Emjay


	EmJayM		emjay36

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Friends:



	I do not want to start a long distance relationship! Nor do I want to be responsible for someone relocating. If you are outside of the Tidewater area, please think about that before you contact me. What I desire boils down fairly succinctly to: a close friend, a lover and a companion as well as a slave. I used to say that I was looking somewhat casually for a submissive but I am finding that the more profiles I look at and the more people I talk to the more eager I become to actually find someone. The sub I am looking for is local to me, a non-smoker and probably a man, but if the right woman presented herself I would be happy too. I am not trying to be rude in insisting on a non-smoker, but rather it is that I have asthma and tobacco smoke is one of my triggers. For me a BDSM partner is more than someone to tie up and/or beat on. A partner is someone to talk to, to be a friend, to be able to joke around with when the occasion warrants it. I am looking for a sub, not a doormat. I do not consider all men to be beneath me. A good sub for me is someone who has a spine and ideas of his (or her) own. A sub should respect him or herself. I'm not looking for a brat, but a little resistance makes it more fun. I want to cause pain. I want to cause pleasure. I want to be offered submission rather than having to take it. I want to have a sub do things for me that are not necessarily bedroom related. I want to know what my sub wants so I can decide whether or not to give it to him. If your best way of introducing yourself is to say that you are the basest lifeform and deserve to be beaten and abused, don't bother contacting me. I want a sub who can be someone with whom I share more than just lifestyle interest. I want a friend too. To let you know something about me more than just a list of kinks I am into or interested in, let me say this (in no particular order)... I am polyamorous, married and have a child. I am a scifi/fantasy fan, both written and film/tv. I have a sarcastic sense of humor. I am an artist. I work in polymer clay creating jewelry and small art objects. I hate exercise, but am trying to do more of it. I am a BBW I like cats. I love puns. Honor and truthfulness are important above all else. I enjoy games, card and board games - not the ones that screw with peoples emotions. My wonderful husband is also a Dom, so that can make life a bit interesting at times. Yes, he knows I am looking for a submissive. He should, we have talked about it often enough. :-) I really discovered my interest in BDSM about 17 years ago. OK, I have to admit that I read and enjoyed the Gor novels as a teen and that was considerably more than seventeen years ago, but I was reintroduced to the idea and began to pursue it around 1996. My first interest was as a bottom. I became more interested in topping sort of gradually as my girlfriend was also into bottoming. A number of our friends were switches. At this point in my life while I will occasionally bottom, especially when I need to have my back loosened up, I consider myself a Domme. My introduction to the feeling of being a Domme was when a friend knelt to me and asked me if I would be his mistress for the evening. The soulful begging look in his eyes sent such a shiver through me - WOW. Within a half an hour I began making cuffs for him out of some leather left over from one of the floggers I had recently made as the ones I had would not fit his wrists. I had topped a number of times before then, but the look of complete surrender he gave me was new to me. That is the feeling I want to have again. I have had a few submissives serve me since then, but I have not had that kind of connection since. I have come to believe that at least some of that lack is due to not having the emotional connection of a friendship underling the D/s one. My active pursuit of the lifestyle has had ups and downs. In other words I have not spent the last seventeen years actively playing. In fact there has been more time when I have not played than there has been that I have. Some of it has to do with being hurt or disappointed by subs. Some of it has been a lack of opportunity - having a child can do that to you. Now as said child grows up I am becoming more myself once again and less "mommy". I look forward to seeing what happens next.

Every so often I find myself mentally working on something that just won't come clear. It is then that I turn to introspective writing. I was working on this the other day and thought I would share what I had written here. Recently have begun to more actively look for a submissive. This is due in part to my husband's enjoyment of his submissive. And in part an effort to kick start my libido again.

That libido thing, however, is part of what has gotten me thinking. How can I be looking for what is to many people a fundamentally sexual relationship when I have such a low desire for sex? Am I being fair? But then again BDSM for me has never been all about the sex. The more sadistic things give me pleasure because I simply think they are fun. It does not really make me horny to beat a guy, but I certainly enjoy myself while doing it. I like causing reactions and can get positively giddy with a responsive bottom. On the domination side of things what I get is more of a warm, pleasant, powerful (one should hope) feeling. One of the things I love is being pampered.

The thing that's got me in a quandary is what is it I have to offer? For a masochistic bottom the answer is pretty easy. I pitch, they catch, and we both have fun. For a sub it gets trickier. Because so much depends on the mental connection it is hard to picture what I have to offer a generic (for lack of a better term) submissive. Maybe it is simply being someone who tells them to do things they already want to do. But who also can and will prevent them from doing it at will. I guess it comes down to finding a good match between the things that I would like to have done and the things that they offer.

Things I would like someone to do for me:

Give me a massage Give me a foot massage and/or pedicure. (No sucking on toes though.)
Brush and play with my hair.
Clean in my house. (in the nude could be cool now that school is back in session.)
Do yard work. - oooooh I could be an exacting task mistress with this one. *wicked grin*
Detail my car.

Things I would want to do to someone:

Tie them up and beat them. I like using floggers, crops, paddles and my dressage whip
Carefully try some CBT. I say carefully because I need to know more of what I am doing and would be more comfortable with someone to guide me.

I expect there's more, but it will come up when it wants to.

Well, I finally added in some entries from the bdsm categories to my likes/dislikes list. I had not done so initially because many times my degree of interest (and even presence of interest at all) is influenced by my partner's interest in the activity. There are very few things that I would consider must-haves. These things include respect, intelligence, good communication, and a willingness to experience pain for my pleasure. That last one is the only one that could be considered exclusively bdsm related and it isn't even on the lists. I am not at all ashamed to say that I am a sadist. I enjoy giving pain, but only if it is appreciated in some way by the recipient.

EmJayM	emjb1993	EmJee
emjay36	emjustagir	emjmes84