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Hi there everybody.It seems the profile has been changing alot over the past year. I am the male part of a FMF relationship. I am the property of Phadre, however I also have a pet that I co-own. We're a very loving family. All of us are very drama free types of people. 2 of us have been involved in the scene for quite a few years, while Phadre is very new to it. We're not looking for anyother Dominants to add to our family, but would consider other submissives or slaves. We're looking for friendships and serious relationships. If you would like to know more about us, please send a message. We won't reply to the typical one liner, so please write something intelligent |
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Feeling so much better today. Life really has been intense for me lately, but I've grown in leaps because of it.
My brother Eric is doing very well in his recovery from the cancer, the surgery went well, he's out of ICU now, which is a HUGE relief to me.
Saturday I went to the Wet Spot with my new Owner, and she got to play for her first time ever. Her and I played with some new friends, who started showing her how to Top. And OMG did I love it. I had three people working me over that night, and it was amazing, all the different types of pain that were being dealt to me.
There was also a huge growth point in our relationship that night. At one point, they had really worked me over enough to send me into my Lizard brain pretty good, and I guess I was looking like I was going to attack back. She calmly walked up behind me, grabbed my collar, twisted it a little, and guided me to my knees. I was instantly centered and back in my submissive space again. Her aftercare was amazing to me, and I pleased her very much that evening.
So between an Owner finding me, my brother Eric starting to get better, my job going well, things in life are starting to be good for me.
I was able to sleep for 8 hours last night, something I haven't done very often, as it was a true, peaceful deep sleep.
So today, I feel rested, well, a little sore from Saturday, and happy that I get to see my Owner today.
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I just got home from the Hospital this evening, where I was visiting my baby brother. He's been battleing Stage 4 cancer, and yesterday had all of the reconstructive surgery he's supposed to have.
He's in intensive care right now, but doing amazingly well. The doctor was very surprised with how fast he is recovering from the surgery.
He was pretty awake and with it tonight, and when he saw me in the room, his eyes lit up, and he indicated with his hand he wanted me near him. He can't talk right now because of all the surgery, so hand motions and eye contact are how he's communicating.
I held his hand for an hour tonight, he just didn't want to let me go. My brothers and I are such a source of strength for eachother, and it was truly comforting to me to be there for him. As I sit here, I'm just crying like crazy, but it's a good cry, not one of sorrow, but one of joy because he's going to beat this. He's flat out said this will not kill him, the doctors have said he's seriously doing far better than the vast majority of people with his cancer, and I could see in his eyes tonight that he's got too much fight in him to let this take him.
I'm struggling with all of these emotions right now, and really wish I had someone here holding me. I do know things will be ok, it's just hard seeing my little brother hurting and sick. This isn't something I can protect him against, but I sure as hell will not let him go through this battle without me at his side the entire way. |
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So I've had a rough weekend, and I know it's going to sound like I'm whining, but I really just need to I guess.
I'm a bit on the overworked side right now with 2 jobs, so I'm a little tired. On top of it, tonight is the first time since I became single over a year ago that I have truly begun to feel lonliness. Not the little "I wish I had someone to go out with" type, but true, depressing, mind fucking lonliness.
There is a part of me that tells myself that I truly am a great guy, with so much to offer somebody, but there is also a part of me saying "If you're such a great guy, why the fuck can't you even get a date to the movies?"
Right now, I'm just tired, and hurting inside way too much. Nobody to kneel before, no collar around my neck anymore, nobody telling me she loves me, no pat on the head or slap on the ass. Anybody that tries to tell me that I should be happy because I'm single is either stoned or crazy.
<sigh> I guess I'll go get a couple of hours of sleep before I go to work again, I sure as hell hope that I find somebody to love me for me soon. |
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The sun is shining, a breeze is blowing, causing the many Banners to gently wave in the air, a riot of color surrounding the Tournament area.
The Lady stands beneath a tree in the shade, dressed splendidly in her best Kaitan, strings of amber and beautiful glass beads about her neck, beautiful gold broaches pinned to her chest.
His men at arms stand by her side, ready to serve her in anyway she requires while their Lord is on the field.
She watches the clash of arms, silently cheering her warrior on, wishing him a speedy victory.
He's trained so hard for this tournament, he's fast and powerful, and he's fighting for her honor, so how could he possibly fail? His opponent and him come together in a tremendous crash,
and blows are exchanged. The opponent finally lays a powerful blow to his head. The warrior salutes him, and kneels before him offering his weapon in defeat. The victor lifts the warrior to his feet, and hugs him,
the crowd applauds at the Chivalry being showed this day on the field.
The Warrior approaches his lady, and drops to his knee utterly exhausted, and bows his head, tears coming to his eyes. "I'm sorry M'Lady, I was unable to be victorious this day. My opponent was mighty, and the day was his.
I have failed you, and ask for your forgiveness."
Her eyes soften, and she places her hand on his head. "You have not failed me my pet. You have shown me such strength today, and you fought most honorably. How could I not be proud of you when you showed such joy today on the field?"
She directs his men at arms to help him begin to strip the armor from his body, and gives him water from her own cup.
The love between them has grown today in ways that others can never understand. He is determined that one day he will make her Queen, that one day there will be no denying him on the field of honor, for how can he possibly fail when
he has the love of his beautiful Domina?
This was kind of a dream I had last night in bed, with a few embellishments. There was no face to the Lady as yet, but I hope one day there will be. For those of us in the SCA, it will be quite easy to understand the dream. For those not in the SCA, the Crown of a Kingdom is won through might of arms. My dream is to find a Domina who I can make a Queen not only to myself, but to an entire Kingdom of people, who will stand by my side at the tournament field, who will cheer me on, and will be proud of me no matter if I am victorious or not, because I showed her honor on the field.
the basful one |
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So what a week I've had. I finally got moved into my new place, much closer to work, which is really nice. I have a roomate, which is great, because I have someone to talk with in the evenings. I'm still trying to get away from isolating myself so much, and at times I have to really force myself to not just hide away from the world in my room.
I have been noticing that lately though, my heart and soul feel so much better. I'm looking people in the eyes once again, and smiling. I'm striving so hard to be the loving, friendly person I know is inside of me. The time in the gym has done wonders for my self esteem. I can actually speak to Ladies now, instead of just lowering my head and trying to not be noticed. I still turn red as hell when it's a Lady I find very attractive, but I'm talking with them and trying to make friends, which is huge progress for me. I know I have alot to offer the right person, and am determined to wait patiently for her to come into my life, fit a collar to me, and let me know that She owns me, loves me and will be with me no matter what. |
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