Mathmatical

I'm not going to find a girlfriend. I am convinced its not going to happen.

Nearly every single girl even remotely in my age group that I have met in real life and on sites like these always want a man in his 30's. Girls 2 years younger then me what a man 15 years older then them. And height; I'm fairly short, 5'6", but even girls shorter then me don't seem to want to go under 6 foot.

I get it, I really do. Girls want someone more mature, so they prefer older men and who doesnt want a partner 6 foot plus. And I'm not saying its unrealistic or unfair that girls have standards or that I or men in general dont do the exact same thing. Its just EVERY SINGLE GIRL wants the same thing and it all the stuff I don't have. Its looking that I need to wait at least a decade before I'll even get so much as a reply from anyone. At best I'm just a silver medal.

So yeah, heres looking forward to another 10 years of loneliness. Yay (  ._.)

What is wrong with me?

Today I was in class and we were all having a big conversation, having a good time. One of the girls mentions that everyone thinks shes a lesbian and she has no idea why people think that. She joked that in her life she "had hundreds of girls hit on her and only like 12 guys." And I thought to say "Wanna make it 13?"

And I didn't. By the time I got the the courage to say it, the conversation had already moved on. Spent the rest of the day regretting it.

Story of my life. I could write a book on all the missed opportunities I chickened out on. I really need to take more chances and be more confident. Oh well. I guess I'll just go lay down and stare at the wall for a while.

I really want to get into bondage. Or rather, I want to find a nice girl that will let me tie her up. Ever watch videos from kink.com? Hogtied, wired pussy, ultimate surrender, etc. So great. Amazing actresses they have on those sites and the positions they rig them into. Most sites looks like they shoot their stuff in a dirty motel, but this is real quality stuff. I'm so jealous. 

Not that I'd ever do porn. While I really enjoy this stuff, for me this stuff is....private. But I just love how creative and fun so many of the scenes can be. What I would do for a girl who would do that for me.

Again, I'm giving out invitations to my piety party. I don't mean to constantly go one about my eternal bachelorhood, but that's just how I feel. Of course I'm not exactly expecting anyone to read this stuff, so what the hell.

Not really sure what I'm hoping for from this site. I've used dating sites before with little success. I don't have a lot of chances to meet girls out on my own right now, so they're really my only option. Unfortunately most of the time I can't even get a reply, not so much as a "No thank you." I don't why. My inner paranoia makes me think I'm coming on too strong or coming across like a creep, but I hope I'm just exaggerating. 

I mainly came on to this site because, well, its free. Most dating sites have a free sign up, but they bulk you for a monthly fee if you want to actually message anyone. The other reason is I do like BDSM. But not too much.

I like the idea of trying a girl up and having fun (consensually), but not too much farther then that. I'm not really into the whole leather scene or the life style. I'm not a domineering person in real life. For me, its all a really intense kind of foreplay. 

Don't know if theres really a point I'm trying to make here. I just felt I needed to write this down.

I'm fairly depressed right now.

A few days ago, my mom's co-worker brought over some baby kittens. Some people were doing construction near the workplace and they accidentally killed a mother stray cat and some of the litter. The co-worker rescued the three that were still alive and, since I'm literally doing nothing right now, gave them to me to take care of.

And I did. I used a little bottle and some powered formula and before long they were crying and walking and making a mess. They were very cute, although their little claws were beyond sharp.

Unfortunately, one of them died a few days ago. It was sudden and hard to watch as he got weaker. I buried him in my backyard.

And then the other two died the same say the next day. I buried them all together. 

I did what I could, but I still feel sad and guilty. Having little kittens die on you is hard.