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	*Update, as much as I appreciate all of the messages of interest it is with great sadness that I must inform you I have been diagnosed with terminal cancer. I am here to talk with old friends, perhaps make a new one or two however unless you are an incredibly altruistic soul and just want to come clean my house, rub my feet or give me a lovely pain relieving massage whilst you get absolutely nothing in return another profile will serve you better. Do not walk into my world without expecting to walk out of yours. Do not think that because you have limits, they will become mine. Do not fool yourself into thinking that if you offer yourself to me you will be able to control what parts of you I take or how I will use my property and certainly do not disillusion yourself with the belief that should you end up at my feet the phrases i can’t, i wont, i don’t want to would ever remain in your vocabulary. I am not your mother, I am not here to console you, I am not your lover, I am not here to make your dreams come true, I am here for me, do not be confused about that.

I am tired, very tired, tired of the game, just wishing there was someone who was a slave wanting someone who was just a Domme, period

Some things never change, working on a project for an old friend and found my yearbook from 1978...this is what it said under my graduating picture....Plans to be a psychologist. Known for trying to run the whole school. Hates taking orders. Activities: student council treasurer, grad ring pres, grad dance committee, variety show, yearbook staff, & 'Arizona' lol

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun (Sonnet 130)

by William Shakespeare

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;

Coral is far more red than her lips' red;

If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;

If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.

I have seen roses damasked, red and white,

But no such roses see I in her cheeks;

And in some perfumes is there more delight

Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.

I love to hear her speak, yet well I know

That music hath a far more pleasing sound;

I grant I never saw a goddess go;

My mistress when she walks treads on the ground.

And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare

As any she belied with false compare.

A sub on here grasciously is allowing me to repost one of his posts (thanks bill) One has to love a boy with a brain

I have been thinking and wondering.

Is the desire to give up control, the ache to please, the want to serve and obey, demanding in and of itself?

Am I being a selfish boy when I ask someone or beg someone to take control?

And I selfish for begging them to do what they wish and what might please them and make them happy.. even at my expense? because it's what I also desire and crave?

Is the desire to be a slave a selfish thing to seek for a slave? lol

Am I wrong in thinking it's somewhat ironic and funny in a way? lol

Is it selfish? Of course it is, it is most definitely self-serving however where did this notion come from that a slave must be selfless in order to be a good slave? The entire reason these relationships work is because the slave craves to give exactly what it is the Dominant so desperately needs.

A happy/satisfied slave serves well. They serve with joy and gratitude. Although it is not as simple as giving a slave what you know they want for them to be happy, on the contrary, because what they want MORE than 'what they want' is to be controlled, to feel that control. what they need MORE than what they want is an opportunity to continuously 'prove' their submission and they do this by not getting what they want. A slave is never more satsfied than when they have accomplished something they never thought they could, crushed some boundry that they thought was unsurmountable and had a tangible way to demonstrate their surrender.

Is it wrong to beg for what you want? Absolutely not because the power remains in the Dominants hands whether you get it or not. Is it wrong to derive pleasure from an act or task? Absolutely not, the bottom line is pleasing ones Dominant, not how much one can suffer.

"How art Thou"? really? Ok lets save us all some time:

1. I am not a Goddess.

2. If you don't believe yourself to have been born in the last 100 years, we won't have much in common.

3. If you think you are worthless....then so do I.... which also means I have no use for you.

4. If you think you are going to pay me to top you then you have me confused with someone who likes to pretend they are in control.

Ok....this is a repost as an 'I told you so' for someone who knows who they are. Beyond repeating the posts that are about to follow all I want to say is..it could have been worse. I hope you reread and understand a little more clear what I was trying to say the first time around. I also hoped you learned a valuable lesson, it may have saved your life.

2/1/2009 8:48:43 AM

The entire concept of safewords annoys me, how is giving someone a safeword not giving them complete control???
Who is actually

controlling the situation???

I also see it as an insult to my ability to percieve the

state and safety of my the slave.

If you don't/can't trust me to the point that you feel you NEED a safeword then you shouldn't be putting yourself in that position with me to begin with !!!! Do people that actually believe in the false security of safewords ever consider that the person could just say fuck you once you said
it???? Reminds me of trust me I won't cum in your mouth lol

Safe words are no substitute for knowing and trusting your

partner.

If you want to control the scene maybe you are on the wrong

side of the fence....

2/4/2009 7:33:45 AM

My safeword post seems to have caused a lot of stir, mostly people agreeing with me but a couple that don't (and that's fine it's a big ole world and room for everyone to approach life as they want) but as I explained my position a little further to one who cannot see where a safeword is giving up any sort of control I thought I would share my answer to him with you for others that may share his opinion but have not approached me, lets face it I am not naive I know the ones that agree with me are more likely to tell me that than the ones that don't. He gets kudos for expressing himself and his beliefs not once but twice, we dont all have to agree, but we all have to believe in ourselves, so good for him. Here is my reply...Safewords do more harm than good, if someone actually is a nutbar and
WILL hurt you of course they are going to allow you a safeword, and say
anything else you want to hear just to get you where they want you.

For a Dominant that actually is sane and would never harm a slave they ARE
a control factor, my slave has to trust me that I will keep him/her
safe, that is imperative. That building of trust is the foundation of
the entire relationship, he/she has to go places with me they thought
they couldn't go and see they are OK, that I brought them through it,
that is one of the ways trust is built, by pushing limits, breaking
preconceived notions, if the slave has the POWER to stop you from
taking them there they will never grow.

However my main point about safewords is they are a false sense of security and that if that is going to be ones source of protection when they are hogtied they may
find its not quite enough.

I want slaves, particularly new slaves to think about the position they put themsleves in, and if its a safeword thats making you feel all is going to be swell WAKE UP, they
are are useless, trust....knowing your partner....establishing a
relationship with the person you are going to play with is what will
hopefully keep one safe, not shouting out RED while a basically total
stranger wields a 2X4 at you.

So there is a movie out called Hall Pass, the idea is two wives give their husbands a one week hall pass where they can do anything they want without consequences. How many marriages would be saved if couples could actually do this? Watching an interview with one of the writers he said that even if you have the best woman in the world you are always wondering what second best would be like, so true... His analogy, Joe Dimaggio dumped Marilyn Monroe lol.

But there is truth to it, when Sandra Bullock was cheated on and her marriage crumbled my daughter said to me what hope do reg chicks have if Sandra Bullock gets cheated on lol.There is an old saying that men are only as faithful as their opportunities, I would expand that to women also. Why? Because we aren't monogamous creatures. Because I love you does not mean that dude over there doesn't get my motor running.

If you are not emotionally involved in the situation and look at it logically what harm could it do if one of the people in a committed relationship took a week off? People get cheated on all the time and it has absolutely no affect on the primary relationship until he/she gets caught. If the affair manages to stay undetected no harm is done. If the affair gets uncovered thats when the trouble starts and it isn't the affair per se that causes the problem its the wounded one, the 'betrayed'. So if you take the being betrayed part out of the equation where is the problem?

Sure to be able to let someone you are with actually be with someone else takes a lot of self esteem and a great sense of security in the relationship. If I believe no one can take my place then I am not threatened by anyone else. And this is when poly works. When everyone involved is happy with their relationship and not envious of the relationship someone else has. When someone can say I know you love me for me so no matter who else you love I am still me and am still important to you. Not easy for most people.

When I was first introduced to poly I struggled with it and I remember a good friend of mine saying to me "What do you care what he does when he's not with you?" I had no answer, I had never thought of it like that. Does it matter if he is washing his car or at a movie with someone else. that was the beginning of me opening myself up to the concept, it was a slow process and took some time before being ok with him doing whatever when i wasn't around moved to to embracing and welcoming another person into the relationship and expanding 'our' relationship to include her. But once I got there and was able to appreciate the other person myself it got much easier.

There will always be jealousies and hard times but the rewards of poly far outweigh the negatives if it is done right. A hall pass is just a step in the right direction.

a recent email I received........ _______________________________________ Why are you so mean???? I have been to visit your profile many many times and you don?t speak to me I know you know I keep coming but you ignore me. I just want to know why. _______________________________________ ok, you know who you are, so this is to you, and anyone else who thinks like you, yes I see you coming and reading the profile, sometimes more than once even, so frequently that sometimes I may even go check yours out of curiosity if I am bored, however I am never going to contact you, even if when I read your profile you sound interesting, why? because you have come, read my profile and not contacted me, this leads me to believe we are not searching for the same things, or why would you not have said hello? I chalk up your visits to perhaps you come back to read the journal or that you check so many profiles you forget you have read mine until you read it again, I do not assume you are playing some cat and mouse game to get my attention, I don't play games, you want to talk to me...talk to me, it is that simple.

Chastity?yet another email from a male slave salivating over the thought of being ordered into a life of chastity, these along with the cuckold emails are pretty common, I find this?interesting.
In vanilla life the males are encouraged to be the studs and the females the more chaste of the two genders, and although that is changing with the times and women are slightly more accepted as sexually beings being promiscuous or ?a slut? is still looked upon negatively.
In our life however it seems the exact opposite where the male slaves gravitate more towards wanting to be chaste ones and the females are totally encouraged to be ?sluts?, so much so that slut and even whore is almost always a term of endearment and completely without that same disapproving tone.
Of course the Dominant males do not share the desire to be chaste that so many submissive males do, or at least I have never met one, which makes me ponder what drives this phenomenon.
As with anything else I am sure there are multiple reasons that some male slaves find chastity attractive, even when the end result is the same the whys are not always. I presume for some (particularly the cuckolds from my personal experience) they prefer to be chaste due to feelings of inadequacy sexually whether from size, inexperience or a history of feeling an inability to satisfy therefore having no faith in their technique. For others I suppose it is their desire to sacrifice, the need to suffer, another manifestation of masochistic behaviour, being denied sexual gratification appeals to that masochist martyrdom that seems to satiate some slaves. And...there will always be the slaves that do what they do and want what they want because they believe it is what the Dominant wants.
Personally I want nothing to do with a slave that comes to me wanting to be chaste 24/7 because I see that as limiting my control, it is just another limit imposed on me by someone who insists they want to be my ?property?, nope doesn?t work for me, I will decide when you are chaste and when you are not, you will fuck who I want , when I want, how I want, and you will not fuck when it suits me. As for chastity devices?if you cannot abide by my will without the help of some mechanical device you are not the slave for me, you will do what I say because you are Mine, not because you have no choice thanks to some manufactured gizmo.

Officially on vacation until the 12th so don't be sending me nasty emails because I don't answer you !!!

Open letter to Elan, As I am not sure any correspondence I return to you will be received I decided to send a brief thank you this way. I appreciate the depth to which you explored my journal and the comments made on it, but more than that I appreciate how you re-evaluated your initial impression of who I am. You may contact me at vanillaspiced.com my ID there is mistress_desiderata

something I never thought I would have to say...DON"T email me and ask me to kill you...geez

I have always tried to be autonomous in my sense of self, I suppose that comes from years of feeling ?different?. When I stumbled into the lifestyle, and finally weeded through all of the emotion and information and experiences and realised who and what I was I thought aha !!! that is why I have always felt different?I am a Dominant woman !! It would be easy to say that I am different because I am a Dominant woman, lets face it, that is not the stereotype, but it goes beyond that because now even though the knowledge of who I am is absolute as far as being a Mistress (can?t say Domme in case the VS police read this) even in this arena I find myself ?different?.

The majority of female Dominants I have met along the way have fallen into the categories of being of either the Dominatrix type that to me comes off as more of a role play creation from porn written by men for men, the bitch Domme which is very similar to the Dominatrix but seems to expand a little farther out from only focussing on being the sexual predator in big black boots and the Goddess?, the lifestyle diva?s. In the infancy of the exploration of my Dominant nature I found the fact that the majority of female Dominants I crossed paths with fell into one of these categories made me definitely question if I truly was a Dominant. Personally I could not identify with this mindset. Throw into the mix the abundance of male slaves I met that hailed female supremacy and seemed to thrive on humiliation and degradation and I was one confused newbie. I knew being in control was my comfort zone, I knew I was possessive, I knew I was protective so why wasn?t I any of these other things? Why didn?t I feel like a Goddess? Why didn?t I think everyone should throw roses and bow and be ever so grateful to share the air that I breathe? I am the Dominant dammit !!! Am I not suppose to think I am the best thing since sliced bread????

Now lets make matters even worse, I am a natural born caregiver, a nurse by profession and a counsellor by trade?a compassionate fixer?great. How Dominant is that?? No wonder I was confused. Aren?t slaves supposed to be the compassionate ones? Isn?t this all about meeeeeeeeeeeee? What am I suppose to do with these consuming emotions I feel that makes me want to fix everyone and make them all better? Why was it that even though I made the rules, called the shots, had all the power that I found more often than not my decisions were based on what was best for my slave, not for me. Checks the Dominant manual?am I suppose to be the one sacrificing here???

It took me a long time to sort it out, there was a lot of soul searching before I came to realise that being different only enhances my Dominance, it doesn?t deduct from it, the fact that I don?t fit the stereotype just reinforces just how Dominant I am, I don?t have to wear big black boots or stilettos (not that I don?t agree they are super sexy, I am just a barefoot kind of gal) I don?t have to live in latex or leather, be a bitch, or expect people to pay for the honour of my company, it is ok to care, to nurture, to be willing to give not just take, and to care enough about the person that has so generously surrendered their being to me that I will do whatever it takes, even if that means a temporary sacrifice on my part, to make them who I think they should and believe they can be. Why? Because hey, I am the Dominant?.I get to make the rules remember. I don?t have to follow anyone else?s rules, not even if they have the stamp of approval by the Royal Commission of Dominants.

I have spent a lot of time and thought to get to a place where I don?t allow the behaviour of others to determine mine and to not allow my worth to be determined by others. Tonight in conversation I told a slave not to let others determine their worth and he said to me that his worth is relative to the value placed by others, that only his owners value set was relevant. I have been left to ponder this?.I understand what he?s saying, it is the equivalent to having grown the most beautiful rose in the garden the fact that you treasure it so does not change the fact that roses are 48.00 a dozen, but we are not talking roses are we? We are talking people, and although he definitely has a point that it is his owners value set that is relevant, it is him that chooses that owner. It is not just any Dominants value set, it is his ?owners?, which brings me right back to my initial belief that it is he that must set his own worth, appreciate his own value and then and only then seek out an owner who?s value set matches his own. Who a slave chooses to own them is the most important decision they will ever make, if they allow their worth to be determined for them it is quite possible they will accept a Dominant that undervalues them, much better to assess and set their own value and find a Dominant that shares their same set of priorities and appreciates that value. I refer back to my blog about wanting an 8 cow slave?..I highly recommend slaves search for an 8 cow Dominant.

I was talking to a ?straight? male slave today, he was horrified that I have ?forced? (how can I force something from someone who has voluntarily completely surrendered to me?) straight men to interact sexually with other men. How could I do such a thing !! Well lets see?.very easily grins, I like it. To me ?straight? or ?lesbian? or any other category one slips themselves into is no different than any other limit a slave tries to enforce. And yes this is where I will get the it?s not the same it could cause irreversible psychological damage argument. I disagree, I see it as no different as the psychological damage a slave is vulnerable to by any other fear they have, like pain. It is the slaves job to obey, it is my job to not harm that slave, that includes psychologically. I?ll do my job, you worry about yours?. It reminded me of a forum post by a slave where she said she would prefer to be called slaveosexual, I think this is how more slaves should think, if you are my slave you are not straight, you are not heterosexual, you are not a lesbian or bisexual, you are a slave, period.

when I was perving profiles I saw this and quite liked it........Sometimes what seems like surrender isn't surrender at all. It's about what's going on in your own hearts; about seeing clearly the way life is and accepting it and being true to it, whatever the pain. Because the pain of not being true to it is far, far greater. -Nicholas Evans "The Horse Whisperer"-

I get asked all the time if I take ?newbie? slaves, obviously there is some benefit to having a slave that has experienced the life, for one it is pretty safe to assume they know the realities of it and are still drawn to it, so many are drawn to the fantasy of it and when they actually live the life for a while it cannot live up to how it felt in their head, also they have a sense of what THEY need and that can make the process much simpler. However I would not dismiss someone merely because they were new, we all were new at one point, sometimes potential can outweigh experience. If I truly believe one to have the soul of a slave, they are obedient and are willing to learn, then yes I would consider them, one of the best slaves I ever owned came to me as a ?newbie?, What really matters is where they end up, not where they start. I received a story in my email today, about an 8 cow wife?.this sums up how I feel about my slaves?I want an 8 cow slave??here is the article

Why Johnny Lingo paid eight cows for his wife ============================================== When I sailed to Kiniwata, an island in the Pacific, I took along a notebook. After I got back it was filled with descriptions of flora and fauna, native customs and costumes. But the only note that still interests me is the one that says: "Johnny Lingo gave eight cows to Sarita's father." And I don't need to have it in writing. I'm reminded of it every time I see a woman belittling her husband or a wife withering under her husband's scorn. I want to say to them, "You should know why Johnny Lingo paid eight cows for his wife."
Johnny Lingo wasn't exactly his name. But that's what Shenkin, the manager of the guest house on Kiniwata, called him. Shenkin was from Chicago and had a habit of Americanizing the names of the islanders. But Johnny was mentioned by many people in many connections. If I wanted to spend a few days on the neighboring island of Nurabandi, Johnny Lingo could put me up. If I wanted to fish, he could show me where the biting was best. If it was pearls I sought, he would bring me the best buys.
The people of Kiniwata all spoke highly of Johnny Lingo. Yet when they spoke they smiled, and the smiles were slightly mocking.
"Get Johnny Lingo to help you find what you want and let him do the bargaining," advised Shenkin. "Johnny knows how to make a deal."
"Johnny Lingo!" A boy seated nearby hooted the name and rocked with laughter.
"What goes on?" I demanded. "Everybody tells me to get in touch with Johnny Lingo and then breaks up. Let me in on the joke."
"Oh, the people like to laugh," Shenkin said, shrugging. "Johnny's the brightest, the strongest young man in the islands. And for his age, the richest."
"But, if he's all you say, what is there to laugh about?"
"Only one thing. Five months ago, at fall festival, Johnny came to Kiniwata and found himself a wife. He paid her father eight cows!"
I knew enough about island customs to be impressed. Two or three cows would buy a fair-to-middling wife, four or five a highly satisfactory one.
"Good Lord!" I said. "Eight cows!" She must have beauty that takes your breath away.
"She's not ugly," he conceded, and smiled a little. "But the kindest could only call Sarita plain. Sam Karoo, her father, was afraid she'd be left on his hands."
"But then he got eight cows for her? Isn't that extraordinary?"
"Never been paid before."

"Yet you call his wife plain?" "I said it would be kindness to call her plain. She was skinny. She walked with her shoulders hunched and her head ducked. She was scared of her own shadow."
"Well," I said, "I guess there's just no accounting for love."
"True enough," agreed the man. "And that's why the villagers grin when they talk about Johnny. They get special satisfaction from the fact that the islands' sharpest trader was bested by dull old Sam Karoo."
"But how?"
"No one knows and everyone wonders. All the cousins were urging Sam to ask for three cows and hold out for two until he was sure Johnny'd pay only one. Then Johnny came to Sam Karoo and said, `Father of Sarita, I offer eight cows for your daughter.'"
"Eight cows," I murmured. "I'd like to meet this Johnny Lingo."
I wanted fish. I wanted pearls. So the next afternoon I beached my boat at Nurabandi. And I noticed as I asked directions to Johnny's house that his name brought no sly smile to the lips of his fellow Nurabandians. And when I met the slim, serious young man, when he welcomed me with grace to his home, I was glad that from his own people he had respect unmingled with mockery. We sat in his house and talked. Then he asked, "You come here from Kiniwata?"
"Yes."
"They speak of me there?"
"They say there's nothing that you can't help me get."
He smiled gently. "My wife is from Kiniwata."
"Yes, I know."
"They speak of her?"
"A little."
"What do they say?"
"Why, just....." The question caught me off balance. "They told me you were married at festival time."
"Nothing more?" The curve of his eyebrows told me he knew there had to be more.
"They also say the marriage settlement was eight cows." I paused. "They wonder why."
"They ask that?" His eyes lighted with pleasure. "Everyone in Kiniwata knows about the eight cows?"
I nodded.
"And in Nurabandi everyone knows it too." His chest expanded with satisfaction. "Always and forever, when they speak of marriage settlements, it will be remembered that Johnny Lingo paid eight cows for Sarita."
So that's the answer, I thought: vanity.
And then I saw her. I watched her enter the room to place flowers on the table. She stood still a moment to smile at the young man beside me. Then she went swiftly out again. She was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. The lift of her shoulders, the tilt of her chin, the sparkle of her eyes all spelled a pride to which no one could deny her the right.
I turned back to Johnny Lingo and found him looking at me.
"You admire her?" he murmured.
"She ... she's glorious. But she's not Sarita from Kiniwata," I said.
"There's only one Sarita. Perhaps she does not look the way they say she looked in Kiniwata."
"She doesn't. I heard she was homely. They all make fun of you because you let yourself be cheated by Sam Karoo."
"You think eight cows were too many?" A smile slid over his lips.
"No. But how can she be so different?"
"Do you ever think," he asked, "what it must mean to a woman to know that her husband has settled on the lowest price for which she can be bought? And then later, when the women talk, they boast of what their husbands paid for them. One says four cows, another maybe six. How does she feel, the woman who was sold for one or two? This could not happen to my Sarita."
"Then you did this just to make your wife happy?"
"I wanted Sarita to be happy, yes. But I wanted more than that. You say she is different. This is true. Many things can change a woman. Things that happen inside, things that happen outside. But the thing that matters most is what she thinks about herself. In Kiniwata, Sarita believed she was worth nothing. Now she knows she is worth more than any woman in the islands."
"Then you wanted--"
"I wanted to marry Sarita. I loved her and no other woman."
"But--" I was close to understanding.
"But," he finished softly,
"I wanted an eight-cow wife."

I see you sleeping, curled naked on the bathroom floor, fulfilling the punishment that you silently craved. Knowing your soul I knew you would not forgive yourself without retribution, knew that to not punish you would be a far worse punishment than your cold unforgiving prison. I see you sleeping and know that your slumber is far more sound than if you were in the comfort of your bed with soft fluffy pillows and a heart full of regret. I see you sleeping and think how beautiful you look wrapped in your surrender. I see you sleeping and realise I am glad to have awoke?to see you sleeping.

Would you show up at my door univited? I certainly hope not, would not be a wise move on your part, certainly would not endear you to me, I feel the same about receiving a chat request from someone I have had no prior contact with...don't annoy me b4 we have even spoken, there's plenty of time for that.

"To learn the art of submission, a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place."

I just stole this off a slaves profile, ty baby...it is so very true.

Although my time with katherine was wonderful it served to make me so much more aware of the void in my life.

If it seems too good to be true....it probably is

There is one common theme when I talk to submissives from CM no matter how different they are, or what their concept of D/s is, what they are seeking or what experience they have had........somewhere in the conversation it comes around to their past disappointments, the fakes, players and wannabes they have encountered.

Well guess what...me too !!!! But you just have to accept they come with the territory sad as that may seem.

Very few people, both Dominant or submissive truly have what it takes to be true to this lifestyle, they are attracted by the bright lights, the kinky stuff, the "sex", all that scratch the surface stuff but do not have the commitment it takes to delve into the deeper levels, and even many that think they do, that are the ones that complain about the fakes, players and wannabes....can't face that depth of vulnerabilty.

So to all you who have crossed paths with the so called fakes, be grateful you recognised them, use them as a gauge to measure your own commitment and concepts, be thankful that this person who looked so good at first glance showed themselves for who they truly are before you invested more, learn from them so that when somone true comes along you can pick them out and nurture that relationship.

And keep in mind that sometimes its not that they don't want to go there, they just can't, they either don't know how or are afraid, even people who will get there aren't always there quite yet.....

Sometimes its best to just be grateful for unanswered prayers.

My safeword post seems to have caused a lot of stir, mostly people agreeing with me but a couple that don't (and that's fine it's a big ole world and room for everyone to approach life as they want) but as I explained my position a little further to one who cannot see where a safeword is giving up any sort of control I thought I would share my answer to him with you for others that may share his opinion but have not approached me, lets face it I am not naive I know the ones that agree with me are more likely to tell me that than the ones that don't. He gets kudos for expressing himself and his beliefs not once but twice, we dont all have to agree, but we all have to believe in ourselves, so good for him. Here is my reply...Safewords do more harm than good, if someone actually is a nutbar and WILL hurt you of course they are going to allow you a safeword, and say anything else you want to hear just to get you where they want you.

For a Dominant that actually is sane and would never harm a slave they ARE a control factor, my slave has to trust me that I will keep him/her safe, that is imperative. That building of trust is the foundation of the entire relationship, he/she has to go places with me they thought they couldn't go and see they are OK, that I brought them through it, that is one of the ways trust is built, by pushing limits, breaking preconceived notions, if the slave has the POWER to stop you from taking them there they will never grow.

However my main point about safewords is they are a false sense of security and that if that is going to be ones source of protection when they are hogtied they may find its not quite enough.

I want slaves, particularly new slaves to think about the position they put themsleves in, and if its a safeword thats making you feel all is going to be swell WAKE UP, they are are useless, trust....knowing your partner....establishing a relationship with the person you are going to play with is what will hopefully keep one safe, not shouting out RED while a basically total stranger wields a 2X4 at you.

The entire concept of safewords annoys me, how is giving someone a safeword not giving them complete control???
Who is actually
controlling the situation???
I also see it as an insult to my ability to percieve the
state and safety of my the slave.

If you don't/can't trust me to the point that you feel you NEED a safeword then you shouldn't be putting yourself in that position with me to begin with !!!! Do people that actually believe in the false security of safewords ever consider that the person could just say fuck you once you said it???? Reminds me of trust me I won't cum in your mouth lol

Safe words are no substitute for knowing and trusting your
partner.

If you want to control the scene maybe you are on the wrong
side of the fence....

The tests of submission are in the things one doesn’t like/want to do. Submitting to something you have longed for, crave /desire is not an act of submission, it is getting your needs met. Ideally a slave should take the time to find a Dominant that shares many of their likes, not unlike vanilla it is important for a sustainable relationship to have things in common. Also important is to be aware of a potential Dominants limits and see how they compare to yours, you may have what for you in a deal breaker on your list that doesn’t appear on Hers, and if it is not on hers, once owned by Her it is Her limits that are the bottom line. I have had slaves tell me “my last Mistress respected my limits” kudos to her, and lucky for you……..that she wasn’t ME.

It is the slave’s responsibility to choose their Dominant, we do not live in the days of forced slavery so if you are Mine it is because you want to be. It is because you surrendered you being, your ability to choose, all your power and your rights to ME. Do not take this lightly, because I don’t.

Before you eagerly fall to your knees at someone’s feet and offer yourself up do your homework, know yourself, know what YOU need, and then be diligent in knowing your potential Dominant. This is the time for questions, BEFORE she owns you, this is the time to get a sense of who she is and if you can trust her.

Is this a person that I can honor and obey without question, am I safe? Know the answers to these questions because once that collar is snug around your neck it’s game over. You have just, in one blanket moment, agreed to her whims and wishes no matter how you feel about them. You don’t have to like them, you don’t have to enjoy them, but you have to obey them.

You can be sure that if owned by me no matter how much we have in common on your likes/wants list I will seek out all those geez I didn't really want to go there things to push you and test you. Why? I like the power and because I find surrender one of the purest forms of submission, and simply...because I want to.

So if you don't want to step outside your comfort zone I hear there are Dominants out there that will allow you to limit their power by respecting your limits, however, they don't live here.

It never fails to surprise me the amount of “slaves” that measure their worth by their willingness to surrender their body. They boast of their willingness to offer themselves naked and limitless on a silver platter for all of my Sadistic and/or sensual pleasure. Many will even provide unsolicited photographic “proof” of just how slave like they are, almost always naked, bound and/or tortured in some way.

It is so easy to offer the flesh, so safe to rely on packaging and superficial vulnerability.

To those of you who have so kindly offered to come to me and sacrifice for my pleasure I hate to inform you that this does not make you a slave, at best it makes you a toy or perhaps a kinky vanilla who can’t get their darker desires met in “normal” relationships.

Being kinky does not make you a slave.

Many vanilla people incorporate aspects of BDSM or D/s role-play into their lives, which I think is great, anything that enhances ones life, makes it more fun and exciting should be embraced and reveled in. Enjoy !!!! BUT….I am not interested, thank you.

Being a slave comes from a place much deeper than the layers of skin that cover their body, it is not a manifestation of something they enjoy but rather something they need, something that completes and fulfills them. It is their purpose, and not only will they surrender their body, but their entirety, their being, they do not only open their legs but their hearts, and their souls. They do not need rope to bind them, or bruises to mark them, they are bound by their devotion, they are marked by their sacrifice of self.

I don't know exactly how long I have been back on CM but I am rapidly remembering why I left.

donno	Donatien	Donald4000
DonRicardo	Don969	don36e
Don76	donGa	donut42