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Male Dominant, 30
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Male Dominant, 27
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Male Dominant, 34, Hartford, Connecticut
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About LordHaven
Asked recently whether I had in mind a picture of the sort of person I seek, I replied:
"In rough strokes, yes... but I am remarkably flexible in what I seek.
In the main, I want someone with whom I can share a number of my passions - and that requires a woman who is, first and foremost, not only intelligent but fiercely so, who prizes learning and thinking and experiencing, a woman who enjoys art and music and various forms of geek pursuits. She is also intensely, deeply submissive, willing to give herself over to me entirely, holding nothing back, knowing deep inside her heart that I will never abuse her unstinting trust. She does not fear to be called by the title of "slave," but rather relishes the freedom that the word gives her to enact her deepest fantasies of being controlled and guided and shaped. She is a sensual, carnal, nearly insatiable soul, with no fear or hesitation, but willing to allow her hungers to find their deepest expression in satisfying (and being satisfied by) my own."
That is about the best encapsulation I have ever managed... |
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To all the Nigerian scammers looking to sucker some poor Dom out of money: my suggestion is, before you pretend to be a hot twenty-something slave living somewhere in Denver... LEARN TO WRITE IN ENGLISH!!! It is a dead giveaway, when your profile and emails read like you attended a three-week correspondence course in English, that you do NOT, in fact, live anywhere close, and that you are running a scam.
Just a piece of advice. |
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Plus ca change, plus la meme chose.
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Doors close, at long last. It's for the best; freezing, biting winds blow in through those doors, and though we feel better in one sense for leaving them open, if we know that no one waits out there in the bitter night to walk through, it's best to close the door and keep in what warmth remains.
I will always remember, whether I wish to or not. I am marked, forever, by your passage. And there will always be that corner where I made a place for you; no other will ever fit in that space. It will always be yours, and it will forever be empty. |
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"Always blackest just before the dawn." That's a sentiment that requires a certain amount of faith, in order to be comforting... |
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The Universe changes things around on us in such interesting ways... |
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A day is coming, when I will wait no longer. The things I have hoped for will be mine, at long last.
On that day, you will feel my fingers in your hair, my breath hot on your skin.
On that day, you will smell my lust for you floating on the air.
On that day, you will taste my kiss, still lingering on your lips.
On that day, you will see my adoration for you shining in my eyes.
On that day, you will hear the words, whispered in your ear, whispered with the force of a shout to rock the heavens:
"Mine." |
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I have met someone. I don't know whether she and I will walk the full path of Master and slave, but it is possible. More, however... I feel that I have something very important to give her, whichever path we go down. That I can be, well, of SERVICE to her, in a way. Which leads to an interesting thought: whether we acknowledge it or not, service in D/s runs both ways. We like to pretend, we like this fantasy of a one-way street in which all service flows in one direction, and all authority and power flows in the other. But as so many others have acknowledged, the power is most definitely a two-way street, at least when the relationship follows the rules of SSC. So, too, is service; we Doms provide service to our submissives every bit as much as they do us; the service is perhaps just of a different kind.
And I am happy with this. I am thrilled that someone feels that what I have to offer her is enough to warrant her eventual service to me, especially given how marvelous and deep her submission runs, and given what a phenomenal individual she is: smart and funny, brilliant enough to light up a room and so deeply beautiful... she is a prize to fight for and win.
May the Fates be kind to me, for I desire this woman. |
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There are times when I truly despair that finding someone on this site who is available, and can manage even the most basic courtesies, is at all attainable, much less realistic. The anonymity of online communication seems to disincent so many from even attempting to interact in a normally considerate way. It would be darkly comic, if it weren't so tragic first and foremost. |
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I am entirely aware that, as a man, I have a great deal fewer options than women do. Especially in this lifestyle, there are far more men seeking than women, and that makes this a seller's market (so to speak). I understand these things... and I understand that, if I am tired of being patient and waiting for the right submissive to come along, then I cannot be choosy. These things are clear to me.
That said, there is absolutely NO chance that I will waste my time with someone whose writing makes me want to cry out at the vicious atrocities being carried out on the English language. I will not consider someone whose use of "U" and "R," whose random omissions of vowels and substitutions of "z" for other consonants, make my eyes bleed. I will not spare a second glance for someone whose style of self-expression makes me want to abandon all limits, hard or otherwise, and make them PAY for their sins, and pay dearly.
Even a desperate man has his standards.
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11/23/08 Another day, another change in the winds. We have now decided, my wife and I, that is time to try again, and seek someone with whom to collectively become involved. She has been feeling the D/s cravings kick in, and I never stopped feeling them, so here we go.
One difference: we now find that we have room in our lives - and more accurately, our HOME - for the right person, and so we re-commence our search with that openness. We will not simply take ANYONE in; that would be a serious, serious step, to be undertaken only after we have gotten to know someone quite well. |
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LANGUAGE SNARK OF THE DAY:
I read this in someone's journal:
"He's not adverse to your emotional involvement with J, is he?"
- AHEM -
"Adverse" - related to the word ADVERSARY
1. unfavorable or antagonistic in purpose or effect: adverse criticism.
2. opposing one's interests or desire: adverse circumstances.
3. being or acting in a contrary direction; opposed or opposing: adverse winds.
4. opposite; confronting: the adverse page.
"Averse" - related to word AVERSION
- Having a strong feeling of opposition, antipathy, repugnance, etc.; opposed: He is not averse to having a drink now and then.
Learn the frickin' language, people!!! |
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"You have eyes that see beyond the woman and the little girl and straight to the slut."
These words were said to me in an email today, and I cannot quite account for the warmth or the intensity of the smile they brought to my face. What a genuinely lovely thing to have a complete stranger say to you!
Many thanks, lovely lady... |
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Oh for god's SAKE, people...
DOMINANT (DAHM - ih -nunt)
1. (adj.) Possessing the quality of dominating or tendency to dominate others.
2. (noun) A person in the BDSM lifestyle who derives pleasure from imposing his or her will on others, or from causing others to act in a certain way through force of will.
DOMINATE (DAHM - ih - nayt)
1. (verb) Impose one's will on others, or cause others to act as one wishes through force of will.
Now, pay close attention, children: the following is NOT NOT NOT NOT F***ING NOT a valid definition:
DOMINATE (DAHM - ih - nut)
1. (noun) A person in the BDSM lifestyle who derives pleasure from imposing his or her will on others, or from causing others to act in a certain way through force of will.
It's called the English language; look it up.
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RESPONSE
I crave
I burn
I want
I need
I claim |
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CRUELTY
Above, her eyes lifted until they met
His eyes slid, then locked, into place
And only he would hold the key.
Below, his fingers fumbled, then
Found and parted the mystic mound.
Breathing broken, she waited and wondered, which would be
The Path: pain, or pleasure...?
The answer came quickly,
Coursing down in crimson curls,
Rising up in russet ribbons,
Vaunting in crystal agony, until
She mounted Olympus:
A lonely isle, above a sea of clouds,
Under a cruel Sun.
She cast her message, bottled, upon the waves:
A single tear, trickling its track.
Enough? No.
His eyebrows inquired further;
"Thank you," she explained, whispering from afar.
"Good," he replied, with pride inside,
And cradled his comfort as they sank beneath the waves together.
"Mine," he claimed. |
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I spoke too soon, it seems. |
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It's interesting to me how many women of the type I/We seek (my wife and myself) find the intense love We share to be an obstacle. So many submissives wish to find "The One," and fear that being caught up in a relationship with two married individuals can only result in heartbreak. Thus far, these fears on the parts of others have been, ironically enough, a bit heartbreaking - for us!?
What they don't see is how much love She and I have to give. We yearn to extend it outward; We crave an object for that love. Believe me when I say that I understand the irony of the following question, given the context and the forum in which I ask it, but... why must so many see love only in terms of possession and ownership? Why is it so hard to believe that there could be fulfillment and joy in loving and being loved by two people who already found love with each other?
It would be easier, of course, if We only sought a plaything, a play partner, with no real underlying D/s.? With no intense feelings attached, it might perhaps seem "safer" to interact with Es on that level. But what We want is someone to fully submit to Us, and?D/s tends to arouse intensely romantic sentiments and fantasies which don't seem to mesh well (in the minds of most) with the realities of a Polyamorous relationship.
And so We trudge on, hoping to find that elusive one, who won't be terrified by the prospect of what We have to offer. Is she out there? By the gods, I hope so. But it can be so damned easy to become discouraged. |
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I recently was discussing with a friend the whole "slave vs. submissive" issue, and in the process of trying to communicate my thoughts on the matter, I wrote a lengthy email, which I have transscribed here in the following entries, changing bits of it to make it more generalized. Because of the way CM Journals can't be broken into paragraphs, I posted each paragraph as a separate entry, and because of the way that newest entries are posted first, I posted them in reverse order, bookended by this entry and another like it at the end (beginning). I hope this doesn't confuse anyone, and that people find the following/preceding illuminating. Enjoy! |
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The best way I can explain what having a "slave" would mean to me is to describe he collaring process which I have determined I will use when I acquire a submissive who wishes to explore D/s with me. This is not by any means my own unique construct; it is largely adapted from the world of Old Guard BDSM, which has a rich tradition of its own, much like Gor. One problem I have with a lot of modern D/s or M/s relationships is that I think they short-circuit the process by which people get to know each other, and develop a level of comfort and trust. (You will hear me use the word "trust" a lot here. To me, this is the cornerstone of successful BDSM; we are playing in an emotional sandbox in which there are scorpions and things that bite. It is far too easy, if one is careless, to hurt someone very deeply, perhaps even traumatically. For that reason, it is CRUCIAL to build trust in the only way it CAN be built: slowly, carefully, with thought and deliberation and caring) Instead, they jump straight to giving a collar and declaring their new "slave," assuming that without any work on the relationship at all (or with minimal effort, at any rate), they can claim that relationship. I just don't think it works that way; I think it takes a truly awesome amount of time and effort. And so I will, when I acquire a submissive, follow this structure, which is similar to (as I understand it, never having lived Old Guard BDSM myself) the Old Guard way, but which I have tailored to my own needs and beliefs on how this ought to be done. Please, to any Old Guard players who read this: no offense is meant, I honor your choices in the lifestyle, and hope that the pride which you folks take in your commitment to this lifestyle is reflected in what I have set out here... |
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1. "Consideration" - This is the BDSM equivalent of dating, when my new sub and I will be learning about each other. Here the focus is on playing, on the fun side of BDSM, adhering very closely to limits and negotiations: every scene will be negotiated beforehand, with emphasis on safewords and sticking to pre-defined boundaries. This is where trust begins to be built, but only in the foundations, as no play will involve leaning on that trust too much. Only very simple training will be attempted, just the basic forms and such. At the beginning, a collar of Consideration will be bestowed, a play collar which need not be worn at any time except when "in scene." The relationship here may be ended at any time by either party, with just a word. This should be done considerately, of course, but it need not be a big deal. This is just "dating," this is just trying each other on for size, so to speak. This period can last for just weeks, or months, or hypothetically even years (though hopefully, it wouldn't go that long, since my eventual hope is to find someone who can go all the way with me). Once we both agree that it is a good relationship, and deserves to go to the next level, we then move to... |
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2. "Training" - This is rather like being engaged. At this stage, in addition to the play collar given during Consideration, a mundane collar will be given, to be worn in day-to-day life, as a constant reminder to the sub of the relationship, and as an outward sign to those who understand the Lifestyle. This mundane collar will of course be tailored to the sub's comfort level; it might be a necklace, or a ribbon-style choker with a pendant, or even something more obvious. I am entirely flexible in this; humiliation is never my goal. As its name suggests, the Training period will be more intensive in the training aspect: my ideal sub will be someone who takes pleasure and satisfaction in meeting my needs, be they sexual, physical, domestic, emotional, or spiritual, and during this time she will be instructed in how to meet those needs. During this time, I will also be learning a great deal about her. I will begin playing with her boundaries, finding where they are flexible and where they are firm. Safewords will still be in place, and here, they will becoome more important in one regard, as they will become a useful tool for letting me know if and when I am pushing too far or too fast. Negotiated scenes will continue, but less so in areas where there is familiarity and comfort, where negotiations might be suspended in favor of the trust-building aspects of taking the leap and "flying blind." The Training period will be contracted, the contract spelling out obligations on each part, and will be for three months, six months, or a year, depending on comfort level. But under no circumstances will the relationship progress past "Training" in less than a year, and so with shorter-term contracts, there will be an option to renew the contract at the end. The Training period will continue until we both feel that the time is right - that trust has been built solid and strong, that there is knowledge and understanding of each other, and that there is love and respect on both sides. This may take longer than a year. Either way, this is when we move to the third stage... |
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3. Slave - To me, "slave" is the only word that fits, and hopefully it is clear why "submissive" just seems entirely inadequate as a title. A made-up title like "kajira" might work (though not "kajira" itself; I am not Gorean, and I respect my Gorean friends too much to adopt their word that way), but that would not signify to the rest of the BDSM community what the relationship really is. Anyway, by this point, the relationship will have moved beyond issues like "rights" and "limits" - not because these things are stripped away, but because those words signify boundaries that are not needed anymore. Limits? By this point I will know, to a great extent, what areas of play and behavior my sub is simply not able or willing to perform or cope with, and she will know that I can be trusted not to ask of her anything which it would be damaging or too painful to do. If that trust and understanding are not there, then we would not pass on to this stage. Rights? By this time I will know her well enough to know what she needs from me, and she will know that if there is anything she truly needs, she will be able to voice that need without fear of unfair punishment or restriction. And if not, if we have not built this part of the relationship as well as we should have, then we will not have progressed to this stage. As to the rest: passing on to this phase, going "all the way," will entail a moment every bit as sacred and special as a wedding, and all friends who understand will be called to bear witness. After that, safewords will still be employed, though hopefully they will never be needed. And from there on it is simple a matter of growth together, either until such time as death parts us, or, less ideally, we come to a decision that we cannot be Master and slave anymore. |
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I recently was discussing with a friend the whole "slave vs. submissive" issue, and in the process of trying to communicate my thoughts on the matter, I wrote a lengthy email, which I am going to transscribe here, changing bits of it to make it more generalized. Because of the way CM Journals can't be broken into paragraphs, I am going to post each paragraph as a separate entry, and because of the way that newest entries are posted first, I am going to post in reverse order, bookended by this entry and another like it when I am done. I hope this doesn't confuse anyone, and that people find this illuminating. Enjoy! |
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Man oh man... THE NERVE...
As some know, I have had a recurring irritation with those who do not deign to reply to polite emails (and I assure you, every one of my emails is polite), not even to say "I don't have time to reply" or "Sorry, I'm not interested in chatting" or whatever. This really frosts me, and I have sent a couple polite but disapproving emails to those whom I feel ought to have known better.
Take, for example, one young submissive whom I had emailed a couple weeks ago, merely curious to ask about an item in her profile. She of course never replied, but I know (thanks to CM) that she read my messages. Today she emailed me and asked for my help, appealing to me on the basis of our "previous conversations." HAH! Seems she is in a bad way with her Master, who frightens her physically, but who has offered to pay her travel costs to go elsewhere in two weeks when it costs less. She wanted to know if she could STAY WITH ME FOR A WEEK. I couldn't believe it.
I replied, of course, that 1. She had some gall, 2. I didn't know her or her situation and so by no means would I be sticking my nose in, much less taking a stranger into my home, 3. The naked picture she sent along, presumably to entice me, constituted a ridiculously manipulative faux pas, and 4. If she was really in danger she should call 911, not go emailing strangers.
THE!
NERVE!
Anyway, I wish this individual well, but I really have to shake my head at the way that some people (who presumably, by virtue of youthful attractiveness, get away with shyt they never would otherwise) blithely dance through life, never thinking about others. Clearly, this girl has a lot of growing up to do. |
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How very sad, to meet someone (online) who seems so very promising, so utterly intriguing, only to find out that she is probably one of the Nigerian scammers. No don't ask me who; I have no desire to get kicked off of here my mentioning someone specific... but we were chatting on Yahoo and one of the first things "out of her mouth," so to speak, was "I got left in Africa with nothing." Not proof positive, but it seems pretty obvious to me. So now I am sad... |
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The more I consider the matter, the more I come to realize that I am craving the ownership of a SLAVE. Not just a submissive, but someone who gives to me full ownership of themselves. I realize that this entails the most serious responsibility, and is itself no light matter. I realize also that before I enter into such an arrangement, I will need to be far more certain than I am now that I really want all of what comes with that. But it is a craving that has been growing in my heart, and it feels good to "say it out loud," so to speak. |
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I have recently re-activated my profile on here. Much of what I said in my profile is still correct, although it has now been over a year since being introduced to this lifestyle.
My lovely, beautiful Morgana and I were married last September, and I could not be more happy. She is a joy to me in just about every way. So it remains true - is, in fact, true in an even DEEPER sense - that anyone who gets involved with me gets involved with her, that is just the basic fact. But to those with taste and discernment, this will be a further enticement, not an obstacle.
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A note of clarification for those who might be easily confused: I am in a polyamorous relationship with a Dominant woman, Mistress Morgana. She is not MY Mistress; we are a Dom/Dom couple. Because we are polyamorous, she has her submissives, and I have mine. Well, theoretically at least; that statement will be truer once I actually HAVE a submissive. But yes, she is in my life, she is my primary, my beloved, my heart. That's just how it is. |
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I was asked recently what it is I love most about being a Dom - what I love doing, or what I love feeling. I had to think about this, and I think what it comes down to is the feeling of being responsible for my submissive (or slave) - protecting her, mentoring her, guiding and teaching. This to me is the heart of what BDSM is about for me; the physical dimensions of play - flogging, bondage, etc. - are just the way we act out those feelings. This, of course, underscored for me the importance of finding someone with whom I have a genuine bond, not just an attractive whipping post. |
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Male Dominant, 35
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Male Submissive, 33, Northern Jersey, New Jersey
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Male Dominant, 36, Wadsworth, Ohio
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Male Dominant, 53, Buffalo, New York
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Male Dominant, 55, New Orleans, Louisiana
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Male Dominant, 63, Springfield, Missouri
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Male Dominant, 28, Tampa, Florida
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Male Dominant, 40, Long Island, New York
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Submissive Couple, 50, Milton Keynes
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Male Dominant, 45, Springfield, Missouri
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Male Dominant, 45
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Male Dominant, 39
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