With a Little Help From My Friends

So today I had two, count 'em two, of my closest friends tell me I'm in love with Padraig. And you know what? I hate when my friends are right. Fuckers.

Thing is, until singsingasong said it—as she's my bestest and closest friend—I didn't want to admit it. But tonight she said, Obvi you're in love. To which I replied, Fuck. You think so? Then singsingasong said, smitten, obsessed, "in love" whatever you call it lol yes! And she is so fucking right. I am smitten-obsessed-in-love with Padraig Murphy.

There. I admitted it.

Truth is, he tells me he's going to ruin me and I always tell him that he won't. He loves when we disagree. I think part of the reason we get along so well is that we're both broken. And I think sometimes it's hard for him to hear that I care about him. His last girlfriend broke his heart after four years. It kills me to know what she did to him and I wish I could just tear into her for it.

Anyway, I wish I could tell him how I feel, but he's not answering texts right now. Knowing him, I'll get a message at three in the morning when he can't sleep. And knowing me, I'll wake up not long after because I'll have my phone lying on my chest with it on vibrate. I really hope he texts me before I go to bed and or fall asleep. I don't want to wait until tomorrow, but I will if I have to.

Padraig makes me ridiculously happy and… it's kind of scary and exciting all at once. I'm scared shitless at being physical with him. But on the other hand, I want it to be him that I have my first post-trauma kiss with and whatever else that may come along. Getting a message from him is always the highlight of my day. It's crazy, but in a good way =)

Now I'm going to go eat some Cherry Twizzler bites and then it'll be time for bed.

xoxo
amanda: jaclyn's twin sister ♥