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I communicate in full, complete sentences and hope you do also.
Okay, I am a female, I'm not pretty in the petite, young way but I'm not ugly either, I consider myself pleasant looking. A bit about myself, I am a bi-curious, masochistic, submissive/personal servant, 54, overweight and some physical limitations. I'm in the process of changing my eating and excersise regium to get healthy. I enjoy anal play, flogging, whips, some humiliation play and i do enjoy serving others. There are many other things I enjoy, need and want and will discuss them as we get to know each other. Also, if you are married or have a signicant other they MUST be aware of what you do ... I will not be just "the other woman" or someone to be hidden. This does not mean that I have to be #1, just that I want an open and honest relationship on all fronts. I can be discreet but won't/don't hide my lifestyle preferences. I am not actively looking for a long time relationship but won't object if one develops. I currently have a semi-regular play partner whom I like to play with and will continue to do so. This relationship is non-negotiable at this time. I do NOT do Internet or long distance BDSM, I'm a hands on type of gal. I do NOT perform on web cam so don't even ask. No, I'm not interested in relocating at this time. I am not here for sex but enjoy it in the context play and pain. I'm not a "educated" person, but I am intelligent with a large dose of common sense. I like to get to know people as friends and hope you do too. This may not be your typical ad, but I try to be as up front as possible about things. Well, I guess that's it. If you feel you can deal with a submissive who won't jump through hoops, just because you say you are dominat, please  contact me. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
P.S. I am just as guilty as the next person in being a bit judgmental when reading profiles, but ... if there is nothing there to read then I feel there is no substance in the person behind the name. I read profiles, every bit of them of those who contact me or even view mine. Pictures can always be exchanged, but if you can't even list some vanilla likes how will anyone know if you have ANYTHING in common!!
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Please Don't judge me on what you read alone.
Please Don't assume that just because I can be strong in my wants and desires that I can't bend to your will.
Please Don't push me away before you've talked to me.
Please Don't take my defenses as being bratty or demanding.
Please look past the outside and see the woman/girl inside.
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To all MALE SUBMISSIVES, unless your intrest is purely that of a service sub (i.e. yard work, housework, etc.) or as just a friend, please don't contact me. I have no interest in being a Top/Dom or Mistress. I don't do CBT, I don't want sex with you, I have absolutely no interest in taking charge of your life or inflicting pain on you.
Don't call me ma'am, m'lady or any other "superior" title, I am a submissive and a human being just like you. |
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First off, my sincerest wishes for a more prosperous, fruitful New Year in 2009 for all.
I've been doing a lot of thinking about myself and others and felt this was as good a place as any to post those thoughts.
I'm well aware this will sound self-serving but they are my perspective on myself and others. I see myself as outgoing and amiable but shy around those more learneded than myself. I enjoy being around people but when around "educated" folks I'm less sure of myself. Although I am by no means unintelligent I'm not "schooled" in politics, religion, electronics, etc., and those who are intimidate me. I am easily bored with repetion.
I'm very empathic/sympathic to those who need a shoulder to lean on or just someone to listen to their joys or woes but I will become quite aggrivated hearing the same "woe is me" tales from the same person when they have the means of taking the reins and changing their situation.
I give great hugs and have been told they have a healing quality to them. I am a "care-giver" but not a nurse-maid.
I find people who continually flaunt and brag about their "talents" and "expertise" borish and not as good as they claim. I don't care for "one uppers", you know, those folks who have to out do your experiences with their own.
I know my faults as well, I'm a procrastinator, yes I'm guilty. I also find it hard to not "justify" or reason out my mistakes at times. I need to be assured that when something is over, it's over and not hanging in the background to bite me later. For example, my former Mistress was very upset with me for expressing my jealousy over a male submissive and the way I worded it. I spoke before thinking through my feelings and after I made my apologies and did my atonement, was forgiven and told the incident was done with, I couldn't help feeling, in my own mind, that it would be held against me at a future time.
I can be lazy if it's something I don't want to do but when I do work, I work hard at doing an above average job. I like being praised for a good job, I accept constructive criticism, but don't deal well with out and out criticism.
I guess before this turns into a book, I'll end here, perhaps when I feel reflective again I'll add more.
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My job search continues but I'm still optomistic that I will find something. I'm also realizing my attitude lately has sucked big time and I have no defense or real reason for it. I've been unfair to those around me or those trying to make friends with me.
I am normally not judgmental and I have no idea why I have been lately.
I am asking forgiveness to those whom I have been rude and snarky with. |
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Well I'm another year older *lol* had a big play session planned for my birthday but due to unforseen circumstances it had to be postponed. I'm still looking for a compatible job, just getting to old for all the heavy work I've been doing for the last few years.
I continue my search for the right match for a play partner and an added twist, I'd also like to find a female, bi sub for some play with myself and a longtime Dom friend. She definatly needs to be into pain and open for just about anything.
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I guess it's times like this that we find out just what kind of friend you are and who your friends are. I admit, I let myself get drepressed over recent events but it also helped me to put things in perspective. I choose to see this as a needed change before things are said that can't be taken back and end a friendship.
Thank you to those who have given me moral support and let me cry and bitch in your ear http://www.collarspace.com/htmlarea/smileys/0026.gif" align=absMiddle border=0>http://www.collarspace.com/htmlarea/smileys/0021.gif" align=absMiddle border=0>http://www.collarspace.com/htmlarea/smileys/0493.gif" align=absMiddle border=0> |
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I do have to chuckle and shake my head at some folks. "I found true love and the right Master/slave for me" only to have them post a very short time later that T/their collar was removed/taken back .... this only proves to me that velcro collars should become a new collar "phase" in a relationship .. you know, collar of intention, collar of consideration, collar of velcro, etc., etc. For me the only real collar is the collar of the heart, once that has encircled you, you truly belong to each other.
Over the last 10 (ten) years I've worn two collars for more than 3 yrs each, both times I was released for reasons I couldn't agrue against but not because either of us wanted it. It needed to be done for each person's growth.
I know there have been countless discussions, arguments and definitions of what a collar is and means. Each person will take what they will from them, sometimes they find that someone who agrees with what it means to them. I know should I ever be collared again, itwill be someone whom I can devote myself too and who can devote themself to me. We will grow together and compliment each others needs, desires and wants. Finding that part in each other that make us stronger together.
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Some view my profile and tell me I'm not a "true" submissive, how I hate that word as applied to what is in my heart. I don't call someone who can make me feel the desire to serve them a "true" Dom, either they are, or they aren't. My profile, although seemingly pretty straight forward, basically outlines what I desire in an occasional play partner, NOT what I desire in a primary, full time partner, Master/Mistress relationship. As we get to know each other, things will come to light that is desired in a more set and solid partnership if that should be what we both desire. Having said that, I have several prospects of new play partners where each of us can get what we need and I am very excited about it.http://www.collarspace.com/htmlarea/smileys/0003.gif" align=absMiddle border=0> |
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Ah Life, a feast or famine. Reading my past entries I realize they sound pretty negative, honest I'm not a negative person, the only time I do journling is when I'm frustrated about something and writing helps relieve that frustration. Getting it out is a safety valve for me, sadly I choose to do it here instead of my private journal ... bad me ... this will be remedied as of tonight.
I am beginning to think though, that what I have to offer someone is more than is apparent in my profile but I don't know exactly what to add that can promote more interest and still keep it honest. *laughs* I'm a sucky salesperson!!
I know how to laugh at myself and I do have a very good sense of humor, perverted most of the time. For the most part I am very easy going but know that when things need to get done, I'll do them.
I would like to be a part of someone's life, to compliment their life with my own. Help to fulfill their needs and desires, to serve them and in turn, get what I need and desire. Ah well, *smile* I guess at my age it's a little harder to come by, but I won't give up just yet.
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Well I was apparently duped, not by a Dom, but a "sub". I had decided to indulge in a toppish curiosity and got dragged in. W/o naming names, this person had sent me several pics, one of which was later found on an adult site, claiming they were of herself. She represented herself to me as being a "novice" and inexperienced. I will give her a chance to explain, but she has broken a trust with one simple lie, that I can not abide in a Dom or sub. |
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ok, so i'm coming out of my seasonal blue funk, http://www.collarspace.com/htmlarea/smileys/0021.gif" align=absMiddle border=0> Things may not be completely ok yet, but they are looking up. I have met or at least talked to a few promising people and I think that has been a major factor in my attitude. I'm not looking for "true love" just a good friend/s with benefits. You see folks, I think about M/s, S/M all the time, my vanilla life just fills in the blanks but don't get me wrong, I do enjoy alot of vanilla activities ... going to the movies, walks in the woods or on a beach, reading, etc. It's just that BDSM is always on my mind *chessy grin* |
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I guess only those who know me can see the strength in my submission. Most of the Doms I know personally who have read my profile congratulate me on being so upfront and honest about my wants and needs. A great majority of them also have stated that even though I insist that I'm a submissive they say I am good slave material *chuckles* ... I don't see that happening.
Anyway, my search continues for a somewhat regular play partner within at least an hour drive and I don't want to have to be the ONLY one making the drive (due to fuel prices). |
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After being apart for a year, Mistress had contacted me and wanted to try again, we talked long and hard about what happened and cleared the air about things. We were just on our way to getting back into our relationship when she suddenly passed away just a week ago today. I am so glad that we were able to spend a few more good times together before she had to leave this life. She had told me when we got to talking again that the reason I couldn't refer to her any way other than Ma'am or Mistress was because even though I no longer wore her physical collar, my true collar was around my heart, she was correct and she held the leash and key to it.
Mistress Tmtashn, no matter where my journey leads me, no matter who I'm with next, you will always be a part of who I am. Your wisdom, insight and intuition always amazed me and was always right on.
Mistress, there will be no more briar patches.
In Loving Memory,
elsie |
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I guess honesty in what I need and want isn't what they want to hear http://www.collarspace.com/htmlarea/smileys/0449.gif" align=absMiddle border=0>, I've just reached an age and stage in my life that I won't settle for less than I feel I deserve. I won't fluff things. I may be shy but by no means am I a push over. I am sorry if some can't see that. |
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