Layali

Someone asked me what my dream was.

The dream is to be with someone who truly knows me and sees me. Someone who knows HOW to know me and see me. Where the dynamic is a careful and constant balance that requires and brings us both joy to be attentive and nurture it. It is tranquility and safety knowing that I am secure with someone who seeks to push our own boundaries and limitations of identity, someone who requires me and specifically me to feel the same sort of fulfillment. My dream isn't a specific kink or scene. It's the dynamic. With that ideal dynamic of two very unique and specific individuals, I think anything would be possible, anything could be offered up, anything could be taken - freely. The dream is the loss of selfishness. It is devotion and attention to each other, to push one another and to learn and constantly be questioning what you individually and you as a partnership can accomplish, want to accomplish. It's constant growth. Even when things are difficult, awareness of each other and the needs of each person don't get lost. Someone who makes you want to be your best for them. Two months ago I thought there wasn't a slavish tendency or bone in my body. I've come to realize that for this dynamic and this person, I could readily and most naturally become a slave in my devotion.

It's hard, you know, when you take the first step towards something, some vague something and get asked, "So what are you looking for? What do you want?" The journey has just started. I don't know where it will take me, but I know I'm not afraid. It's too soon to say definitively what I want. I'm not foolish enough to pretend like I know. I don't. So I keep journeying, keep learning, keep moving forward. Leave no stone unturned, try everything once, follow my bliss, and hopefully I'll find it. Not what I was looking for but what I was meant for. Who I was meant for. I'm not looking for him anymore. We will meet when we should.

Now it's just about learning and moving forward, figuring out who I am as a submissive and exactly what I'm capable of doing, what I am capable of wanting.

Be careful what you wish for, they say, you just might get it. But no matter the cost, I'd have taken the same risk again. Some things, some times, some lessons, some people are just worth it.