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Having now accepted that there is nothing wrong with being a submissive male, I feel comfortable enough to create a profile. That said, I still consider myself fairly new to this whole scene. More than anything, Im looking for someone to help me learn more about my submissive side - and if I can help someone else while doing so, thats surely a bonus.I will admit that Im something of a pessimist - even though whatever I said here would be self promotion, Ive found that even though I find it hard to find good things about myself - other people find them in me, but I suck at it.I should point out that submission for me is a trust thing. I submit to someoneI trust. Trust goes hand-in-hand with respect, and I ask, if you consider me - that yourespect my hard limits. Respecting me makes me respecting others - so its a positive feedback loop.Personally, I can tell you all that Im a music fan (the name is inspired by a David Bowie album I really identify with and love). Im an aspiring writer - words being my trade - and if theres ever a trivia competition - Im your best friend.I will also say that Im a would-be chivalrist - i.e. I want to do the best thing by people and be honest, honourable and respectful in all . That may sound naff to some people, but I think its swell.
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OK.
I need to write while the feeling is still raw.
I just watched the film 'Secretary'. It's 10:40 on a Sunday night, i've had a few wines (probably 2, maybe 3) and I have work in the morning.
I cannot describe the feeling i have right now. It's kind of turned on, but not in any way i've ever felt before. That is to say the sports department is closed atm. Still, i feel... excited, i'm blushing - though that may be the heater, and my heart is all aflutter.
I never would have thought that a motion picture could affect me like this. Some bits were sheer awesome (there's a montage... oh that montage!!!!), some were outright terrible (I hate to see subs being brutally mistreated) - and then I realised - that's what BDSM is. Sheer awesome, mixed with moments of terrible anguish. Even as I'm writing this, my knees are gone. Like, literally. Just coming to this realisation has my legs all a-quiver.
breathes deeply
I should have expected as much - the tag line "Assume the position" gave me a tingle on the car home from the video club - my not having read it in the store.
Still, all the recommendations in the world couldn't prepare me for that... wow.
Just wow. |
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So I watched Videodrome today.
I liked eXistenZ and I figured that Cronenberg writing his own stuff would be equal good 15 years earlier.
It was. I'm still not sure if you could call it biopunk - but its twisted as hell.
That scene with the TV is strangely hot though. |
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I was referred by another member (no names) to check out a song called Twist by Nine Inch Nails. Inspired by that, I bought Pretty Hate Machine today...
Oh My Lord. How awesome is this record? Every day I'm learning more and more about this whole world I never knew about... I bet Trent Reznor is a sub though - either that or I'm reading too much into these lyrics. |
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I've discovered the sexiest, most violent album ever. "1. Outside" By David Bowie.
I was listening to it today and seeing the images. It's full of hardcore violence and serious BDSM context.
"Research has pierced all extremes of my sex" says one character.
Another character is a "tyrannical futurist" who happens to be a seriously concept femdom artist. The kind who frames mirrors with "goat scrotum" but about who it is warned that some customers enter her gallery and never exit. She has a cult of mindless followers who adore her (some zoned out on interest drugs) - in one song the followers continually chant "I Am With Name, I Am Ramona A. Stone" (which is the domme's name)
The plot is the art murder of a 14 year old girl, which is described and displayed in the liner notes to fascinating gory detail.
I envisage a film adaptation of the album being a detective story of a serial killer murdering people not out of psychopathy, not out of religious purposes - but AS ART. Murder as art. It's an amazing concept. Horrifying, but amazing.
The album is full of sex and violence. I want to listen to it again.
P.S. Bowie toured with Nine Inch Nails when he released "1. Outside". That's pretty damn cool. |
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