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This is my first post of this type. i believe that i've known i was different since i was about eleven years old. Although it had not been defined until i was in my thirties. i had lived many years and had actually married a Dominant man when i was in my early twenties. i had met him very young, approximately seventeen years of age. So essentially he started to mold the base of me. (Looking back now i do not think he did such a bad job.) i truly can not say what i have become because i will change and grow and learn all of the days of my life. So i will always be a project at work *smile* our relationship was never defined as Dom/sub, Master/slave or what have you, but that is what it was. He took control and i was very happy in that for most of the next thirteen years. And at a time in my life where some profound events were taking place, i came to realize after much confusion that our relationship was not a positive or healthy thing any longer. i ended the relationship. i spent a few years alone to reflect on that time in my life. i had been young and inexperienced and gullible. i decided that i would rather be alone than to just jump through hoops for a domineering ring master. i now had hope. i was in search of someone to help me to grow but in a positive way, a healthy way. i knew in my heart that my submission was a beautiful thing and would be treasured by the man for whom it was intended. i held out and four years later i met a wonderful man. He shed light on so many things that i really had no idea about. And me the one who thought she was so sure. He spun my head around quite a few times lol He made me very happy for the next two years. He was so very devoted to me. My happiness was of utmost importance to him. For the first time in my life i was content. He proposed to me on Christmas eve and of course i said yes *smile* We did not feel the need to rush anything, we figured we had the rest of our lives together. On our second anniversary (Valentine's Day) We found out that i was pregnant. When he found that out he put me right up on a pedestal sure that i was going to break lol Seven months later he died suddenly. i had never felt so lost. Someone who had become so very important to me gone just like that. Our child was born healthy and i will always have a part of us with me. Like all of mankind i continue to put one foot in front of the other day after day. But now there is another aspect to my life. The life of another human being is dependent on me. It is now my responsibility to mold another person to prepare it for it's life ahead. Life is truly a miracle. For now the baseness of myself will change once again. Now i will experience motherhood *smile* and i am very excited to see what changes it will make in me.
Lastly i do not profess to be on a Master hunt. So this is not intended to be a call out to anyone who thinks that they can save me. Please do not misunderstand my intentions. i am content with just being at the moment. What i am in search of is someone to talk to. A friend. Nothing more.
~angel
* A Master is only a Master if His heart can submit to His sub. A sub can only submit if she can master her Master's heart. |
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