LadyPaige

Leather's Handbook II by Larry Townsend ISBN 1-881684-20-2

Protocols, A handbook for the female slave By Robert J. Rubel, PhD ISBN 1-887895-12-4 Creating a Personal Protocol (Work book !!!VERY IMPORTANT ONE TO GET!!!) by Shannon Reilly ISBN 978-440470509

Power Exchange Book's Resource Series, Protocols, a Veriety of Views By Dr. Bob Rubel and L.C. Morgynn ISBN 978-1-934625-87-3

Copied from my  profile (Gypseee) dated 5/24/09

DISCLAIMER:

No, I'm not sending out an advertisement for random volunteers. This is just a personal blog.

BLOG:

I have been fortunate enough to have been taken under the wing of an experienced Dominant who has been generous enough to offer me training. I'm even more fortunate that he actually understands me and how I work mentally and emotionally and respects my individuality (he isn't trying to turn me into a female version of him).

Most people would be surprised to hear me say that I lack self-confidence in anything. I am self-confident. I'm not going to take space up talking about my intelligence, capabilities or all the things I've done; let it suffice for the purpose of this blog that I see myself as a self-confident person and think others see me that way too. But there's a "but" to that self confidence.

That "but" is that I'm a perfectionist. This means that I am either novice or expert. I see no in between (at least not for me, I'm much more understanding of other people). Until I'm good enough to teach it, I don't perceive myself to be "good".

That particular quirk of mine manifested itself big time last night. No sign of that self-confident woman was apparent when I was told by someone that she wanted me to flog her. I'd never topped her before, never seen anyone else top her, I've never topped a woman, and we were at a party with a LOT of people watching and they'd been watching my experienced mentor and his submissive (who he's been training to top), who are both much more experienced and fun to watch (he has flair, she talks the talk).

If "she" is reading this, I wasn't reluctant to flog you. I wanted to flog you. I also wanted to not feel like that insecure 17yo again is all.

While I have some experience and natural aptitude, I don't consider myself good enough to top in public yet. It's not the first time I've topped in public, or the second. I could stop there and make it sound like I've done it lots, but honestly it was only my 3rd public scene. Like the 2nd time when I scened with strangers in public, it turned out OK. One of the guys I flogged the previous time asked me to flog him again so I must not have done so bad the previous time, and I understand that this time there were some favorable comments about my florintine flogging, so I must not have done so bad this time either.

Another problem I have is that I am open about that insecurity (I know, not very Domly of me), which probably affects the feedback I get from the people I'm topping. I'm afraid that the bottoms are being nice because they think I need to feel good about my performance. Just the opposite is true. I need constructive criticism so that I can improve on my performance. Weather it's about my technique or personal information about what they like or don't like, I want to know it. Once I know that a bottom is willing to be critical, then I can believe when they say it was all good.

OK, so now I have someone to train me, so I have direction. What I need now is someone to not just scene with, but to practice on..... a crash dummy. I need someone I'm comfortable enough to get silly with and who is comfortable enough with me to tell me how hilarious I look when I wrap myself in the tails of my rose whip (it gives a good solid whack if you snap it, but when you try to use it like a flogger the tails go a bit wild.)

And so my journey continues....

Note: I just re-read my blog and realized that it reads like my 1st public experience was not OK. It was actually a great experience, but it was with a boy I had under consideration and had topped many times so I was comfortable with that scene. The refrence to the 2nd time I had a public scene was because I topped strangers, and that was the point I was making.

Been visiting California and I'm REALLY looking forward to getting home to J.  I checked out the San Diego scene, but it was the end of the month and slow.  Went to 2 munches, but the 2nd one turned out to be for a disolved group that hadn't stopped their calendar post of their regular munch so I got dressed all sexy, drove 30 minutes each way, and paid $6 for parking, all so that I could enjoy a latte and piece of quiche by myself.  At least I'd been able to find a close parking spot so that I didn't have to walk too far in a short skirt and 5" heels all alone in downtown San Diego in the dark.

I was very glad to have been able to make the munch last Wednesday.  I hadn't been to one in quite a while.  Two very nice things happened.  I made a new friend and I was able to introduce the new boy I have under consideration to the few who were still left when he was finally able to make it.  I hope to be able to attend some of the private TRC parties with him, though his schedule may not allow for that.  I'm really looking forward to beginning his training.  Is there anything more exciting than a new relationship?

Wonderful weekend at Frolicon with my boy.  Went to a great CBT demo that included something new to me.... Ball Busting!!!!  Wish I'd seen more friends there, but I saw a few and made a few more.  Tried to find my stalker to say goodbye, but he was nowhere around.  Some stalker!  If you read this, you really need to work on your stalking techniques.

What are Protocals

Protocal is more than an outward sign of submission.  It is a method to obtain and maintain the submissive mindset.  This is a sampling, and is by no means a complete list of protocals I enjoy.

I prefer to be called Lady/M'Lady.  My personal vision of a "Mistress" is more severe than I am.  Please don't call me Lady/M'Lady until you know me well enough to have real respect for me.  If you want to be polite, just call me Maam.

Wearing the clothing I choose for you is an outward as well as inward shedding of your public role.

Waiting in the posture instructed while wearing the clothing assigned is a chance to meditate and clear your mind of distracting thoughts and filling yourself with anticipation of my arrival.

Presenting me with a token gift each time we have an appointment.  This is a simple expression of appreciation, not a test of your creativity or generosity.  It can be a simple flower from the corner grocery store each time, perhaps a poem now and then or just some little thing that made you think of me, or a little something for my sensual play kit.  (I'm still looking for a small pice of rabbit fur; the fake stuff just isn't soft enough-UPDATE:  I have my fur...Thank you pet.).

Sitting at my feet is a demonstration and reminder of your submission.  It is also a good position for me to pet you and feed you.

In my earlier entry about Public Image I mentioned restaurant protocals.  It's important when out among vanilla people to continue some discreet protocals so that you don't slip into your public role with your dominant.

During play parties I will usually have a period where you are on protocal.  I will attach a leash to your collar.  You will sit at my feet, you will not speak or make eye contact with anyone.  You will have hand signals if you are thursty, have to go to the bathroom, or are uncomfortable and need to move.  If you leave my presence you will hold your leash in your mouth, indicating to others that you are on protocal and they are not to speak to you.  When I remove the leash you are free to socialize.

If someone asks you to play you will tell them that they need to ask me.  If you wish to have someone top you, you will ask me and I may or may not give permission.

If I tell you to do something and you have a problem with it, you will use hand signals to indicate yellow or red.  You WILL NOT question my order openly in front of others.  If you signal yellow I will assume you are merely uncomfortable with the idea and may or may not alter my order.  If you signal red I will take you aside and discuss it with you.

What Do You Get Out Of It?

The satisfaction of your need to serve.
Care and appreciation.
A partner to explore with.
A partner to attend community events with.
A companion who understands.

Personal Service 



As my submissive, your primary desire should be to please me by seeing to my wants and needs.  This is not a complete list of personal services (I?ll add to it now and then), nor is it inflexible.  Services will vary depending on your individual abilities and limits. 

Some personal services may be: 

When I visit your home:  Always have my preferred drinks, snacks, foods and hygiene items.  Your home will be neat and clean (particular attention paid to the cleanliness of the kitchen and bathroom). 

Cleaning my bathroom, making my bed, vacuuming and dusting. 

Small sewing repairs. 

Maintaining my car by washing it and taking it for oil changes, checking the fluids and tire pressure. 

Shopping with me and carrying my bags. 

Running errands for me. 

Foot and body massage. 

Brush my hair. 

Do my nails and pedicure. 

Waiter. 

Bathing, shaving, and lotioning me, then helping me dress for a date and acting as chauffeur. 

Bathing, shaving, and lotioning me, then helping me dress for a prowl and acting as chauffeur and bodyguard. 

Escort me to the Trapeze in Atlanta. 

Local Public Image/Dominating a Dominant Man. 

My own personal thoughts

There are many people who maintain a publicly dominant image, who are indeed very dominant in their public lives, but who have a need to be submissive to their partner.  This may be because they are naturally submissive and the stress of maintaining a dominant façade is stressful, or it may simply be because they need a vacation from having to be so dominant.  Whatever the reason, it does not detract from being a person worthy of respect.

On the episode of CSI that introduced Lady Heather, Grissom showed her a picture.  The woman was facing away from the man, and he was clinging to her.  She immediately identified the couple as married and that the woman was dominant and uncaring.  That man may have been a very intelligent man worthy of respect; but our vanilla world perceives submissive men as weak and therefore not worthy of respect. 

I am attracted to intelligent, self-confident men, and I MUST respect him.  I have no desire to present my submissive in the manner above.  I want to present him as a person of intelligence worthy of respect, and I expect him to treat me in the same manner.  In public I expect to be treated with courtesy and respect.  He must open doors for me, stand when I return to the table, ask my opinion and defer to my wishes.  Far from being perceived as submissive and weak, he is perceived as a gentleman.

We will still have certain protocals if we are not in the presense of others.  An example are restaurant protocals such as having to request permission to leave the table to use the men's room, my ordering dinner, and not being allowed to begin eating until I have begun or granted you permission.