Cinnamonrolli

My eyes search yours, a soul to console, a heartbeat
that echos my call, a smile that lifts me
Why not me?
I can't ask you how you feel about me without reprimand
You'd rather have me be logical, robitic, pretend...
Is what you ask of me is to make you speak in my head? "Oh Hi. I live in your head.
This is how I feel about you. I'll tell you everyday." Surley,
then I'd be crazy. 

Are you emotionally unavailable?

-Fed up

Today a guy threw Doritos on my car, after I had just washed it. He rolled down his window and called me a dick and then proceeded to take pictures of me from his phone. Road rage is never a good thing.  I'm a strong believer in Karma. All I could do was smile and wave at him. 

Oh...what did I do to piss him off? I pulled into the lane, it was a double lane, with his red truck barreling down the road, I timed it that we had plenty of space. He didn't have to slam on his breaks or anything, he just didn't want to slow down and pulled right up on my ass leaning on his horn. Just my luck, we came to a red light, and he swerved right up beside me to harass me. He was an older guy...some manners... I was tempted to follow him into the Taco Bell parking lot, but I was on a time crunch. 

I bet his burrito was nasty and he threw it on the ground and squished it and walked out. Ha. :)

How do I talk about it without talking about it. The secret love that Im supposed to have with you and nothing comes through. A line on hold, blank stares across the table, but yet I think that you're thinking so much more about me and not saying. I make you talk in my head and you say good things about me. I've thought of negative assumptions that you might have about me and that's never ended well. So I should assume you must only be thinking the best things and not verbalizing them...or even physically showing them. Dinner was delicious. I feel like I pat myself on the back way too often in this relationship. But then again, its not a competition to see who can out do each other.. no, I do it out of love, compassion, admiration, infatuation, hopes, these moments where I can relax and breathe. You're my escape from the world around me. I am way too into you, and you know it but yet you say nothing and let me over stay my welcome. I try really hard to not make you my total world or smother you. I'm really into you and feel I always want more. Is there a cure to my own puzzlement? When will you finally be open with me and tell me things that make me melt? I haven't been the best girl, but I didn't know I'd have to try this hard. Please like me more- xoxo

Life's to short to even care at all- Cough Syrup

I really want to hurt myself. I feel horrible. 

Hold me so tight
Hold me til I'm right
Your going to own what ever you lose
Kill to claim the first death
Bill to blame the lost meth
You will lose it while you lose me
We will lose each other
In this lost insanity
Its not okay with everyone
Its not even okay with me
But its alright for now
When its over
Nobody will be laughing
It wont be games
Set into forever eternity of a mutilated spirit
Choke me softly.

 -Hold me, -Kiss me, -Listen to me, -Open up to me, -Play with me, -Enjoy the moments, -Recognize us and the moment, -Touch your fingers across my back, down my arm and into my palm, -Bite me, -Say you want me like no other and mean it, -Allow me to love you. 

The emotion that strikes me is disappointment. I think of what we could have but you fail to grasp onto my hand. I sit here and listen to my thoughts. You don't share a fiery passion that would fuel my heart that could be so invincible and amazing. What are you waiting for? Why are you still doing everything thing you have been. Its time to change, I've stepped into a new world, your world. My world will continue to change and will yours remain the same? I hope not. Xoxo -

I want to bring you to my life, but I can't. So imagine this. 

He doesn't bite her hard enough to make her bleed. And when she wants it, she pushes him. But its not understood and its not given. She lives in the moment. She plans for the future and holds onto the memories that make life so. 

I'm still here, I haven't left yet. So why are you treating me like I'm gone? I'm not going to relive what I tried so hard to fix and lost. I don't feel at home with you. I'm anxious and walk carefully in hope not to upset you with your subtle disapproval's. I grew up on "wrong"and I've always tried so hard to make it right. So, are you....?

I cringe at impersonal text messages. Why even send them? It only shows how much you don't care. Ew. :/

Super upset.

"My heavy heart sits deep down under you. And your twisted words, your help just hurts, you are not who I thought you were. Hello to high and dry. I'm trying to let you hear me as I am." - Sara Bareilles