J69B

I happened to be bored and channel flipping through profile pics here.  People express a lot of their fetish preferences which is great.  There are quite a few shots of leather and lace and latex and a ton of foot shots.  But what’s up with the dog and cat pics? Especially the shots of fluffy or scruffy or spike all on their own. I guess I am missing the point. Hummmmm perhaps they are into animal husbandry (no that doesn’t mean what you think it does) and those pics are a way of pimping them out.

I find it interesting, that in my experience over the years in the scene, so many are touching upon memories and baggage from their pasts. We are of course products of our experiences as much as our genes and most likely more of the former than the latter. I think perhaps the scene gives one the opportunity to be more open and exploring of the things we tend to hide in the vanilla part of our lives.  Or could it be that the scene has been shaped by those of us willing to open up the Pandora’s Box of our souls?  

One might assume that the major attraction to the scene, beyond the obvious physical pleasure, is simply the forbidden fruit syndrome.  It is exciting to cross the lines society has drummed into us from birth.  Doing things others are unable or unwilling to do can give us a rush.  As true as that is time and again I encounter people gravitating to forms of play that touch on experiences from their lives that often have required therapy.  Rape play, Daddy/daughter Mommy/son are high on the list. One would think that these issues would be the very ones they would choose to avoid but the opposite seems to happen. I have often wondered if the choice to go there is an unconscious or perhaps conscious desire for healing. Are they seeking a deep and potentially dangerous form of psychological role play to purge and cleanse them?

If that is the case then the motto SAFE, SANE, CONSENSUAL must be more than just words.  As any therapist can tell you there can be unintended consequences to touching upon the tender spots of the soul.  The catharsis of the moment can change days or weeks later into further trauma.  We would neither be safe nor sane to ignore the importance of good pre scene negotiation and post scene after care. 

If one knows that issues might be touched upon during play it behooves us to negotiate that before hand. Allergies, arthritis, vertigo, other limits are frequently topics discussed pre play. If one also knows of potential psychological tiger traps it would be best if they were discussed as well. After all they can be just as dangerous as the outward threats.

After care means just that; care in the post scene moments, an hour later, a day or even a week later. It is easy to see the physical effects of play.  Welts, bruises, cuts, rope marks, abrasions are part and parcel of what we do.  We can see the evidence of our efforts reflected on the skin.  In the immediate post scene endorphin rush we can see the surface marks. An hour later deeper ones begin to emerge and then more the next day and so on till the body heals the marks and they disappear.  Post scene we tend to these things. Ice and arnica and massage are all part of our post scene care. We must also consider the need for an arnica for the soul. Listening to our partner and discussing emotions as they bubble up in the moments and hours and days after play is as necessary as applying antiseptic and ice.

One last thought.  As of yet I have not deciphered what hidden psychological baggage I am dragging (or would that be are dragging me) into the scene. I know well what I am attracted to, and I understand those things in my personality that instill this need.  Yet I am not sure what events in my past overlay those desires.  That in itself is part of the magnetism of the scene for me.  I live for those discovery moments. An unexamined life isn’t worth living you know.