it.

Yes Master. Thank You Master, You and only You care enough about me to teach me what I really need.

~~~Written by me Nov. 19,2011

I gusse it's impossible any more to have a true Ds relationship based on friendship first like the ones that have deeply influenced my life are. I wonder when some one recently said he didn't even want to met me because of how i saw things, what would they do in any relationship in the times that aren't Dls. Hate to let him or others know24/7 is possible but not possible for both always to be on. Oh and the party that lets a sub down, they're going to get what comes around goes around in their life and they're not good enough for us either.

~~~no usually one who usually uses this for negative but tired needing to vent after some disapointment with two relationships that at first i thought were decent ones.

The first one as a warning lesson to other subs, I wouldn't give my phone number up or any exact address. I don't. I had given a general idea where I worked. Felt the earinees of a stalker when he was calling around to different places like that asking for me.

I called off the relationship as soon as i saw the red flag in that one and felt proud of myself. The last one i'll be over the disappointment in a day or two. I'll plan some thing reall fun on the day that he kept begging to meet in rt. Then after that day is over it will be out of my mind since he didn't even want the friendship that I thought he did.

Please don't bother writing me if you're going to tell me a bunch of crap and then tell me a reason why you can't do. I am so sick of that fucking game. I seldom swear. This is one of those nights that have gone from bad to worse.

It is ironic when a dom calls himself one but can't handle what I like after saying for hours he can do. I've had it happen to many times to the effect that I am probably going back to answering even less mail on here then before.

At least the rarity that I can get to a community meeting these days they are people who look at what is possible in a relationship despite things in each past. None of us reach adult hood without shit happening to us. Why is so hard to believe that I have mine under control? If you want some one who doesn't have anything and has lead a per don't write me. I'm tired of it and not doing it any more.

Wants to be kneeling. Your cock in front of my face and breasts. Harsh but tender as you get ready to fill my cunt slowly with your fist going in and out till the point of just light bleeding. Needs to have cunt filled the last couple nights deeply. Not sure why. Has been fisted and it lasted in head space for a long time when it was long term relationship. It is not some thing that I would do in general play. Craving it again.

Snow really??? On Thrusday? Remembers a dom who needed nothing but to tease that he would make me walk in it bare footed.

So sleepy.............thinking of having a dom whispering, things to me as i fall asleep. Hypnotising about who i am for him.

Thinking that it may also help sooth the pounding headach that i have right now.

God have i been craving humilition into submission the last few nights. Names and pain to take me down under to all i know is completely whorshiping you...

How many times do I have to say it? If you can't take the time to write full words out like u for you before you really know me, don't bother to write. It's lack of respect to do it in the first email. If you can't spend the time to write out words what kind of time will you spend on the relationship???

Since when do female submissives get to shovel snow? lol now I want a male submssive or female for a good back rub.

Just up as usual. Not able tosleep. Watching the snow  come down. It's beautiful but it's how I feel.Every time some thing good starts like the spring wheather life goes backward. But the snow is pretty then the rest of life.

Please if you want me to answer an email have the self respect not to use "net speak" in it. When we have talked more it may not bother me as much. When I get first emails with u instead of  you 2 instead of two it shows how little you care about what  you write. I normally don't respond to emails if they are used in a person's profile either. Mistakes in grammer are normal. I make plenty in spelling. It shows off what you think of yourself when you write that way without knowing someone.  Why would I want to write back?

I am so tired of seeing post about submissives being "mentally damaged" sure some are. But you know what? The doms who are damaged or even pyschic are a lot more dangerous. No one ever speaks about THEM. They're the ones causing the shit to a submissive who is looking for a real power exchange. The doms who do domainant in that style get to take no responsiblity for their actions since it can be masked as life style.No one has a way to identify them because to many submissives are scared by there behavior. Dominants that are decent don't want to spend time caring about the issue. To use one of the more popular phases that I have seen on here, how about giving that up???

How can  i be a pain slut but a whimp  with a cold? I love my nephew dearly but can't wait to he gets  past the todler cold stage!! Now if he could stay in the toddle stage  without colds............

I love  storms but i miss the sunshine. Ready for spring. I can handle D.s. pain with a craving but I am a baby  when I get the sniffles like now and we're stuck inside.

 Made it to the gym today. Told one of my dominant male friends that i was cursing him out the whole time because when i wanted to quite i thought of him and kept going.

Not able to sleep. Up thinking about how much i just need to feel controlled pain tonight and then held. In a mood where only humiliton and pain really helps to cure it. Nothing to do with it being Valentine Days. Just needing to purge emotions and get ride of what I am feeling.

Sometimes i just wonder what i am doing wrong in life. Wish that it was as easy as some one just telling me what to do to make things more cohesive.

Read the dictionary for the word FRIEND means first before writing me. My body is worth more to me then just being beat around as a slave. If you can't get that the trust is built on friendship first. You will never get to my mind for me to submit to you.

Yehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh woke up to NOT being snowed in, iced in, or any thing winter other then what will be on the ground to June. Snuggled in fleece jammie bottoms that are not sexy at all but cute and warm. They're white with purple and fucia poka dots and a matching top. No bra of course or panties. Cunt shaved baby smooth for One and feels cozy with the fleece. Last night at the Casino I had to wear jeans and they're a bit rough as any female with shaved cunt knows who doesn't wear panties.

Just relaxing today and in mood to tease.

Just tucked a submissive that I am working with into bed. At times I top but it's not really who I am. I just saw that she was making the mistake of becoming attached to doms very quickly one after the other. Hate to watch some one else get hurt if i can stop it. Was kind being able to show a sweet side when i've felt like the witch from hell lately.

What is it about dominants who type in that there full profile must be read but could care less about mine. Then complain when they don't get a mail answered. Hint: my profile and or in my journal says relocatable on the east coast. If you live over seas, in California,in Austria I am not going to write you back. I also thinks that it speaks to your own rudness that you expect a sub to do something from the start that you won't do. You want your profile read fully, read mine first and save us a lot of time!

What is it about dominants that they don't realize that submissives can be hurt? Some times I get so tired of being the one to please. That's happening the last couple days. Dominants think that they don't need basic manners. That they can be just nasty. That they can start relationships promising things and then within a few meetings without communicating drop off of the face of the earth. I'm not taking it any more. Don't promise shit that you're not going to follow through on. BE an adult and responsible for your own actions in the relationship.

***Obviously I don't mean all dominants. I keep looking at how I make my choices. How I am creating this pattern. I haven't a clue. My choices have become so much better over the years. Maybe it's because i just can't be a bitch back like some submissives are proud to be or a tease? I just want to be me, a submissive/slave.

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~soap box for the day~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Trying so hard to get into really good shape. i was actually surprising myself by enjoying th gym. I like wieght lifting. i hate cardio.

 Having fibromylgia (misspelled)I knew that this would be a big challenged. I love working out  in the pool but our gyms don't have one here.

 i really like Planet Fitness. i created an endurance program partly at the gym and to do at home before sleep.

 i was doing it about 3 weeks strong when last night a pinched nerve acted up. I still made myself get up and go into the gym to day. I did modified cardio and miss wieght lifting. Sore muscles i can work through all my life. The pinched nerve  i have to stop. I knew the nerve would be my biggest obstacle in the gym. i was really upset today. But i didn't let it control my routine by talking me into staying at home. So i am learning some thing. i want to get to the point where wheather i feel like going in or not doesn't matter. i just do it.

 i know that it makes me a calmer, healthier submissive when i am a strong fitness routine.

 Can't sleep. i hear the sleet coming down on the window pains. My mind won' t shut down. It was a pretty bad day and at 4:00 am in the morning i am just calming down.

Please tell me that i did not just see a wheather report for 6 more inches of snow here!!!!!

~~~~on Monday~~~~~~~~~~

Imaging how it would feel to be put on a collar and a leash. Already naked, having a dominant stay on the patio forcing me out in the on coming snow and  ice on all fours. To roll in the snow to i cum and it is seen in the snow.

~~~~~I despise cold with D.s. so for me the snow is a lot!

I usually forget to add this. I can't remember if I did or not. I live close enough that North Baltimore is not to far from Me. I lived there for several years. I know a lot of life stylers from that area.

I know that I would never expect traditional manners in a scene or intense times in a D.s. relationship. However have they gone out the window all together in D.s? I remember being amazed a couple times when dom's opened car doors for me. I have a very high bar for how I treat a dom and I know it. I don't think that makes me wrong to have a high bar of expectations back. Grumbles under My breath and feel free to respond if you wish. Maybe I am toatally over my rocker and wrong on this.

Just out of a steaming bath tub. Smoothly shaved pulled body into lavendar jammies from a former dominant that have black and white city cats under  white stars and a moon over them. Going to make a nest of pillows and comforter around me. Most likely fighting my cat for the comforter to we compromise with him being on top of my hip. Turns on the Ghost stories. Lets my mind wander from the supernatual to being a full slave.

Blood to blood
Raw
an axk flying through my flesh.

My mind disappearing.
Knowing only that I have to surive.
Knowing that even as He  tries to destroy
My body and my soul.

They man never be the same.
But they are mine even in the moment
That he is trying to kill me
When I am screaming screams
That no female should ever have to
My mind saves me.
It finds way to get me home.

I look in the mirror
I am a shell.
In broad day light
There is nothing.
The shell of my body is whole.
The mirror doesn't show
The illusions that I feel.
That I fight to hold onto.

I live for my faith
I was saved to learn love
ever lasting and give more.

I have no idea why I was saved.
Is this what living is suppose to be about?
All is a part of me now.
I didn't want it.
No one should have to have this to be
part of there self perception
If I speak out maybe in that moment
Of decision someone else will how to
be there own person instead of living
like i now do.
Always seperating the new from Him.
Because he's not around every corner.
He won't touch me again.
If he ever did my anger would fly and
the rage would
do him in yet.
Yet I forgive and live life even more.

My mood has been dark lately. I have the time and ablity to build a genuine type relationship. Because I don't want it to happen even within a week of barely starting to know someone it seems that appears to mean that I am not serious. I take things slowly. I respect myself. If you want a slave who doesn't respect what she is then I don't get being a dominant.

That written, this is one of those nights that i would love humilation. Pain balances me. I am a pain slut but I need to get back into that part slowly. I am not just going to be slapped around, told to kneel or beat. In time I need those things to be built into my life again (not that it is about what i need).

 Sitting here, feeling the desire to have someone streatching my cunt. I also love the tenderness of after care. I will always see myself as a slave and not a submissive. In the end it is the trust that is created that allows the deepth of type slavery to happen. I would love 24/7. Within the state of South/Central Pa, Maryland, DC, North VA I am eventually willing to relocate if the relationship develops that way. So I am close enough to any of those areas to form a rt relationship.