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I'm a bootblack, a masochist and a submissive. In that order. I value integrity, honesty, ethics to a fault, often my own. I can be arrogant and modest all in the same breath. I'm a scifi geek and a girly girl. This isn't my first trip around the block. Just because I'm a Daddy's girl ... that is no reason to treat me like a child.
Respect me.
Wanna know more? Ask. |
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The one time I want to write a journal with a subject - and this stupid place doesn't have one, heh.
I just wrote this email to someone and its sort of a window into what I'm looking for and thought maybe it would be appropriate to put here ....
"As my profile points out, its not what I'm looking for, its who. If I
find someone that fits my nilla interests, the others will fall into
place. I'm not currently in a BDSM mindset at all. I put submissive
because CM sucks ass and I suppose, ultimately that would be my ideal,
but that's the furthest from my mind at this point.
If I find
a geek boy, that likes to to travel, experience life, go to museums,
listen to all types of music from classical to jazz and everything in
between, someone who can appreciate art and have intellectual
conversations with me, then there - that's where I'll start and go from
there. I don't start any relationship from a D/s perspective and I'd
like to hope that the people that approach me don't either. My ideal
would approach me not because of their expectations in D/s but because
they read things on my profile that inspired them or similar interests."
And to add, yes, I'm picky. I've said that time and time again. But after a decade of failed relationships and going after things that were obviously bad for me and not going to work out - I finally know who and what I want. You either fit that or you don't. Either way, its not a big deal, but I'm not a slut, a hedonist, a whore, or any of the things that seem to be so prevasive in the kink community. I am however, a person that knows what she wants and is completely and totally open for when it finally comes along.
Until then, I'm totally content to wait. And to be happy in the process.
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Finally home. Odometer says 2500 miles. *chuckles*
Trip was amazing. I can't wait to go back, BMSL? Maybe. We'll see what the new job brings..... This was more than just a road trip, I'll explain more in the days to come I think.
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St. Louis has been amazing so far, 2 more days and I'm off to venture to Illinois. I'm having so much fun, y'all.
Course, I did feel marginally wussy when I was walking around in my sweater, scarf, gloves and there were people here with not so much as a jacket on and short sleeves.
And every inch of my body hurts (note to self, MUST start walking regularly when I get home) from trapsing about for like 4 hours yesterday. *smirks*
Oh and I saw something I've never seen before yesterday. "Snow Route". I wonder if that's like a hurricane route or something. Hrm....
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I think I'm gonna take a trip up north somewhere next week. Not sure where exactly .... Springfield? St. Louis? Memphis? All of the above? Yes. An excuse to eat at new restaurants, go to museums, galleries, eat new food, drive to new places and relax? Yeah ....
Maybe I'll find some toy shops to play around in as well.
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I don't know why I bother, every day I get numerous emails from people that go straight to my bulk folder. I've told you people what I'm not interested in. Why are you still contacting me?
Seriously?
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FYI -
All users with no profile, those from other countries, not able to legally drink alcohol, or old enough to be my parents automatically go to bulk mail. No offense, but just thought I'd be fair and tell people why those emails don't get responses. Depending on my mood, I might read them but that's pretty much it.
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What part of "Straight, Female, Submissive who is unwilling to relocate" is hard to understand?
Seriously?
I've had 5 different emails all geared as if I was Bi, a switch, or wondering if I'd move from them all tonight .... is reading and comprehension seriously that difficult?
You guys seriously fail at reading the internet.
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In the past I've been open to LDR's. I got hurt, a lot and it left me wanting. Not anymore. I can't do non-local. Please don't contact me if you're not at the *very* most a 3 hour drive from me. Essentially if you're not from the gulf coast somewhere, don't bother.
I do visit Atlanta on occasion, but I'm still not looking to date anyone from out of town.
I'm just tired of the games and the wasted time. Thanks.
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I'm thinking about taking a trip for halloween. Driving distance. Ie, less than 12 hours. Give me ideas. 12 hours is basically San Antonio up to Kentucky over to Georgia down to florida ....
It sucks when your idea of "driving distance" equals butt fucking nowhere :P
My friends want me to stay in town, but I feel the need to leave, to run, to run far, far, away. I did a search for "fall vacations" and one of the first things I saw was something in Nova Scotia. Crazy.
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Whelp....
My birthday is tommorow (Sunday) and Thursday I leave for DragonCon. I work tommorow night and I'll be 30. Sure tommorow is gonna suck ass, but next week will rock my socks off and I have 10 days off of work. That's gonna be full of awesome. :)
I'm not a slut, I promise ... but at con, all rules fly out the window ... *smirks* AAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDD I'm helping my ex throw a kinky room party at con, which is gonna rock.
But....at the end of the day I have to come home, and sigh .... life could be much worse, sure, but I'm still single.
Still working full time, still in school part time, and still busy as all hell .... but .... I'll continue as I have and not obsess over the bad stuff, cuz if I do .... I'll drive myself nutso.
DragonCon! *squeeee* Sexy Red Star Trek Dress! School girl costume! Corsets! Steampunk! Jedi costume (maybe) !
Hot geek boys!
*squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*
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30 days til Dragoncon in Atlanta!
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Things are changing in my life - I'm not sure what that means or how it changes what I'm looking for, if it changes anything at all. I'm a confused girl. That's it.
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Ugh!
I very rarely send emails on here, so when I do - to me, its something to get excited about, someone who managed to catch my eye with their profile.
So nothing annoys me more than to find a profile that intrigues me enough to sit down, right an email and by the time I get it out - the profile is gone! What the ....? Ugh. *last online* 9 minutes ago?
*mumbles grumbles mumbles*
*so annoyed*
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Switch doesn't inherantly mean domme. Please get that. I'm a Daddy's girl. That means, for me ... I'm a submissive. I've never had any substantial training and I have no desire to serve. I'm not a domme, I have no desire to dominate, and I don't want to own you in any capacity.
So how am I a switch? I have toppy sadisty tendancies. That's it. No D/s in my top role at all.
Capiche?
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Daddy's gone. Meh. I don't wanna go into it, whatever.
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I finally got to meet the man I call Daddy last week. The week was amazing, and ... well, I knew I loved him before we met, but we just meshed completely and perfectly. I got home early Saturday morning and its now Monday night.
Things are just calming down, I'm finally able to stop crying, life is stabilizing, and I can exhale again.
There were lots of things experienced that I never thought I would, more than I can remember and more than I can count. But there was one that is more poignant, more meaningful, and more than I ever thought would come of this experience. We played. (duh) Hard. (duh again)
But .... We played, hard, after a long day full of emotions and spending time together. It may seem basic, or simple, but I'd never had that. I'd never played with someone that hard that I've *felt* for that much. Of course I like him, Of course I love him, but more than that ..... I FEEL him, even when we're not together. So, we played hard and I cried, a lot. I've cried in a scene before, once but it was nothing like this. He got me to my breaking point, I thought I was done and then he gave me just *that* much more to make sure I was.
Aftercare. For the first time ever, I cried and *needed* aftercare. He looked at me, the way he looked at me .... makes me tear up thinking about it. He pulled me to the edge of the bed, reached for something on the dresser behind him, I put my head on his chest, still crying, wiping tears away, hearing him speak. I know he spoke, I know I responded, but its all a blur. An amazing blur. The next thing I knew, he was talking about what I meant to him, what he wanted, and there was a necklace, a very very pretty, purple necklace in his hands. He asked me. I said yes, and it was around my neck.
I couldn't believe what was happening, in my fuzzy head I thought, wait ... did I misunderstand? Is it just a necklace? It wasn't. He corrected me, and I was giddy. I've never been asked to wear a collar before, and he's never had anyone say yes. 2 years in the making for us, but the first time we met. There was never any doubt for me.
I love him with every being of my soul. He's taught me things both sexual, and emotional from 2000 miles away that nobody ever could. How is that possible? It is. LDRs suck, yes. But when posed with the alternative of *not* having him? No, that's not even a consideration.
Anyway, I figured this deserved a journal update. I have a Daddy now, well, I've had a Daddy for a while now, but he wasn't real in a way, I hadn't touched him, licked him, molested him, he hadn't done those things with me. I guess, what I meant to say is .... I have a master now. I'm owned.
God, those words are so surreal. I love him. |
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The thought occurs to me that the month of Feb. is a bad one for me and relationships. My last 2 have ended in Feb. I may not usually believe in those type of things, but its also the month that I totaled my car last year. I can't help but think there's something with the stars and Feburary for me :/ Its also the month my car got broken into and a camera stolen. *sighs*
I'm glad its march now.
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So I wrote this long diatribe into for another site, and while I don't wanna change my intro here, I thought I'd like to include it ... Its long, I know, but here it goes:
Lets see. I'm not really going to talk about my kink much in my profile, because for me, its more about matching someone on a personality level, and if that fits .... the rest should fall into place. I'll leave it at this, I'm prone to a submissive state of mind, but at this point in my life, its more about finding that person that I match with. I'm willing to make sacrifices in order to be happy, are you?
School: I'm in school full time now i suppose. I've finally decided to go back and get my degree. I've been in and out for years, took a 4? 5? year break since last time .... something like that. Anyway I've flip flopped over what i want to do between History (what the hell am I going to do with that?) which is what I love and what I'm good at/what can make me money, Computer Science (Math? Seriously? Please, Mom ... don't make me!). Finally, after fighting it for a decade, I'm back in History. I took six hours last semester, I worked 80 hours the week before finals like the idiot that I am and learned my lesson the hard way ;) Anyway, because of all my general business/computer science courses I took, I've got about 2 years left to get my undergrad, so, I'm expecting if I play my cards right, Christmas, 2010. Then what? Well, I want to go to grad school, so I need to move ... I haven't decided on what program I want. Public History, Archeology, Historical Archeology, or Historic Preservation.... not sure. That's why I'm taking a Archeology class this semester, to help me decide. S. Louisiana, no matter which way you cut it will not have what I need here, but at the same time ... I'm not going to move simply to be with someone. Time will tell I suppose :)
Work: I'm working full time while being in school. Yeah, it sucks. I work nights. I work weekends. In the spring, I'll be in class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. What does this mean? Other than holidays (via school) the only days I have off are vacations I take (2 a year) and Wednesday nights. If you've read this far and are still interested, I hope you have patience ;) Oh .... what do I do? I'm a data center admin. We work shift work, so I get a lot of days off but when I'm on shift, you won't see me .... period. Not even my friends do unless they're terribly lucky. snicker I love my job, it pays well, but .... I need more creativity, and I'm not going to find that in my office space job.
What do I want? What a question ... Intellect? Geek? I love computer geeks even if I am trying my damnedest not to be one anymore :) Someone I can play video games with.... someone who motivates , intrigues me. Lots of vague ideals I suppose. Male? Female? I'm not picky, however finding a female intellect/computer geek has left me at a loss, hence I've never dated a girl. I'm not completely against the idea though. Ideally I guess, whatever the gender, I'd like a daddy/girl relationship. We shall see. The key is, being smart. Physically? hrm... that's a tough question. It really depends on the person. In the past though, if looking at a pattern, they've tended to be very masculine, taller, bigger build, dark hair. Again, not set in stone.
Travels/Spare time? hah. No, seriously ... I don't have much spare time. But the two things I'm going to try and force myself to do every year (this being my first year to do both) is going to DragonCon and Frolicon in Atlanta. I LOVE DragonCon. I can only imagine how I'll feel about Frolicon. I enjoyed SELF last year, and SJW (submissive journey weekend) but I don't think I'll have the time/money (SJW being 2 weeks before finals I think) to be able to go to either this year. So yes, I suppose I make it to Atlanta fairly often, and a very good friend just moved there so, maybe I'll be there more now :) |
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*quick rant*
Why do people send you an email, and not 30 minutes later, you check your email and they've deleted their profile already?
Meh, that's all really. People annoy me. Don't you people realize if you delete your account, I can't respond to you? :/
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I'm not sure where I am right now .... the idea of being submissive to someone, hell the idea of bottoming to someone holds no interest for me anymore. Just got back from DragonCon, so maybe its con drop ... I dunno. I did however get the opportunity to have an impromptu scene with a girl i met at a room party there. I had a *lot* of fun .... so I suppose, maybe I need to investigate my top side more.
We shall see.
Oh, made it throught the storm safe and sound .... now is the long haul of getting life back to normal.
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I'm not a switch, a submissive, or a slave. I'm a bottom. This doesn't make me any less than anyone else, and I wish I didn't have to put "switch" in order to try and represent that.
blah.
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Just getting home from SELF ... I love atlanta more and more every trip I make. *le sigh*
SELF was great, for all of you kinksters that live in atlanta and didn't go, shame on you! For everyone else in the southeast ... you should try and make it next year.
It was my first one, it was amazing, and I had my first moment of boot lust while eating a lollipop. Life is good.
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Off to SELF tommorow ... guess I should start packing now, hah :)
See you all soon :) |
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Just got back from a Submissive retreat weekend with a group of about 40 submissive women and men in the mountains ...
I'm left ... rejuvinated, inspired, confused and a whole gaggle of emotions that I'm not quite sure what to do with yet. |
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I'm starting to think I'll never be able to submit to anyone, maybe they were all right ... maybe i should try the other side of the coin ... errr ... whip ;) |
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I keep getting emails from men that are polar opposites from what I'm looking for, so in an effort to stop having to send "No" emails to people, I'm posting this.
What am I looking for?
* LOCAL ONLY ... I can't emphasize this enough
* Men only ...
* I don't like small men, sorry but I don't so keep that in mind when you contact me.
* No more married men. Ugh.
* Someone that can appreciate the same things that I can, ie, somewhat geeky
* Sense of humor
* Sense of values and responcibilities.
* ability to at the very least keep up with me intellectually and not make me feel like einstein when I'm around them. (That doesn't necessarily mean a college degree, I don't have one either ...) If and when the time does come when I am in fact ready to submit to someone ... simply put, I can't submit to someone who I'm smarter than. There's no nice way to put that, so there it is.
I didn't used to think that I had high standards, but apparently I do. *le sigh* I don't even know why I bother having this profile anymore. Meh. |
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Continuation from profile ....
*The next person to correct me and tell me I used the wrong word is going to get a swarm of kreetles smuggled in their bed ... just because I know more about star wars than you do (believe me, I don't know much so that's saying something ...) does not make ME wrong ... Still don't believe me? Bestine, capital city of tat, home to both kreetles AND banthas. No, I'm not talking about the planet.
You can find references to kreetles, tat banthas, and bestine on the star wars wiki. Look it up if you still don't believe me.
Now ... just maybe I will stop getting Mr. know it all emails correcting me.
**steps off soap box** |
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I don't know why I have to say this but apparently I do. I'm not looking for a "daddy" old enough to actually be my father. I'm not trying to be mean, or rude, and I'm sure you're all great, terrific men that would make great friends. Simply put, its just not something I feel comfortable with. I am not, for the most part, attracted to men who are that much older and well, honestly ... I shouldn't have to justify myself.
Bah. |
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So, I did it ... I went and got my nipples pierced ... all I have to say is owwwwie. I'm sure I'll love them when they heal, but right now I just want to chop my breasts off, not that that would make it much better - but still.
I'm so tired of looking for men online - I'm about *this close* from disabling all my profiles. Ah well, my fault for having high standards and requiring someone to have a brain before I agree to meet with them I guess. |
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I've got too much on my plate right now ... I thought about deactivating my profile but that seemed to extreme, so there's this. Don't get offended if I don't respond right away, it just means I'm not looking.
I read everything that's sent, I just may not respond. If that's not good enough, then don't mail me to start off with :) |
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Dominant and Dominate are NOT the same word. Ugh. It might be petty, but for something use so repeatedly it annoys the shit out of me when people use it wrong. One is something you DO the other is something you ARE. Do NOT use the wrong form when you contact me, please.
I can handle typos ... this is not a typo, its people perpetually repeating and using the wrong word all together. Gah! |
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God I hope I'm not writing this for my health.
I updated my profile to say switch. This doesn't mean I want to top, muchless dominate ANYONE. I'm new to the lifestyle in general and want to spend a few more years on the bottom side before I top anyone. That being said, I will get there one day, and know while I (at the moment) primarily bottom. Do not expect me to be this perfect little slave for you to control. If you want to spend the time and effort to corral me ... maybe, but if you try and do anything more, I'm going to rebel and I won't apologize for it for one second.
Call me a brat if you want, but I'm not. I'm just not inately submissive. Sensation whore maybe, but not submissive.
Long story short, if you're a submissive male who is looking for someone to top them, don't talk to me ... as my profile says, I love talking about ttwd ... but I'm not looking for a submissive. Online, or Off. |
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Been a while since I've said anything here. Not sure what's going on, my life is in upheaval - however, I am learning to deal with things as they come. Not really looking to meet people here, I've given up hope that I'm going to meet anyone of substance over the net.
*sigh* |
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Found a new job. Yay. IT Consultant? That sounds a lot more important than I really am ... but thats my title so I'll stick with it :)
Time to go to bed now, but I just wanted to say that ... I'm happy again which is good.
See you cats later :) |
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The holidays stress me out. Especially when I'm not really working ... I found this today "If christmas isn't found in your heart, you won't find it under the tree." I like that....
Went to another party, starting to get easier, went to orientation, much fun ... much fun ...
If only I could find work, I'd stop stressing :)
hugs all |
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Went to my first play party last night, I felt like a child in a candy store. I didn't know where to start, who to go to... whether I just should just follow Sir around or actually try and be social. I did both. Regardless, I was scared to death. Yet, when it was all over with and he wanted to go home, I didn't. I wanted to stay, I wanted to play some and at the same time I was too scared to say so.
The people there were wonderful, and I had a great time. I guess part of me was hoping I wouldn't, would've made my life easier.
Ah well, I guess here I go, a new chapter in my life begins.... |
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