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	ricka2



	Some people are really funny and some are really stupid..... I read some of the journals on here and I find myself LOL.....omg some people need to understand this is a lifestyle but not a confinment. Jeeze, get up off your ass and do something with yourself before you end up bored and alone....

Change is hard and sometimes it takes you by suprise. You leave to go forward and end up trying to figure out where you are, dazed and confused, as the song says. Having to split who you are to find yourself and place yourself in a situation that works. For a man its easy, they are who they are and have no desire to change that unless it brings some type of instant gratification, especially in this realm of people. Is there not a middle ground, a truce as to speak. A way to live your life to be happy and allow the ones around you to be so as well. Sexuality at this time in our lives (Anyone under thirty, your not there yet and be glad) seems to be the driving force and if it is not then it takes a back burner to much bullshit. Is there a way to be alive, feel alive but not at anyones expense, especially your own? I dont think there is a way to intigrate this lifestyle with reality which is a shame for thoes that are not as comfortable with the vanilla world. Kind of like Pandoras box, once its opened it wont shut that easy and when it does, so does the desire, but the memories remain as well as the what if's?

It's taken about a year and a half to finally find me through all the turmoil. Allowing myself the freedom to finally come to terms with the part of me that hungers for the pain and discipline of many facets of the life has allowed me freedom to be a whole person. I have many online friends to thank that listened And offered advice as well as my ex Master who made me really think. Think about goals about approriate behavior. Learned many lessons the hard way some due to safe habits and some through ignorance. But in the end I am left with me And I like me. It may take time to find another to share that bond but I am in a good place right now. With many of my goals now met and the acceptance of my desires I feel fulfilled. Smiles. Every day counts. I like Blue.

Weekend was interesting. Had some me time and much time to think. Have been setting my goals and have been eagerly achieving them. Yea me!!! I have been working on myself from the internal thoughts to the external with much exercise and walking time (allows me time to gather my thoughts). Have been learning much about the world within the realms of these sites and starting to realize that many things that I thought were proper and normal are not. Starting to think outside the box and realize that I have so much to give. Still pondering more on that. Well with that being said back to homework...last class for this degree...yea summer graduate then school begins again for additional education...hate to read but love to learn.

I think sometimes it's necessary to think outside The bubble of security we tend to place ourselves In. To venture out and take chances to allow ourselves To be free and happy. Sexual partners are easy Enough to find but a friend, a companion comes Around very rarely. All you can do is be true to Yourself and not be judged by others Many "Dom's" and "Subs " on these sites and Many fakes and many idiots to say the least Learning more about me daily. Don't judge me If you don't know me and even if you do. Think About it. Do you really think I give a shit? I am a submissive not an idiot. A slave not a doormats To own anything in life you know it has to be Well taken care of or it will wither away We take care of our cars, our clothes. But what About the people that really are willing to take Care of you?

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