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The last 2 days have been a lesson on the absolute necessity of good and open communication. Without it we set ourselves up for disappointment and we don't get what we are looking for.
What happened? I met up with a slave for the first time last Friday. I understood her to be a slave in the sense that she was very dedicated to serve a Master, whether that Master was me or another. I also understood her to defer to her Master, almost entirely. So her Master could do whatever he or she wanted to do.
I was wrong. I did not ask enough questions. I did not challenge her enough about what she wanted/expected/needed. It turned out that I did not know what her needs were. We met and things seemed to progress well during the meeting and we agreed to meet again today. However, today I got an e-mail in which she stated that she did not want to continue. No problem. That can happen.
Today it also became clear to me that there is one central need that I understood to be just one of those things she would do for her Master. Not something she wanted because she wanted or needed it. In fact it is this need that appears to be totally central and essential to her BDSM experience. Without it she will not be happy.
I blame myself. I should have dug deeper and pried longer to get this clear. I am the Master and it is my responsibility to make sure I know, and that what I know is indeed the truth. So I am taking this as a lesson. I will dig more diligently to get to know my potential slaves better. And I will will do my best to be as clear and specific in my communication as well. I ask potential slaves to do some serious self discovery and communicate what has been discovered and give both of us a chance at a relationship we both want. |