foolishguy


	foolinarou		foolishmal		foolishsla

		Back		KPM		Interests



	Who I am and what I am looking for out of this is not easily catagorized. Obese grumpy women holding leather straps, 24/7 BDSM protocols, the opportunity to be someone's financial slave... well, none of those are what I am looking for! Honestly, I am looking for someone to care for, and hopefully, someone who cares for me. I am not looking for a sexual relationship (necessarily). It can be a friendship, but I am of course looking for a femdom relationship. I am looking for a woman out there who wants to win, who wants to be the top and in control, and who enjoys doing what it takes to win that control. At the same time, I want a woman who is feminine in style ...although somewhat of a sadist as well, enjoying dominance and BDSM play. It may seem twisted and perverse to on lookers, but the clarity of power roles in a power exchange relationship makes possible a safe emotional connection that is warm, strong and loving, and creates an sensous, and sensational intimacy that can be far more vibrant and alive than most vanilla intimacies. So, that's what I would get out of it. But what would you, the top, get out of it, I wonder? Let's face it, it's hard work being a domme. It's a lot more work to give than to recieve. Of course there is service. I am very, very service oriented by nature and will do for you most anything that needs to be done, from painting and yard work to cleaning floors and bathrooms. And of course anyone who tops me needs to be taken care of and deserves nice things and gifts. And there is the power, and the feelings of power, that comes from dominance. But is that enough? Where can a relationship of this type go? Into deeper into self understanding? Raised conciousness? Greater confidence? The ability to love and give without dependence or expectation? Maybe. But, deep considerations aside, boys, like girls, just want to have fun. note - my profile location does not correspond to my actual location *

Here is a trust exercise. Mail your sub some restraints w/o the key. Wait until they have them. At night, call them and tell them to put them on, that you have already overnighted them the key, he/she will get it tomorrow.

How many will believe you?

Plenty of bondage gear ads and bdsm website ads here on cm, but if someone really wants to make money, they advertise tattoo artistry. That will sell!

Why do dommes show pictures of their feet. I guess it's a draw for foot fetishist's, but really I find it quite nasty.

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.
- A Einstein.

I Am I am: yet what I am none cares or knows, My friends forsake me like a memory lost; I am the self-consumer of my woes, They rise and vanish in oblivious host, Like shades in love and death's oblivion lost; And yet I am! and live with shadows tost Into the nothingness of scorn and noise, Into the living sea of waking dreams, Where there is neither sense of life nor joys, But the vast shipwreck of my life's esteems; And e'en the dearest--that I loved the best-- Are strange--nay, rather stranger than the rest. ... John Clare

I cannot figure out how to change the back color, so i am looking for a fore color that works.

At heart I think I have to admit that lust plays a major role in the draw of this website. Lust is the sugar and d/s is the cake. The cake w/o the sugar is not so appealing.

I have had a low grade temp and I have been hanging around the home, spending too much time on this board for my own good.

This aft I went out for awhile. I went to bookstore and checked out 'Inherent Vice' by T Pynchon. Anyhow, while there I could not help sizing people up into BDSM roles. Particularly the women ( natch.. more fun that way). I came to the conclusion that many of them probably have private fantasies that they wish they could explore, given the right circumstance. I am not generalizing this to be the right circumstance.

Exposing those desires in ways that are not destructive to women I think must be a social challenge. It is for guys also. I guess I am getting lost in my thoughts so I will stop.

Ricky Gervais hosts the golden globes!

For those who would like to lose some weight, there is a great cm message board thread that will help. Go to message boards of course and choose "Polls and other Random Stupidity" and then "The Collarme Biggest Loser Gang Wants You!!1!

213.2... but taken in the morning. Yesterday was not a good day.

I think I am becoming addicted to reading recent journal posts. They are a lot of fun.

One aspect of d/s is that it channels in worlds. I mean, it is a mental thing. It springs from the imagination. Perhaps that is why I identify more as sub, although I would not completely describe myself as a subbie person. But, connecting sensual and intimate connections with the inner world of imagination opens a vast inner terrain to explore and share. It is an escape, but it is also a mental adventure. It takes two to participate.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good. (Steven Wright)

I want to make a distinction between sensual and sick. I see it in pictures of women. Maybe because they are women and I see a damsel in distress. But, when I see pictures of woman with serious bruises and cuts that will leave permanent thick scars, it really makes me ill. I saw one on a page sponsored by a 'dom couple'. I don't know the background of the young woman they post as their slave, but when I see the deep bruising and cuts it makes me furious. I don't guess I have much of a say in it though.

313.4 Got some batteries for my camera so I can foto track my progress. Got some good exercise, at walking pace on an exercise machine. Watched ( American) football playoffs to distract me. Eating very badly though, so exercise offset. Progress not perfection.

I was randomly browsing the photos and clicking on profiles, and then the photos on those profiles and I came across alteregirl. Her profile reads "You will submit to me and I will take over your life. You will cope with whatever I decide to do with you .. "

Those words dig into me and expose some very pleasurable feelings. I don't know why, and I am not at all happy about it. I guess I am weak willed, but no one who knows me thinks so. I am kind of ashamed to have feelings like this, and have them be so powerful. I know it is a fantasy feeling that real life would rain them out, still, it is really startling.

213.4... well I 'm not going up anyway.

___

BDSM is about anticipation. It keeps anticipation in the forefront, heightening it and stretching it out. Climaxing becomes at best equal to the process and is no longer the goal. Eroticism can be stretched out for hours intensely, for days, even weeks. Ordinary tasks become charged with sexual energy. And because the emphasis is not on the act itself, a long standing playfulness and intimacy can enter into it. Real sex is playful and intimate of course also, but with bdsm fantasy play, the same sensations that go along with great sex can be felt for hours and hours and the same fun can be sustained indefinitely. Also, because intercourse does not have to be involved, the partners can have a less intertwined relationship, they can be just friends in real life, and this allows for a wider range of experiences and a meaningful but different style of relationships. Just don't expect it to be anything more than it is. Real life, and the need for more substantive feelings, actions, and relationships will trump any acted out bdsm relationship, in my opinion. Bdsm is pure candy... but far less caloric.

213.6 lbs - the wrong way. straight up. This weekend I will begin to right things. At least I am keeping track.

I am going to start to explore my own interest in BDSM, which is very different than most guys, I think, from I guess would be a sub experience. I don't have a clear philosophy so this will be a piece meal exploration with lots of contradictions.

Why am I a sub. It's not that I cannot make forceful decisions or stand up for myself, or take command, or be decisive. I can be. But I am not aggressive, and I am unlikely to get into a fight unless it is for a cause I believed in. I am not a bully.

I guess really I would describe myself as a switch more than a sub. I don't follow orders at all, and I do assert my independence. I have lived more closely identified as a rebel than any label in the BDSM community.

Still, I don't take risks often enough, and I get anxious too often.

I appreciate independent women a lot - women who would feel cramped down by a male who was always on.

It's complicated. I don't want anyone to have to read forever to get through a post, so I will stop for tonight.

I just weighed in - 213! I went up a whole pound. Now, I will say I am nursing a cold, so , I did not strictly enforce a diet. That's okay for today. Tomorrow will be a little better and then I will have to get serious.

Not a great start.

I am indebted to MissKeyKeeper for the idea to start a journal. I started reading her journal and found myself quite under her spell. Check her out, especially her journal. I agree with her point of view in much of what she says.

The first use of the journal will be to help me lose some weight. You can see my starting weight with the picture I just uploaded. Everyday I will report my weight here, and record my struggles, challenges, and accomplishments. That way, I will be held accountable, at least to myself.

Once I get going I will expand it to cover whatever my moods dictate.

Starting then, my weight is 212! I want to hit 175. That's along way off, but my immediate goal is just 5 pounds. 212 is 96.16 kilograms, or 15 stone and 2 lbs, if you prefer. Hefty, in any culture.

I wonder if anyone else in the CM community is interested in joining me? We could form a weight loss club and egg each other on ( I refuse to say 'whip each other into shape'). We could hold each other accountable. Add a little BDSM scripting and the whole process could be uh.. tons.. of fun!

BDSM is performance art, at core, and our bodies are central to the craft. Wouldn't it be great if everyone on this board was in first class shape. I am going to have some fun with this and start thinking thin starting right .... NOW!

footworshi	footcleane	footboy36
footslave2	footloverN	footlover
Footstool	FootMistre	footfetish