A SPECIAL THANK YOU TO THE PALACE FAMILY Posted by lil cyn on June 16, 2012 at 3:30am

*CROSS POST FROM SWEET PALACE OF PAIN TRAINING SITE* 

lil cyn wants to extend a special  THANK YOU  to Master Greg, who  over  the  past few  years  has been a wonderful friend and mentor, she would  also like to thank the entire  palace family as Master Greg and His family has not  only taught lil cyn much  about  the lifestyle  in general  and more specifically  about  how  a True  Master  lives  of  a poly  family  lives a  day  to day  life ,they have all always  been  so generous  with the wealth  of information and  education  they  share  not  only  with  lil cyn  but  with  all who are  interested  in knowing the true  ways  of  the  lifestyle. Altho  lil  cyn  has  virtually  no  experience  with  this  lifestyle she feel  as  tho  it  is  something  that  is  within  her  as  she  is  naturally  submissive sometimes  she  does not  comment  on certain  blogs  (  altho  she  does  read  them )  as  she  feels   that  her  lack  of  experience  and  knowledge sometimes  impares  her  and sometimes  it  is akward  for  her .... she  is  still  learning  about  herself ... most  of  her  life  she  thought  that  she  was  wierd  or  had  something  wrong  with  her  , she  was  different  i am  sure  many  of  u  understand  what  i am  saying . however  Master  Greg  and  His  family  has  shown  lil  cyn  that  she  is  not  all  that  different , that  there  many  others  who , think  and  feel  the  way  she  does ,  that  she is  not  alone , they  have taught  her  much  not  only  about  the  lifestyle  and  the  respect , honor  and intregredity  that  is  within it  but  much  about  lil cyn's  oneslf . lil  cyn  is  unsure  if she  will ever  be  graced  with the  opportunity  to  actually  live a lifestyle  that  she has  always  believed  to  be  possible  but  never  seen , but  because  of  Master Greg and  His  family  she knows  that  these  thoughts  are  not  a  figment  of  her  imagination  and  that lil  cyn is  not  the only  one  thinking  of  this ...  Master Greg, Ayana, Lil boo, Lil dragon, Lilchick ,Lil cherry,and  Lilone  have been wonderful and  much  more  than friends  to  lil cyn , they  have  always treated  her  as  tho  she  too  was family  and  she  has  an appriciation for  the  entire  palace  family  that  can  never  fully  be expressed  or  explained  no  matter  how  many  words  she  uses ... THANK YOU  TO ALL MY  PALACE FAMILY

                                       lil cyn

Sometimes U gotta run away so U can see who'll run after U...

Sometimes U gotta talk quieter just 2 see who's listening...

Sometimes U gotta step up in a fight just 2 see who's by ur side...

Sometimes U gotta make a wrong decision just 2 see who's there 2 fix it...

Sometimes U gotta let go of the 1 U love just 2 see if they love U enough 2 come back...

http://www.collarspace.com/htmlarea/smileys/0002.gif">Sweet Palace of Pain Training Academyhttp://www.collarspace.com/htmlarea/smileys/0561.gif">

Training site for submissive women, men and newbie Dominants as well

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We will provide a drama & judgemental free site where Lifestylers could come and enjoy speaking with a Dom, domme & other like minded people

TPE - "May the Force be with you"

TPE - Total Power Exchange is a term for an extreme form of a 24/7 D/s relationship.
Huh? What is D/s and 24/7? Okay, let's start in the beginning.

• D/s relationship: Abbreviation for Dominance/submission. A role play where someone passes the the control and power to his partner willingly. The main aspect of a D/s relationship the the relation between the partners and the way they interact with each other. A D/s relationship is not necessarily associated with Sadomasochism (SM) but it often includes certain SM aspects (Bondage, physical punishment). Sometimes it is also also called: EPE - Erotic Power Exchange.
• 24/7: Abbreviation/term for a relationship, which practices the D/s role play between top and bottom 24 hours, 7 days a week. 24/7 is not a definition of a relationship, but a goal. The way it is practiced is very individual.

TPE is a combination of 24/7 and strong D/s aspects. The bottom is usually treated as a valued possession of the top and the total submission is expected from him/her. The term "sub" is often substituted by the term "slave" to emphasize the difference.
EPE is the Extreme Power Exchange which goes beyond just sexual, or play, extreme is the total control of all the slave movement, thoughts, action, usually control by being chain down or placed in cage for extreme amount of time, all function control by the Master when, where and How a slave is allow to move or response.
The care of the top for his slave does not only include aspects of the role play but also the safety, attention and support in all everyday situations.
TPE relationships are constructed on this asymmetric power structure which can pervade all aspects (even money, property, decisions and job) of the relationship.
An important element of TPE is the continued mental presence of the interplay of responsibility, dominance, care and submission. The role play can be intensified at any time.
Slave contracts or visible signs like piercings, brandings or tattoos are often used as typical sign for the binding character of such a relationship.

One thing should be always kept in mind: TPE is not slavery and if the bottom feels uncomfortable they still have the right to ask for a "timeout" to discuss certain aspects or to ask for a dialog in a appropriate manner.
A responsible top would also take care that one of the defined goals will be the autonomy of the bottom - at least concerning psychical and financial aspects. Hardly any relationship lasts forever and there is always a time after.
EPE is an aspect that lean more towards slavery, the giving up of all total rights to one Onwer.
Some critics look at TPE with discomfort. The main argument is that a TPE relationship can not be consensual because it limits the rights of the bottom too much. In contrast to a D/s relationship the bottom can not exert necessary influence on everyday situations.

What do you guys think about Polyamory? ADULTS?

What is BDSM?

I was looking online at a lot of stuff and passing the time and I found this report written by Mistress Angelina. I really love the way she describes everything and the way her words flow naturally. I think we all have our views on what BDSM is but in my eyes you can never know/learn to much.

Have you ever been launched into an erotic high when your partner suddenly held down your wrists in bed while pleasuring you? Have you ever told your partner to keep on talking on the phone while you teased him/her, watching him/her squirm to concentrate on the phone conversation? Have you ever acted out a fantasy with your partner that entailed spanking or tying one or the other of you to the bed? These common activities are examples of BDSM. However, BDSM also covers a wide range of less common, more highly risky, and unusual practices as well. In this section, we give an overview of what modern BDSM is about.

BDSM: is a catch-all term covering a wide variety of kinky interpersonal activities. The three main categories are:

B&D: Bondage and Discipline (also called BD)

D&S: Domination and Submission (also called DS or d/s)

S&M: Sadism and Masochism (also called SM)

Probably the most famous descriptions of BDSM come from the works of the Marquis de Sade in the late 1700s (although those descriptions are largely of activity that is not clearly consensual). BDSM is depicted routinely in art from the Middle Ages, and is the subject of some of the earliest photography from the middle 1800s. (See, for example, 1000 Nudes. (Uwe Scheid Collection, Benedikt Taschen, Bonn, 1994). Pp.260-284, for some extraordinary turn-of-the-century photos of consensual BDSM in France and Germany, including thoroughly modern equipment and activities.)

Although the acronyms BDSM, D&S, and B&D only arose in the last 15 or 20 years, the activities, feelings, and emphases on consent and communication clearly have longer histories. Erotic BDSM activity is accurately described in the Karma Sutra of Vatsyayana. The variety of possibilities in BDSM is at once a heady opportunity and a surprising constraint. Every single person, every single relationship, and every interaction is different.

It is helpful to think of BDSM activities and experiences as divided into the physical and the psychological. Physical activity covers anything that involves interpersonal physical touch. Examples are bondage, a backrub, sex, tickling, and the causation of pain by say, spanking or whipping. Psychological activity covers the psychological effects of punishment, praise, love, obedience, control, orders, humiliation, etc., as well as the moods engendered by ritual, symbolic, or religious activity, catharsis, rage, and a variety of what are sometimes called “altered” states.

Most BDSM involves elements of both the physical and the psychological. For example, a punishment may involve both a caning and an emotional involvement between the partners. Similarity, a fight scene or takedown involving overpowerment also includes both physical and psychological elements. Although most people explore some aspects of each category in their play, many folks almost solely fall into one category or another. Some people specialize entirely in bondage.

Others bottom only to sensation play (physical interaction with no D&S overtones) but have no desire to submit. Still others only explore domination and submission, and rule out pain play or bondage or whatever does not work for them personally. Some people bottom primarily to pain. The same variety of play styles characterizes tops.

Each of the three terms – B&D, D&S and S&M – traditionally conveys feelings and styles of play that go beyond their denotations. There is a lot of overlap. These terms arose at different times in different circumstances. They get used by many people for many purposes. The terms are not formally delineated; but nevertheless, each offers some insight into both physical and psychological experiences that are widespread. We will cover each in turn below.

A Bit of Vocabulary: BDSM activities between consenting partners are sometimes called scenes, sessions, or play. Implements, which might be common household items like kitchen spoons, rope, or neckties, or specially made items like handcuffs, floggers (a kind of multi-tailed whip), or furniture with eyebolts, are called toys. The fact that we use terms like play and toys, does not mean BDSM is for children or that we think of what we are doing as a kind of lightweight activity lacking in seriousness. Some BDSM is in fact very light and playful, but other BDSM is serious and risky. These terms have come to be used merely to have a way to talk about BDSM. The person leading or initiating the BDSM activities is called the top. The person following the top’s lead or being done to is called the bottom. These terms originated from missionary-position sex, where the male is literally on top of his partner. However, in the context of BDSM they are quite general and do not have any connotations about who is positioned where. (See also the definitions of dom and sub below).

Although some people are 100% top and some are 100% bottom, the majority of folks switch, at least occasionally. That is, many folks are sometimes bottom and sometimes tip. This can be arranged in many different ways. Sometimes partners take turns with each other. Other times, someone will only top one partner and only bottom to some other partner. One frequent way to explore BDSM is for a top to begin by bottoming, or apprenticing, to a mentor – an experienced top who can teach the person safety, ideas, style and technique.

For some people, BDSM is a very sexual activity. For others it is not associated with sex or sexual arousal in any obvious way. For some people, BDSM is a full-time (also called lifestyle or 24/7). For others, it is confined to the bedroom. For yet others it is an activity to engage in once every few months. What BDSM is about is often a very personal experience, something to be worked out and tailored between the partners, something that grows and changes with the individuals and in their relationships.

From: Mistress Angelina

~ Dealing With Emotions ~

by miria hunter.

The perfect Dominant will keep you safe from harm: both physical and emotional. He will also keep you from any kind of discomfort, be it being too cold or too hot. He will heal all your ills and make your life perfect. All of your needs and wants will be fulfilled, even before you know you need or want something.

Sounds ideal, doesn't it? Well in theory, it is. However, Dominants are people to. Like anyone else, they will make mistakes, upset you, and sometimes even disappoint you. What do you do when that pedestal they are on gets a little lower to the ground? How do you express what you are feeling? What do you do? The answer is as simple as understanding human emotions.

Every emotion has a different way to be expressed. Love is one of the easiest emotions that can be expressed to our Dominants. We all seem to know how to do that instinctively. As we get to know Them, we learn Their likes and dislikes and learn to enhance on what They enjoy. In doing this, we also learn how to express ourselves and become aware of when such emotion is appropriate and when it is not. No matter who we are though, we expect certain things in return from the Dominant. When our needs are not met, we tend to become angry or hurt.

Ok: you're angry with your Dominant - what do you say, and how do you say it and still maintain your proper place? One of the first things that should have been established in the beginning of your relationship is a way to communicate as equals, with no fear of retribution. Master and i call these "time outs." Once i ask Him if we can speak freely, i can say whatever is on my mind. That does not mean i can explode and say anything i want. i still have to maintain respect. When considering what to say, first decide what is truly important and what is merely being said out of anger. If it is possible, take time to seriously consider this aspect before you agree to enter into a conversation. Talking when you are calmer will keep you from saying things you may regret later. Words said in anger sometimes can never be forgiven or taken back. It is also very important that you have the Dominant's full attention when you talk. If i feel it is important enough to bring up to my Master, i feel i deserve His full attention. If He is not totally focused on what i am saying, my anger builds, and this is where trouble usually starts. Dominants please note: if it is important enough for your submissive or slave to talk to You about something, listen to what they have to say. Do not placate them or minimize their feelings no matter how trivial You may think they are. Something has upset Your sub and by listening and acting on this, You will gain more respect and be less likely to repeat the action which brought about the conflict.

What if it is not anger but fear you are feeling? Perhaps your Dominant said He wants to do something specific in the next scene. The action is not a hard limit, but the idea terrifies you. Inform your Dominant beforehand of what you are feeling. Over time, and if done slowly, fear can and will usually evaporate. i am very claustrophobic. The first time my Master mentioned total bondage, i was terrified; afraid i would freak out and embarrass us both. Even in my sleep, if my legs feel trapped by anything, i will wake up hitting and kicking to get them free. i talked with Master about these issues, and we took things very slow. When this issue arises now, He constantly talks to and touches me. As a result of His care, I feel very safe, and my fears evaporate. That is not to say that I do not still feel some fear if He moves away for a second. I still do, but i know He will return shortly. your Dominant is the one person you should trust above all others to help you over come your fears. After all, we want our Dominants not fear to rule our lives. Unless you talk with your Dominant and let Him know your fears, He will not know how to take corrective measures to minimize them. If left for you only to deal with, your fear will turn to anxiety, and the anxiety to anger directed at your Dominant for having put you into that position.

In short, to be human is to experience emotions. Your emotions are a very real and telling side of yourself. Unless you share these feelings with your Dominant, you are only giving a part of you away. How can you then expect Him to totally care for you, when you have held back such an important part of yourself? In the end, honest and open communication is the key to any relationship. Be it Vanilla, D/s, or any other type of relationship.

Adapting to slavery

The following are some suggestions to make learning to become a slave easier:

1) Listen, observe and ask questions. Since there are new rules and norms that may be unfamiliar to you, listen carefully to verbal communication and observe non-verbal communication carefully and try to put them in proper context. Take note of all things that please and displease your Master. If possible, observing others is a great way to learn.

You should not assume that you always know what is going on or that you understand what you hear or see. In order to be an effective slave, you must know what is expected of you. Failing to ask questions is often a mistake a new trainee makes. COMMUNICATION IS KEY TO SLAVERY.

2) Don’t overly evaluate or judge events or overly criticize yourself. You are learning a new way of doing and seeing things. Comparison to the vanilla way a relationship works does not always apply to a BDSM relationship. A slave is owned as property and as such must obey sometimes without judging the command given to her. Your Master is to become your key source of evaluation and judgment of the correctness of your actions.

3) Be curious. To experience slavery and to learn from it, it is important to be open to new experiences. The more you are willing to explore, the more you will learn.

4) Expect some anxiety and frustration. Learning to function as a slave is not easy and it is natural to feel some anxiety and frustration. If you recognize that these are normal parts of the experience, you may be able to deal with them more effectively. Openness about your feelings will also help. Learning slavery involves not only learning your Master’s rules, but it also includes learning new habits and altering some old habits. Learning new habits takes a repetitive effort.

5) Become involved. The more you put into the experience of becoming a slave the more you will learn from it. Take the time to study the rules your Master has established for you and practice the skills he requires of you. Don’t expect your Master to directly guide your every learning process; actively make efforts to learn and improve your skills on your own.

6) Be open. In slave training you will reveal your thoughts and emotions to your Master. Revealing your inner most thoughts and feelings is difficult for most people. Prepare yourself for this level of openness.

7) Accept criticism. You will be expected to change old behaviors and attitudes. You may very well be challenged in your actions, attitudes and beliefs. As a slave, your behavior is controlled by your Master. Therefore, you can expect him to be critical of your present behavior and expect change.

8) Expect change. Your Master will re-educate you and re-orient you to fit his needs. This will require changes in your behavior, emotions and thoughts. Prepare yourself for change. Training a slave is often called a molding process. Expect to be molded as your Master desires.

9) Be devoted. The importance of devotion to your Master can’t be understated. It provides the foundation for future growth and is a source of pride for your Master.

10) Expect and accept obedience. Be prepared to learn to be obedient. A slave’s duty is to obey her Master. Often, in the beginning, you will be pushed. Obedience is a state of mind, therefore, it is learned. Obedience provides a foundation for more advances in learning and improvement of your skills. Practice being consistent in your obedience.

one should be aware that there are Masters and Dominants who believe that there is nothing required of Him. The slave/submissive simply serves.

And then there is the other end of the spectrum, as demonstrated by this Gentleman with a different perspective/opinion:

(His words paraphrased): Responsibility inherent in the role of Dominant/Master demands attentiveness to One’s submissive - keep her sharp and challenged thereby enhancing her security and service. If the Dominant doesn't fulfill "their role" in this manner, then the submissive is guidance challenged. That is why I preach and practice "daily" recommitment and, so to speak, earning one's stripes all over again. Being passive on the part of the Dominant, causes neglect and abuse, and that ain't right!!!

my perspective and opinion:

Without direction, guidance, and discipline – a submissive feels lost, deserted, unnecessary, and one begins to believe that the fault must lie in them. Uncertainty, insecurity, self-doubt, feelings of failure all begin deteriorating the bond. Being reminded that she is controlled (and if applicable, owned) is such a precious gift to One’s submissive. She hungers for it always – so reminders are appreciated beyond measure – I believe that they are worth the effort on the part of the Dominant; as it is the feedback she needs to thrive and can make all the difference in the world.

To keep things of value and valuable (rewarding), one must work at it and never take for granted.

As only thru work, does one appreciate the value, as well as keep it interesting (and stay interested), keep it alive, fresh....learn, grow, change together.

Conclusion:

There are Masters and Doms of all types. A submissive needs to find out exactly the type One is before committing.

And that doesn’t mean only listening to what He says or writes. you need to know Him and try it in real-life. Because a Man may truely believe one way, but when it gets to living it, it is work - perhaps much more than realized. And not all can live up to even their own expectations.

"Being A Dom is Not A Hobby!
Its MY Genetic Characteristic shared with care,
 A Sincere Care for an Extreme Life of being who you were born to be, an  A servant to this Dominant Man must be Trained in That fashion."

Master Greg

The Gorean Master is a strong man, a dominant man. He is sure of himself, confident in his place in society and in His Home stone. He cherishes females, revels by their presence. He is giving, caring, loving and understanding. When the Master takes on the responsibility of owning a kajira, He discovers her, learns to know her inside and out, and slowly possesses her. He gently pushes her, always ready to show her that she is strong, that her limits are not what she believes them to be, that she can be taken farther. In this, the Master reveals to the kajira her own confidence, her own levels of self esteem, and all the beauty that she holds within.