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As a relative newbie to this sort of thing, I found out what my limits are last night. I met someone on chat, and we took thing over to yahoo. I was thoroughly enjoying myself, though admittedly nervous and scared. Things moved so fast. I want to be submissive and controlled so badly but as I had to play the dominant role so long in my marriage, a part of me rebelled against it. I felt uncomfortable for some reason, and just when it got to the point that I was ordered to, well, show off my body, I freaked out and logged off suddenly, never to return to chat with this man. It just moved too fast. I realized suddenly that I know nothing about this man, and honestly as he was talking about owning my wife through me, it scared me. I can't do that without her knowing, at the very least. It's not respectful, and I think being a good partner means having a relationship of mutual respect. My wife is a little older than I am, she is 27 and I am 23, and though we were virgins when we got married, she had dabbled in BDSM over the internet before meeting me and knows some things. She agrees that it is supposed to be about respect. There is an element of self control in these things, as well as controlling your partner (Or giving away control, as the case may be.)
As a submissive partner, my only expectation is that I be cared for and respected. I did not feel that last night. And since right now what I am looking for is to be that submissive partner, I feel that the respect and care is even more important than when I play a dominant or switch role.
Am I totally out of my mind here, or was this just one sour experience? |
