ineed2please

Since Collarspace won't let us update our profiles without being down for months....I will do like others and update here.

I am going to be 50 in February 2022.

I have fibromyalgia and have pain on a daily basis. This started about 3 years ago.  I have not had any impact play since.  I am not sure how I will handle it.  Communication and understanding will need to be a big part of a D/s relationsip I am involved in.

I have gained to about 170 lbs.  This seems to be common with autoimmune disorders.

I also have herpes.  diagnosed 4 years ago.  No outbreaks for 18 months now.

 I am a grandma to 6 little joys.  I can not move out of the Kansas City/Topeka area.  My heart would break.

 Let me know if there is anything else you would like to know aobut me.

 Nothing about my desires have changed, just my body.  

 Kathy

“A part of kindness consists in loving people more than they deserve.”

Joseph Joubert

Amen Amen Amen

A Submissive’s Prayer

Author Unknown

Allow me the strength to answer questions I can’t fathom.
Allow me the spirit to know His needs.
Allow me the kindness to choke back retorts.
Allow me the serenity to serve Him in peace.

Allow me the love to show Him myself.
Allow me the tenderness to comfort Him.
Allow me the light to show us the way.
Allow me the wisdom to be an asset to Him.

Let me be able to show Him each day my love of my service to Him.
Let me open myself up to completely belong to Him.
Let my eyes show Him the same respect, rather I sit at His side, or kneel at His feet.
Let me accept my punishment with the grace.

Let me learn to please Him, beyond myself.
Grant me the power to give myself to Him completely.
Grant me the strength to please us both.
Permit me to love myself in loving Him.

Allow me the peace of serving Him.
For it is my greatest wish,
my highest power to make His life complete,
as He makes mine.

this is how you lose her.

– fifille

This is how you keep her

Time has flown by this past year. I am the happiest I have been in a long time, and yet I am in one of the hardest fights I can remember in years.  I bought a business almost a year ago and am now fighting to keep it running.  It is a very long story.  I sure do wish I had $30K but I bet lots of people wish that.  lol

My head is held high and my spirits are just as high.

Life is good right now in spite of the business fight I am in.

Kat

I can not believe it has been so long since I've written a journal.

Many many updates as some of you may know.

My dad is doing fine.  His problem was his gall bladder. They finally took it out and he was fine.

I haven't seen my nephew for a year.  I miss him, but I know he is doing well.  We do get updates and pictures from time to time.  He is healing from past abuse and it has been suggested he not have contact with any family for an extended amount of time.

As for my personal life.  Things are going so incredibly well it actually scares me to death some times.  I wasn't even looking when I talked to John at first.  It quickly became apparent that there was more than just a casual relationship developing.  John is married to Pam and they are a great couple.  We are now a triad or a poly family.  I love them both very very much.  I recently quit my job to help them with the family business.  Things are going great. 

I also purchased an '05 Heritage Softail.  I am having the time of my life.

We would love to find a house slave.  Anyone know of any?  A triad family, living and working together 24/7 needs help.  ;)

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on" ~ Robert Frost

"The aim of argument, or of discussion, should not be victory, but progress." ~ Joseph Joubert

This entry is long overdue. 

My nephew is with a great new adoptive family.  Miss Sam is so perfect for him.

It was so hard to make the decision to let him go.  Knowing how it has ended up, makes it all so worth it.

This lady has wanted to adopt for years.  She even told her fiancé' to hit the road because he wasn't 100% on board with adoption.  She did this the day before she met my nephew for the first time.  All she cared about was that he was healthy.  She has a PHD and goes to church which was important to my mother.  She wants a very open adoption and insists on all of us remaining family.  She said he doesn't just need a new momma, he still needs a family.  She is like a new sister.  I love her and she is so good for him.  All things work out when you just let go.

As for my dad, we still don't know anything.  The VA has given up and is now sending him for other health care.  This is great news.  Maybe we can now get to the bottom of his issue.  It isn't his heart, I think it is his stomach or GI something or other.  He is in good spirits and doing fine except for the horrible attacks he has and can't keep anything down.

My personal life is suffering a bit right now.  I've been living with a guy for about 3 years now...I can't trust him and I don't know what to do with these feelings.  I feel betrayed and his word means very very little to me right now.  I don't know how to fix this or even how to put the effort in to make it work any longer.  I've been talking to him about the same things for over a year and nothing seems to change.  Why does it seem to be so hard for some people to be honest?  Dang

Kat

I had the long emotional from the heart talk with my sister last night about doing the best thing for her son.  Giving him up for adoption, or I have to send him to another foster family next week.  The emotional roller coaster was too much for me to handle any longer.

She has made the decision to give him the best life possible.  She is placing him for adoption. She put an email out to her case worker and it has been sent on to her attorney.  I am a mess of emotions. It is bitter sweet.  AJ will be moving on and I don't know where that will be.  I know it is best for him to have a fresh permanent start.  It will take months for this to come to an end for me, but I can do this.  I told her I would keep him in my care until a permanent family is found. I've made a huge impact on this little boys life.  He will be a great man.  I will miss him and our special times together.  He's made a huge impact on me as well.

I am off to Atlanta tomorrow to go be with my dad for a few days. If he can't make it to Atlanta I will be off to Miami to the VA hospital there.  I'm on an unknown journey really. 

Thank you for all the well wishes. 

Kat

   I had a bunch of stuff written and somehow in my tired state, It disappeared.  Maybe it wasn't worth reading anyway.

Here I go again.

   I haven't had much time to answer emails lately. If you received an answer from me you are lucky.  I'll try to respond to more soon.

   I have been working on a conversion at work which has allowed me to work a lot of overtime.  I will be using the extra money to go toward my car I have to replace.

   Some things in my life are getting much calmer while others are driving me dingy and testing my patience.

   I thought my sister was going to be getting custody of her son back, but in the last 3 weeks that thought has gone out the window.  We have court on Monday and she hasn't even had an overnight visit with him for a month now.  So much for showing she can handle him.  It could be another 6 months for the court to do their thing to permanently sever her rights so he can be adoptable.  I'm getting very very tired and I need much more patience than I seem to be able to muster up right now.  Wish me luck as I try to handle this for a while more.  I've had him since March already. 6 more months seems like forever.

   I stood up to my manager today.  It sure felt good.  I was being put in the middle of something that I didn't understand.  I told her to go to the other person and ask directly because I didn't want to be in the middle any longer.  I was just doing what she told me to do and then passing the information along to help me later in the project to do something else.  What he did with that information I'm not sure how he did it.  She didn't like it very much, but she did finally go ask directly.  Some people drive me crazy with their controlling nature.  It doesn't work very well at work to be like that.  OK enough on that rant.  It might not have made sense to you anyway. 

   I suppose I've complained enough for now.

Ty for reading.

Kat

I am not very happy to learn of my picture being used on someone else's profile without my consent. 

******UPDATE******

1-16-11 

The picture has been removed.  ty.

Kat

I'll be so glad when Christmas is over.  Maybe then I won't have to weed through so many journal entries to get to the legit ones.  I really enjoy reading journals.  They give me a lot to think about.  I just feel like they are advertisements when I run across a charity case every other entry.  ha

 Buy me this, I want that, Accepting Gifts....all from the so called Domme's.  I have yet to see repetitive sub/slaves begging for gifts.

 Maybe I should be the first.  I don't want gifts.  Money orders would be nice.  I have paypal as well.  LOL  Those who know me know I am just joking.

 Girls get a life.  Stop posing to be in the lifestyle so you can order guys to buy you stuff.  Earn it. Have some pride in yourself.

 Kat

Many are inquiring about how I am doing after my accident.  I am at about 85% I would guess.  Most times I am pretty good.  I am so tired of going to dr's appointments.

 If I could get more massages, I bet I would heal faster.  haha

Ty for the well wishes from all of you.  I really do appreciate it.

Kat

I feel the need to explain my previous journal entry as it is confusing some. 

Just because I say I have hope because someone finally gets it, doesn't mean I am snatched off the market and owned.  It means I had a conversation with a gentleman...yes I did say gentleman, who didn't treat me like a piece of meat and order me around and demand submission during the first conversation.  He was simply polite.  I could have met him on a vanilla dating site and added a splash of BDSM into the conversation.

My life is more about vanilla everyday activities.  I live a life of chores and responsibilities. I have interests outside of wanting to be used.  It was refreshing to run across someone on here who felt the same way.

A woman deserves to treated with respect.  Just because I am a submissive doesn't mean I'm not a lady. 

I hope that clears things up a tad bit for some of you.

I sit here with tears streaming down my face, unsure why I feel this way.  I feel frustrated and confused. 

Sometimes I am so tired of being the pleaser.  I want to stand up and scream….what about what I want?  What keeps me from being able to just ask for it?  I’m not even sure I know what ‘it’ is at this point.  I feel empty.  Being a pleaser doesn’t make me automatically like what is going on around me or how I am being treated.

My head is spinning.  I should just go to bed. Things will look different in the morning.  Right?

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The first duty of love is to listen. ~Paul Tillich

I had physical therapy, and was told nearly 50% of the world are walking around with exactly the same thing shown in my MRI, so not to worry, with therapy and the chiropractor, I should make a full recovery from this whole ordeal.  WOO HOO.

Kat

I had an MRI of my neck and have found out I have two bulging disks, the C5 and C6.  They are not bad, but enough to be an issue.  So, I get to continue therapy for much longer than they had hoped I would need it.
Joy Joy Joy. 

If you are the praying type, some prayers would be nice right about now.

Kat

I received a very funny message yesterday.

The point made was: it was funny I would go to such lengths to prove I was real by being in the news.  It made me chuckle.

Ty to all the well wishers.  I am at about 75% now.  Most times are ok, but I still feel 80. My favorite days are chiropractor/massage days.  aaaaah. 

If I could find a Dom who was a chiropractor, I would be in absolute heaven.  I'd save a lot of money too.

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How many people can say they were in an auto wreck?

How many people can say they were in a wreck caused by a high speed chase?

How many people can say they have video of them involved in a high speed wreck?

Well unfortunately I can say I have to all 3.
I am doing exceptionally well considering.  

Now I am in the process of figuring out how to get a different car. Since the SUV was stolen, their insurance might not pay anything for me.  I only had liability.  My medical will get paid but most likely nothing for my car.  :(

I'm ok.
Kat

Please note I am not looking for ownership at this time.  I am open to conversation only.
Kat

Ever had one of those days where it seems like everything tries your patience?

Yesterday was one of those days.

Ever heard that the squeaky wheel gets oiled? 

Well I became the squeaky wheel at work yesterday and things started happening.

It is not my nature to be the squeaky wheel, but I had very little patience left, so I had to say something.

Things are much better today and I didn’t die by getting out of my submissive cocoon.

-- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Merry Christmas to all.  Have fun and be safe.
Kat

Here are more great wisdoms.

Read Each One Carefully & Think About It a Second or Two

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, & the one who is, won't make you cry.

3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand & touches your heart.

5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can' t have them

6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

8. Don't waste your time on someone, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting & just be more careful about who you trust next time around..

12. Make yourself a better person & know who you are before you try & know someone else & expect them to know you.

13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to

REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

Here are some fantastic rules more people should learn to live by.

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. 

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other. 

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. 

FOUR. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it. 

FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye. 

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married. 

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight. 

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much. 

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely. 

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives. 

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly. 

THIRTEEN!  When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?' 

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk. 

FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze. 

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson. 

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions. 

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship. 

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. 

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice. 

TWENTY- ONE. Spend some time alone. 

How to use Your IRS Rebate check... As you may have heard,
each of us will be getting a tax rebate check to stimulate
the economy. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the
money will go to China. If we spend it on gasoline it will
go to the Arabs. If we purchase a computer it will go to
India. If we purchase fruits and vegetables it will go to
Honduras, and Guatemala. If we purchase a good car it will
go to Japan. If we purchase useless stuff it will go to
Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy. We need
to keep that money here in America. The only way to keep
that money here at home is to spend it at Yard Sales , since
those are the only businesses left owned by Americans !! 

Today is going to be a great day.  I have to keep telling myself that.  I have had a very tough week.  Evicting my roommate has been very hard on me.  I want everyone to be a good person and he just wasn't.  It hurts to disappoint someone even if they are hurting me.  I'm not talking about physical hurt, but disappointment drives deep in me.
Today is my Birthday so I will try to be positive.

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine.. And those who don't.
As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria  found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop. 
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, Whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting. 
Remember: Water = Poop, .........Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.

There is no need for thanks. This is valuable information: It's being done as a public service

A guy from Missouri dies and is sent to Hell.

He had been a horrible man his entire life.  The devil puts him to work breaking up rocks with a sledge hammer. To make it worse, he cranks up the temperature and the humidity.

After a couple of days, the devil checks in on his victim to see if he is suffering adequately.  The devil is aghast as the Missourian is happily swinging his hammer and whistling a happy tune.

The devil walks up to him and says, "I don't understand this.  I've turned the heat way up, it's humid, you are crushing rocks; why are you so happy?"

The man, with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great!  It reminds me of August in Missouri.  Hot, humid, a good place to work. It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!"

The devil extremely perplexed walks away to ponder the man's remarks. Then he decides to drop the temperature, send down a driving rain and torrential wind.

Soon, Hell is a wet, muddy mess.

Walking in mud up to his knees with dust blowing into his eyes, the man is happily slogging through the mud pushing a wheelbarrow full of crushed rocks.

Again, the devil asks how he can be happy in such conditions.

The man replies, "This is great! Just like April in Missouri.  It reminds me of working out in the yard with spring planting!"

The devil is now completely baffled but more determined to make him suffer.  He makes the temperature plummet.

Suddenly Hell is blanketed in snow and ice.  Confident that this will surely make him unhappy, the devil checks in on him.

He is again aghast at what he sees. The man is dancing, singing, and twirling his sledgehammer as he cavorts in glee.

"How can you be so happy?  Don't you know its 40 below zero!?"  screams the devil.

Jumping up and down, he throws a snowball at the devil and yells, "Hell's frozen over!

This means the Chiefs won the! Super Bowl!"

Time for an update.

During a very tough time this week, possibly the best thing ever has made me realize how special I am and how much I am wanted.  I've been limiting myself to thinking certain things about my current situation.  There was no way I could relocate.  Well why not?  If the situation can be resolved to not be important, why not consider relocating.  Should I stay here and pass up a potentially perfect thing, just because I am closed minded?  I want to please someone who truly wants ME.  I would be denying myself that joy if I didn't have an open mind. 

I am not exactly why this struck me a great....but it IS great to me.

Our Deepest Fear

By Marianne Williamson

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

If you wind up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest or some guy on TV telling you how to do your shit, then YOU DESERVE IT. ~Frank Zappa



Remember there's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over. ~Frank Zappa

And he whispered to me in the darkness as we lay together, "Tell me where to touch you so that I can drive you insane, tell me where to touch you to give you ultimate pleasure, tell me where to touch you so that we will truly own each other." And I kissed him softly and whispered back, "Touch my mind.

Here it is the middle of April and I am still not 100% well.  I ended up with a double ear infection, sinus infection and bronchitis.  Not fun.  I am feeling better but still not where I would like to be. 
Here is a question:  Why do things have to get so hard before some of us learn a lesson?  ugh.

Kat