2balady

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Friends:



	I am just here to make friends now. I am happy with what I have and with growing with him.

I havent been on here for a while or kept up a journal and I keep promising myself that I should. My life has changed so much in the last 6 months that I think only now that I have caught up with it mentally.
I was with someone for nearly 2 years, almost on the brink of him moving in with me but something kept holding me back and alot was holding him back, which i didnt know at the time. We had our ups and downs and at a down time I got talking to another man. We met and we got along great and I realised that I wasnt happy with what I had at the time. I believe in honesty and told my "Dom" at the time. He panicked and came down, he did live over 250 miles away. We sort of sorted out a few things and he went back home. 4-5 days later he had a serious stroke and I was devastated, thinking all sorts of things, mainly that I had bought this on.
He had lied to me from the begining of our relationship, he had told me that he was single and he lived with his mother as she needed looking after. His mum had been dead for over twenty years. His long term partner told me all this. The worst part for me was that he also lied to my son, promising him things that he couldnt deliver. Every cloud has a silver lining and I am still seeing this lovely man that I met when I was on a down part of my previous relationship and so far things are moving along nicely....it has just made me a little more careful with my feelings which is a shame as I would love to give this man my all but something is making me hold back...couldnt be lack of trust now could it.

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It doesn't mean much
It doesn't mean anything at all
The life I've left behind me
Is a cold room
I've crossed the last line
From where I can't return
Where every step I took in faith
Betrayed me
And led me from my home

And sweet
Sweet surrender
Is all that I have to give

You take me in
No questions asked
You strip away the ugliness
That surrounds me
Are you an angel
Am I already that gone
I only hope
That I won't disappoint you
When I'm down here
On my knees

And sweet
Sweet
Sweet surrender
Is all that I have to give

And I don't understand
By the touch of your hand
I would be the one to fall

I miss the little things
Oh I miss everything

It doesn't mean much
It doesn't mean anything at all
The life I left behind me
Is a cold room

Sarah McLachlan

Tell me if I'm on my way to paradise
Does it mean I need to make a sacrifice?
Maybe you're right, maybe it's wrong
Nothing left for me to do but carry on

You tell me that I'm on the road to ecstasy
And everything I want is waiting there for me
How will I know, Why should I care
Doesn't really matter how you get me there

And I wonder, if I
Just wasted all my time
I wonder, I wonder, will I make it home

Before I fall, And lose it all
Will I run or will I crawl, and take it all
Sometimes I wonder

Tell me if I fall will you be there for me
Or would you walk away without a care for me
Maybe I wont, maybe you will
Maybe you're just looking for some time to kill

I wonder, if I
Just wasted all my time
I wonder, I wonder
Will I stand alone

How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: It's just tears and rain.

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.