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"Change is terrifying without trust in the process. Change is the true Edge Play, the place where Fear and Suffering meet transcendence and joy"
Please read my profile and journals before messaging or look at my other profile on the other site.
Seeking
-friends
-LTR, possibly 24/7 as it is now a days
-height and weight proportionate
-Master/Sir
-Real life
-someone with a sense of humor
-possibly someone with mild Daddy Dom traits
-someone with patience
-conversation
Offers
-a challenge for the wrong person
-6 years verifiable in lifestyle
-community orientated
- safe
-giving
-cautious
-business owner
-honest
-learning
Not Seeking
-cyber
-poly household
-liars
-switches
-just play
-other submissives to Dominate
-married Doms
Am also on fet life under the same name. |
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If I call you once and you are inconsiderate enough to be eating potato chips in my ear, I picture you as a fat man with grease stains on your shirt. That does not merit a call back as I do not think you take care of yourself, how are you going to have a relationship with me?
I am looking for height/weight proportionate, age is typically not a factor unless my kids are older then you.Just another note for those that contact me. If I do not answer, I am either not on here for awhile or I do not want to be mean.I am under the protection of TigerBDSM as well as under the consideration of Him. That does not mean that I am not open to other possibilities, it means I respect Him enough to be open and honest with Him on who I talk to and what I do in the lifestyle. Please respect that |
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Found on internet BDSM Beatitudes(Author Unknown) Blessed are the Dominants,whose willingness to exercise responsibility for a submissive is the foundation of our Lifestyle. Blessed is the submissive, whose only true joy and desire is to serve. Blessed are the Tops whose careful and knowledgeable application of pain can make us fly beyond ourselves and reach peaceful heights of self-awareness. Blessed are the bottoms who cheerfully and trustingly yield their bodies and becomes the Instrument for a Top's virtuosity. Blessed are the Masters and Mistresses who realize the great gift they have been given and dedicate themselves to utilizing that gift with love and care. Blessed are the slaves who find that One special person they can trust wholly and completely without fear so they may yield their hearts, minds, bodies, and souls without reservation. Blessed are the Teachers and speakers, who impart precious knowledge to us all. Blessed are the newbies, may they know only joy in this Lifestyle. Blessed are those whose trust has been broken, may they find those who will help them heal, and may they once again build up the courage to extend trust once more. Blessed is the Collar, the external symbol that binds two hearts and minds together. Blessed are we all, for we are all bound together by the ties of our Lifestyle, which will forever separate us from the world at large. |
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I took this from a Dom on here as an example in what I believe in and look for, it safely portrays what BDSM at the heart was meant to be in my eyes, always learning...
The more I think about what it is to be a dominant the more I come to realize that I understand even less than I thought.
I was told, recently, by a very good friend (who happens to be a submissive) that she could never be a dominant--it's much too much work. Obviously I had to question her on this, and over the course of the conversation she told me things that I understood, but which I had pretty much considered straight forward and 'normal': caring for the submissive, teaching and counselling, directing, and so on.
It's clear that this typically doesn't usually involve directing in her everyday life but we can, however, see what it does apply to in so many of the profiles on this site (and it also reflects the desires of those who don't leave their mark here): an exceptional quality of a submissive is the desire to be better.
Better in what way?
In many ways, better in her ability to serve, which generally means being able to better serve her 'one'. This is tricky for a lot of dominants, if they are being completely honest with themselves: what is it that they actually want from their charge? That they know just how to kneel and position their hands? That they know how to make and serve coffee just the way it is liked? That the house is maintained to their exacting standards? All well and good, but these are straight forward and are learned from experience. What do they do for the girl that has a deeper meaning? Do we, as dominants, think about the more subtle changes that can impact her life in other ways? Should the pedant in me apologize for wanting the silverware placed just so at meal times? The knives and forks an inch from the edge of the table, with the napkins all consistent and perfectly positioned on the plate? No, I won't apologize. In fact I'm more apt to be critical of mistakes made.
The focus, in the above example, is consistency, accuracy, and pride--primarily pride. She should take pains to ensure that everything she does is done to the best of her ability. That is the key to bettering herself (as it is with the dominant, so swap the two titles without complaint, please), as she strives for perfection in all that she does. Seemingly trivial tasks become huge opportunities for growth, if she is pushed to perform them without slack. The key is in understanding that the dominant needs to know what the desired goal is and how is it going to impact her. It's not sufficient to say "it's not done correctly, do it again!" as this has little value in her growth. I can set myself a task to do something over and over in order to better my skills, to understand how subtle changes can affect an outcome, and to learn how to avoid mistakes so that I can, in future, perform the same task more efficiently and with (hopefully) improved results. But I know what the goal is--can I effectively communicate that to my submissive? If she doesn't clearly understand what I want from her, and it is NOT simply the ability to lay out a table for a dinner party, then the fact that she will not learn anything meaningful is not her fault, it's mine. Yes, she may learn that in a formal place setting each piece of dinnerware, silverware, etc., has a very particular spot at the table, but the value of such knowledge is rather limited to the task at hand.
She will probably also come to realize that her dominant can be quite the pedant, and this might, over time, serve to become a catalyst for anxiety, as she strives to make sure that everything is done as directed simply because that is how I want it. Yet we see that there can be so much more.
Beyond simply knowing how to set a table for a formal dinner, do you see the value in making her focus on precision, on consistency, and on having a sense of pride to complete a task to the very best of her ability? If you can't, or if you don't consider these things in the moment, then you, and she, are missing out on something deeper.
As she is navigating the paths of self discovery, the submissive is on more than just an exploration of what she likes, and what she must learn to do to please her dominant. It is an exploration of her ability to find the richness in being all that she can be. She begins to discover herself and then find ways to better express herself. She understands what she is capable of through gentle guidance and encouragement.
Sometimes it's difficult to see what we can be; we are our own worst enemies and are, at times, extremely self critical; we rarely congratulate ourselves. Often I settle with 'that will do', when I have nobody to keep pushing me to exert more than what I might consider 'reasonable effort'.
The submissive alongside me doesn't have to push, though, for me to say "that will do, won't do". I will take care of that myself. I strive to be the very best I can be so that she, in turn, strives to be all that she can be. It's said that you should never expect of someone else what you don't expect of yourself (with humorous results sometimes: guys, try having a baby, or simpler still, try cutting your own hair!), and in so many ways it's true.
So what can I expect of the submissive? The truth is, I don't know. I may know full well what she is capable of now, but I cannot know what she is capable of over time, and with encouragement. The only way to know that is to give her that time, and give her the encouragement needed. Slowly but surely, she will prove herself to you and to her own self alike. She will awaken to the realization that she is so much more than she could have dreamed of being, and this takes it full circle: the goal of almost all submissives is to be better. The goal of the dominant is to ensure that this happens.
If she is richer as a result of her experiences, and if she is happier as a result of these newfound riches, then clearly she has a relationship with her dominant that is of great worth. If her development is superficial, however, and the focus reflects that of her dominant (because it's nice to have someone do something for them on whim, or they are dominant because it adds a twist to their sex life), then they are both missing something profound.
The gift of submission is more valuable than anything else that can be given by a girl, but that same gift is also a consequence of the overwhelming need to be, in all ways, better--particularly in the eyes of the one they submit to. The marks of a sincere submissive are both selfishness and selflessness together, and I say that with every ounce of respect I can muster. I cherish the selfishness on her part, and would encourage it every step of the way. It is through her innate desire to improve herself in every way she can that she shows her dominant what she can be to, and for, him.
So to return to the beginning, maybe my submissive friend is right--the role of the dominant is a difficult one, and one that she would never want to undertake. And maybe she has helped me--just a little--understand why. Maybe the fact that I feel that my role is far less demanding than hers really does betray my confusion regarding her original comment.
In the same conversation she also pointed out that she would never want to be a man. I told her that I would never want to be a woman. I'd like to think that that could help me understand what it means to be a dominant, though I must confess that I really don't understand what it is to be a man, either. I really don't know simply because I've never been anything else. That's why I don't much care for the term 'lifestyle'--this is not a lifestyle choice for me; being a dominant is just who I am.
Why I am what I am...well, I don't know...I just am. |
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according to the Meters personality test for last two years I am ISFP,-A/-T otherwise known as an adventurer....hmmm..Yes, reading through it, it describes me!! |
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He who wishes to be obeyed must know how to command. Niccolo Machiavelli
I have always said I am not a doormat. I have recently had a conversation with a close friend who reminded me. That while I am not a doormat, I have the ability to be a doormat for the right person. |
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"Change is terrifying without trust in the process. Change is the true Edge Play, the place where Fear and Suffering meet transcendence and joy. I forgot for a second." Is something that is easy to forget when you have not been owned for some time |
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I do apologize to those that send messages and receive no replies from me. I am trying not to be rude and think that a sarcastic reply would bode ill, and I am just not going there. I have stated before that I am no ones sub until it is mutually decided on. This means I will not call you Sir or Master in initial conversations. |
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heading to Florida for a week or two |
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Is amazing the amount of " Doms" that try to insist you call them Sir or Master in the first email. Then when you say maybe in further conversation, they try to degrade you. |
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struggling within myself and being true to who I am instead of following the crowd. It is not always easy in the vanilla world :( |
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Things that creep me out: someone talking in the third person-" Daddy cannot wait for his little girl", someone in the first few conversations who says they need me to be theirs- although it is nice to be needed, you do not know me, cockroaches, pus, pedophiles- even before I know they are one, lice, and scabies.... |
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It is time to take a break for this slave |
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Sometimes I get caught up in the conversation or listening and I forget to ask things. Like things that are crucial and of importance, such as safety. Before meeting someone face to face, even after many conversations, I require a text with a picture of that person's drivers license. This picture is only sent to my safe call. You can cover your address and license number, but I need to have your full name and birth date. I in turn will send mine, for your safety and mine. Thank you |
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is it strange that I look for someone HWP? I have a fear of getting smushed by someone that is not. Heck, I already get smushed by those that are...lol. Just a thought |
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As in any relationship, and perhaps more so in D/s it takes time to establish trust and communication. One can never expect immediate ownership if that is not worked towards, especially if they want something long lasting. The same goes for one wanting to serve. |
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Just because I have agreed to talk to you, does not mean that you own me, does not mean that I will obey after a few conversations. I am a slave/middle/sub, not a doormat and not yours. I do not play online and will not send pics of my private parts. Take time to get to know me, I am worth that :) |
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No one is perfect, everyone has flaws. I is how we deal with those flaws that matters. |
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patience is a virtue that I do not possess. Sometimes a week is like forever to me and a month flies by quickly. I am charismatic and I am full of life most times, but there are times that I am quiet and thoughtful. I am frustrated by this whole online thing. I am real time, I need real time and know that takes time. |
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a good read for those Doms/ Masters that do fall for their submissives/slaves http://asibdsm.com/6-ways-ruin-submissive/ |
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love how some say they are experts in hypnosis and mind control. When they mean they are good at mind games and just want to get laid or off online or on the phone. Interesting perspective, as I have known real Masters who can do mind control and hypnosis very well, yet still do not say they are experts and do not abuse what they can do. I am probably one of the most kinky, sexually active slaves that I know, but that is not the only thing I am about. My mind needs to be captured with more then the sexual aspects of the lifestyle. My mind and body seeks to be enslaved and cared for and taught. Is that so hard? It seems it possibly is, or that there is not one strong enough to do so. |
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just because others know you in a state far away. Does not mean that I do. Several conversations are not enough with out meeting with in the first month. Not enough to complete a connection that might have been started on the phone or in emails or kik. That connection needs to be completed through a face to face meet. No expectations, no bringing other subs in for you, no mind games. I am real life, totally and completely and get bored after awhile with the "online" play and no real time. I do not chase, I am worth the chase. I am worth the commitment and the time. |
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Tips people, a bottom who is not yours should not be referred to by you as cuntmeat, fuckmeat, whore, yours or any other name you so chose on first contact. They are not yours yet, and if are true lifestylers, they will not be yours upon that first introduction. I am enough of an alpha to want to show you what this sub/slave middle could do to your balls and cock if truly pissed off. Be respectful and impress, not disrespectful and a sissiy man trying to prove yourself. Enough said |
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What can you teach me? What are your rules, tasks, punishments, funishments, expectations? Who are you? What do you like to do vanilla wise? All these questions I will ask or you can answer ahead of time. I do not want to start off with how you will fuck me and I will deep throat your cock. BDSM is not all about sex, yes that is a bonus to it, but not the whole picture. Why would I want to serve you? To make it clear, I do have to have a strong physical and mental connection to someone before sending any less then appropriate pics and have to speak to them for some time to open up and gain trust, it is not immediate on both sides. I do prefer gentlemen over 5 ft 11 and physically fit. I prefer gentlemen aged 28-48. I am a slave/submissive, but not just anyone's and am looking for my fit. Warning though, if you are going to try to play me, move on....I will catch you quickly and will turn the tables..I am not a doormat :) |
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I am a burlesque dancer, getting ready for a show tomorrow and nervous as hell. Burlesque was a dance done by bigger sexier ladies then I. It is sexy, flirty, fun and builds self confidence in women and men of any size. I love it, but tend to panic before shows, and am doing so now...lol |
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I have been around the lifestyle forever it seems, but only really fully involved for three years. I do not meet anyone without 1. conversing for awhile via email or yahoo
2. conversing awhile via text and phone 3. receiving first name, last name and birthdate
4. receiving an I am clean card ( no stds). I do not want to nor can I afford to play unsafely and neither should you. If you are in Wisconsin and want to meet me, it will be in a public place and I will not play on the first meet and probably not on the second meet. I am looking for an LTR, not a hook up. Please take this information in your head before contacting me and understand I am human, I can only concentrate on a few things at once. :) |
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