akainu

*sigh* Looking at so many cute dresses and toys and I'm too busy buying people Christmas presents to get anything for me.

Boohoo.

I disappear from the site for awhile and suddenly I don't have nearly as many hot people in my inbox. Luckily I moved over to other sites and messengers with most of them, but still. I miss having 20 pages of cool conversations with attractive persons...

Oh, yeah, accuse me of being a fake and then block me, how mature. These guys are so cute when they think it makes a difference in how I'll behave, like I'm really afraid of someone thinking I'm a man over the internet.

Woohoo, it's my birthday...

And everyone but my boyfriends have said Happy Birthday...

My boy did, but I knew he would, because he is loyal and sweet and tries his best to stay in my favor. But honestly, I thought Doms were supposed to remember those sort of things...

I can't believe I haven't written this yet, but I've been thinking about this a lot lately...

I have a serious thing for guys who are TALLER than me. Like, 6'+

I like guys who are physically intimidating, as well as mentally.

Just a random thing to note.

Yay, I got blocked by my first idiot today! I feel so fulfilled!

I've got to get better about not being embarrassed all the time.

I mean, just about everyone takes dirty pictures of themselves and talks to dirty and stuff. But, I dunno, I guess it's just different.

Things like this... They make me feel all virginal and awkward. I mean, I've had more sex than a lot of thirty-somethings I know, and even older people, so it's definitely not for lac of experience.

And I like following orders. That's why I like the way "virginal" applies to this situation. It kind of implies the excitement of trying new things. And I am really excited about doing these things for him. Even if they were things I didn't like to do, if it makes my Daddy happy, then it's worth it.

Maybe it's a little weird to already put him above everything else already, I mean, all things considered, but I just can't help loving him with all my heart. It's like, you know, he doesn't deserve some kind of half-assed affection, he deserves the whole deal. And I want so badly to give that to him, to be as perfect as possible, and then some, because he's just so perfect and amazing. He deserves like a perfect model-material kind of girl who always follows orders to the letter and is never any trouble and does amazing at everything... But for some reason he wants me.

I don't quite get that yet, but I think I'll figure it out eventually...

Who knows, maybe we're both totally mental, haha. Even if we are... I don't mind, as long as we can be together.

I know I always think too much. About life and death and taxes, all sorts of certain things... But mostly I think about uncertain things and I think of everything that could go wrong with whatever is important in my life. I usually scare myself with all the possibilities of all the terrible things that could go wrong.

Lately I've been thinking about my Daddy. I fear disappointing him. I love him so dearly that I can't stand the thought of letting him down.

Sometimes I think I'm a little loony for caring so much about him, for making him the single most important thing in my life... But then I get to talking to him and thinking about how wonderful and perfect he is and it all makes sense.

I fought so hard to have him as mine... But I keep feeling like I'm letting him down. I don't feel like there's any way I can prove how much I love him. I want to spend every moment of the rest of my life with him and yet...

I'm just over thinking it, I know that's what it is.

But it keeps nagging at me. That I'm not good enough for him or that he's going to leave me for no reason and I'm going to fall apart. I've been in that terrible nothingness before, I don't want to go there again. Having him in my life is like having the most precious item in the world, something amazing and worth everything and more... Something so fragile that if you even hold it wrong, it will break.

I'm sure he thinks about bad things too sometimes, but I don't think he sees it the way I do. Or maybe he does, I don't know, maybe I'm just being way too self centered. He says I'm his perfect princess, but how can I believe he feels that way when I can't see myself that way.

The way he talks about me, you'd think I was a Godsend. Maybe it's selfish, but I like the way he makes me feel about myself. I see attractive features where before I only saw flaws. Granted, I still don't see myself as being a really attractive person. But I see a little bit of what he sees in me... Just a little bit. I mean obviously other people saw something, with as much dating as I've done... But none of them made me see it.

He and I have given up so much to be together... It's all so complicated and throwing my emotions totally out of whack... But even when the tears come and I just want to curl up in a little ball and never move... I still love him with all my heart.

Not... Really talking to people so much right now...

I have learned a valuable lesson today...

There are some kinds of porn, you really want to not eat for a few hours before getting your fap on...

And now, for something totally different... A sample of my musical taste:

Boredom... I can't believe I'm saying this, but will someone interesting talk to me?

And I'm sure I'll regret that soon...

I've come to realize... I have a serious fetish for looking at other people's toy collections. :D

All I ask is a tall ship and a star to sail her by...

But, while you're at it, can I have a subbie to cuddle too?

Haha, I am no longer a redhead! Sorry redophiles, my hair is now black!... And will soon have blue highlights... :D

Dominants, Dominants, always with the Dominants... Are submissives and S/switches some rare commodity these days or something? Honestly...