I am moving this to my journal, I think it is time that I start working on living again even though He will always have a special place in my heart forever.

In Memory of Robert Winters (1953 - 2009),..
My love, My heart, My soul, My Rude One

I MISS YOU

I sit here thinking about so many things
Your loving heart and loving smile
The way You took My heart with just one look
The way You loved Me even just for a while.

I am very thankful that for the time We had
You gave Me joy , peace and love.
You taught Me many things that I did not know
there were many things You helped Me rise above.

Even though you are gone for now
I keep You in My heart
I know a time will come again
where We wont be apart.

In Summerland I know You wait
til My soul can come to You
Until that time can come for Me
Know that My love is forever true.

magick
I love You Daddy and will miss You dearly

wow it has been a year since i have written in my journal here. So very many things have changed in that last year. The little girl in me had to grow up really quick because reality finally slapped her in the face. She has had to face her own mortality as she watched the most important man in her life pass from this life about six months ago. That was extremely hard on her, but she has found wonderful friends with in the BDSM community here in Arkansas that has helped her so much. There are two in particular that i consider best friends in the whole wide world. They have taught me that even though i may be scared and shy, that i am a very able person. I can make my decisions, I can be me without someone telling me who i am. They have given me the confidence to grow in both my submission and Dominance, thus making me a better rounded person. 

Wow,..I never realized how hard it is to find a girl that is not afraid to live in the country. I brought a girl up for a visit about two weeks is as long as she could handle living outside the city. I guess to each thier own.

I guess it is a good thing that I request that a girl comes and visits before I even offer them a real time position here.

This morning as I sat out on the pool deck I thought about how pretty it is. As I was listening to the birds and little frogs (it rained here last night)  I looked down onto My property and had to smile cause there by the pond stood 5 deer, it was a beautiful sight to see. Thank the Goddess that I am where I am so I get wonderful gifts of beauty such as I did this morning.

A collar in BDSM symbolizes a commitment that has often been compared to a wedding ring. This type of commitment comes in other forms, such as a brand, a tattoo, a piercing.... Each symbolizing the pledge of the Dominant to their submissive to protect, love and cherish them. When the submissive accepts the collar, the submissive surrenders to the Dominant and makes a promise to be devoted and loyal. Some collars are made with no clasp to signify the never ending love of the relationship.

Some Dominants have stages to collaring a submissive. It can start off with a Collar of Consideration. It is basically the getting to know each other stage. It could be considered equivalent to the "courting" or "dating" stage in the vanilla world. This is a period of time where the Dominant and submissive should talk and explore needs, wants and desires in a D/s relationship (not only BDSM but vanilla wants, needs and life goals as well). It is an expression of interest in pursuing a D/s relationship with each other beyond casual play or interactions. It also gives the signal to other dominants that the submissive is "off-limits" because she is pursuing a power dynamic with someone.

The next stage might be the Training Collar. It allows the parties to see how things will work between them on a more permanent basis. Some basic goals for the foundation of the relationship are being worked on during this time. The training collar is usually plain, but sturdy to show a sense of awareness to this learning period. A training collar also could symbolize a relationship where the Dominant is "training" the submissive on a specific task or in an area of service. In other instances, a submissive maybe trained by Dominants who do not "own" them. (which could be a whole other article for me).

Formal or Slave Collar represents the final stage of commitment. It can express the belief of a desire to share in each others lives in a power exchange. Perhaps for the rest of their lives much like how a wedding ring or some other sign or symbol of their union. The actual collar is usually a collar that can be worn all the time and a symbol of that commitment.

Many times Dominant gives the collar with pride. The Dominant might view the collar as a symbol of ownership or surrender of the submissive or slave. It can become a symbol of their union, agreement, and their dedication to a common goal. Submissive often wear it in devotion. Submissives can feel strength and security in the collar - thus in their power exchange. It can evoke in a slave the profound depth of service to their Owner. It can evoke feelings of their calling into slavery. And serve as a reminder of place and status in the power exchange.  And alternately a collar might feel like protection and love for others. It can be freeing to have that collar around ones neck because it means that you are not denying your authentic self.

A collar symbolizing the ownership arrangement, usually comes out a deeply rooted commitment between Dominant and submissive. And hopefully the people going into the relationship will be ready to honor and respect the symbol. A Dominant should offer their collar seriously. The submissive that accepts the collar from a Dominant should also be equally serious about its significance. Usually it is not a decision made quickly and tossed aside in a week. But a collar's significance really depends on what the meaning of a collar is to you.

Submissive vs Slave

The range of supervision, which may or may not be sharply erotic, varies widely. The dominant may manage using general guidelines or a detailed agenda. Micro-management may control even mundane activities, such as when the submissive sits, eats, speaks, moves, etc. Some people consider the defining line between a submissive and a slave as the extent to which the person is controlled, i.e. how many aspects of the person have been surrendered and are micro-managed. Although such micro-management is common, it is not the defining difference. Instead, we characterize a slave by several other elements.

	First, a slave is one who turns over everything—personal rights, freedom of choice, property, etc.—to another person. The master may not choose to exert control over all of these areas but retains the right to do so.
	Second, a slave’s deep desire to serve, particularly to serve a master, is not transactional. That is, a slave serves without expecting specific recognition in return for any particular act. Thus, the slave views service as act of devotion. This is not to say that the slave should be treated as a doormat. Certainly the dominant should appreciate the slave’s surrender of power. However, slaves expect their personal needs to be met within the power exchange through the master’s knowledge of their desires, rather than through specific requests.
	Third, beyond following instructions, a slave performs tasks not bidden by the master, by reading their master’s actions and moves, thereby getting inside the master’s mindset to further fulfill and serve the master better. While this does not work in every instance, slaves try as hard as possible to interpret the master’s desires in order to serve to the fullest extent of their abilities. Intrinsic to this process is treading a fine line between service and intrusiveness—knowing when “enough is enough.”