fia

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	Hi there! I hope this finds you well and happy :) I am constantly being asked what it is I am looking for. I think the best way for anyone to understand what it is I want is for you to read: http://bestslavetraining.com/ https://kinkylittlegirl.wordpress.com/2010/11/02/a-submissives-needs/ Please do not message me if you cannot complete a full sentence. If I am not worth the time it takes to spell words out, then please, don't waste your time at all. "how r u" is not okay with me. I hope to find someone that would expect better from me also. lol, lmao or lmfao... those are cool :) I really wish I didn't feel the need to have to say this here but it seems important considering some of the messages I have received.... I am not YOUR submissive (yet?) or slave (ever). Please don't attempt to treat me like I am. I'd really like to get to know someone before even considering taking orders from them. To the haters; Yes, I do have every right to be picky. Submissive does not equal stupid or desperate. I have a brain and definitely need an intellectual challenge. I'm no genius, but I get by. You're still reading... awesome! I am still young enough to learn and I can lose weight :) I love to have fun. I can be a little bratty in a happy, teasing, kinda cute way. I have a temper that needs adjusting. I have a lot of flaws. I still dream of finding someone strong enough and caring enough to mold me to fit their wants and needs. A 1950's household with a hidden dungeon would be a beautiful place to be. :) I am loyal, honest and willing. I have very little experience. I want to live life happily. I want to be the best sub my Dominant could want. I also want to be his friend and lover. I want to spend time with him doing what the average couple does, going out, camping, fishing, playing games, cuddling, talking, LAUGHING (in caps because it seems many on here are lacking a sense of humor), etc... I want to know his wants and needs and be able anticipate them, taking care of him because it's what I love to do. I want to be his, please him in every way and be appreciated for it. I want his touch to make me want to cry tears of happiness (among other things)... I live in Massachusetts and am not able to to travel much. If you have sent me a message that contained a hello and I have not responded in any way, then please, send another one. They seem to get lost on here and I don't want to be rude. Thank you :-) Thank you for taking the time to look at my profile and read through it. I wish you the best of luck. Have a happy day! ~fia

I mentioned 1950's household in my profile. There is a reason for that. If I wanted to work to contribute, do all the cleaning and the cooking, and yet still be ready to be someones willing slut when they are home then I would say I wanted a 90's marriage. I have "been there, done that". It may have taken me twenty years to decide I din't want it anymore, but I did make that decision. I think I'll stick to it :)

I am quite intelligent. I have the ability to make sane decisions. I may not be great at advanced algebra but I am loaded with common sense and the ability to problem solve. I am not looking to have my hand held. I can hold a decent conversation, have a wicked sense of humor and am oftentimes quite perverted in my thoughts. I like mild pain, having my hair held tight, being well used and well loved. I am much more than my profile. I will always be learning more about who and what I am. I am submissive only to the man or couple that I belong to.

I am not looking for a online relationship. Most on here say they are looking for "long term", it's a nice start but I am hoping for "forever".

I live in Massachusetts, I am not able to travel far on a regular basis. Please take this fact into consideration when messaging me.

I must add this... I smoke, I like it. I have done so since I was nine years old. I'm willing to quit with the right incentive and a lot of help... It won't happen tomorrow... I don't cough and choke on every breath, I do not have cancer, there is no apparent effect that has shown itself. I'm quite healthy according to my yearly check-up.

Too many people are missing a sense of humor. If you are one of them you have my sympathies. You won't have my attention for long, but you will have my sympathies.

Eight pages of messages in "bulk mail". I just looked at it for the first time. My sincere apologies for not responding to some of the messages.

Some seem so real... And then, their true colors show... they create such an ugly rainbow...

I am not a Veteran, I appreciate those that are...

Copied from Creative Dominant's journal...

A truth to be shared;

A Veteran is someone who at one point in their life wrote a blank check payable to the United States of America for an amount up to and including, their life. That is beyond honor and there are way too many people in this country who no longer remember that fact. Copy and paste this to your journal if you are a Veteran,... know a Veteran, Love a Veteran, or Support the Troops! May God Bless Them All I too am a Veteran...

Dropped in a round room

Doorless, empty, so lovely

Calm peaceful feeling

He was dirty, unshaven, most would say unacceptable
Cartons of takeout, slowly eaten
Constant trips to the door, throwing out the trash
I watch and wonder, what of those below?
His face is a road map, deeply etched
Where has he been? What has he seen?
He does not see me because he does not look
His head is bowed
Is it shame, disgust, defeat?
He wipes the seat when he is done
Respect for others?
He uses his soda to try and wash his hands
The stains still show
I see the looks of disdain from others
I want to say "screw you, you have no right to judge"
I'm not that way
I wonder what it is like to be him
My heart breaks
It's the final stop
He does not get off
I take his hand and leave five dollars in his palm
It's all I have
His grasp is firm, his hands soft and warm
"Thank you" he says, I reply "you're welcome, God bless"
I wish I could talk to him
The train is warm and he stays on
I continue on my journey
Wondering about the trash
Wishing life was good for all
Waiting for my next trip on the train

I found this online years ago. It is still what I am looking for.

Submissive Owner’s Manual

I need to feel safe

Before I can begin to open my submissive nature to You, I need to feel safe and have reason to trust You. To let down my walls and give You control of my will may take time and testing before I feel safe enough to permit either of us to go beyond the initial stages of our relationship. Even after I’ve given myself to You fully, I need to be reminded I am safe with You. I may like to feel the thrill and excitement of fear and the unknown, but I need to be sure no matter how You stimulate those emotions during an intense scene or situation, I will remain safe in Your care.

I need to know You accept me for all I am

I will be many things to You as our relationship grows and I need to know You accept me as a person during each transition along the way. I need to know You accept me as a friend, lover, companion, and Your submissive but also accept me as parent, child, employee, community member or other roles I fill in my obligations to family or society.

I need to have clearly defined limits

I need to know exactly what You expect of me and know that You also understand my limits. In some ways I am like a child that needs a fence around my play area so I know how far I can go and feel secure inside those limits. I need You to reinforce those fences by correcting me when I try to climb them without Your approval.

I need You to be consistent

I need to know You mean what You say and that today’s rules will apply to tomorrow’s behavior. Nothing confuses me more than giving me mixed signals by allowing me to break rules that You’ve given me. From time to time I may test You to see if You are capable of accepting control of my life by consistently bringing me back to the path You’ve chosen for me. It’s not done to try Your patience, but is my way of finding reassurance You are paying attention to my progress. Very often it’s not done consciously and I promise I’ll not use it as a method for provoking Your negative responses.

I need to expand my limits

I need to grow and to be challenged. Left on my own, I’ll become bored or stagnate within the boundaries I accepted in the beginning. I need to be guided, never pushed, never shoved, to go beyond the places I’ve been. I may drag my feet and pout at times, or sit down and refuse to move because I’m unsure and need Your guidance in overcoming my obstacles. I depend on You for strength and encouragement to get beyond them.

I need You to teach me

I need to learn, and it is You who are my teacher. My mind is hungry for new things and learning helps me to become all that I can be. This may require You to continue to learn new things in order to keep me challenged. Together we can grow to the fullness of the gifts we have and deepen the diversity we share.

I need goals

Part of my make-up as a submissive makes me very goal-oriented. I need them to measure my progress and need You to provide them for me. Take time to explain those goals in ways I can comprehend Your plans concerning my growth as Your submissive. Without Your direction, I quickly become lost so I’ll look to You frequently to provide a purpose and aim as I continue in my development as a submissive.

I need to be corrected

I need You to correct me when I make mistakes. Without Your correction, I will develop bad habits that can be very difficult to break and do great damage to our relationship and to us as individuals. Without Your correction, I may never know I’ve made a mistake. Allowing me to continue unchecked will only cause me to fail both of us in the end. I admire firmness in Your correction and feel secure in knowing that You will never be afraid to take steps needed in keeping me focused on the goals You’ve set for me.

I need You to be my role-model

I look up to You and try to follow in Your footsteps. If You fail to live up to a standard, I will follow You into failure, often without You noticing until it is too late. I learn quickly by the examples You provide for me and often base my reactions and behaviors on my observations of You in similar situations. I will blindly pattern myself in Your image, so be aware that my eyes will always be on You as You face Your own challenges and daily activities.

I need Your approval and reassurance

I need to know when You approve of me or what I’ve done and to know I belong to You even if I fall short of my goals. I sometimes confuse approval with disapproval when You do not provide positive reinforcement when You are pleased by my actions. I will constantly be seeking Your approval when I’m unsure of myself and may need to rely deeply on Your support and reassurance when I’m confused about a situation or apprehensive about a new challenge.

I need to be able to express myself

I have a need to express both good and bad things to You but it may be difficult for me to put the negative things into words. I fear Your rejection and hate disappointing You, so I may need a little space and time to voice all the things I need to say. You can help me by reassuring me that my feelings are valid, even if they aren’t something You find pleasure in hearing. There may be times when I’m upset or angry with You but without freedom to express those feelings, there can be only festering resentment or misunderstanding. Guide me in ways that I can learn to speak my heart without breaking it or Yours.

I need to learn from my mistakes

I need to experience things that may be painful in order to learn successfully. I know Your protective nature will struggle with allowing me to be hurt but I need to learn the consequences of what I’ve done and to experience the feelings that go along with making mistakes. I will need Your comfort once I’ve faced my failure, but will sometimes feel unworthy of asking or unable to voice my disappointment in failing. Allow me to sort out my feelings before wiping away my tears.

I need forgiveness when I fail You

Nothing hurts me more than to know I’ve failed or displeased You, and I need to be forgiven once I’ve made amends. It is very hard for me to forgive myself for a wrong-doing and I may need Your help in getting beyond the feelings of remorse I am carrying. I may even need to be punished, if my wrong-doing was traumatic enough, in order to feel closure and accept forgiveness. I depend on You to make that determination for me and need Your help in making an atonement that is acceptable to You.

I need to feel I contribute

I have a deep-set need to give and must have outlets for this need. My basic nature is to give of myself and You will be the primary recipient of my gifts. Allow me to contribute to our relationship and our life together. To do less will leave me unfulfilled and unneeded, a fate worse than death for me. Provide me with ways to contribute things to others, also. I may need to give of myself to those I hold dear but You will always receive the best I have to offer.

I need to enjoy successes

Without experiencing and enjoying my successes, I may give up my fight to be all You desire for me. Allow me the pleasure of savoring the taste of victory when I overcome an obstacle or if You find pride in my attempts. All of my successes belong to You and I need to share their rewards with You. I don’t expect You to spoil me with grand displays for little victories, but when I’ve reached beyond the limits of my past attempts, please don’t deny me the sweet feelings of knowing I’ve achieved a goal You’ve set.

I need to share with You

Sharing with You is a compelling need and one of the cornerstones of my submissive nature. This includes the emotional and spiritual aspects of my being as well as the physical body I inhabit. It may be difficult for me to give You access to the deeper levels of my emotions and feelings, but those are the things I need to share the most. I’ll depend on You to direct me in ways I can achieve total openness with You. I also need to share in the things You are. Trust me enough to share in Your fears, failures and struggles. I’ll never see You as weak or incapable because You have shown confidence in me by giving part of Yourself in trust.

I need to feel loved, respected, and protected in Your ownership

No matter how well I’ve done or how miserably I’ve failed, I need to know I’m still loved and protected by You. Nothing will prevent me from trying new things like fear of losing Your respect and love. By the reverse, nothing will encourage me to expand my limits and grow to be all I am capable of being more than knowing You will be there to protect me from harm and will love me even if I fall short of the target. I need to be loved and to love You in return. I can’t survive without it.

Feeling silly
spinning, giggling, singing

rolling down hills
watching clouds float by

writing in the sand
messages of love and hope

seashells and flowers
lightning and rainbows

smiles and freedom
Feeling happy

I have two things I love right now, my cat Fortuna and the ocean. If you can not accept my cat, or you live more than an hour away from the ocean, we're not a good match.

There are so many on here that are not really looking for what they say they are. I wish there was an easy way to immediately distinguish the fakes. CS is too full of those just wanting sex, pics or sexting. I'm not interested. I have wasted so much time on dead ends. My sympathies to the few on here that are real and seriously looking for what will make them happy.

I kneel before you, open and bare
I hear you voice, feel your love, know you care

I have no fear

I will do as you ask, at almost any cost
Without you, your wants, needs, demands

I am lost

I love that you accept and cherish who and what I am
I love that my life is no longer a sham

You own me, I'm yours

Take me, use me, hold me
Protect me

I will love You

~fia

She waits to hear that click of the lock

There is no warning

No call, no knock

She rushes to be there

On her knees and at attention

Her obedience is noticed, even mentioned

He pats her head

She feels amazing

He smiles, shes lost

She's his, She's owned

She's home

~fia

Tell me,

Do you know?

Have you heard?

What is the sound of silence?

My mind is never quiet

It screams, begs, quietly chants

Never ending banging, pounding, singing

Such unholy pleading!

Colors swirl in a torrent of crashing waves

Questions form in rainbows

Hidden in the black of night

Silence?

I hear the white

~fia

== Results from bdsmtest.org ==
98% Submissive
89% Brat
88% Masochist
87% Degradee
83% Rope bunny
83% Girl/Boy
72% Slave
69% Experimentalist
34% Primal (Prey)
26% Pet
26% Ageplayer
14% Non-monogamist
10% Vanilla
8% Switch
5% Exhibitionist
4% Voyeur
3% Daddy/Mommy
2% Sadist
1% Master/Mistress
1% Dominant
1% Degrader
0% Owner
0% Brat tamer
0% Rigger
0% Primal (Hunter)

Lying naked upon the sand

Hot flames of the sun licking at the nipples

A spark, a flame, a fire within

Wanton need, devious thoughts

Hands wander, fingers explore

Lying in wait, expecting an explosion

Needing so much more

~fia

Christmas, they say, is the time of cheer

But she knows, what it is that comes ever near

It brings her pain, causes fear

That cold and lifeless dagger, buried within her heart.

The one that pulses with every beat , tearing her more, and more apart.

She wants to grab it, rip it out

Leave a stain upon the land.

Her life, her love, her reason

Lying there

A monument upon the sand.

And when the waves wash it clear, She can only hope they see

Her heart, still beating

Open, waiting and bare

As it should have been, and she needs it to be

The girl

Is finally

Free

Waiting to be taken

~fia

I am on my knees, reaching out
Head bowed, praying

Upon my upraised hands is a silver platter
Holding my life; heart, mind and soul

I willingly offer it up you, to honor, protect
Virtuously control.

This trust is fragile, please take it gently

Bend me, dismantle me, expose me

Teach me, sculpt me, cherish me

Make me wholly yours

~fia

His voice was rough, gravelly, mean
Twisted, sick, disgustingly obscene

His hands were icy, viscous, ruthless
Cruel, inhuman, utterly useless

She lay there, frozen, numb, perished
Terrified, lost, never cherished

She prayed, for death, then for strength, then for power.

She ran, He caught her

She is The Bastards Daughter

~fia

I walked away one day to take that often talked about "road less traveled". I began the journey to find fulfillment. To end the constant feeling of need. The path has led to a wall so high I can not see the top. Beneath my feet is an endless slab of gray. There are no trees, no grass, no birds. There is no life to be found. I reluctantly contemplate turning back. I know I will never find my own true happiness on the side by which I came but there is security and comfort in the familiar.

The river is wide, icy, dark. The monsters that lurk in the churning water roar in my ears. The bridge I set a torch to is a broken sculpture made of charcoal. I am stuck here, searching for that elusive handhold to help me over the wall.

There have been hands. Most are made of fake stone and turn to dust when I touch them. Some hands are so visibly cold I fear I will freeze if I attempt to touch them. Others are shooting flames so hot I am singed as I try to pass. There are a few that are just too weak to hold me. They all seem to fade into the mist as if they were never there. Where can the warm, soft, ever present, strongest hand be found? Will it be strong enough? I continue to walk, and search, and wonder...

~fia

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