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I have a surprise for you...
He had told me this and I ened up avoiding "the surprise" a couple times by making excuses of why I had to leave early or I couldn't come see him. I was scared of what the surprise involved. Not scared enough to tell him no. I don't think no would have stopped it any how. Actaully I know it wouldn't of stopped him.
We were at his office. We had just spent all day together working and he said lets get lunch. We got lunch brought it back to the office and ate. When we were done he looked at me and said "I'll be back in a second." He went outside got a log table bench and sat it in front of me. He told me "this is the surprise." I was really scared when I saw it. My hear raced thinking if he ties me to this I can't get away I will be at his mercy. Although I like that feeling it scares me and causes me to freak out a bit.
He stood me up led me to the counter and started to remove my clothes. I faught him slightly. He likes that and I do as well. I causes him to be forceful and tell me I am his. He sat me down tied my feet to a board. Kind of like a spreader bar. Then sat me down on the bench. Tied my arms above my head and then the spreader board to the bench because I kept lifting up my legs and trying to cover myself. He took rope and winded it up in front of me... making loops. I watched him and tried to figure out what he was doing. This time it was different. for the first time when he asked me to shut up or don't move if I did he hit me, slapped me, and showed me he was not happy by me disobeying. It took on a heavy D/s feel today. He alos took rope and tied me to the bench around my hips. I asked why....he looked at me and told me to shut up and slapped me. He said " when I cut you I need to make sure you don't move..." Of cousre I started freaking out begging and breathing heavy. Trying to move around and get free. Usually I can get free at one point of where I am tied up. Not today. I couldn't. I tried actually really hard to get something loose and get a limb free but nothing would move. That feeling elevated my heart and thoughts... I was freaking out.
He played with me and my mind for a bit....dripped some candle wax on me, hit me with a rubber tube and the rope, pulled my hair, slapped me, touched me in spots to confirm I liked it.
He had already taken his clothes off....
He clomebd on top of me and I squeezed my legs together. He slapped me and said "top closing it. You are mine. If you are mine give it to me." I begged and said no. Pleaded with him to wait and lets wait. This time I was tied too tightly.I couldn't control things. He told me "you are mine just open it. "it ismine isn't it?" he asked me. "give it to me now, you are mine."
to be continued... |
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he tied my arms behind my back.
bound at the wrists. plain white rope that is always what he has with him.
He unbutton my shorts and slide them down. Then unbuttoned his slacks and began to rub himself between my lips. I was so wet it was running down my thighs. He slid between my lips until I couldn't take it. Then I guess he could no longer hold it....
I saw his juices run down my legs. He took his hand and rubbed his juices and brought them back up between my lips leaned in and kissed me. I watched him draw back his head smile at me and just stare, all the while rubbing himself then, then me then back to himself. It was such a turn on and all fear actually left me. |
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I looked at him today when we were out together, made a general statement and told him he should "be careful"
He asked me about what? What did I mean be careful?
I just kind of looked at him smiled and said "about everything."
He said "if your talking about "that" (meaning our sexual contact) or even anything else...Well, it's too late for careful. I don't care about being careful and I don't want to. It is passed the point of being careful in any way between us. It feels good and I like what is happening."
I have lost complete control. For the first time in all my life I am really in someone else's hands. It is a horrible feeling and at the same time so exciting. I hate that I have lost this control. I tried so hard to build walls during this whole thing. I really did want to push him away, but he broke them down and now he is in my garden. I want him there. He wants to plant immediately. He is so sure and ready to bind us together. I admire that in him. Having no fear...just being so sure of what you want. I always sway back and forth. I hate not being able to decide on important things. He seems not to have too much trouble. It's usually back and white for him. |
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I wasn't tied today. He grabbed me from behind and pinned my arms elbow to elbow. He reached around and pinched my erect and ready breast. Instantly got excited and extremely juicy. I looked at him and told him I had a problem below and its all his fault....
There is more... much much more.... |
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falling deeper everyday... |
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he tied my left ankle to the bed post...he tied my hands together. I got free twice. He whispered to me "give yourself to me...you are mine" My legs did lossen up and open slightly... I still pushed him out. Everytime we are alone and the tieing/wrestling matches start I think I might just give in out of pure exhaustion. I know from the times before, be wont force me. I can trust that. He acts like he will and it does make me sweat but he has stopped himself...he knows I am not ready.
I was with him all night the last 2 nights until 4 o'clock in the morning...sweating, grinding, and begging him to stop.
thats what I call a good weekend. |
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many talks. many hours of kissing. I have lost myself 100% into his hands. Still having the strength to tell him no and not sleep with him. I grow weaker with every encounter... |
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bored.
buzzed,
home alone.
hmmm.
maybe I should go play with LeLo? |
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I have COMPLETE confirmation he IS INTO D/s.
I wasn't sure, but I thought possibly just maybe. For those of you who have read my journal all along, you know what I am refering to. Him telling me to put my hands on the car and keep them there. He also talks to me in a certain way. He tells me to "come." When he wants me. He tells me I am telling you not asking you. When I joke with him infront of others at work and he doesn't like it he tells me "I will pay for that later" with a smile stretched across his face.
It isn't conventional D/s that is for sure...
It took awhile to figure it out. But I had so much conformation recently I ended up slightly scared.
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where do I begin with what has taken place... |
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Spinning out of my hands into his...
A conversation took place between us. Actually, many conversations have taken place. Many moments of silence have taken place as well. I am busy. I am busy trying to build a wall. The wall used to be there. So tall. So high I couldn't even see the top of it. I remember talking to someone I met off here about this married guy. Telling them how he meant nothing and it was something to pass the time. It was attention. Nothing more nothing less. When I was asked to stop all the messing around with him because I was under consideration I did with ease. My attention and focus was with the one I was under consideration for.
I honestly never really thought about him. Outside of work nothing ever crossed my mind about him. I confidently said all that to the guy I was under consideration to at the time. I meant it. But I noticed things have changed. He does cross my mind at times. I push it out...and sometimes let it in. I told him on Friday when he asked to see me that evening that I was busy and I had a date. Which I did. He looked at me and his eyes slightly closed...he shook his head and looked away. I came over to him and said "I told you I date and have a life. Why are you looking at me like that?" He just didn't say much and then later came to me and said he didn't like it. He knows that we are not together and I " have a life" but he wants to see me more. I told him no. I told him that I was building a wall and planting rose bushed with big thorns. Of course he asked why and I told him. To keep you out. I like being in my safe spot. I didn't realize I was so unsafe until he crept into my head. This spot I am in with him is bad. He is married and not even what I want as a whole. Even if he wasn't married I wouldn't be with him. That is a whole other story. So I thought about that and decided to talk to him. So I told him I couldn't see him anymore. He was not happy about my gardening ideas. He hated them in fact. But it doesn't matter. I spent all weekend alone. With myself asking questions like the biggest one, what in the fuck am I doing?
So he called me. I ignored it. He text me and I ignored it. He even came by my house and I didn't answer. He saw my car and knew I was home but I have to stay away.
Sunday morning, (today) I called him and told him we have to keep things professional. We can't let thing get out of hand because honestly we work together very well. I lied to him this morning and it was hard to do that. But I am busy with my plans to build a garden. I told him I was seeing someone and I couldn't continue seeing him. He protested. Professed that he had feelings above just wanting to get in my pants. I believe him, I think. He is so deeply protective of himself. He to has a garden and lets me see it once in awhile. But quickly pushes me out of the yard when he feels he has told me "too much" about himself. So I will be in my garden and he will be in his. Does anyone want to come over and have lunch in my garden? No ones there. Except me.
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When I woke up my phone was ringing...
AssJacker decided to make a 7am call to me for the first time. I must say, it was a great way to wake up. He made me laugh my ass off. Great sense of humor and very entertaining to say the least. Thanks for calling me waking me up like that LOL. :O) |
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I have been talking to a Daddy Dom on collarme.
We were supposed to meet this weekend, but work has taken over my day. I enjoy the talks we have had, covering an aray of topics. I think he has been the most honest person I have met in a long time. He displays the good and the bad to me. Of course I don't like the bad, but at least then, he gives me a choice to talk with him about it and see if I can accept it. I look forward to seeing his eyes and hearing his voice in person... |
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He grabs my face and pulls me to his lips everyday. Every chance he gets he stares at me until I look at him. He wants me to know he is watching me. I feel powerless sometimes. That is a wonderful feeling, but while you are trapped at work, with someone who is not available, it is chaos at times, that plays with my mind. Other people in our office have noticed a change between us. We have been spending more and more time alone with one another. His wife was out of town for a week and I was over at his house most of this week. He cooked dinner for me a couple times and even made dessert. His skills with landscaping and wood work left me speechless.
I can see why now, he is not single. Why someone has scooped him up quickly. There are a lot of good qualities in him. I would like to not notice these qualities...turn a blind eye to them. Except reality is he lies and cheats. Obviously.
When I was at his house our conversations flow so well that we lost track of time and ended our evenings around 2am. I had to be very blunt and tell him I was not going to sleep with him, I had to tell him before things got out of hand. He asked me to spend the night and I declined knowing I wouldn't be able to resist him next to me all night. He said he would like to take me and make me his so badly that his thoughts are overwhelming. I only say it because he is very open with his intentions for me..but the lines have become blurry. There is more than just screwing around between us. He confessed over dinner that he is jealous. He has felt this emotion when I have spoken about dates to other co-workers and had phone calls in front of him. I find myself thinking of him here and there. Where as before he wasn't even a thought most of the time.
When we kiss, he stopped last time and told me there is feelings behind them. He no longer speaks of my wall that was so tall, long and thorn bushes surrounding me. He only speaks of more time together and when will I ever be ready to be his. |
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I met him at the office Saturday morning....
It was around 9:30am when I pulled up to the office, which was just on time. He pulled up behind me in his jeep. I grabbed my purse and stood up outside the car. I knew that I was dressed different than he had ever seen before. I didn't think the reaction would be this. He had gotten out to hug me and open my door, but he didn't do anything except stand there. He just stared at me for a moment and put out his hand and said "Stop right there please..." I stopped and I was looking at him thinking something was wrong. I thought he had a problem with something or something might be wrong with his car. I stood there ackward looking around and I realized he was looking at me. He just took me in with his eyes, like he always had done. although he has never looked at me like this. He said " wow ... you look so beautiful. I have never seen you out of our uniforms at the office before just can't believe how beautiful you look." I smiled, naturally. I did primp myself a little and was glad he enjoyed the way I looked. I was going to see vendors I deal with daily and wanted to look nice. I am not someone who usually spends hours getting ready. A little lip-gloss and I am out the door usually. I had on a summer dress, wedge sandals and earrings. He was just looking at me when I got in the car, he came around got in himself and couldn't plug his seat belt in because he was staring at me. I smiled and looked away. I love positive attention, I mean who doesn't? He just made me feel so beautiful and I thought that was really unexpected, but very sweet of him.
We drove in his car to this work event. I originally denied his offer to attend with him because I had basically cut things off between us. Also for other reasons. The whole time he kept touching my hand and telling me how glad he was I came with him. Personally I think he just didn't want to go alone but he didn't make me feel like that was the reason.
On Friday after work we grabbed a beer and he cooked this amazing meal for me and I guess I just gave in with the moment. He was so frustrated with me avoiding him and canceling on him I did feel a bit guilty. Normally that is very much unlike me. I just feel pressured by him to spend time with him and I have been doing everything to avoid him.
When we arrived he leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. Three times ... so passionately.... He grabbed my face pulled it towards him and kissed the other side of my face. He looked at me and said we better go inside. When he got out of the car he put on a nice polo dress shirt and had me help him with the buttons. As we walked in he grabbed my hand and held it. When we arrived at the door he opened it placed his hand on my back and guided me in first. He is very affectionate. It is unusual for me to feel this with him because of our situation. I don't expect the touchy..feely...lovey stuff from him. I have never really spent much time with him outside of work either.
In my mind there is a wall between us. My heart lies on the other side covered in rose bushes with thorns the size of thumbs. So our time there was spent talking with people at the event, he put his hand on my back as we made our way through the crowd. He even told someone "I'm sorry she is with me." Put is hand on my back and pushed me forward. Last year I went by myself. That was ok, but this year was much better. Not only did I have my own personal bodyguard but I had someone to discuss work things with. It is a very male dominated industry and it make me feel like I am walking into a dungeon. Where there is a sea of men looking at you from every angel. You are a woman in a sea of men and you feel a little bit uncomfortable because you are being stared at, but you have to keep walking through them. With HIM there it was easy. As soon as someone tried talking to me "in that way" He would shut them down for me. I was actually kind of pissed when I hit is off with VERY attractive guy from northern California. He was very much my type and I couldn't except his card when he handed it to me...saying "I am from San Francisco but I am NOT by any means gay. Why don't you give me a call?" I looked at him and wanted to grab the card but HE was right there and told him "I am sorry Greg she is with me, thank you." We walked away but my head kept spinning back looking to see if that guy was looking and he was.
He leaned into me at one point and asked me "Did you hear those two guys I was talking with?" I shook my head no. I didn't even know who he was referring to, there were so many people and it was loud. Well, I guess these two vendors he knows at the show told him is wife was beautiful. When me told me that, I looked at him and said "What? Your wife? They know her?" He smiled shook his head and said "No...You." I just looked at him. It registered. Took me a minute. LOL
On the way back we stopped had lunch at a place in La with not one white person in sight. It was actually amazing food. Then we stopped at a bar he frequents and had a drink.
We had all day together for the first time. He pointed this out to me. He also pointed out I am an asshole to work with because I am so picky. He also told me the was moving to full time because he needed more time with me and this was a sure way to get it. He told me he had feelings for me. Ones that had grown. Absence makes the heart grow fonder maybe. He said. He asked me why I had a wall up. He knows the wall is there. He knows a lot more than I thought he could even understand. That was uncomfortable for me. I had to explain why. But things will always remain this way because of circumstances out of our hands. We are separated by many things other than my wall. The wall is just for my protection. Naturally it is up and will stay up.
I think he is very genuine in many ways. But I do not trust him in many other ways. He point blank asked me if I was going to sleep with him ever. I told him no I will not. He looked at me his little crescent shaped eyes wider than mine... "NEVER...EVER? Why?"
"I can't. I just can't and you know why." There is more than my wall separating us, as I said. Morals are another reason. I do have them. They may not be to your standards or the next persons, but in my mind that is too far for me to go. So here I stay.
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All I can say right now is thank god for a pool and air conditioning. |
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and now I am left empty handed...
I gave so much of myself to him.
I let him inside my head.
I let some of my fears go and opened up.
Only to be lied to.
I was so proud to be under his consideration.
I gave up much of my free time, doing his tasks to show my devotion, submission, and longing to please.
I feel so sad inside.
I tried so hard to reach out to him and now I am left like this all by myself.
It was all in fucking vain. All my efforts thrown to the wind.
I am deeply hurt and disappointed in the events that have taken place.
What scared me about this place was exactly what ended up happening to me, go figure. |
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My Sir is not happy with me. He asked me to complete a task and I did not. In the time he allowed me to do it I failed. Tonight I completed it. I hope it pleases him. My deepest regret in my delay go to him. |
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I have someone here on collarme who has been willing to teach me a some things. I am very grateful for him. He gives me tasks to complete and I try to please him by doing these things and learning from him. He is very committed to helping me improve myself. To take your time and give that time to me has meant very much. I wanted to publicly say thank you Sir. |
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Tell me where you are going....
At work today he rolled his chair close to mine and said "I want to tell you something." He put my hand in his..gently. "When you just leave work, and disappear, I don't like that. I feel uneasy when you are gone and I do not know where you are." I looked at him really surprised because this is not what I expected out of his mouth. He rolled back his chair,let my hand go and continued working. He looked up again and said "I just don't like it." So I didn't say anything but you know my mind was working. I was thinking he sometimes talks to me and does things in an almost D/s context. So I was thinking in my head do I pacify him and tell him where I am going and when I will be back? Do I laugh to myself because I do not answer to him? Who is he to question me? Do I get turned on a little knowing he is that obsessed with knowing my where abouts? I also think is everything he tells me a lie? Trying to make me feel more for him? My mind was working. So I thought maybe when I do leave it is kind of rude to just walk out without explanation. Maybe I have gotten away from my submissive side for to long and I don't notice when I act certain ways. Although I do not act submissive towards everyone. I usually just am me. When I am submissive it is genuine and how I feel.
So then later today I had to go somewhere. I actually had to meet this insurance guy at my house for a quote. SO I totally forgot this conversation we had and I left. No thought at all to what was said. When I arrived back he looked at me and smiled. then I realized I didn't say anything before I left. He said "I am glad your back, I was concerned." I didn't say a word. Lots to ponder.. |
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I met the couple again.
I do not have much time to write now, I just wanted to say I met them on Saturday and yet again had an amazing time. I have spent hours and hours with them just talking. I love to hear them talk and laugh. Such a good friendship is forming. This makes BB happy. They seem to be people. We all know that is hard to find.
Earl questioned me in depth about my involvement with the married man and my careless actions. I was told what his opinions were. I was stared at eyes piercing me. Amanda danced in place and giggled. I stood there trying to think but my mind went blank. Still Amanda giggled. Almost twliring around the parking lot with her black hair brushing her back softly. She looked childlike and innocent. It was cute to see that side of her. Earl looked like a mean Dad.
I am looking forward to seeing them again. |
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The couple and I met at Starbucks.
I arrived early. They had some traffic that kept them a bit longer so I waited for a little. I had to get us a table outside because the starbuks was over run with students studying. I was chatting on the phone with Mechella from collarme when I looked up and there they were.
I was excited to see them again although only a couple days had passed. I wanted to at least buy them their drinks but Amanda rushed inside and shortly was back out to sit down with us. Earl and I exchanged glances and smiles with ease. Amanda and I were as always very loquacious together. Earl kinda just sits back and lets us yap yap LOL.
I once again enjoyed them opening up about things that were important to them...Although the conversation involved a lot of laughter, it was meaningful. Genuine. I was greatful to them for driving in all that traffic to come and spend some time with me. I enojyed everything except the fact I could not of stayed longer....... |
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I met a couple off of collarme on Sunday.
We met at Alpine Village for brunch. Amanda and Earl. When I was driving up Amanda quickly waved at me and I back at her. Earl thought to himself that she couldn't possibly recognize me but it was me! I pulled in the place was packed found a spot and headed up to them. We said our hellos and I gave them a little present.
We all went in and spent hours talking, laughing and sharing so much. I really enjoyed my time with them and would love to see them soon. We discussed many things that I am sure IW ill get asked about in emails but let me say it here. I will not discuss our conversations we had. I think I have found two really good people and I am happy for at least that! |
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we met in the parking lot.
I paced back and fourth through the parking lot thinking what if he isn't on time? What if he doesn't show? and when I looked up he was right there standing in front of me.
He was dressed casual. Faded jeans with a thermal back long sleeve shirt and a white T-shirt over it. His 5 o'clock shadow was slightly longer than usual. He looked at me..up and down like he always does and said "where shall we go?" I smiled at him and said "You asked me out, you tell me?" He grabbed my hand and pulled me close for a hug. His hands were so warm and inviting. He smells of soap. The best scent in the world besides laundry detergent. He was looking around as we walked down the street to this bar. I thought he must be nervous I suppose. Not wanting to get "caught" but really not caring as he grabbed my hand tighter and led me threw the door to the bar.
We sat at the bar in the corner. It was a little dark..there in that corner which made it more private. As our knees and thighs grazed each other he turned to me and said "I want to ask you so many questions." I said "Me to." He looked at me like he was surprised. I said "Why are you here with me? I suppose something is missing or you are unhappy with your situation being married and all?" He poured out his heart. I actually believe almost everything if not all I heard. It was raw emotion. Kind of sad actually. She is the boss, she has the money and his opinion doesn't matter. She is smart though. Very smart. She stops by his job checking on him, I wasn't sure until he confirmed it but I had a feeling that was why she made her random stops.
We talked for at least an hour about his wife, how he is really there because of the kid, about how they separated once before but it was hard because of his daughter and then his wife asked him to come back and try for the kid's sake not theirs, he also got to learn more about me. I answered all his questions. He was surprised to hear so much of what I told him. He had a lot of questions for me which is unusual. He usually just looks at me like he wants to fuck me when I talk to him. I finally said last time when he stopped in " you aren't listening to a word I am saying are you?" He just smiled and looked at em up and down up and down all around. A funny question he randomly asked was "Who sucks nipples better? Men or women?" I said "What the hell?"I just laughed and called him an ass..
I drank a beer and then when my glass was empty he automatically ordered another. I like when a man takes the initiative like that. It was sexy that he made the decision for me. So I got about half way done with that one and he said "I want to kiss you and hold you...can we leave?" I looked up at him through my half empty glass took a sip and said "What about this and yours?" Looking at my beer. He said" I don't care about that." We got up and walked out. We headed back down to where the office is and we were in the back parking lot. He leaned in to me kissing my neck and ears. I could barely hold still... It tickled a bit and was ever so exciting. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled back a bit when he came to my lips....Not letting him have them completely. I whispered to him "Let me see your tongue?" He whispered back don't tell me what to do. I want to be in control." He took my hands and placed them on the car behind me and said "leave them there." That was so fucking hot. My eyes widened. When he moved down he lifted up my shirt and kissed my stomach...he was everywhere. I liked that, I have to admit it. It was like he was so taken by every part of me..who wouldn't like that?
We have never really full on made out or anything. I am saving that. Maybe not even for him but for when the time is right with the right man. Just a couple of pecks is all. So he was kissing my neck and shoulders pulling at the collar of my shirt, stretching it down as far as he could. He wanted it off... I could tell. His hands ravaged every inch of me.. he kept rubbing my legs kissing my stomach through my shirt...he kept telling me he loved my body. He loved the way I felt....all the while kissing my hands...nibbling through my shirt and kissing my neck.... We stood there for about an hour...teasing one another. He was excited... I could hear it in this breathing. He wanted so much more and asked for it..."I want you.. I want to have sex with you" I just smirked... Knowing all along there was no way my panties were ever going to come off for him....I avoided the question. Three times.
He knelt down started to take off my right shoe..asking me "Have you ever had someone lick and suck on your toes?" I said "Actually yes...and I love it." He smiled...untied my laces. I said" Wait!!..no wait." I resisted because I thought to myself, eww they are probably stinky...I worked all day in them. I even said that outloud....he kept on, now removing my sock. I squirmed a bit and pulled it away he held my ankle firmly not letting go. He rubbed my foot across the top and down the sides... and said.." Wow they are nice..you take care of them..."and he was just staring at them rubbing them. It was sexy. Sexy to me because he was so into it, that he didn't care if they might be a little sticky...he just wanted to touch me and was so into the moment he needed to feel me,see me. Very hot moment. He admired them looking at every toe until he noticed it had been a long moment of silence between us he said "All right here"...gently put back on my sock then my shoe and laced them it back up. It was so hot because you should have seen his face. It was like he just opened a gift or something.
I grabbed my jacket off the car and he said I guess I better go. We hugged. Tight. Long. I grabbed him back....In that moment I felt something more than what I had been feeling. I knew more about him and his feelings. It felt different. He said to me while walking away "I am glad I am not working there right now...just smelling you drives me crazy." I looked at him and said "Good." |
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I just got home. It was so fucking hot. Will write more later.... |
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I am so disappointed right now. I am frustrated. I am disappointed with someone on collarme who did something unexpected and a bit sneaky. I don't want to focus on that. I want to talk about Friday.
Friday the married man came into work to pick up his last check. He came over to me when I was on the phone with a customer and told me to hang up with his hand signals. He stood there looking at me. Standing above me. I stood up quickly and leaned up against my desk. It was sexy him standing above me like that. I acted like I was preoccupied. "So whats up?" I asked him. I was really focused on work and honestly out of site out of mind. So he looked at me leaned in and said "I have missed the fuck out of you! It is driving me nuts." I just smirked. I honestly tried to change the conversation. I did! Four times. But he kept looking at me. Giving me that up and down look. He told me "I want to call you so bad but I am afraid, if I start I won't stop and I will just keep calling and calling." I smirked again and stayed quiet. I don't know if I believe that one. Sounds like a line really. Who knows?
So I shuffled papers and moved some cases around trying to pretend I was cleaning up for the day as he went on about how bored he is and how the kid he has is driving him nuts. I turned to deliver a fax to someone and he grabbed my wrist. Another turn on point for me. He doesn't know that though. So I stopped and I looked at him like whhhattttt? He said "have a drink with me? Please? Friday is good for you right?" I said well sure. He looked so intense. like he was so serious. He quickly looked around and most people in the office were gone so he grabbed me and hugged me really tight. He turned his head slowly and kissed my neck. He whispered" I'll call you then ok? Friday ok?" I said "yes." And he left.
So I thought to myself wow there was an intensity in his eyes like I had never seen. My interest level went low on him. Maybe like I said out of sight out of mind. Or maybe I have been talking to someone on here who has drawn my interest.
So I finished doing my closing duties and just as I walked in the door to my house my cell phone rang. It was him. I looked at his name but didn't answer. I thought to myself what the hell could he want? So I called him back in about 3 minutes from the time he had called. He said "hey there? I am on my way back to the office." I said "why?" He said " I have to hold you and feel your body again..I want to kiss you so bad I can't stand it." I said " I am at home I just left the office. Maybe another time" and I hung up. Friday is approaching. What to do..what to do? |
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You would look so beautiful with your mind blank and your body operating on sheer lust instinct.
Someone on collarme said that to me in one of their emails. I thought it was intoxicating. I love the way it sounds..
What has buttbongo been up to? MY sonic care has been replaced. LeLo has become a very dear friend of mine at the moment :) Look it up.
I worked my ass off today. Literally. Also I ran into HIM. The married guy from work and he is coming back in on friday. He came over to my desk and whispered deeply, "I know you have been waiting for my return sweetie." I spun around in my armless chair and said "how can you be so sure?" He just looked at me with his one eyebrow raised. So I am so good at that to and I did that right back to him. It was a moment to remember. He knows damn well I am not hung up on him. Nor have I ever. you can tell how he acts that he SO wants me to be. It's not in me. I am the prey dumb ass. I liked to be chased.
I've just enjoyed what was happening in our moments together. He actually hugged me before living the office and grabbed me a bit right on the hips. He did that on purpose. He knows I will react, usually. I felt this paper clinging to him but didn't say anything. This time I smirked behind his back as we were hugging because I knew something he didn't. Jackson this guy in the office hates this married guy so much. So when he turned around to walk away with his little smirk I had a bigger one because he had a note slapped on his back that said "ASS LICKER!" LMAO There has always been a private joke floating around about this married guy, Evidently he shared some ass licking, screwing some random whore in brazil story that was pretty rank so the guys call him ass licker thanks to Mr. Jackson. I loved that moment. |
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I had a very erotic, very graphic dream about someone on collarme I speak with pretty regularly. I don't want to tell him about it because it is kinda explicit. Forced on my stomach him breathing on my neck kissing me..you get the picture. Like I said it's pretty graphic but my memory is fading.
I think it is really strange because I have never even spoke to him on the phone or met him. Yet I dreamed about him? |
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Thought this was funny so I'll share. I will warn you it is a bit dirty.
So, I was going to eat this banana and I brought it to the computer room. I Have been chatting back and forth on emails so I decided to suck on it a bit and send a video. So I did. I got a wonderful reaction from him. Problem I have is when I tease I always turn my damn self on LOL. So I was sitting here thinking... hmm I really am turned on and I NEED to take care of it. So I quickly headed down stairs to the bedroom. I grabbed a massager and put a condom on the banana. It hurt a bit but then again I like a little pain with sex so I managed to work it in a bit and just as that happened I had an orgasm. Too quick damn it! I was so turned on I couldn't wait. So after my quick roll in the hay with my banana I got up and my Va-JJ hurts! I think I broke it.LOL Nothing ever really goes in there and even though the banana was small and didn't even go in all the way my Va-JJ hurts. Oweeiie Owieee. I think I am impatient. I just got too excited and didn't give myself a minute to adjust to it. Who knows? And for all those who read my journal... OF COURSE I thought of the butt first! The banana would have broke it's too hard to go between there. I tried and it wouldn't go LOL So I didn't forget about the other end :) |
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A Lesbian...Oh my!
So, he's gone from the work place and it was lonely. I actually am a lot busier and more productive now that he is gone. He was called in to see if he could help on a project from home and he rejected. I think thins might be the end of him. Still I can't help but think of him when I am in my morning shower. I used to slide the dove bar across my neck several times. He loved my scent. When he kissed my neck that first time he smiled cam up and said "you don't use that much do you?" I said "What?" He said "your neck?" I said "I don't understand?" He said "Its so soft, like it's untouched." I just smiled and shook my head no as if to say no it's never used so come right over here and use it. Scratch me with your 5oclock shadow. I love to see the marks on my neck..Guess that is my masochist side peeling out!
I will say they have hired another woman in his place. All in one day she has told me She was in jail for 10 year for attempted murder, she has 2 kids and one had lupus,she likes women alot, she is dating women because when she was in prison she had a butch daddy, she trims her nails on purpose, and she thinks I have amazing hair and eye's. I am actually mildly attracted to her until I found out about prison! Jesus Christ. Also the kid thing is a turn off. Anyway I am on the hunt for a man I told myself. Girls are no problem catching. She leaned over my desk today to grab this memo and she looked at me. You know what look I am talking about right? The look. Well, I am going to tell her I have a boyfriend or something... oh boy. Trouble.
I also had an encounter with a small banana when I arrived home. heheheheheheh |
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I'll take care of myself tonight...
I was SO frustrated with him today! My body ached to be touched I tell you! Ached! I waited all day for him to make a move towards me..something anything. Let me remind everyone it has been two days that I haven't gotten ANY attention.I got two kisses on the cheek. Period. I lied. I almost forgot when I leaned over the counter in the break room he came in and pulled up my shirt and kissed my skin softly around my waist.
So disappointing. What I wanted was him to grab me and tell me he would come back after I got off and take me out for a drink.. Maybe some kissing, touching. Some heavy petting maybe (smirks) I wanted him to make today count. To feel his burning. Oh well. It didn't happen. Now he is gone possibly for good.
Married taken..I really have no say right? Something must be missing at home I figure. I am single. No kids. Have my own home, car, and even mentally and finacially stable. Maybe he wants a fling. That's all I want really. Not just once. If it was good I would want more. Insatiable. I have been called that many times.
So, I went to dinner with two other coworkers tonight and had a veggie burger on wheat. Glass of water and a slice of lemon.(Losing weight is fun isn't it?)
I kept thinking it would have been a much more interesting evening to be with him and hear what he would want to do to me if he had the chance...instead I stayed at a table with women who complained about their hair and their weight as they inhaled a double cheeseburger each. Not surprising.
I got home... ran the shower and looked in the mirror. I untied my hair which I had in a tight knot with a chop stick holding it all day. It flopped out, down over my shoulders... I like my hair. It is thick, healthy and shiny I thought. I felt the steam coming from the shower and I looked at my cheeks flushed with pink...I grabbed the sonic care and headed to the steamy shower. I got my hair and face wet and I just couldn't wait any longer... I turned it on and gently lay it between my lips..pulsing...pulsing.. This time I bent over and had the water running over my butt while I was using my sonic care.WOW. Nice sensation. I can't make it the 2 minute cycle before I collapse on my butt and let the water beat me clean. I laid there for at least 10 minutes. I still am not satisfied.... |
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Frustration has set in.
I did not get groped, kissed, grabbed nothing. It was not a good day at the office. I fed him a strawberry with my fingers..he sucked on them gently. Quickly looking to see no one was around.
I am not ready for him to make an extreme move yet. He made me think about that when he said to me yesterday "you are making me excited...then what will I do?" That was after our first real kiss. He came up to me leaned in to my neck I moved our kips met he seemed surprised. I am not the aggresser in any male sexual situation. I like to be the prey.
I thought to myself what if he actually wanted to take me into the bathroom and have sex? Would I be willing? I want to kiss...to tease him, to make him hard,very hard, to suck on his full lips so he can imagine me sucking other things! But would I be willing to spread? I don't think so..not yet anyway. I need more touching, kissing I need to let myself explore that more. I want to feel how much his wanting me grows.
This will go now where. Fast I am sure. Maybe that's why I am trying to stretch this out? He is going on a leave of absence for a month maybe more. He hasn't said much about it. Still I find myself putting on perfume for him. He likes Ralph by Ralph Lauren. He also likes the smell of my lotion. He moans when he smells it. (smiles) When I think about it I just drive myself to a masturbation session. More later I'm sure.... |
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Sadly he has been sick and not at work to torment me. I also added a new pic from my web cam. Hope everyone loves it. |
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I said I wanted more.....
So today at the office he snuck his usual kiss to me on my neck. Quick as to not get "caught" by other roaming employees. When he came up I said "more please." He quickly stopped looked at me and said "more?" " I want to give you more.." Came back over to me breathing heavy I heard him my ear just SLIGHTLY moan. He started sucking and kissing my neck. Grabbing at the back of my shirt pulling it down. I felt his anticipation in his grip on my shirt. When he came up I glanced at him,he walked away smiling. I went to the restroom to gather myself. When another woman left the restroom I fixed my hair that had fallen during the attack :). I noticed his 5'oclock shadow had scratched my neck red...oh the mark left me so turned on I couldn't barely stand it! I went home and quickly got off to his moan kinda grunt almost in my ear. It was a great day at the office. |
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The mind is a powerful thing....
Yesterday I rushed home from work. Aching. In the place where the wetness lay. I was at work having thoughts of being taken. I think that these were generated by the married man I have spoken of. He licked the side of my neck before he left. He also whispered.." I want you" I have a need for penatration I guess. Not the back. The front. A NEED that is so strong I actually had an orgasm without even touching myself.
So I came home layed on my bed and decided I needed a quick 15 minute nap to recharge me. I had plan last night and was not going to make it on no sleep. So I layed down tried to ignore the problem" " between my legs. I fell asleep but in my dream I was having this hot sex with a man who appeared to be someone I didn't recognize and he was all dressed in black. He wanted me and I gave in. He kept telling me nasty things in my ear about how tight I was, how hard I made him. It drove me so crazy I woke myself up because I was humping the air. I actually opened my eyes and was in the middle of an orgasm. This has happened to me before but I usually wake myself up from grinding and sweating. So much that I never get to actually finish lol. Not this time. I had a full on orgasm. It was amazing. I guess the mind is a powerful thing even when sleeping ;O)
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IM BACK! Sorry I am still going through 6 pages of emails right now. I have a date tonight so I will be leaving in an hour but I am trying to get to all the emails. I have been MIA. With holidays and meeting someone new I haven't been on much these days. I will say this. I haven't met a single man he is married. It's bad I know. But we have not had sex... Just some minor and I mean PG fooling around. He doesn't shave much and his rough hair on my neck is a new sensation. I really have known this guy for a long time but one day the attraction spilled over and he rubbed up against me and I just coudln't take it. I gave into being the "prey".But this is enough to make me so wet, I am soaked all the way through my jeans. (he doesn't know that...yet). No problems in that department I tell ya! GOODNESS!
Well I will answer emails and be in long beach tonight! Have a good one. |
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It happened in a kitchen... I met someone. I passed by him in his kitchen to grab the wine glass he handed me earlier. Well, I brushed my ass up against him (on purpose) and he was aroused you could say. I was surprised to feel him. I guess I didn't expect it. I stopped right there with my back to him and he grabbed my hips. He leaned into me pressing closer now. He smelles like clean sheets. The smell of him was driving me crazy. He said through my hair I want you so bad.... I giggled pulled away and left! Nothing happend! I was good! Thank you Jason. He called me later and said I was a tease. I said yes thats true but when I am ready and it's the right person it will happen. I know it. I feel it. |
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I straddled a black leather chair backwards in my room last night. I was open. Very open. I slightly touched myself with the massager. It was over in 30 seconds! I hate it when I can't hold it. |
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I logged out of collarme. I was done for the rest of tonight. Honest:) But then, while in the kitchen deciding what to make for dinner.... I found fruit flies flying around my fruit. I was pissed. I have had this problem on and off for a month or so. I have read on the Internet what to do, how to solve the problem and still have the problem. I solved it I thought but everytime I leave anything on the counter in my basket they are back again. So I proceed to kill all of them by slapping them back and forth with a rag. I looked up searching for more and I noticed a couple on the wall buzzing by the top of the fridge... I got up on one of my kitchen chairs and slapped at them... I figured that was enough and then put the chair back at the table. I looked up again and there was two more flying around!! I was at this point like Jesus Christ what is the deal? I grabbed the fridge and luckily it was on wheels and pulled it out. Of course there was some dust. I started to clean up that. Then I found 3 more flies so I went got the vacuum cleaned everything under, behind and on top of the fridge.
This is when things got interesting. I went to step back up on the chair and make sure I got all the dust off the top of the fridge and I felt my lips slide together. I thought what the___! I am in the middle of cleaning and it happens? I step down and feel it again..really slippery. So I go over to the sink wash my hands and inspect myself. Jesus... I am wet. I thought well I have to finish this first! It also crossed my mind to want to take my fingers and rub it across someone's lips. *evil grin
The flies were grossing me out I had to focus. I put back the chair against the table and pushed the fridge back against the wall. I was actually half naked when all this started. I looked at my side and noticed some dust...I was like ewww. I also had been sweating a bit and need a shower.
I hopped in the shower forgot all about the wetness at this point. I grabbed the shampoo and washed my hair then conditioned it... while I leave my conditioner on my hair I usually brush my teeth, so I grabbed my sonic care. I hit the on button and anyone who has this tooth brush knows it is loud and powerful when it hums... So it hummed. I hit the off button and thought to myself..hmmmm I wonder how this would feel? I squatted spread my knees apart and turned on the sonic care brush. Of course the flat smooth plastic side was against me. No brush head lol. Oh my god. I didn't even last the 2 minute cycle on that damn thing! I kept pulling it away a couple times cause I felt it building too fast and wanted it to last for at least a couple minutes. Well what can I say I couldn't do that for much longer. It was intense and fast. I think the part that turns me on sometimes is the spreading open. That feeling of spreading and sometimes I even get really vulgar and think about a man forcing my legs open. Him telling me to open for him and if I were to close he would hit me or do something along those lines. I am scared when I think about it. Yet turned on so very much lol. I stood up.. washed the conditioner out of my hair. Brushed my teeth and smiled the hole time. |
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SO TODAY I GOT HOME FROM A LONG DAY AT WORK AND WAS DEPRESSED ABOUT LOSING SO MUCH MONEY OUT OF MY STOCKS AND IRAS. I SAID TO MYSELF WHAT CAN I DO ..WHAT OH WHAT CAN I DO TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN AND NOT SPEND MONEY.
I LOOKED AT MY BEDROOM DOOR AND THERE IS A SKINNY METAL CANE. IT HAS A U SHAPE AT THE TOP WHERE YOU HOLD ON TO IT BUT REALLY SKINNY. I GRABBED IT PUT DOWN A TOWEL ON MY BED. I LAYED ON MY BACK WITH THE CANE.. U SHAPED TOWARDS MY BUTT. I GRABBED A CONDOM AND LUBE SLIPPED IT ON THE CANE...AND MY MASSAGER ABOVE THAT. I TOOK A GENTLE APPROACH.. SLOWLY PUSHING IT IN...AS SOON AS I GOT ABOUT A HALF OF AN INCH INSIDE ME AND HAD THE MASSAGER ON MY CLIT.. I HAD AN INTENSE ROLLING ORGASM. WOW. I THINK I REALLY REALLY REALLY WILL LIKE ANAL. IT HURT WVWN THOUGH IT IS VERY SKINNY BUT I RELAXED AND TRIED TO OPEN UP. IT WORKED. JUST WISH I COULD OF LASTED LONGER LOL. |
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so I have been going through emails on here and some are serious and some are playing games. Please allow me a little more time. I am weeding through the fakes. I ende up actually meeting someone last night for coffee. I was not attracted to him and things will not progress. There has to be a mutual attraction on some levels. He was very sweet and I appreciated his time but 2 things were lacking between us.
I have had a couple serious people I have been emailing back and forth and I am very interested in. Mr butt butter as I call him and a couple close to me. We shall see how things progress. |
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Sometimes I go into VIDEOCHATROOMS on collarme and play..come see...come see. |
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I have to tell you..it is REALLY disappointing when I get this great email. I am all turned on...then I look down at the location and its another state. I really would like someone local. I mean it makes sense. |
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stand out. please. let me weed through the fakes. be persistant. i love that. give me something to make me want to write back. i love attention. |
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