LadiHawk


	ladihawke

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	If you are married, don't bother to contact me .. If you are in another state and do not want to relocate, don't bother, and if you don't have a pic, I think you should have caught on by now. I have been out of the lifestyle for a couple years,and am looking forward to getting back into it again .. I seek a male slave/sub that is not a doormat for a LTR. A friend first and formost ! Then a we move on. If you want to be loved and appreciated, Send Me an email and say, hi .. I wont bite ... much I WILL NOT cyber .. and I WILL NOT 'play' with married men .. I will train however, with wife present .. DO NOT email Me with out a picture. Be Well MLH

wow, it has been a long time since I wrote in here .. Been through a lot. and my recent experience has brought me back to my Journal ..

Who died and made the subbies the boss ? Have been away so long that the whole lifestyle has done a 360 ?

I had a sub/slave who knows what he is .. over a couple week ends ago .. when we first met I told him I was partially disabled and was seeking a houseboy, he went on and on about how he loved to clean house, and would help me when I need it .. HA ! .. BS that was ..

He recently came over for our first face to face meeting, I had just moved, and my daughter, and son in law were here errecting a fence to keep my dogs in ..
In return for his help we would play ( which is something I rarely do on a first face to face ) But he seemed desparate so I was being nice ... stupid me ..

When all was said and done, he took a shower, then flopped on bed in front of the air conditioner .. I was like .. okay .. it was hot out today .. give him a moment to catch his bearings, again being nice, and again stupid me.

I finally desided enough was enough, lets get to this, and I have to be honest was looking forward to getting off ( for the first time in over 2 years )

I have not done too much cock and ball torcher so told him to give me hints, and help it along .. so we played .. he had a ball ..

Then he ate me ..,, it was boring as I was watching a presidential debate, it was all about him, and nothing for me..

then he pretty much ordered me to finish the job, with my hand ..

I blinked, he left .. and I got nothing ...

A little over a week after that .. I had a very bad reaction to a new medication and spent the day in the ER .. when we talked again VIA email, he joked about coming over for another beating .. he talked about this through a few more emails, very excited to have some more fun .. The second I wrote to him and told him I was in ER and needed some help around the house, he would not email me again ,,

A very bad experience on my part, when I really needed someone to be there, was tossed away .. what a bunch of BS .. If I wanted to be treated like that, I would still be married ... so as the lifestyle turns ....

And I am still without a nice subby in my midst

Ok .. so the job thing didn't work out .. Not that I have lots of time on my hands .. My daughter and grand daughter moved in with me .. My daughter knows of my lifestyle .. Have to say though, having a one year old around, is a bit taxing .. lol .. but wouldn't change it for the world, Im having a ball with them both :)

So I am retired again, and still looking for that special subby to lighten my life, and give me massages .. lol

I was reading a journal by a Dom, and it inspired me to start my own. Not sure where it is going to go, but I think I could learn a lot about myself by writing this, and perhaps you can as well ..

I read somewhere ' I want someone who listens when I talk .. and notices when I don't ' To me, that sums it up for most everyone. But do we really listen when someone talks ? Do we notice when they don't .. I would say that over half don't, but think they do ..

I used to belong to APEX a long long time ago, but as a slave. I was collared to a wonderful Master. He showed me many things, and to this day I have no idea why I broke it off. After him, I decided to try my hand at Mistress .. that went okay .. but I still feel Im missing something .. I want to get involved with people real life, but in all I am very shy .. and unsure of myself in many situations .. Though come off to many as knowing what I am doing .. lol ..

I know this sounds dumb, but I need to find my inner self, to find out what I am really made of .. how I am going to do this I have no idea .. Perhaps you do, perhaps you don't, maybe you feel the same way .. Maybe you can help ... who knows ..

Kind of feel like a ' candle in a hurricane '
Am I hopeless ? I doubt it .. do I feel hopeless .. sometimes .. lol .. but then again who doesn't ?

I have fibromyalsia and arthritis .. Every day, I cope with these problems, it wears me down sometimes, but most of the time, I am up and ready to take on the world in everyday life situations .. There in it's self can be a problem for any partner .. who would want to be with someone with terminal problems ? Would you ? Knowing that everyday could lead to hospitalization .. hasn't happen yet, thank goodness, but the situation could arise ..

Well off to get ready for work ..

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