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Update to the story below... Life changes...I no longer even have TIME to think about the lifestyle... Maybe that will sustain me for awhile . I don't want to completely remove my profile... but am now not actively seeking. ddd
About me... I have only recently (within 2 years) allowed myself to even consider my need to be submissive... have fought for control and power all my life and it has never made me happy. I discovered "the lifestyle" kind of through a back door and realized, this is it.  I have had a bad experience with a sadist/lying Dom who perpetuated his needs through humiliation and major falsifications of himself. Bad for a newbie! I did learn from him (*I will NOT give him the benefit of a capital letter!) that I have a penchant for bondage and pain , although limits were never explored. There was another Dom there to catch me when I fell from this and W/we have become a couple. The BDSM was immediately eliminated from our relationship, unfortunately for whatever reason I have not been able to discern except He has a physical weakness and I suppose it makes him feel weaker.
So now I have a relationship with a man who makes me laugh like no other, but I am COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY unfulfilled in two major avenues of my life . I feel guilty for wanting more than He is willing/able to give, and am finally exploring the possibility of finding another Dom/me to serve sexually and/or possibly just a weilder of whip to my near virgin skin (who MAYBE would not be adverse to having another watch from time to time at least).
I have myself listed as bi-... it should be bi-curious because I've only had one uncomfortable flirt in that direction, but am DEFINITELY curious.
In all of this time, though, I have built up a wall AGAIN... TRUST is going to be a huge issue with me, which may put me in the possition to just be looking for Someone who needs to release their S to my M. I am NOT looking for a professional either.
So, that's my story, and I'd like to change it! (Oh to be a model for fuckingmachines.com, WiredPussy or the likes of that online genre!)
dddesiree |
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