works by lesson_in_love

polybigbang - Is it too much to ask

lesson_in_love — Fri, 22 Nov 2013 04:56:29 GMT

POLYBANG. One of the best bangs of the year. This is my first time completing art for it, and I had the pleasure of working with my favorite beckaandzac on her story Is it too much to ask! Because when Becka says Zarry and Harry/Louis/Eleanor, I will come running. (I will probably just run if it has to do with Eleanor Calder, tbh.) ANYWAYS, onward!

Harry falls into a thing with Zayn by accident. Louis falls into a thing with Harry on purpose. Harry falls in love with Louis by accident. And Eleanor makes sure everything works out for the best. Non-AU set during the Take Me Home Tour.

The pairings list by itself is just glorious, but the story is even better! FOR THE LOVE OF HARRY STYLES, GO READ IT.
Special thanks to beckaandzac for being one of my favorite people, unavoidedcrisis for being the best roommate and for running the magic that is polybigbang, and Nick Grimshaw's voice for being my constant soundtrack.

I wanted to make sure I showed everyone involved in the pairings of the story, and came up with the idea to string them along almost like a bubble map. Since Harry is integral to everything, he's of course in the middle. Zayn and Perrie's section and relationship are mainly dealt with in the first part of the story, while Louis and Eleanor's comes later.

Since the story changes perspectives, I made character banners for Zayn, Harry and Louis.

And then I made icons of everyone, because they're all just too pretty.

nick grimshaw/louis tomlinson - repartee

lesson_in_love — Thu, 04 Jul 2013 03:58:58 GMT

Medium: Music/Radio
Fandom: One Direction/Radio 1 RPF
Subject: Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson
Title: repartee
Mixers Notes: A very belated birthday present to feathertofly, because she listens to me cry about these two about 3x a week. I... wish I had another excuse for this. Basically my cracky Tomlinshaw headcanon loosely goes: SNARK SNARK BOOZE SNARK BANTER KISSING SNARK FEELINGS HEARTS. So this is that basically in a mix?

the black keys // howlin for you
i must admit
i can't explain
any of these thoughts racing through my brain
baby i'm howling for you

gin wigmore // don't stop
don't stop doing what you're doing
i will be your something when you're bottled and blue
don't stop doing what you're doing
cause that makes you my man

bastille // flaws
you have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve
and i have always buried them deep beneath the ground
dig them up; let's finish what we started
dig them up; so nothing's left unturned

neon trees // everybody talks
hey honey you could be my drug
you could be my new prescription
too much could be an overdose
all this trash talk make me itchin

little mix // love drunk
i'm a little bit love drunk
ever get the feeling where you're miles away
everybody's looking at me walking, stumbling
hardly talking, mumbling, going red in the face

spector // upset boulevard
i changed my clocks to your time
and i let the jet lag set in
i know you feel uncomfortable
in clothes you haven't slept in
but they meant it when they said it
it's a sick, sick town

the wombats // let's dance to joy division
let's dance to joy division
and celebrate the irony
everything is going wrong
but we're so happy

ellie goulding // figure 8
still not too old to die young
the lovers hold on to everything
and others hold on to anything
i chased your love around a figure 8
i need you more than i can take

matt nathanson // laid
my therapist said not to see you no more
she said you're like a disease without any cure
she said i'm so obsessed that i'm becoming a bore
oh you think you're so pretty

cute is what we aim for // curse of curves
i've got the gift of one liners
and you've got the curse of curves
and with this gift i compose words
and the question that comes forward
are you perspiring from the irony?

alexz johnson // temporary insanity
it's temporary insanity
what's going on with you and me?
is it real or is it fantasy?
forever or just temporary?

andrew mcmahon // synesthesia
and i've known you all my life
but i knew you long before that too
let's go dancing to the songs we wrote when we lived in the shadow of the moon
and i see colors when i hear your voice

marianas trench // celebrity status
when the mirrors and the lights and the smoke clear
i'd never guess how we ever could have got here
you can say what you say when the lights go down
so shake, shake, shake, and shut your mouth

the boy least likely to // be gentle with me
so just be gentle with me
i'm not as young as i was
and i'll be gentle with you
i'm not as brave as i thought
cause my heart gets broken so easily

BONUS: ke$ha // (fuck him) he's a dj
now he's loving me up
with a baseline phat
it's an aphrodisiac
just watching you like that

hxxp -> http

repartee.zip

1d_bigbang - (you can still be) who you wish you is

lesson_in_love — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 01:59:21 GMT

So I had the pleasure of making art for mermaidparades' 1d_bigbang! It's called '(You Can Still Be) Who You Wish You Is' and it's WONDERFUL.

because not long after that, three becomes five in such an effortless way, that Zayn wonders if his sister had known about this, as well. if she knew that this would be part of it all; just as much as the girls had been, as much as his art had become. he wonders if she knew he’d need a Niall and a Liam to be truly happy with his Louis and Harry. somehow, he’s sure she did.
-- an american street art au, set in New York because i am predictable.

FOUND FAMILIES!!!!!! (omg no seriously they're like my favorite thing.) Anyways, here's the art and then GO READ THE FIC.

Special thanks to mermaidparades for being so lovely to work with, the mods of 1d_bigbang for their modly goodness, and feathertofly for timely constructive criticism that my art major soul so desperately needs.

Also, mermaidparades was kind enough to send me to character profiles and art examples that she gathered for the fic, and I sort of ran with them and made character banners!

holiday 2012 mixes

lesson_in_love — Tue, 15 Jan 2013 02:28:48 GMT

what day of the week is it?
a vlogbrothers apocalypse mix for unavoidedcrisis
So one day, unavoidedcrisis comes to me and says, "HEY JESS, I HAVE AN IDEA. What if I wrote Vlogbrothers apocalypse gen fic?" And I was like, "NO LEEN BACK AWAY FROM THE CRAZY SAUCE." This conversation went on for like an hour, in which Leen increasingly tried to convince me it was a good idea, and I kept increasingly reminding her that the fourth wall is wonderful and needs to exist. She since has pestered me about writing it several times, and I decided to placate her with a mix for it. You're welcome, Leenbutt. (I still don't think you should write it though.)

REM - It's the End of the World As We Know It
fun. - Carry On
Ellie Goulding - Human
Of Monsters and Men - Your Bones
Imagine Dragons - Radioactive
Ryan Adams - Now That You're Gone

wit beyond measure
a stiles stilinski mix for oddishly
Title is dedicated to oddishly and ordinaryink, because if they can crossover HP and TW, THEN I SHOULD BE ABLE TO TOO. Title is super misleading though, because this mix is full of PAIN AND AGONY. Sorry bout that, Helen. I JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT STILES' CHILDHOOD. And also about how he hides his emotions for the benefit of those around him and those he loves the most. Goddamn that asshole and his protective streak. ;__; So um, yeah, this mix is a combination of those ideas. Which aren't related. WHATEVER HONEY BADGER DON'T CARE HERE'S A STILES MIX.

Carbon Leaf - What About Everything?
The Goo Goo Dolls - Name
James Morrison - Once When I Was Little
Regina Spektor - Blue Lips
Foster the People - Houdini
The National - Sorrow

it's a mad weekend
a booze and fangirls mix for beadslut
So beadslut and I took this glorious picture during this year's Winprom, and she prompted me with it for her Christmas mix. Originally this was going to be a beadslut/lesson_in_love OTP mix, but then I decided a booze and fangirls mix would be better. (Because lbr, NOTHING beats booze and fangirls. ♥) And like all Winproms, we have to end with some Carry On Wayward Son. BECAUSE I SAID SO.

Rita Ora - How We Do (Party)
The Fratellis - Flathead
Marianas Trench - Celebrity Status
Olly Murs - Troublemaker
Girls Aloud - Something New
Kansas - Carry On Wayward Son

cup after cup
a coffee mix for ordinaryink
Sorry Tracey, I couldn't make a Tracey/coffee OTP mix because my ultimate above all other OTPs is Jessica/coffee. But here's a bunch of songs that I think go well with a good cup of coffee. I was going to try and make the lyrics ~mean something~, but decided halfway through that this was better. Mainly for the morning (especially Go Set Go omg), but hopefully still applicable to your midnight and/or 3 am cup. ♥

Get Set Go - I Hate Everyone
Mumford and Sons - Lover Of The Light
Something Happens - Momentary Thing
Vampire Weekend - Horchata
The xx - Crystalised
My Morning Jacket - Holdin On To Black Metal

the price of love is loss
a next to normal themes mix for daylit
MARY, I HOPE YOU REALIZE YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON WHO I WOULD DO THIS FOR. (Did you think I couldn't have a song about infant death? OHOHOHO BECAUSE I DEFINITELY DO.) If you don't already know the themes of N2N, they include (but are not limited to): child death, prescription medication addiction, suicide, depression, personality disorders, hallucinations, love, loss, and just general PAIN AND SUFFERING AND TEARS. Which means it's one of my favorite things in the universe. Of course. But yeah, this mix is basically the opposite of okay. Listen at your own risk, and then go listen to the cast recording.

The Fray - Heaven Forbid
Ed Sheeran - Small Bump
Wakey!Wakey! - Light Outside
The National - Start A War
Imagine Dragons - Demons
The Spill Canvas - Battles

after the sunrise
a morning wakeup mix for wendy
Okay, this mix got REALLY self-indulgent, negl. Sorry, Wendy! I started off with songs to put you in a good mood and get up, and then everything gets progressively more loud and more in your face until you finally get out of bed. And then if Girls Aloud doesn't get you out of bed and dancing, then I really don't know what will.

McFly - Love is Easy
Matt Nathanson - Modern Love
Ben Folds - Do It Anyway
The Black Keys - Howlin For You
One Direction - Kiss You
Girls Aloud - Something New

get out of my head
a wincest mix for clex_monkie89
You guys should all feel really sorry for Clex. Clex was a perfect wonderful creature who gave me a legitimately good Wincest prompt. Her prompt was "Quit fucking whining and get in bed, you ass." which is an excellent prompt that could provide for a vast variety of songs. But then I basically ignored that prompt in favor of angsty Wincest. I'M SORRY CLEX I LOVE YOU ~~ALMOST AS MUCH I LOVE ANGSTY WINCEST~~.

Waldeck - Why Did We Fire The Gun?
Matt Nathanson - Suspended
Fleet Foxes - Blue Ridge Mountains
Ed Sheeran - Give Me Love
Ben Lee - Ache For You
Rufus Wainwright - Hallelujah

make you a masterpiece
a coffeeshop and art school zouis mix for feathertofly
I've been going to art school for 3 years, and I still don't think enough secondhand smoke and charcoal dust has permeated my bones to make this mix hipster enough. I sort of went with more established relationship art school!Zayn/coffeeshop!Louis, because I'm sure that Cass would really be against that. Like, super morally opposed. And this is actually a lot happier than I anticipated?? WHATEVER. IT'S ZOUIS. THEY DON'T CARE. THEY'LL JUST CONTINUE TO BE THE PRETTIEST GODDAMN SHIP TO EVER EXIST. (no seriously, if I had to give them an otp tag, it probably would be otp: prettier than you and everyone else on the planet BECAUSE THEY ARE.)

The 88 - Coming Home
Mere Mortals - Lost Art
Feeder - Tender
The Wombats - Let's Dance to Joy Division
Gin Wigmore - Don't Stop
Matt Nathanson - Laid

Caroline Flack/Olly Murs - one day

lesson_in_love — Sat, 05 Jan 2013 02:33:40 GMT

Medium: Real Life
Fandom: The X-Factor UK RPF (oh god did i really just type that)
Subject: Caroline Flack/Olly Murs
Title: one day
Mixers Notes: ...I wish I knew too. Here's a picspam/primer for anyone who's interested. (AS WELL YOU SHOULD BE.) Basically they host The Xtra Factor, the UK's companion show to The X-Factor, together and have awesome chemistry.
For whatever series of reasons, I thought Caroline and Olly were actually dating for like, a month. And I was ridiculously happy because they are ADORABLE and WONDERFUL and like, YAY CANON COUPLES!! But then my world came crashing down around me when I found out they weren't together. So here's a best friends turned lovers mix because THEY NEED TO GET MARRIED. ASAP. OKAY? THESE ARE MY DEMANDS.

IT'S NOT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR.

...SERIOUSLY.
;_;

This mix is basically just for feathertofly, because she is the only one who will cry with me over how OTP they are.

john mayer // friends, lovers or nothing
friends, lovers, or nothing
there can only be one
friends, lovers, or nothing
there'll never be an in between
so give it up

mat kearney // ships in the night
like ships in the night
you keep passing me by
just wasting time
trying to prove who's right
and if it all goes crashing into the sea
if it's just you and me trying to find the light
like ships in the night

letters to cleo // i want you to want me
i want you to want me
i need you to need me
i love you to love me
and i'm begging you to beg me

mcfly // love is easy
oh i can't believe that it's so simple
it feels so natural to me
if this love, than love is easy
it's the easiest thing to do

stars // my favourite book
well you can make my bed, i'll fall into it
shadowed but not lonely
cause i never knew home until i found your hands
and when i'm weathered, you come to me
you're my best friend

jon mclaughlin // so close
we're so close
to reaching that famous happy ending
almost believing this was not pretend
and now you're beside me
and look how far we've come

matt nathanson // faster
you own me, you own, you rattle my bones
you turn me over and over till i can't control myself
make me a liar, one big disaster
you make my heart beat faster

relient k // must have done something right
we should get jerseys
cause we make a good team
but yours would look better than mine
cause you're out of my league

oliver james // long time coming
can you whisper in my ear
let me know it's alright
it's been a long time coming down this road
and now i know
what i've been waiting for

the rocket summer // so much love
you've got so much love in you
i'm amazed that i'm talkin' to you
you look like the songs that i've heard my whole life
coming true

matt wertz // with you, tonight
you gotta tell me it's true
you feel the same
i'm so much better when
i say your name
let me be with you tonight
everything will be just fine

gabrielle // should i stay
then again am i being honest?
being true to myself?
can i see my life without you?
could i be with someone else?

conal fowkes // let's do it (let's fall in love)
and that's why
birds do it
bees do it
even educated fleas do it
let's do it
let's fall in love

hxxp -> http

one day.zip

One Direction - OT5 - we're fated to pretend

lesson_in_love — Sun, 09 Dec 2012 03:58:37 GMT

Medium: Real People
Fandom: One Direction
Subject: OT5
Title: we're fated to pretend
Mixers Notes: So while I was making we touched the stars (generally schmoopy OT5), I came across a shitload of angsty songs that also felt perfect for these idiots. So here's that mix, because I like putting myself in PAIN for some reason. This mix sort of got out of control, but I think it's one of my favorite things that I've made, so I hope you enjoy it too.

This mix is set in the future, in a horrible world where 1D is bitterly broken up and the boys have fallen out of touch. But they're still in the media and still see each other occasionally. You just can't shut down that kind of love that they have, even when it's mixed with anger and bitterness.

regina spektor // small town moon
i must've left a thousand times
but every day begins the same
cause there's a small town in my mind
how can i leave without hurting everyone that made me?
how can i leave without hurting everyone that made me?

dave matthews // stay or leave
wake up naked drinking coffee
making plans to change the world
while the world is changing us
it was good good good love
you used to laugh under the covers
maybe not so often now

ellie goulding // salt skin
you're as bright as the sun and as calm as the wind
i don't know when you'll break but it's gonna be soon
if my will caves in, i'll be in the same boat as you

of monsters and men // love love love
and these fingertips, they'll never run through your skin
those bright blue eyes can only meet mine across a room
filled with people that are less important than you
because you love love love
when you know i can't love

matt nathanson // kiss quick
kiss quick, i've got a line out the door
who all think they can save me
one by one they lay the world at my feet
one by one they drive me crazy

nada surf // are you lightning?
i see you in my sheets, i see you in my sleep
i see you from my steps, you're walking up my street
but just look at the size of you

okkervil river // it ends with a fall
i know it's coming down
and see it shattering me
it doesn't matter to me
and i'm not sadder for seeing it come
i'm not going to run

neon trees // love and affection
i just don't understand
why my love isn't good enough
i just don't understand
why my love isn't good enough

mgmt // time to pretend
this is our decision to live fast and die young
we've got the vision, now let's have some fun
yeah it's overwhelming, but what else can we do?
get jobs in offices and wake up for the morning commute?
forget about our mothers and our friends
we're fated to pretend

damien rice // elephant
what's the point of this song?
or even singing?
you've already gone
why am i clinging?

the national // you were a kindness
there wasn't any way for anyone to settle in
you made a slow disaster out of me
there's a radiant darkness upon us
i don't want you to worry
i was careful but nothing is harmless

jenny owen youngs // fuck was i
love tears me up like a demon
opens the wounds and fills them with lead
and i'm having some trouble just breathing
if we weren't such good friends i think that i'd hate you
if we weren't such good friends i'd wish you were dead

stars // your ex-lover is dead
nothing but time and a face that you'll lose
i chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
i'll write you a postcard, i'll send you the news
from the house down the road from real love

the fray // vienna
maybe in five or ten
yours and mine will meet again
straighten this whole thing out
maybe then honesty need not be feared as a friend or an enemy
but this is the distance
and this is my game face

coldplay // the scientist
nobody said it was easy
it's such a shame for us to part
nobody said it was easy
no one ever said it would be this hard
oh take me back to the start

the weepies // world spins madly on
i let the day go by
i always say goodbye
i watch the stars from my window sill
the whole world is moving and i'm standing still

the cinematic orchestra // to build a home
cause i build a home
for you
for me
until it disappeared
from me
from you
and now, it's time to leave and turn to dust

hxxp -> http

4shared
sendspace

One Direction - OT5 - we touched the stars

lesson_in_love — Fri, 12 Oct 2012 03:45:11 GMT

Medium: Real People
Fandom: One Direction
Subject: OT5
Title: we touched the stars
Mixers Notes: Literally a week ago, I could not tell these boys apart, nor could I name half of them. (I may have even thought there was 6 members. SHH.) And now here we are, a week later, and I can't get them out of my head. And when I become obsessed, I mix things. So here's some schmoop OT5 friendship/more than friendship feels. It gets a little angsty at points, but for the most part is the ball of joy that these idiots are. Special thanks/tears of sorrow to feathertofly for helping guide me to hell with this band.

fun. // we are young
tonight, we are young
so we'll set the world on fire
till we glow brighter
than the sun

spoon // i turn my camera on
when i turn my feelings on
i turn my feelings on inside
feel like i'm gonna ignite
i saw them stars go off
i saw them stars go off at night

carolina liar // drown
oh come on down we can't drown in this water
it's only gonna set us free
come on now we can't drown in this water
you've been praying for a remedy

the darkness // i believe in a thing called love
i believe in a thing called love
just listen to the rhythm of my heart
there's a chance we could make it now
we'll be rocking till the sun goes down

ellie goulding // starry eyed
so we burst into colors, colors and carousels
fall head first like paper planes in playground games
next thing, we're touching
you look at me it's like you hit me with lightning

kris allen // better with you
if you were never there to see them with me
and when i get a little too crazy
you are my sanity
and everything will be okay

matt wertz // everything's right
windows down as the night blows in
tap the beat on the wheel as the tires spin
until we're there crank the radio
we'll join in with the songs we know

alex day // forever yours
remember the time when we stole the whole day?
and nobody knows it, we took it away
and it will be forever mine
and it will be forever yours
now we own the night and it can't be undone
we'll never forget how it feels to be young

snow patrol // just say yes
just say yes
cause i'm aching and i know you are too
for the touch of your warm skin
as i breathe you in

matt nathanson // to the beat of our noisy hearts
on and on, we keep going
crowded like subway cars
on and on, to the beat of our noisy hearts

edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros // home
man, oh man, you're my best friend
i scream it to the nothingness
there ain't nothing that i need

joe anderson // with a little help from my friends
lend me your ears and i'll sing you a song
and i'll try not to sing out of key
oh i get by with a little help from my friends
oh i'm gonna try with a little help from my friends

hxxp -> http
4 shared: we touched the stars.zip
mediafire: we touched the stars.zip

Merlin - Arthur/Merlin - shed our skin

lesson_in_love — Wed, 18 Jul 2012 03:10:35 GMT

Medium: Television
Fandom: Merlin
Subject: Modern day Arthur/Merlin
Title: shed our skin
Mixers Notes: Made for waywardmixes Round #5 challenge: Alternate Universes.

Merlin is a show with a new take on the King Arthur myths. It starts when Arthur is still just a prince, and Merlin becomes his servant. Together they protect the kingdom, ridding it of evil magical creatures at the command of King Uther (aka King Anti-Magic). Slowly, they become equals and begin to understand each other. Oh, and Merlin's magic is still a secret. How that works is probably the biggest mystery of the show.
Modern day Merlin AUs are probably some of my favorite things in the world. They take everything I love about the show, and just transport it into the 21st century. This mix talks basically about wanting and longing for the one you love. I think no matter what age Arthur and Merlin are in, they're still stuck in the same cycle of pining for the other, and this mix I think reflects that. There are a few reincarnation elements to this mix as well, but it wasn't my original intention. :P

matt kearney // ships in the night
like ships in the night
you keep passing me by
we're just wasting time
trying to prove who's right
and if it all goes crashing into the sea
if it's just you and me trying to find the light

ellie goulding // guns and horses
let's join forces
we've got guns and horses
i know you've been burned
but every fire is a lesson learned

amy macdonald // run
but i will run until my feet no longer run no more
and i will kiss until my lips no longer feel no more
and i will love until my heart it aches
and i will love until my heart it breaks
and i will love until there's nothing more to live for

mumford and sons // white blank page
and can you kneel before the king
and say i'm clean, i'm clean
but tell me now where was my fault
in loving you with my whole heart

ivy // edge of the ocean
oh, we can begin again
shed our skin, let the sun shine in
at the edge of the ocean
we can start over again

kings of leon // closer
where am i now?
baby where do i sleep?
feels so good but i'm so old
two thousands years of chasing taking its toll

anna nalick // catalyst
i might be inclined to be yours for the taking
and part of this terrible mess that you're making
but me, i'm the catalyst

of monsters and men // king and lionheart
and as the world comes to an end
i'll be here to hold your hand
cause you're my king and i'm your lionheart
a lionheart

hxxp -> http
shed our skin.zip

Veronica Mars - Veronica Mars - the girl from mars

lesson_in_love — Sat, 07 Apr 2012 23:07:41 GMT

Fandom: Veronica Mars
Subject: Veronica Mars
Title: the girl from mars
Warnings/Notes: Made for waywardmixes Challenge #2: HBIC. I chose Veronica, because she's the first person I think of when I think of HBICs. :)
If you're interested in the watercolor effect I used on these graphics, I modified this tutorial. Thanks, and enjoy!

Veronica Mars is a noir TV show about a teenage amateur detective in Southern California who works with her PI father, and the mysteries that they solve. Veronica is a spunky young woman who has gone from the popular clique at school to a social pariah, and always has a witty comment to go along with a smile. She's brilliantly smart, but still emotional and heartbreakingly strong. Her best friend's murder is still unsolved, her mother left, her boyfriend dumped her, and yet she still carries on. The series follows Veronica's journey from high school to college over the course of 3 seasons. I essentially put 4 songs per season that each represent her mindset during that time, but the mix should be listened to as a whole.

ingrid michaelson // somebody that i used to know
no you didn't have to stoop so low
have you friends collect your records
and then change your number
guess that i don't need that though
now you're just somebody that i used to know

matt nathanson // pretty the world
and you hate the way they wash you down
the summer hums heavy now
still you bolded all your best words
so they'd have something to wrap their mouths around

the national // sorrow
sorrow found me when i was young
sorrow waited, sorrow won
sorrow that put me on the pills
it's in my honey, it's in my milk

ellie goulding // salt skin
you're as bright as the sun and as bold as the moon
i don't know when you'll break but it's gonna be soon
if my will caves in, i'll be in the same boat as you

josh ritter // man burning
don't stand so close to me
don't be another tragedy
i've burned everybody who had a hand to lend
a man burning at both ends

rilo kiley // love and war (11/11/46)
love and war, in heaven and in hell
you get what you deserve, you'd better spend it well
all is fair in love and war and love
a civil war like this, it always sells itself

maroon 5 // sweetest goodbye
pushing forward and arching back
bring me closer to heart attack
say goodbye and just fly away
when you come back, i have something to say, yeah

camera obscura // i need all the friends i can get
can't you see that you are leading her on
you're feeling listless
people are tired and commitment has gone
to this i've been a witness

straylight run // mistakes we knew we were making
so we bottled and shelved all our regrets
let them ferment and came back to our senses
drove back home and slept a few days
woke up and laughed at how stupid we used to be

lostprophets // rooftops
will we make a mark this time?
will we always say we tried?
we're standing on the rooftops
everybody scream your heart out

sea wolf // you're a wolf
i'm runnin on the northeast street
cut to the ocean before i run too low
the one that you are looking for
you're not gonna find her here

neon trees // sins of my youth
i've got these habits that i cannot break
and as i'm older there is more at stake
go ahead and call me fake
but these are the sins
the sins of my youth

the girl from mars.zip

Doctor Who - Doctor/Rose - we'll face the day

lesson_in_love — Mon, 26 Mar 2012 00:11:59 GMT

Medium: Television
Fandom: Doctor Who
Subject: The Doctor/Rose
Title: we'll face the day
Mixers Notes: I've had this playlist on my iTunes for about a year now, and thought it was about time I made some art and posted it!

trading yesterday // one day
lonely, find me, one day you will come
always for love's sake
one day to be loved

matt nathanson // suspended
cause all i wanna be is the minute that you hold me in
when you pretend that i'm all that you waited for
time slips to nothing and i'm better than i've ever been
i'm suspended

tegan and sara // nineteen
i feel you in my heart
and i don't even know you
and now we're saying
bye, bye, bye

ellie goulding // human
i used to hear it all so loud
the sound of my heart breaking
the truth is waiting to be found
i trust that i will take it

snow patrol // run
to think i might not see those eyes
makes it so hard not to cry
and as we say our long goodbyes
i nearly do

taylor swift // story of us
i used to think one day we'd tell the story of us
how we met
and the sparks flew instantly
and people would say they're the lucky ones

coldplay // yellow
your skin
oh yeah your skin and bones
turn into something beautiful
you know for you i'd bleed myself dry
for you i'd bleed myself dry

damien rice // older chests
like time, there's always time
on my mind
so pass me by, i'll be fine
just give me time

florence + the machine // cosmic love
the stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
you left me in the dark
no dawn, no day, i'm always in this twilight
in the shadow of your heart

we'll face the day

General - Anxiety - the wreck of the day

lesson_in_love — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 21:34:26 GMT

Medium: General
Fandom: anxiety
Title: the wreck of the day
Mixers Notes: I suffer from a lot of anxiety disorders, and lately have had a lot of trouble keeping my emotions and anxieties in check. This is a pretty personal mix about the difference between the good and the bad days.

the spill canvas // the truth
there is a part in every day
when i lie to myself and say that it's okay
cause if i don't i think i'll go insane
but the truth is i only have myself to blame

jack's mannequin // swim
you gotta swim
swim for your life
swim for the music that saves you
when you're not so sure you'll survive

anna nalick // wreck of the day
cause love doesn't hurt
so i know i'm not falling in love
i'm just falling to pieces
if this is giving up
well i'm giving up on love

regina spektor // somedays
somedays aren't yours at all
they come and go
as if they're someone else's days
they come and leave you behind

matt nathanson // little victories
i'll be awful sometimes
weakened to my knees
i learn to get by
i'll learn to get by
on the little victories

carolina liar // drown
so you put out the fires yourself
as smoke fades from your last cigarette
you're a mess
but yes, you're beautiful

the wombats // here comes the anxiety
so now i think i'll just be honest
i hope that no one ever leaves
cause i don't want to be alone with me

guster // happier
by now you took what was to take
tear it apart and start again
so go on
if this will make you happier

explosions in the sky // first breath after coma
[instrumental]

the wreck of the day

Holiday Fanmixes: Part 2

lesson_in_love — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 23:16:28 GMT

a life less ordinary
Rory/Amy, for build_the_moon
Sort of a mix between the times when they're with Eleven in the TARDIS, and when they're at home, just happy to be together. Pretty schmoopy, but that's how I like my Mr. & Mrs. Pond.
Across the Universe - Don't Let Me Down
The Boy Least Likely To - I'm Glad I Hitched My Apple Wagon to Your Star
Josh Ritter - Come and Find Me
Ellie Goulding - Every Time You Go
Jack Johnson - Better Together
Matt Wertz - Come Away
Carbon Leaf - Life Less Ordinary
Download!

i'll stop the world
Hardison, for unavoidedcrisis
Complete with some Hardison/Eliot, Hardison/Parker, and OT3 bits, because this mix is for Leen. I can't leave that shit out.
The Dollyrots - Because I'm Awesome
Foster the People - Houdini
The Airborne Toxic Event - Changing
Spoon - I Turn My Camera On
Alex Day - Forever Yours
The Libertines - The Man Who Would Be King
Gabrielle - Should I Stay
Download!

running away from you
Sassy, for probing_grays
This is about as seriously as I can take anything having to do with Castiel. (I really tried, Tamara!) It's mostly just ironic plays on how shitty Cas treats Sam, and how Sam keeps accepting him. Please don't take the songs too seriously, because I really couldn't.
Letters to Cleo - Cruel To Be Kind
Relient K - I So Hate Consequences
Vertical Horizon - You're A God
Mere Mortals - Lost Art
Sick Puppies - Too Many Words
Fourty Foot Echo - Brand New Day
Download!

kiss with a fist
Steve/Tony, for everindelible
Apparently, most of my head canon is Steve and Tony arguing and beating the crap out of each other, and then having awesome angry sex afterwards. I wish I could say I'm sorry, but I love rough sex too much.
(SHUT UP BECCA, LIKE YOU CARE.)
Florence + The Machine - Kiss With A Fist
The Spill Canvas - Bleed, Everyone's Doing It
Lostprophets - Rooftops
Neon Trees - Sins Of My Youth
Generationals - When They Fight, They Fight
Muse - Resistance
Download!

Holiday Fanmixes: Part 1

lesson_in_love — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 22:08:00 GMT

Okay, so these are going up about 3 weeks later than I anticipated, and I have no good excuses. (Especially since they've been done since WAY before I got back from vacation. :3) But, they are done, and I'm quite happy with them! Each fanmix comes with a zip of the songs and the artwork. Enjoy! ♥

it makes me wonder
Zanessa, for feathertofly
Cass & I still refuse to believe that they broke up, so there's no angst here. Move along if you would like angsty breakup songs, this is all just fluff.
Matt Nathanson - Bottom of the Sea
The Boy Least Likely To - A Fairytale Ending
Goo Goo Dolls - Black Balloon
Vanessa Carlton - Pretty Baby
Kris Allen - Falling Slowly
Jack's Mannequin - Dark Blue
Lenka - Knock Knock
Download!

hit 'em right between the eyes
Deadpool, for pada_something
I don't know much about Wade's backstory because I haven't read that many Deadpool comics, so I just played around with hard rock songs that I think fit his personality. I hope this works for you, Gabhi!
Three Days Grace - Animal I Have Become
Finger Eleven - Slow Chemical
Sick Puppies - The Bottom
30 Seconds to Mars - The Kill
Beastie Boys - Sabotage
The Offspring - You're Gonna Go Far, Kid
Download!

the transition
Harry Potter: "Not an end, a beginning.", for reality0junkie
I sort of had this set just after Voldemort's death, and the process of beginning to move on from the war. I mean, you could take it as a different transition period in the characters' lives, but that's what I was thinking while finding these songs.
Helen Stellar - Io (This Time Around)
Bright Eyes - First Day of My Life
Death Cab for Cutie - The Sound of Settling
Tom Petty - Square One
Ivy - Edge of the Ocean
Switchfoot - This Is Your Life
Bonus: Oliver Boyd & The Remembralls - End Of An Era [Acoustic]
BONUS SONG BECAUSE IT'S THE BEST AND WILL MAKE YOU CRY.
Download!

General - broken friendships - left behind

lesson_in_love — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 15:59:32 GMT

Medium: General
Subject: Broken friendships
Title: left behind
Mixers Notes: Lately, I've had a lot of difficulties with friends leaving me. I'm not sure if it's a distance thing or people changing, but it's been hard. This is a mix for all of that heartache.

the beatles // i'm looking through you
i'm looking through you, where did you go
i thought i knew you, what did i know
you don't look different, but you have changed
i'm looking through you, you're not the same

bon iver // skinny love
i told you to be balanced
i told you to be kind
now all your love is wasted
then who the hell was i?

christina perri // jar of hearts
you're gonna catch a cold
from the ice inside your soul
so don't come back for me
who do you think you are?

adele // someone like you
regrets and mistakes
they are memories made
who would have known
how bittersweet this would taste?

snow patrol // you could be happy
is it too late to remind you
how we were
but not our last days of silence
screaming, blur

damien rice // accidental babies
well i know i make you cry
and i know sometimes you wanna die
but do you really feel alive with me
if so, be free
if not, leave him for me

matt nathanson // angel
angel you sing about beautiful things
and all i want to do is believe
but i traded my dreams for this mess of memories
and they just stopped working for me

julia murney // perfect
we have to say goodbye
all things have to end
but i keep insisting
i go on resisting
why should i pretend?

christian kane // thinking of you
i'm not gonna try to stop you
doesn't mean that i don't want to
if i know you, you've already made up your mind
so go on and go if you're really leavin
put a million miles between us
but you still feel me like i'm right there at your side

ZIP!

Supernatural - Sam/Dean - choke down the feeling

lesson_in_love — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 03:06:00 GMT

Medium: Television
Fandom: Supernatural
Title: choke down the feeling
Subject: Sam/Dean
Mixers Notes: I asked feathertofly for fanmix prompts about forever and a half ago, and her only request was, "Wincest. ANGST. ALL OF THE ANGST." So, that's basically what this mix is.
Title is from Richard Siken, because I'm anything but subtle.
"You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you didn’t even have a name for."

the script // breakeven
what am i supposed to do when the best part of me was always you
what am i supposed to say when i'm all choked up and you're okay
i'm falling to pieces
i'm falling to pieces

coldplay // fix you
when you try your best but you don't succeed
when you get what you want but not what you need
when you feel so tired but you can't sleep
stuck in reverse

matt nathanson // room @ the end of the world
if the sun don't light
and the night won't turn
we'll get a room at the end of the world
and we'll rewrite all the wrongs we've learned
safe in our room at the end of the world

mumford and sons // i gave you all
how can you say that your truth is better than ours?
shoulder to shoulder, now brother, we carry no arms
the blind man sleeps in the doorway, his home
if only i had an enemy bigger than my aparthy i could have won

john mayer // slow dancing in a burning room
can't seem to hold you like i want to
so i can feel you in my arms
nobody's gonna come and save you
we pulled too many false alarms

death cab for cutie // i will follow you into the dark
if there's no one beside you
when your soul embarks
then i will follow you into the dark
then i will follow you into the dark

rem // losing my religion
that's me in the corner
that's me in the spotlight
losing my religion
trying to keep up with you
and i don't know if i can do it

snow patrol // make this go on forever
please don't let this turn into something it's not
i can only give you everything i've got
i can't be as sorry as you think i should
but i still love you more than anyone else could

elton john // my father's gun
as soon as this is over we'll go home
to plant the seeds of justice in our bones
to watch the children growing and see the women sewing
there'll be laughter when the bells of freesome ring

ben lee // ache for you
there's no rhyme and there's no reason
you know the secret in the back of my skull
there's no logic so please believe me
our love's confusing but it never gets
it never gets dull

ZIP!

Borderline - Masterpost

lesson_in_love — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 01:24:44 GMT

Fic title: Borderline
Author name: lesson_in_love
Artist name: tvivel
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Sam/Dean, Dean/OFC
Warnings: Character death (not the boys), incest, general angst. No actual sex, but I’m playing the rating safe.
Word count: ~24,000
Disclaimer: Not even close to being mine.
Summary: After spending most of his life hunting, Dean never expected to have a family of his own. But there’s a one night stand that goes wrong, and suddenly he’s thrown into the world of fatherhood. How is one man supposed to juggle saving the world from evil, a baby, and a budding relationship with his brother? And then what happens when that world comes crumbing down?

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Epilogue | PDF (by awakencordy)

Art | Soundtrack | Author's Notes & Disclaimer

Borderline - A/N & Disclaimer

lesson_in_love — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 01:18:34 GMT

Author’s notes:
This story was originally prompted to me by my beloved feathertofly. It started out as, “I just wrote Bobby trying to sing a lullaby to Dean’s illegitimate child, but instead of singing he says the demon exorcism.” And then it magically became this thing. Without her, I probably would have never written baby!fic. Hell, I’m still not sure how I wrote baby!fic. So, yeah. Thanks for the plot bunny, Cass. I hope I did you proud. ♥

As always, thank you to thehighwaywoman and wendy for their hard work at the madness that has become spn_j2_bigbang. Seriously, they saved me twice this year, in what I’ve mentally dubbed “The Great Artist Kerfuffle of 2011” and “The Last Minute Job”. (Ok, not really, but you get the point.) You two are fantastic!

At the end of the day (or couple of months, as it were), I got an amazing artist. tvivel seriously delivered in the art department. THAT IS ONE ADORABLE BABY, OKAY. :D Thank you, Em, for being so patient and understanding! I loved the week and a half that we got to work together!

Without the ladies collectively known as Chat, I probably wouldn’t have made the deadline for this fic. I had never ventured into the realm of writing battles, but now can’t see myself surviving without them. And really, I can’t see myself surviving without you stupid Life Ruiners. Thank you all so much for your support and capslock spam.

Infinite love, adoration, and thank you’s to my beta, waterofthemoon. Sara just went, “25k in 5 days? BRING IT, BITCH.” She pulled through in the last minute, when everyone else was shooting me down. Thank you, darling! Also thank you to clex_monkie89 because I first read through the beta notes at an obscene hour of the morning, and got super confused as to why Sam Winchester was commenting on my fic. ILU BOTH.

Special thanks to my roommate, Nina, who listened to me bitch about this fic for months, and for not running away when she realized that I ship gay incest on a television show. (And then consequently getting obsessed with said tv show.) Also, thank you to my former suitemate Kat (although she will never ever ever find this), for letting me use her purple comfy chair. Because that thing is sort of magical for killing writer’s block.

And finally, thank you, dear reader, for not being scared away by an OFC and a baby. FOUR FOR YOU, READER COCO. YOU GO, READER COCO.

Disclaimer:
I do not own anything in this story besides for Jessica Beth Winchester and Elise Graham. And even then, they’re just figments of my imagination. The characters and places are not mine.

The town of Post Falls, Idaho is a real place. Although I’ve gone there many times to visit family, there are most likely some mistakes in the logistics of the town. The Old European restaurant is also a real place. (And they had some of the best pancakes I’ve ever had in my life, omg.) I do not own that either.

Glenrock, Wyoming and the Glenrock train wreck is also real. I’ve never been there, so there’s bound to be mistakes. Everything about the Glenrock train wreck that is mentioned by Sam was just things that I found via the internet. (Minus the spirits and the people they killed, of course!)

Any leftover grammatical or spelling errors are my own. Same with the coding. If something is wrong and I missed it, please let me know!

Borderline Fanmix

lesson_in_love — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 01:14:57 GMT

mumford and sons // roll away your stone
the darkness is a harsh term don't you think?
and yet it dominates the things i seek
it seems as if all my bridges have been burned
you say that's exactly how this grace thing works

30 seconds to mars // edge of the earth
you wanna be the one in control
you wanna be the one who's alive
you wanna be the one who gets old
it's not a matter of luck
it's just a matter of time

jack's mannequin // drop out - the so unknown
i get the feeling we're so misdirected
i get the feeling we have lost control
till then i'll turn you to the new religion
we're dropping out into the so unknown

the white stripes // seven nation army
don't want to hear about it
every single one's got a story to tell
everone knows about it
from the queen of england to the hounds of hell

the fray // all at once
and all at once the crowd begins to sing
sometimes
we'd never know what's wrong without the pain
sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

damien rice // 9 crimes
it's the wrong time
for somebody new
it's a small crime
and i got no excuse

emily browning // asleep
sing me to sleep
sing me to sleep
i don't want to wake up
on my own anymore

kris allen // the truth
it's the elephant in the room
and we pretend that we don't see it
it's the avalanche that looms
above our heads
but we don't believe it

the spill canvas // all over you
this life is way too short to get caught up in all this stuff,
when i just want you to love me back.
why can't you just love me back?
why can't you just love me back?

muse // our time is running out
our time is running out
our time is running out
you can't push it underground
you can't stop it screaming out

bonus: guns n' roses // sweet child o' mine
she's got a smile that it seems to me
reminds me of childhood memories
where everything
was as fresh as the bright blue sky

ZIP!

Borderline - Epilogue

lesson_in_love — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 01:13:33 GMT

It was Sam’s idea. He was the one that actually wanted to make a big deal out of the day. Sam’s subtle attempt to kick Dean out of his shell. They’ve been doing pretty well at Bobby’s for the past year. Things have been far from perfect, and Bobby has threatened to kick them out about a hundred times in the past week, but they’re surviving. They don’t go out and search for the things that go bump in the night anymore, instead favoring to spend time together and helping Bobby out around the yard. Dean keeps himself busy trying to fix up cars, and Sam watches Beth during the day. She’s crawling around now, and it only took one accident with a musty old book off of a shelf and onto her head for Sam and Dean to baby-proof the entire house to the best of their ability. Bobby had grumbled about the boys ruining his “organizational system”, but it only takes a smile from Beth to melt his heart. Bobby has been pretty good about letting them go off and hunt things throughout the midwest, while he takes care of Beth back at the house.

Sam has been trying to think of the future, and of how they can’t intrude on Bobby’s hospitality too much longer before he starts to go crazy. Living on the cot in the panic room has lasted him for the short-term, but it still feels temporary.

And that’s the thing that has been weighing on his mind the most. Sam never thought that he would want to stay around in one place for a long time, but being in Souix Falls with the people who he considers to be family has been nice. It’s been something he could get used to. He still wants to go out and hunt things, needing that adrenaline in his system like it’s his personal brand of crack. But he doesn’t take stupid risks anymore. Still looks out for Sam, but also watches his own back and weighs the pros and cons of a plan, instead of making things up on the fly. It’s like he now consciously realizes that someone is waiting for him back home, and Sam is proud of his brother for that. He doesn’t actually know if Dean had that epiphany consciously, or it’s something that he has picked up on instinct. Either way, it’s working, and he hasn’t seriously injured himself since just after Elise died.

Sam goes out early that morning to pick up supplies for the day, before Dean and Beth have woken up. They all have taken to sleeping down in the panic room; Sam on the fold-out wall bed and Dean on the cot next to Beth’s crib. Sometimes they end up in the same bed, completely entangled in each other because of the size of the thing. Sam barely fits on it himself, and adding in his brother doesn’t help matters at all. But that’s just another thing that the Winchesters don’t talk about. By not talking about it, they can pretend that it doesn’t exist. And that’s how their lives work. Years of being out on the road and working in the middle of the night had taught them to live on little to no sleep, so being tired hasn’t really been as problem for either of them. Dean feels emotionally exhausted some days, but those are the days when he actually has time to think for himself. Since Beth started crawling around a couple of months ago, those times are few and far between.

By the time he gets back, everyone is in the kitchen. Bobby has some bacon on the frying pan, because if there’s one religion that Bobby goes by, it’s the one where people worship bacon. Dean is attempting to spoon-feed some grotesque looking baby food to Beth, but judging by the amount of food on her shirt, Sam can see that his brother is obviously failing.

“Did you get everything?” Dean asks, barely looking up from his task to register Sam’s entrance.

“Yeah, I think so.” Sam puts the grocery bags he had carried in from the Impala on the table.

“I can’t believe you bastards are actually throwing a birthday party for her.” Bobby says into the frying pan. “It’s not like there are other play-dates coming around to celebrate with you. That’s who you typically invite to a birthday party for someone who can’t talk.”

“Cas said he’d be coming down and joining us for a little bit. He’s at about the same social maturity as Beth. It’ll work out.” Dean smirks up at Bobby as another spoonful of mushy baby food lands anywhere but in the little girl’s mouth. “Plus, she’s been babbling a lot lately.”

“Baby talk doesn’t count as talking, Dean.” Sam cuts in.

“It totally does! She’ll be saying things soon enough, just you wait.”

If there were ever a sign that Dean Winchester matured from the constant teenage boy that Sam had seen for so long, it would be the fact that he’s currently trying to defend his daughter’s speaking habits. The old Dean wouldn’t have cared in a million years. He would be ready to hunt something, ready to save someone else. And now that Dean has been acting like this, Sam can actually picture him becoming a full-on overprotective father, ready to save his little girl at any cost. It used to be terrifying and foreign. But now it’s just sweet.

“Whatever,” Bobby says cynically, annoyance clear in every syllable, “if you’re going to defile my house with those decorations, you better do it fast before I change my mind about this damn thing.”

Dean looks offended at the threat. “You wouldn’t dare!” He gestures to Beth, who is busy sticking her fingers in the goopy mess of food. “Look at her! You couldn’t resist that face, Bobby.”

Sam doesn’t think that Bobby would actually go through with the threat, but the glare that Dean is given from the older man is slightly terrifying.

“Fine.” If Sam didn’t know any better, he would say that Dean was pouting. About a birthday party. Where the only people attending are her two remaining blood family members, one alcoholic pseudo-grandfather, and an angel who has the social capabilities of a rock. Right. But it is Beth’s first birthday, and it does feel like an accomplishment that they’ve gotten this far, and Sam supposes that that’s something worth celebrating.

Masterpost | Art

Borderline - Part 4

lesson_in_love — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 01:03:49 GMT

After checking into the tiny motel in Glenrock, Sam heads over to the local library to do some research. Dean stays behind with Beth, because she’s been pretty fussy for the past couple of hours. It’s probably not a good idea to be moving an infant around this much, but they can’t help it. There was no way they could have stayed in Post Falls.

He comes back a few hours later to Dean holding Beth, pacing the floor of the hotel.

“Dude, what are you doing?”

Dean puts a finger to his mouth, effectively shushing Sam. Sam closes the door as quietly as possible before coming in and putting his shoulder bag on the dilapidated chair next to the window. In the near silence of the room, Sam can hear his brother singing softly.

“She’s got a smile that it seems to me, reminds me of childhood memories. Where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky. Now and then when I see her face, she takes me away to that special place. And if I’d stare too long, I’d probably break down and cry.”

Sam has heard Dean sing more than a few times. It’s typically loud and off-key, electric guitar blaring from the Impala’s speakers and the open road before them. It’s never really been like this; relaxed and vocals steady, something that’s meant for comfort instead of entertainment. It’s nice. Dean definitely doesn’t sound as great as the cassettes that he always has playing in the car, but it’s peaceful and reassuring, something that is obviously meant to calm down Beth.

“Dude, Gun n’ Roses?” It’s slightly sickening, how easily Sam can figure out what song Dean is singing, and who the artist is. It’s the sign that they’ve spent way too much time together. Sam could name every cassette in Dean’s eclectic collection, complete with release date, and Dean still can’t remember that his favorite band isn’t “Ice Patrol”.

Dean shrugs slightly. “It’s ‘Sweet Child O’ Mine’. I felt it was suitable. Plus, Guns n’ Roses is totally relevant. If I’m going to be raising this baby, she’s going to have a good education in music.” He’s quiet for a moment before adding, “When Elise would let me, I would put on some headphones on her stomach for Beth to listen to. AC/DC, Journey, Foreigner, Bon Jovi, stuff like that. I guess she learned to like it in the womb. She was pretty fussy earlier, and I thought it was worth a shot. It’s not like I know very many lullabies or whatever.”

Sam smiles over at Dean. “That’s actually really sweet. And I’m proud that you managed to stay away from singing ‘Beth’. Because that would be too cliche, even for you.” He walks over, bending over a little, looking at the baby in his brother’s arms. “How’s it goin, baby Beth?” Sam’s voice is lighter, and she looks over at him. Her eyes are a dark grey right now, but they were told before they left Post Falls that that was bound to change soon. He holds out his right pointer finger to her, and she grabs on quickly, tiny fist barely able to make it all the way around.

Being this close together is intimate. They’re barely touching, shoulders just grazing together, heads bowed to look at the baby in Dean’s arms. It’s probably the closest they’ve been since that night they made out in Post Falls, and Sam almost feels like a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders. They’ve been stepping on eggshells around each other for months, and it seems a little twisted that the thing bringing them together again is an infant. The brothers look away from the baby and at each other almost in perfect synchronization. They’re at perfect eye level at this angle, and close enough that Sam just wants to pull Dean down and show him how comforting his mouth could be. Green eyes meet hazel for a few beats too long, and Sam wonders if Dean would let him. Let him be that one person who is there for him in all possible ways, that one person who is a solid point in his ever-changing life.

But Beth gurgles, and Dean backs away, and the moment is lost. When Sam catches his eyes a beat afterwards, there’s a hint of embarrassment there, and worry.

“So, what did you find out?” Dean goes back to pacing the floor of their hotel room, bare feet clashing with the plush green carpet. It’s a decent motel, for being in the middle of nowhere. It’s probably the only motel in a forty mile radius, but still nice and clean, which is just about all the Winchesters can ask for at this point.

“Well, Bobby was right.” Sam goes over and picks up his shoulder bag, and pulls out his laptop and a notebook filled with notes from their cases. The bag is still weighed down by John’s journal, something that Sam didn’t need for this particular case. “Worst railroad accident in Wyoming state history, killed thirty, and happened exactly 88 years ago tomorrow night. There were three days of storms that happened before the accident, washing away the bridge that leads out of this town. The train left late at night from Casper, headed all the way out to Denver. By the time the conductor noticed that there was no track in front of him, it was already too late.”

“So what about the hauntings?” Dean doesn’t even look up at him, just keeps looking down at Beth to make sure that she’s content.

“Every year at least two people mysteriously drown in the river on September 27th. There was one instance, back in 1979 when a whole van full of college kids washed up two days later, and all 6 inside were dead, but that seems to be the highest count as far as I can tell. Local legend has it that the river magically rises up, as if it had been raining for days beforehand on this day, even if it’s been sunny and clear.”

“What happened to the corpses?”

“Well, that’s the problem. Some of them were never discovered. Probably at the bottom of that rising river, never to be seen again.”

“Great, so no salting and burning.” Dean groans. “Any other bright ideas?”

Sam shrugs. “Nothing right now, but I’m still thinking. You got anything?”

“Not at the moment. But I’ve kinda been stuck here in the hotel with a baby. Mind if I head out, go get some food?”

“Yeah, man. Sure thing. Bring me back something though, will ya?”

“Will do.”

Dean doesn’t get back to the motel until after midnight. He almost wishes that he came back drunk, so he could have a normal Dean Winchester-esque excuse for coming back Sam so late. But instead, it had just been a long night of sitting in a diner’s window booth, thinking about his life. He probably won’t ever admit it to Sam, but it was nice to have time to think. He doesn’t even remember the train of thought, can’t tell you about an epiphanies or revelations made about his life. All he knows is that it was nive to have time to himself. No Sam, no Beth, no anyone except for the middle-aged waitress who kept refilling his coffee cup for hours on end.

Both Sam and Beth are sleeping peacefully, and Dean moves around slowly and quietly to not disturb them. Sam is sleeping harder than normal, he can tell, probably trying to make good for lost time ever since they brought Beth home from the hospital. It’s something that Dean should be doing too, but now that he’s back in the room, he’s wide awake.

There’s a tray of room service sitting on top of Sam’s laptop on the table, something that was just barely picked at in favor of feeding the baby until it got too cold to bear. The doctors had told Dean before they left the hospital that she would be losing quite a bit of weight, but that it was natural. Since Beth was premature, they needed to keep feeding her around every two hours. While that was particularly tedious on the road trip from Idaho, Dean had slowly gotten used to needed to take care of someone else for a change. Before Beth had been born, Dean had thought that it would be difficult for him to remember everything that Beth needed. From the feedings to the diaper changes to the burping sessions to the sheer amount of stuff that it takes to move around a baby, he had thought that eventually he would fuck up. Forget to feed the baby at some point, or cause her a lot of distress by forgetting to burp her. That was something that Elise was supposed to deal with. She was the one who had been reading the parenting books and talking to the doctors. She was in the lamaze class and had been on chat rooms with other single mothers. Dean hadn’t been paying attention. He’s doing okay though, and so far hasn’t completely fucked up. Each day is another check mark in the good things column of his life.

Sam is laying on top of the threadbare hotel comforter, shaking a little from the blasting air conditioner, so Dean pulls out the extra sheet from the top of the closet. He unfolds the cool fabric quietly, and lays it on his brother as peacefully as possible. Sam barely shifts in his sleep, but he also seems to make a little contented sigh, and Dean knows he did the right thing. It’s something that he hasn’t done since Sammy was a moody teenager, always whining and questioning about Dad’s hunting and where they were going next. It’s something that he’ll never stop doing, as long as they’re both alive. Dean goes over and looks into Beth’s crib, where she’s also snoozing contentedly.

His gaze is drawn back to Sam though. Sam, who is going to stick with him, no questions asked, throughout this ordeal with Beth. Sam who just wordlessly does what he can to help out his big brother, even if it’s just taking the baby for a little while. Sam who knows what he needs before Dean does. Despite all of the shit that they’ve gone through, Sam still leaves Dean’s heart feeling a little fuzzier and happier. Sometimes you need to know that there’s one person in the world who would give everything up for you. Sam is that person, and Dean is sort of in awe that it’s true.

And maybe he’s sort of sexually attracted to his brother. But at this rate, their lives can’t really get more fucked up, so it’s worth a shot. Dean forgoes the other twin bed in favor of getting underneath the loose sheet beside Sam. They don’t touch anywhere, but just hearing Sam’s breaths a little bit louder in his ear already makes Dean’s blood pressure go down a few notches.

When Sam wakes up, he’s spooning with someone. For a spilt second, he things that he’s in some form of alternate reality, and back with Jessica. There’s no pounding in his head to signify a drunken encounter and the morning is so still and peaceful. He startles a little, and quickly tenses when he realizes that his arm is slung over muscles instead of curves. There’s no long strands of blonde hair ticking his nose, but instead he gets the faint smell of hotel shampoo. The body next to him is larger than any woman he’s ever been with. And then he realizes it: Sam just woke up spooning with his brother. Awkward.

He pulls apart from Dean softly to look over at the clock. 6:42 AM. Sam desperately hopes that Dean woke up to feed Beth during the night, because he somehow just managed to sleep for eight hours straight. Definitely a recent record. Sam has always slept harder than Dean, so the possibility hangs in the air.

Sam gets out of bed to make a bottle of formula for Beth in the ancient hotel microwave and starts up some of the instant coffee in the pot next to the sink. He picks Beth up into his arms, gently waking the baby. She starts making some whining sounds, obviously not wanting to wake up. Sam shushes her softly, careful not to wake Dean. He gives her enough time to become fully conscious before giving her the bottle. He goes over to the bed that Dean’s not on and picks up his laptop from under the room service tray. He boots it up, knowing that they have to figure out something soon to get rid of the spirits in Cole Creek.

The laptop has the volume turned up, something Sam forgot to change when he was half asleep online last night, and the start-up noise wakes Dean. He groans, running his eyes blearily before sitting up.

“Sammy?”

“Yeah, sorry man. Just trying to do some research about these spirits. Go back to sleep if you want.”

Sam looks over at his brother and sees something shift in Dean’s eyes. He goes from typical caffeine deprived Dean to something a little more feral and content, all at once.

“No, it’s fine.” He doesn’t even look over at the clock, just gets up and steps over to the other bed. “You keep researching, I’ll take her.” Beth looks a little worried at the transfer between the men, but once she sees Dean’s face, she unwinds, flailing around a little instead of keeping to herself. Dean looks over at Sam and chuckles.

“Something funny?” he asks, arching an eyebrow at his brother.

“It’s just… what do you think Dad would say if he saw us like this? The two of us, hunting, with a baby in the middle of Wyoming?”

“He’d beat your ass for knocking someone up, for starters.” Sam goes back to the laptop, not even blinking.

Dean rolls his eyes. “Way to be a buzzkill, Sammy. I mean, just, do you think he imagined this in a million years?”

“Considering neither of us did, no.” Sam’s not bitter. He really isn’t. He just knows that there needs to be something done about these spirits, and he’s a little frustrated that they don’t have any leads. Which is completely understandable, considering that they’ve got one day before more people are going to die, and Dean doesn’t seem to have done anything for the case. Someone had to take care of Beth, but then he left and didn’t come back till after Sam fell asleep. It was irresponsible, and Sam is irritated about it. Dean won’t understand, doesn’t tend to understand when Sam is upset over the little things.

Dean falls silent, obviously realizing that his joke fell flat. He keeps gently rocking Beth back and forth, and Sam can see out of the corner of his eye that Dean is just staring at the baby as she eats. It’s slight endearing, but mainly just frustrating. Sam can’t stay mad at his brother if he’s holding a damn baby. He’s not turned on by the sight, but it puts a warm feeling in his soul to see the look of affection on Deans’ face. Everything in their lives has been fucked up lately, but they’re going to stick together as a family, and make it work. He looks younger and older with Beth in his arms, and Sam doesn’t want anything else but to go over and kiss Dean. But he stays in place, because he doesn’t want to scare Dean off. Like his brother is some kind of weak little dear that’ll be trapped in the headlights if he kisses him.

Sam doesn’t know exactly, but he knows that sometimes soon he’s not going to be able to resist those urges. Refusing temptation has never been his strong suit.

He's not getting anywhere with the research on the victims. If there are any descendants in the area, Sam can't seem to find them. They've been on cases before where there's a bunch of dead ends, but this is ridiculous. But it's from an off-hand comment from Bobby that Sam finally makes a breakthrough on the victims.

"I think I know how we kill the ghosts, Dean." A wide smile creeps over his face as he says the words, a wave of relief coming over him. Sam is the guy who you can always count on to have plan. He likes planning things out, instead of going in on the fly, which is Dean's style. So knowing that they have a good idea of what to do with the ghosts makes him a lot less tense.

"Awesome!" Dean says from his position on his bed, laying with his head propped up by the headboard and some pillows. Beth is laying on his stomach, and they both seem to be pretty entranced with a documentary about pandas on the television. Sam doesn't even want to know. "What do we have to do?"

"Well, we're still going with your average salt n' burn, but with a twist. We're gonna burn the train that crashed."

Dean looks up and over at Sam at that. "What?"

"Yeah," Sam says, picking up his laptop and bringing it over to his brother. "Back in the 60's, they recovered the body of the train that crashed in the river. It's on display at the Glenrock Museum, just a few miles outside of the city. Most of the spirits should be still tied to the train, since that's the place where they all died. Even if the bodies aren't still on board, they should still be wiped out if we burn down the thing which held their bodies for such a long time."

Sam holds up the computer to Dean, showing him an article from a paper years ago which told of the train's removal from the river and consequent move to the museum. The older man seems to contemplate this for a moment before shrugging. "Sounds legit to me. But won't that mean we're burning down the entire museum? We can't just contain the fire to the train or anything."

"Yeah, most everything in the museum will probably be lost." Sam sighs, and Dean knows that it's hard for his geek brother to think of losing something that will never exist again. "But at the end of the day, it's either those artifacts or the people in this town getting picked off year by year, and I'm going to pick the people in this scenario. I don't like the idea of us just leaving these spirits to kill every year just because we were afraid of getting our hands dirty with this. I would say we could just steal it and then burn it in an open field or something, but it's a damn train; we can't move that with just us and the Impala."

"We'll just make sure we're far enough away that the whole thing is burned down, and then call 911 and report a fire. Maybe that way they can save some stuff?" Sam really isn't used to Dean trying to cater to his interests. It's weird, but also nice.

"Yeah." He says softly, retreating back to the chair and table, and going to research some blueprints for the museum. "Yeah man, we could definitely do that."

They check out of the hotel in the afternoon, a couple of hours before dusk to get rid of any possible suspicion. They need the cover of darkness to break in the museum, and then had mutually agreed to take off to South Dakota as soon as they were done. Both Sam and Dean feel the need to settle down with Beth, and that means getting to Bobby’s as soon as possible.

Luckily, the museum has had their hours cut down because of lack of money, and the security is almost nonexistent. It’s one of the easier places that they’ve broken into, and Sam is grateful. He’s barely worried about getting caught, unlike normal. There seems to be a basic alarm system, no security guards, and just a couple of locked doors and windows that they have to get past, which is a piece of cake. Sam almost wonders if they want to get robbed, just for the insurance payout. But it’s none of his business, and he works to get his head in the game when they pull up into the parking lot after dark.

Beth is playing with a ring of keys that go to some of John’s old safe deposit boxes and storage units, content with the tinkling noise and the soft yellow fleece blanket covering her. The clanking of the heater is getting louder, and makes the baby upset, so they don’t like to turn it on unless they have to. Beth seems to really like the blanket that Elise had picked out before she was born. It’s fuzzy and bright, with a little embroidered duck in the corner. Sam doesn’t know what the appeal is, but it makes her happy and at this point? That’s what they need to keep moving on.

Dean parks the Impala and gets out, instantly going over to the trunk. Sam gets out too, a little confused.

“Dean?” he asks, looking through the back window at the baby.

“Hmm?” Dean replies, going through some of the weapons in the storage compartment, shoving assorted guns and containers of salt in the worn green duffle bag next to him.

“What are we going to do with Beth?”

The older brother looks up, and contemplates the situation for a second. “We’ll only be in there for a few minutes, she’ll be fine with the keys. Those were disinfected though, right? I don’t want her trying to eat some dirty old sharp keys.”

Dean is sort of a terrible parent sometimes.

“We can’t just leave her in there!” Sam exclaims, gesturing over to Beth in horror. “That’s illegal!”

Dean arches an eyebrow at his brother. “And burning down a museum isn’t?”

Sam sighs exasperatedly. “Well, other people won’t be seeing us burn down the museum. If somebody notices that Beth’s in the car, they’re going to call the cops on us.”

Dean pauses for a second, taking in the situation and evaluating it. Sam doesn’t see him do this very often, because Dean is an impulsive kind of guy. He likes to go in, guns blazing, and this isn’t the right time for that. He’s grateful that Dean has finally realized that. “Well, then we’re just going to have to take her with us.”

“That… is actually the stupidest thing you’ve ever suggested. We can’t take a damn baby into the museum with us! She’ll start crying or something.”

“And what, wake the neighbors that are 3 miles away in any direction? We’ll be fine. We’ll just get her out before the fire gets bad so she doesn’t get freaked out. It’ll be fine, Sammy.”

Sam still looks skeptical. “This is a terrible idea.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t see you coming up with anything better. When was the last time we changed Beth? Don’t want her crying in the middle of this.”

“She’ll be fine.” Sam says, opening up the car door to pick out the baby. “Dean, this means you can’t do anything too stupid. We’re going in and getting out, no questions asked, and definitely no detours.”

“Yeah Sammy, I got it.” Dean slams down the trunk and Beth flinches at the loud noise. Sam has a minor heart attack, hoping that she’ll calm down and realize it’s nothing, and that he won’t have to spend the next half hour calming her down. Luckily, the ring of keys that she’s still holding makes for a better distraction, and she goes back to gnawing on the metal circle.

Breaking in is almost insultingly easy, but that’s what you get for being in the middle of nowhere. It’s just a simple lock pick, and then they’re in the building. Sam knows that there’s a silent alarm that goes off, but it’ll take a few minutes for the cops to even realize that they’re breaking in. He wordlessly hands Beth off to Dean, and goes over to the right wall to look at the system.

The museum was converted out of some large warehouse that probably housed some farming equipment back in the day. It’s only one room, but the room is huge and is sectioned off by different exhibits. The high walls have a row of windows at the top to let the natural light shine through, although the only thing coming through at the moment is from the stars above. The only lights actually turned on are a single strip of large bulbs going down the length of the middle of the room. It’s sort of eerie, but nothing the Winchesters could ever be afraid of.

There are four cars worth of the train stretched out along the back wall, completely redone and it looks almost semi-functional. Some parts look worn down, and there’s cobwebs in the corners, but otherwise it looks like a normal section of train. Sam doesn’t feel the presence of spirits in the room with them as there’s no chill creeping down his spine and no feeling like they’re being watched. But he doesn’t want to take any chances with Beth there, so he pulls off Dean’s duffle from his brother’s arm, and rummages through it, finding lighter fluid and a couple pounds worth of rock salt in a plastic bag.

Dean has gotten used to only having one free hand, so he takes the lighter fluid from Sam, and begins squirting the stuff in random patterns up and down the side of the train. It takes almost three full bottles of lighter fluid and two bags of the rock salt, but Sam and Dean eventually meet back together, both content with their completed jobs.

They don’t need to exchange words as Dean passes off a gurgling Beth to his little brother. He just lights up the matches and throws it on the ground, near the edge of one of the wheels. It gives them a little bit of time before the whole thing goes up in a ball of flames, so Dean grabs the duffel from the ground and Sam’s unoccupied hand. He does a little once-over of the area, just to make sure they didn’t leave any evidence behind.

The heat of the flames starts grazing Sam’s back as they jog out of the museum. He cradles Beth’s head into his chest, still praying that she’ll stay calm as they leaving this quickly.

She does, and within two minutes, they’re strapped into the Impala, museum burning down to the ground in the rearview mirror.

It’s nearly dawn by the time they reach Bobby’s house, the sunrise just creeping over the horizon into the morning sky. Beth has been sick of sitting in her car seat, and has relentlessly let them know her feelings on the subject for the past hour. Dean has felt the need to do something drastic, like start driving on the wrong side of the highway, just to make things different and exciting. He’s sick of Beth’s cries. It not that he doesn’t love his child, because he truly does. It also just happens to be that her tear ducts aren’t fully formed yet, so she has no tears. And, although he’ll never tell Sam, that’s the worst part. She’s crying, begging and pleading in her own way for things to make her more comfortable or for more food, and it kills him to see her without the corresponding tears dampening her cheeks at the same time. It’s the father instincts in him starting to come out more and more now, almost shamelessly wanting to coddle his little girl until everything is better. He thinks it’s because she’s bound to be hurting later on in life. Dean knows how it is to grow up without a Mom, but he has no idea how much harder it would be for a girl. He wants to help out and make everything better now, because her life is probably going to get royally screwed over, and Dean can’t take that heartache.

So Dean is excited that they’ve finally made it to Bobby’s house. They can get out and stretch their legs, and finally calm Beth down. Dean’s found that, while listening to classic rock helps, nothing soothes Beth like some time walking around outside, getting some fresh air. It’s like she hates being restrained, bound to one place with nowhere to go. Dean’s a little shocked that his daughter is showing some of his characteristics this early on.

All three Winchesters unload from the Impala, Sam picking up a screaming Beth and pulling her into his strong arms. She quiets down a little at the contact, but it doesn’t last long before she’s at it again. Sam just sighs and begins walking around the perimeter of Bobby’s house, wordlessly informing Dean that he needs to unload the car by himself.

Sam is around the corner and Dean has his head in the Impala’s truck by the time Bobby comes out of the house. The thick wooden door squeaks on its hinges to announce his arrival.

“You need some help there, son?” he asks, coming up and laying a hand on Dean’s shoulder.

Dean comes up with a duffle full of clothes and hands it over to the older man. “Yeah Bobby, thanks.” The last word is said when they finally make eye contact, and Bobby knows from the look in Dean’s eyes that it’s for more than the help with their bags. Bobby can also see that Dean is wearing thin and ragged around the edges. And from past experience, he knows that Sam looks the same exact way.

“Bring the rest of your stuff inside and we’ll get you and the baby set up. After that, I’ve got some errands for you and Sam to run.” Dean looks like he’s about to cut in when Bobby adds, “I’ll watch over Beth. Just need you boys to pick up some supplies that I’m running low on.”

Two and a half hours later, Beth is sleeping and Bobby is working on some research for a potentially magical relic that Rufus stumbled across. Once Dean and Sam had finally calmed her down enough to sleep, they had left, headed out to a couple of nearby towns for some supplies that he doesn’t need. They had looked a little pleased to be getting rid of the baby for a little while. It was nothing malicious, they just weren’t used to being responsible for anyone besides each other, and adding someone new into that mix was throwing them off. It’s going to take some time to get used to it, but Bobby has faith in the Winchester boys. They haven’t ever really let him down, and he doesn’t think this will be any different, especially since she’s family. If they were willing to take in Adam, the boys had better be willing to take in someone who they know for sure is their blood.

The baby monitor starts squawking, Beth’s cries ringing tinny from the small speaker. They had put her crib up down in the panic room, because there’s no way anybody can hurt her down there, and there’s an extra bed for Dean to sleep on during the night. It’s also far enough away that Bobby won’t have to hear her crying during the middle of the night, and therefore won’t feel like throwing them out every day so he can get a decent night’s sleep. Bobby doesn’t know what their long term plans are for the baby. Dean and Sam are smart enough to know that they can stay at his house forever, but they’re just stupid enough to forget about the future in favor of surviving till the end of each day.

Bobby heaves a sigh and goes down to the basement to check up on the baby. Her cheeks are red with anguish and he really just does not want to deal with this right now. He picks her up slowly, remembering that Dean told him that she likes to be held. Bobby starts rocking her in his arms, looking around at the cold iron walls surrounding them. Yeah, she has every right to be frightened and crying, since she just randomly woke up in this scary looking place. If he was in her tiny little shoes, it would be terrifying too. Bobby thinks that they’ll probably have to do something to the walls to make it a little more child-friendly, and maybe put a curtain over the gun rack in the corner. That might make it slightly less disturbing to wake up to. Beth is still crying, and Bobby needs to find some way to comfort her.

Maybe it’s because of his age, or because of how many random facts he has stored up in his brain, but Bobby can’t remember any lullabies at the moment. Knowing Dean’s love of music, the little girl is bound to like the stuff too, he supposes. But nothing good is coming to his mind. Bobby looks down at the Devil’s Trap spray-painted on the floor, and starts muttering the first thing that comes into his mind.

“Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio, infernalis adversarii, omnis legio,omnis congregatio et secta diabolica. Ergo draco maledicte et omnis legio diabolica adjuramus te. Cessa decipere humanas creaturas, eisque aeternae Perditionis venenum propinare.”

Bobby doesn’t dare try to sing to her, because he doesn’t actually want her to start crying more. He keeps the words neutral, as if he was telling a story to the baby in his arms, not exorcizing the nonexistent demon out of her. And apparently Latin works on the little girl as well, because her cries turn into sniffles. Bobby heaves a sigh of relief. Beth stares past him at the fan turning on the ceiling, and Bobby idly wonders if that’s a more interesting mobile than the puffy cloth stars that are hanging over her crib at the moment. That’s something for the boys to figure out though.

“Well, isn’t that adorable.” The voice is slightly condescending and mocking, but Bobby turns and looks at him pointedly.

“Come over here and take care of your own damn kid, son.”

Epilogue

Borderline - Part 3

lesson_in_love — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 00:51:46 GMT

Dean's phone rings shrilly while they're headed over to Missoula, Montana, getting ready to visit a few morgues where some strange mutilated corpses and flocks of dead sheep have popped up. Elise isn't due for another three weeks, and they have enough time to check out this lead before anything exciting happens.

But, of course, Dean's baby isn't going to make things easy on them and arrive on time like it's freaking supposed to.

"Dean?" Elise's breathing is ragged, and Dean immediately tenses up.

"Elise? Are you okay? The baby-"

"Is coming," she interrupts. "Dean, please..."

"Don't worry. Hang tight, we'll be there in fifteen."

He throws the phone in the backseat. Sam will fish it out later. Right now, he can't even be bothered with hanging the damn thing up. He cuts off a driver as he gets off at the next exit, and Sam doesn't even yell at him for reckless driving.

By the time they get to Elise's, it's been nine minutes, and Dean's knuckles are white from his grip on the steering wheel. He doesn't turn off the Impala. Sam wordlessly gets out and get Elise from inside. Sam's always been the better one in a crises.

Sam comes out not five minutes later, a duffle bag slung over one shoulder, holding Elise's hand as he helps her down the front steps of her building. Dean leans over and opens the front door of the Impala for her. She's breathing deeply and already looks exhausted. Her blond hair is tied back in a messy bun, and there's a light sheen of sweat on her forehead.

"Y'know," Elise says as she basically collapses into the front seat. "You could have gotten here a little faster." There's a smile quirking her lips as she shifts around to get more comfortable.

Dean tries giving her a weak smile back, but it falls short. This is it. Before, he could sometimes forget for a little while that he was going to be a dad.

Dean Winchester: a father.

Everyone who knows him would scoff at the thought. Dean was never supposed to be a dad. It was always supposed to be Sam who got the 2.5 kids and the white picket fence and all that crap. Maybe if they weren't in this life, Dean would have ended up settled down. He'd be living something next to normal, for a change. But that's an alternate reality that Dean doesn't want to think about.

The Winchesters are barely in the same universe as the rest of the world; knowing about the monsters that lurk in the dark sort of puts you on a different plane of understanding than the general population. So Dean never assumed he would be in this position in the first place.

Plus, Dean isn't good with kids. Ok, well that's sort of a lie. He’w been watching Sam since the damn kid was born. But still.

He was never supposed to actually be a part of raising them. He wasn't ever supposed to be a father, to be responsible for someone else. Someone who is completely dependent on his existence and abilities to keep on living. It's different with Sam. Sam can actually take care of himself if need be, and that "co" in the codependent clusterfuck that is their life is pretty important. Dean doesn't particularly like that thought, the fact that Sam doesn't truly need him like he needs his brother, but it's the truth. Sometimes it comes in handy.

A baby, on the other hand, needs his attention every minute of every day. They can't do anything by themselves, and they die if you forget to feed them or pick them up wrong.

Nonetheless, here he is, headed off to the hospital, a psuedo-girlfriend and kid brother at his side. About to become someone's father.

Dean doesn't know if he's staying with Elise. It's not his greatest wish to stay. He doesn't want that feeling of being trapped forever. But Dean still has a soul. He doesn't want to leave Elise alone, not if he can actually do something about it. And there's no way in hell he's bringing those two on the road with him and Sam.

But right now, this kid needs to be born, and Elise needs to get to the hospital.

Once Sam's in the back seat, Dean speeds off. The rumbling of the Impala almost covers up Elise's harsh breathing, but does nothing when she shifts and moans. As previously discussed, Dean gets on the highway headed west. Spokane General is only an extra 15 minutes away, and is a hell of a lot better than the hospital located in downtown Post Falls. It's almost a no brainer.

Dean doesn't go crazy over the speed limit. He tries stepping on the gas every time Elise lets out a low groan of pain, but Sam's gigantic knee knocks into the back of his seat, directly aimed into his spinal cord. It violently knocks Dean out of his thoughts and into the present. It's Sam, keeping Dean grounded, like always. Even in the face of their whole world being flipped upside down.

Getting to the hospital is the easy part. Elise fills out the paperwork handed to her, with a little help from Sam's ability to understand legalese nonsense from Stanford.

The entire time, Dean paces the Formica floor of the waiting room. It doesn't do anything to help Elise, but he's sort of having a mental breakdown right now. He should be allowed to walk in circles for a little while.

It's been an hour and a half since Elise first called them and now she's finally been taken back into an actual hospital room. Although the nurses have given her some pain medication, there're still tests to be run to make sure that everything is okay with her and the baby. Even Sam is restless while Elise's eyes clench in pain with each contraction.

She hasn't started demanding an epidural yet, and Dean can't help but be impressed by that. Sure, he went through thirty years of hell and Alastair's torture sessions, but that doesn't mean that Dean Winchester could take the pain of a baby attempting to force its way through an opening the size of a vagina. No matter how beautiful or normal birth actually is, Dean just thinks that shit is unnatural.

Dean holds her hand while Elise is moved into a wheelchair, cringing a little at her grip. It's bizarrely tight and not at all what he was expecting. "Jesus, Elise, are you okay?"

She scrunches her face up with the pulse of another contraction. "Yeah. I'll be better once I'm actually laying down. And with some drugs. Drugs would be nice."

Both Dean and Sam are allowed back with her, but they keep out of the room while the nurses initially prep Elise. When they finally make their way inside, Dean is sort of struck with the insanity of the situation. He's in the delivery room. His child is going to be born in this room in a few hours. In just a little while, he'll be a father, and there's no going back.

The past six months, he's been thinking of this moment in an abstract sort of way, like he theoretically knew that it was coming, but his brain didn't entirely comprehend that this was actually going to be a reality. But the lighting, the sterile hospital smell that sort of makes him sick to his stomach, the beeping monitors next to Elise's bed, the hospital gown that Elise is now changed into; it's all real now.

Elise is a little zoned out, pain medication working wonders on her system. She doesn't look like she's in any pain anymore, either, which Dean is grateful for. He holds onto her small right hand, interlacing their fingers to try and comfort her.

"How you holdin’ up now?" Sam asks from right next to him.

"Better." She gives them both a small smile, and Dean suddenly notices the light sheen of sweat that's accumulated on her brow. He doesn't exactly have a "mothering" instinct, but he suddenly wishes that he could take Elise away from all of this. She's a good person who deserves to have a baby with someone who will always put her first. Dean can't give her that.

The hours tick by in bits and pieces. Dean doesn’t know how long they spend laying around in the hospital room. Every once and awhile, Elise groans in pain with another contraction. Sometimes a nurse will come in to check up on her. They watch TV, and Dean doesn’t recall one minute to the next. He’s in a haze.

The last contraction snaps him into clarity.

Sam and Dean are standing together on one side of Elise’s bed. Dean has her right hand, and the nurse has her left. He likes knowing that Sam is right there behind him, like he’s ready for whatever life is bound to throw at them next.

Elise is breathing heavily, and hasn’t said a word throughout the whole process. Her brow is dripping with sweat, and the doctor tells her to push one last time.

It sort of hits him that this will probably the only time he can witness the birth of his child, and that Dean should probably get over his discomfort of birth and watch. He looks in the vague area between Elise’s legs. There’s red and pink and brown colored things down there, and he instantly looks back up to Elise’s face. Her eyes are closed and her grip is tightening on his.

Dean sees the doctor moving around in the corner of his eye, and the grip on his hand loosens. He looks back to the danger zone on the other side of the table and sees a slippery mass of a human being in the doctor’s hands. She’s still covered in fluid and attached to the umbilical cord and seems to be gasping.

That’s his daughter.

In an instant, the doctor places her on the table, and puts a suction tube in her mouth. It clears out her throat, and she begins to cry.

His daughter begins to cry.

Dean and Sam are too busy looking at the baby to notice the moment that Elise closes her eyes.

They notice when her heart monitor flatlines.

She's limp, and doesn't seem to be breathing anymore, a drastic change from just thirty seconds earlier, when Dean thought she would never stop breathing because she was so alive.

"She's coding," a doctor calls, and everyone who was even remotely focused on the baby seems to drop everything in favor of the mother.

Dean and Sam are pushed out of the way and herded out of the room by a harried looking nurse. They're both still too much in shock to put up a fight with the man, whom Dean has at least a couple inches on.

Once they're in the hallway, the brothers look at each other, disbelief and confusion clouding their eyes.

"That's not supposed to happen, is it?" Dean asks, voice small compared to the shouting and chaos going on in the room in front of them.

Sam shakes his head a little. They can't see past all the doctors, and Dean's shaking bad enough to need a chair. "Come on, Dean." He prods Dean over to the waiting area by the nurse's station. His brother goes willingly, still numb enough to be pliable. Sam doesn't really know what's going on in that room right now, but he knows that it can't be good, and Dean doesn't need to see it.

Dean plops down in the chair, its padding nearly nonexistent after years and years of use. Sam peers around the corner of the hallway, looking over at Elise's room. A couple of nurses rush past him into the room, pushing around equipment and supplies. Nothing about this looks good. He sits down too, automatically slouching over leaning his arms on his legs and trying to process.

No matter how good of a face Sam puts on for Dean, he still has felt the need to move on from Elise. The past few years have taught him that he actually couldn't have that perfect white-picket fence family that he wanted while at Stanford. Maybe that possibility went up in the flames with Jessica, or it was just never meant to be in the first place, he doesn't know.

What he does know, is that staying in the same town for more than a week makes his skin crawl. Dean has more of an attachment with Post Falls because of Elise, but Sam knows that he's been having a hard time with the situation too. The Winchester brothers were not meant for staying in one place, and they're not like their father. They can't bring a baby on the road. They couldn't possibly raise a little girl into this life, especially when they know the consequences.

"Cas, you goddamn son of a bitch." Dean whispers next to him, his voice tense with worry. "Get down here right now."

They don't ask Castiel for much, and have talked to him even less since hearing the news about the baby just about six months ago. Sam still hasn't gotten completely used to the fact that the angels sort of suck. There's a part of him that still wants to believe that the angels are good and loving creatures. The reality is still upsetting.

There’s no sign of Castiel.

"Fuck!" Dean cries, hands scrubbing over the back of his head. Sam looks down at his older brother and sees tears in his eyes. Dean falls into the chair below him, staring blankly at the wall in front of him.

"Dean," Sam says calmly, sitting down next to his brother, "We don't even know what's going on in there. She could be just fine. Elise was strong enough to escape from a nest of vampires; she can make it through this."

Dean doesn't even look over at Sam as he responds. "I don't think she has much hope, if heaven isn't going to help her."

It's only a couple of minutes later when a nurse comes out to tell Dean and Sam the news.

Elise Marie Graham died on September 6th, 2010 at 4:28 pm of an amniotic fluid embolism. Her amniotic sac ruptured, and the fluid inside got into her bloodstream, causing a massive allergic reaction and eventual heart failure.

Dean can't move. He's stuck in the chair by the nurse's waiting station. He barely has enough willpower to sit down again after the nurse tells them what's going on. There hads to be some kind of mistake. Elise can't be dead.

The Winchesters have witnessed so much death in their lives. Some of them are nameless people that Dean couldn't tell apart from another guy on the street. Some have made an impact of his life, and those are the people who he thinks about on a daily basis.

He can't get them off of his mind, because they're the main reason why he keeps fighting some days. There are days when the world seems too big and vast to save, and Dean just wants to sit back and not worry about it all. Let someone else take the blame and praise for once.

But then he thinks of the people who have sacrificed everything. Mom and Dad, Ellen and Jo, Ash, hell, even the rest of the psychic kids. The thought of their deaths keeps him going, keeps him fighting.

Now he has to add Elise onto that list, and that kills him inside.

Sam had been the one to talk to the doctors and nurses about their options and what's going to happen next. That conversation had passed right through Dean's ears. The words were a stream of water, freely flowing through his consciousness. He can't think.

There isn't even the question of "why" or "how" or "what are we going to do next?" He can't feel, can't think, can't move, can't function. And, of course, it's Sam who pulls him out of his trance.

There's a hand on his shoulder, calloused, and warmth soaking through his shirt and leather jacket. Dean recognizes it instantly as Sam, but can't consciously acknowledge the action.

"Dean. Come on man, let me know that you're still in there."

Dean finds it in him to blink, and puts his hand on top of Sam's. He makes a loose grip around Sam's wrist, needing something to hold on to, something solid and sturdy. Sam squeezes his shoulder, and in that simple gesture, Dean knows that his brother is there for him, unconditionally. Sam will stick with him through this whole mess, and be with him to raise the baby.

The two of them combined will never amount to one complete and alive mother, but they're going to try their hardest to give her a normal and stable life. And although Sam leaving had never consciously crossed his mind, Dean feels some of the tension building up in him wash out.

Although Dean still isn't able to say anything, Sam seems to be placated enough. He sits down in the chair next to Dean, their knees knocking together at the action.

"I know you're still in there, Dean. Please don't shut me out." Sam whispers. It's intimate and close, and is once again exactly what he needs at the moment. "You lock yourself up in your head, and I don't know how to get you out. Please don't."

Dean's right hand finds Sam's knee. That'll have to be enough for now.

After he's done making arrangements for Elise's body (cremation; because there's no way in hell that he's risking having her come back as a vengeful spirit), Sam finds Dean looking through window into the nursery. The baby girl is there, crib unmarked besides the notecard on the front saying "GRAHAM" and "5 lbs, 8 oz" in a messy scrawl.

"What are you going to going to name her?" Sam asks, not looking at his brother.

Dean sighs a little. "I've been thinking about that. Elise wanted to call her Jessica, after her mom. I said I was okay with it, but I didn't know how you would feel about it."

"Dean, it's your kid. Name her whatever you want." Although hearing Jessica's name in daily conversation would be rough, he could manage. It's a popular name. He was bound to run into another Jessica after awhile.
His brother looks up at him. "That's what I thought you would say. But I think her middle name is going to be Beth, after Jo. I'd rather call her Beth, that way."

"Jessica Beth Winchester." Sam says the name, letting the syllables roll off of his tongue in experimentation. "Y'know, that's not half bad for someone who never wanted to have a kid in the first place." He smirks down at Dean. "It's good man. We'll call her Beth."

"She was born at 36 weeks," Dean says softly, "Doctor says that that means she's what they call a 'late preterm' baby, and she needs to stay in the hospital for a little while so they can get her weight up and make sure everything is okay. There's a motel down the street, Sammy." He pulls the Impala's keys out of his jacket pocket and hold them out to Sam. "Head over there and get some rest. I'll be here."

Sam has to refrain from rolling his eyes. "I'm not leaving you here, Dean. You're probably going to go pull off some self-sacrificing crap that I'm going to have to clean up after you anyways, so I might as well be there so I can get a head start."

"No, Sam. I'm not going to do anything stupid."

Sam looks at him skeptically. "You don't have a very good track record with that, Dean."

"There's a difference between selling my soul for you, and selling my soul for Elise, Sammy." Although it's sort of cruel sounding, like he doesn't care if Elise stays dead or not, it's still the truth. Even if Dean were to sell his soul again, bringing Elise back wouldn't help the situation. Sam would be lost without his brother again, and Elise would be a single mother without a steady source of income.

Sam takes the keys from Dean, looking at him. "What are we going to do, Dean?"

Dean shrugs a little. "Still trying to figure it out, myself. I figure once Beth gets out of here, we'll help pack up Elise's apartment, get the things we need, then head on over to South Dakota. Bobby can help us."

"We're going to shove a kid on Bobby? Somehow I feel like that is a terrible idea."

"I already talked to him a little bit about it. Called him while you were downstairs. He's agreed to help us out with the baby, help get out feet back on the ground for awhile until we figure out what we're going to do more permanently."

Despite the fact that John had always taught them to have about five different back-up plans, Sam knows that Dean is making this up as he goes along. None of Dean's options and scenarios included Elise's death. And while they're pretty good at making things up on the fly, those decisions tend to come back to haunt them.

If they fuck up this baby's life, that's something that they're going to have to live with. They're going to have to deal with the fact that they somehow managed to turn into their father, minus the constant need for redemption. It's not a decision that they can take lightly.

"Is your current master plan just to stay here, watching over your baby from afar? Because there's not much you can do right now, and these hospital chairs are about as comfortable as cinderblocks."

"What are you getting at, Sam?"

Sam pauses for a second, thinking. He's got to find a way for Dean to get out of the hospital every once and awhile, otherwise he knows that Dean is going to do. Little to no sleep, only eating food when he's desperate or Sam brings it to him, never taking his eyes off of baby Beth for fear of something happening to her.

"We'll take shifts here. There's no point in one of us just staying here all the time. One person will watch Beth, the other will start clearing out Elise's apartment or sleep." Sam's voice is filled with concern. "There's no point in running yourself down already, Dean. We're gonna have plenty of sleepless nights later on, anyways."

Dean nods, looking back over at the crib. "Fair enough. I'll see you in about twelve hours then, okay?"

Beth isn't released from the hospital for another two weeks. Dean is practically a zombie when he steps out of the hospital building, holding his child like she's the only thing tying him to this planet.

They're about an hour outside of Bozeman, Montana, headed east on I-90 when Bobby calls. Sam's driving because Dean was the one who woke up to feed Beth in the middle of the night. Dean's in the backseat, the rumble of the Impala's engine somewhat lulling him into sleep. His head is leaning on Beth's car seat, the cushions cocooning the baby. Beth had managed to calm down enough for a nap, which Sam was grateful for. Trying to drive while a baby was crying right behind him was like trying to drive while a jackhammer going off in his skull. A high-pitched jackhammer.

The trunk of the Impala is packed to the brim, even with the extra storage compartment for their hunting gear. There's a lot of stuff from Elise's apartment—they have to keep some of the baby essentials, like a crib that could be rearranged into a changing station, which Dean spent a half hour trying to figure out. But most of it was Elise's stuff and could be sold. Sam feels sort of like a terrible person for selling off her belongings this soon after her death, but they don't have a choice.

The stroller is behind the passenger's seat because that's the only place that they could find for it. There's clothes and formula and diapers and a star mobile for the crib and toys and jars of baby food that Dean knows is going to make his car smell. They had played Tetris while trying to fit everything in the car that morning, and Elise's female neighbors had come out to watch Beth while Dean tried to keep from cursing every five seconds.

Although Dean will probably try to deny it, Sam saw him snatch a few pictures of Elise out of picture frames before a truck had come to take her things to Goodwill. Sam did the same thing. They've agreed to not forget about Elise and to talk about her when Beth is older. But right now, Sam doesn't dare bring up her name in fear of upsetting Dean. It's not worth the risk.

Sam fishes his phone out of his back pocket and answers as soon as he sees Bobby's name on the Caller ID. "What's up, Bobby?" he asks, trying to keep his voice as quiet as possible as to not wake the baby up.

Bobby scoffs at him. "Boy, I am old. Speak the hell up!"

"What's up?" Sam tries again, a little bit louder.

"Better." He can practically see the older man's eyes roll at him through the phone. "You boys need to head down to Glenrock, Wyoming. Got a case for you there."

"What?" he asks, confusion making his voice louder. Sam looks in the rearview mirror, but neither Dean, nor Beth have stirred. "No, we can't Bobby. Traveling with a baby? Not as easy as it looks. And we can't take her out on a case with us!"

"Just outside of Glenrock, on a place called Cole Creek, is where the largest railroad accident in Wyoming history occurred." Bobby just continues, as if Sam hadn't said anything, "A storm washed out the bridge, killed thirty people the night of September 27th, 1923. People always go missing around this time of year on the river, and it's gotta be those railroad victims' ghosts."

"Bobby, get somebody else to do it. I don't think we can spend too much extra time out on the road with the baby. There's got to be someone else nearby who can pick up the case." Sam is practically pleading with Bobby, because there's no way that this can end up well. He knows that Glenrock is only about two hours out of the way from Bobby's house, so it wouldn't be the biggest sacrifice ever, but being with Beth makes everything just that much harder.

Sam hasn't really dealt a lot with babies. He babysat with his female friends throughout high school if they needed help, just for a few extra bucks for that bus ticket to Stanford. But he's never had anything to do with long-term care of a baby, and he knows that Dean is the same way.

They need someplace to get their feet on the ground again, because the Winchesters don't do very good while floundering. That's when they make decisions without second thought, which had lead to more than one death for the both of them. And they're not going to kill this baby that easily. Preferably they won't kill Beth at all, of course, but there's always a chance if she's out on the job with them.

Sam should not be thinking of the ways that this baby is going to die from their stupid mistakes. He needs to get focused. No death in the future. Right.

"Don't you think I already tried that?" Bobby asks sharply, and wow, he's already in a grumpy mood."Look, it’s not a good idea for you to bring her here right now. I’m pretty sure there’s a shifter in town, and Sheriff Mills is starting to get suspicious. Again. I don’t want you boys bringing a baby around if there’s a shifter here.”

Sam is definitely not in the mood to be arguing with a grumpy Bobby, so he just nods a little, even though the older man can't see him. "Alright, alright. We'll go. But if Dean starts driving away from Glenrock and towards Sioux Falls, it's not my fault."

Two hours later, Dean finally wakes up, and Sam has already made the turn onto I-90 South. He yawns and stretches, careful not to hit the car seat next to him. Beth, luckily, is still asleep, but Sam knows that it's not going to last for much longer, especially once Dean hears that they've got a detour to make.

"Time's it?" he asks groggily, twisting his neck from side to side in a futile attempt to get out some of the aches and knots.

"2:15," Sam replies, glancing down at the Impala's dashboard clock, "but Bobby called earlier."

Dean groans. "What do we have to do? Go pick up some more booze for his sorry ass? Because I paid for the last beer run, and the latest batch of cards hasn't come in yet."

"Not... exactly." He stumbles around the words a little, trying to think of a way that this isn't going to upset Dean too much. The next rest stop isn't for another 30 miles, and Sam really doesn't relish the thought of sitting with an angry Dean and a crying Beth for that long. Sam looks in the rearview mirror and sees Dean give him an arched eyebrow. "Bobby found a case for us in Wyoming."

Dean's eyebrow comes down into a glare. "What?" he asks sharply. Sam knows that he probably isn't asking what the case is, but he pretends it is anyway.

"Glenrock, Wyoming. Railroad crash back in the early 20's. Thirty peopl-"

"I don't give a shit, Sam. We're not going to take this case while we have a infant. We'll take Beth over to Bobby's and just come back to take care of the case ourselves afterwards. What the hell is Bobby thinking?" His words become more muttered as he leans over to grab his cell phone out of his jeans pocket.

Sam sees him calling Bobby out of the corner of his eye, and says quietly, "Dean, keep it down. Don't wake the baby, man."

Of course, this would not be the one time that Dean actually decided to listen to Sam. "Bobby?" he asks darkly, "Just what the hell do you think you're doing, sending us on this case?" Dean isn't shouting, but his voice is raised and there's an angry tone to his words.

Beth begins to stir in her car seat, and Sam can just see this ending up badly. He begins pulling over to the side of the highway as Dean tells Bobby, "Yeah, well there's no way in hell that we can save people with a baby in tow!"

The car is off by the time Beth finally opens her eyes. And of course, the first thing that she sees is Dean's heated eyes and new scenery all around her. Sam gets out quickly, and runs over the passenger side of the car, opening the back door for easy access to Beth. The first cries are escaping her lips and her face is starting to redden as he unbuckles her from the car seat.

Dean doesn't even look at the two of them as Sam struggles to get Beth out from the impossible mess of bindings that she's under. Her cries are getting louder and louder, arms and legs flailing around. Sam picks her up and holds her close so she can see his face (or, the parts of his face that come out from under his hair, as it were.

Sam managed to pull off right next to a corn field, because it's a little known fact, but the entire middle of the United States is made up of corn fields and roads in between corn fields. He walks Beth over to where the edges of the field are, and can still hear Dean arguing with Bobby over the road noise around them.

It's a couple of minutes of Sam rocking Beth in his arms before Dean stops cursing Bobby into oblivion and comes out of the car. He walks over, defeated look on his face and scratching the back of his neck, a habit that Sam has noticed more and more lately with his brother.

"How's she doin?" Dean asks softly, looking down at his baby in Sam's arms.

Sam shrugs. "Didn't like being woken up by her angry Daddy." Dean doesn't move to take Beth away from Sam, seeing that she's nestled into the crook of his elbow, perfectly content to look out over at the never-ending acres of corn before them.

She seems fascinated by the corn flowing back and forth from the blustery autumn day, and, even with his limited expertise with babies, Dean knows that that means he shouldn't disturb her.

"Yeah, sorry about that. You did good though, nice reflexes."

Sam doesn't really seem to welcome the compliment, but instead looks a little annoyed at his brother. "Did Bobby tell you about the shifter?"

"Yes. And hell if I’m taking my baby to hang out with a shifter until we find something more permanent." Sam smirks at his defensive tone and Dean just glares right back. "We're going to Glenrock, just to check it out. Bobby gave me the details on the case, it sounds pretty open and shut. Salt and burn the bodies and we should be out of there in no time. If all else fails, well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it." His face opens up into a smile. "See what I did there? With the bridge? That was an awesome pun."

Sam just rolls his eyes and heads back to the Impala. This is going to be an interesting case.

Part 4

Borderline - Part 2

lesson_in_love — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 00:34:13 GMT

“So what do you think Elise wants?” Sam asks as they’re driving through eastern Montana. It’s been a quiet couple of hours, nothing playing on the radio and only flat straight roads as far as the eye can see.

Dean shrugs. “Hell if I know. She said it’s nothing to do with that nest of vamps again. Probably some other weird death that she wants us to check out. You know how some people can get after they learn about our lives. They freak and get paranoid. She’s probably just overreacting to some weird crazy serial killer.” Depressingly enough, Sam knows that’s true. Some grotesque death makes the headlines, and they’ve got to go investigate. There are still a lot of demons wandering around, but sometimes, leads go dead and monsters aren’t hiding in every small town.

“But then why wouldn’t she tell you about it over the phone?”

Dean sighs. “Like I give a damn. We’ll figure it out once we get there and deal with one problem at a time.”

Sam knows that he’s getting on Dean’s nerves about the situation, probably because of what happened that night in the motel room. His brother is never going to let something like that go. Sam figures he’s got about two more questions before Dean blows up at him, and then completely shuts down. Time to make them count.

“Well, you liked her, right? Figured you’d be excited to see her again.” He looks away from the tumbleweeds on the side of the road to his brother, trying to get a sense of Dean’s emotions. They’ve really spent too much time together over the past couple of years, and Sam doesn’t need any psychic powers to figure out what’s probably going through Dean’s head.

“Why are you pushing me towards her like she’s the love of my life? Elise was one hook-up. It wasn’t supposed to be anything more.” Sam is starting to see the castle inside of Dean’s head being built. Slowly but surely, brick by brick. An attempt to shut out everything that he’s uncomfortable with.

Even Sam doesn’t really know why he’s pushing the subject. It just feels like something he should do. Like if he lets Dean focus on someone else for long enough, then they’ll be able to forget that night, and move on with their lives. Sam already knows that he needs his brother like he needs oxygen, but he really doesn’t think that their love can go any deeper than that. If there’s something more than the bits of Dean that are ingrained in his soul, Sam won’t know where one will begin and the other will end.

“Is it because you don’t want to go back to Post Falls?”

Suddenly, Dean tenses. Sam can see that his knuckles are quickly turning white from where they’re gripping the steering wheel. His face is blank, its typical mode whenever Sam gets too close to Dean’s woul. The little castle guarding Dean’s mind has suddenly become a medieval fortress, with impenetrable walls. Sam can practically see the catapults hidden behind the walls, readying themselves to fire back if Sam keeps trying to pry him open. And sure, Sam’s not a fan of this conversation, but he knows it’s something they can’t ignore forever. Dean is almost the king of hiding away, avoiding all things that he doesn’t like, and keeping people at a far enough distance that they never even see the real him. Sam knows he’s hit a nerve. Knows that this is exactly the conversation that he’s trying to dodge.

“Dean-”

“Sam, look. Are we seriously going to talk about this? I’m not up for chick flick moments right about now.”

“And when exactly were you planning on having this conversation?” Sam already knows the answer to the question, but he needs to hear Dean say it for himself.

“In a few centuries. It happened. We were drunk. There are some things that even I don’t want to try in the bedroom.” Dean pauses, rubbing the soft hairs at the back of his neck. “So unless you’re harboring some love of me that goes deeper than brotherhood, I’m pretty sure we don’t need to talk about this.”

And, although Sam wouldn’t classify them as drunk, per se, he does know that Dean has a point. Dean’s attractive; you’d have to be dead not to see it. But Sam doesn’t lust after his brother. Their relationship is way too codependent for that. They’re more than just brothers, but they don’t necessarily go to that extreme.

“Fair enough.”

Dean relaxes his grip and loosens his shoulders a bit. Another bullet dodged. He opens up the glove compartment quickly, fingers flying away so there’s no chance they could hit Sam’s knee and grabs his overplayed cassette of Physical Graffiti. He pops it in the player and Kashmir comes on. There’s nothing left to talk about. There’s just 800 miles of open road ahead.

Sam has to close the glove compartment himself, and feels a little bit sick inside.

When they finally get to Post Falls, the first thing they do is check in to the motel. That’s what Dad always taught them to do. Set up a base camp, in case they get separated or need a place to patch themselves up at. They don’t go to the same motel as before because it’s been too soon, and they don’t want to be recognized. So this time, they get something straight off the highway, instead of downtown, like last time.

“Do you want me to go with you, Dean?” Sam asks once they’re in the room. He’s sitting on the bed while Dean sits in the chair, staring out the window. Because they don’t know how long they’re going to stay in town, and don’t want to waste any money, Dean chose one of the less sanitary motels in the Pacific Northwest. The chair that he’s sitting in has a tear in the overused fabric, and doesn’t feel all that sturdy. Despite getting a non-smoking room, there’s a musky twang of nicotine in the air that’s been there for at least a couple of decades.

Dean doesn’t want to sound weak by saying yes, but he’s nervous. Despite reassuring Sam more than once, he has no idea what the hell Elise is going to tell them. It doesn’t sound good though, and he wants his backup to be there for whatever happens next. It doesn’t sound like a job, but Sammy could be useful. It’s always helpful to have another set of eyes and ears.

“Yeah,” he finally replies, “Yeah, that sounds good.” Hopefully Sam won’t take that as a weakness and like he wants his little brother to be there because he’s anxious about this meeting. Because it totally isn’t.

Sam nods and then asks, “Well, then should we go over there?”

He looks over at the clock and nods back, pulling the keys to the Impala out of his jacket pocket on instinct. They leave the motel room, locking the door and putting up the “Do Not Disturb” sign, as usual. The ride to Elise’s apartment is silent, no music to disturb either of their thoughts. Dean drives a little bit slower than normal, but if Sam notices, he doesn’t say anything.

A thought suddenly occurs to Dean as he’s driving. “Sammy, what if this is a trap and some demon just impersonated Elise to lure us over here?” Dean Winchester does not sound nervous as he says the words. No. Because he’s a badass who kills demons, and no demon would dare to try and jump him like this.

Sam looks over at him. “I guess it’s a possibility. I don’t think so, though. No demon would be willing to wait a week and a half for us to come back to Idaho. They’d be more likely to try and be as close to us as possible. Plus, we have the element of surprise because you didn’t really tell Elise when we’d be over there.”

“Right.” This is exactly why he brought Sam with him. Sam will bring logic to every situation, even if Dean is at his most “We’ll, let’s gear up before heading in there though, just in case.”

They do. Loaded up with rock salt and holy water and their usual guns, Dean and Sam get in the elevator up to Elise’s apartment.

The boys stand outside of her door for a few seconds before Sam says, “Dean? You gonna knock or something?”

Dean shifts his eyes over to his brother. “Oh. Right.” He knocks three times in quick succession. It’s not terribly loud, like Dean is trying every physical possibility to get out of the situation.

Elise’s blonde hair is in a low ponytail, and a light pink flush comes over her cheeks when she sees who’s at the door. Although she’s tried to put makeup on, Dean can still see the dark circles underneath her eyes. Her attempt to try and move on from the vampire attack is to overwork herself and keep going until she passes out, no doubt. That way, the nightmares don’t come. Dean knows that feeling. He’s been there, done that, and hates that someone else has to go through the same thing. Especially someone as decent as Elise.

“Hey, boys, thanks for coming.” She gives them a small smile and moves out of the way to let them in.

“Yeah, sorry we couldn’t come any sooner. So what seems to be the problem?” Dean asks as they walk over to the living room area. Elise motions for them to sit down on the two armchairs, and she takes a seat on the couch.

“Well, uh, it’s not really a problem. Well, it sort of is. Well, I guess it sort of depends on your take on the situation.” She looks like her anxiety level has skyrocketed about ten thousand notches in the thirty seconds that they’ve been in her apartment. Elise fidgets with the hole in the left knee of her jeans, the fibers fluffy and white where she’s unintentionally ripped the fabric.

Dean hates this waiting game she’s playing with them. He’s already spent the past two weeks wondering what the hell she wants, and now she’s avoiding the topic at all costs. A wave of anxiety-driven nausea hits him with a force.

“Elise...” he sighs, running a hand through his hair in frustration.

“Dean, I’m pregnant.”

Dean looks over at her, obviously waiting for a grin and a laugh to say she’s joking. But Elise’s eyes are scrunched up and her tense body seems to be folding in on itself, like she’s trying to make herself disappear into the couch. Disappearing into the couch would mean she doesn’t have to deal with the aftermath. And if she was joking, there would be no aftermath.

He scoffs and shakes his head violently. There is no way in hell this can be happening to him. Dean Winchester is the type of guy who goes around and sleeps with random chicks. Dean Winchester is not the type of guy who does something as stupid as knocking said random chick up.

“What the hell are you trying to pull here, Elise? This isn’t funny. We have better things to do with our time than to listen to this stupid joke.”

She swallows thickly and can’t bring herself to look at them. “That’s because it’s not a joke, Dean. I’m pregnant. And the timing says that it has to be yours.” Elise folds her arms firmly against her body, and both of the brothers see little half-moon crescents digging into her arms from her manicured nails. She’s not joking.

“I’m so sorry.” Elise whispers, face contorting in a way that says that she’s about to start crying. And sure enough, her eyes are starting to get pinker.

Dean can’t breathe. Because Elise is being deadly serious with them, he can tell without even looking at her eyes. The options of his future suddenly fly through his mind. What’s Elise going to do with the baby? Get rid of it? Give it up for adoption? Keep it? If she keeps it, what does she expect from him? Elise knows what they do, knows that he has nothing to offer by way of money or a home. Does she expect him to stay? And if she does, how can he break it to her that there’s no way he can stay in fucking Post Falls, Idaho-not when things are all over the country, just waiting to be killed. There’s nothing he can give her that will help, except a shoulder to cry on.

And right now? He can’t even do that. Dean needs air.

So he gets up and leaves.

Sam, on the other hand, stays. Elise has the unmistakable signs of guilt and fear in her eyes, like all of this is her fault. He saw the look with Jessica a couple of times, along with the faces of witnesses and guilty parties all across the country. The watery eyes that can’t look at anything but the floor. The constant twisting of the Celtic knot ring on her right hand. The way she just seems to fall into a little ball, and her normal demeanor shrinks into nothingness. Elise sniffles, and Sam sees a wet drop hit her arm as she rubs at her nose.

“I don’t know what to do, Sam,” she whispers, sniffling again. “I don’t know what Dean wants, I don’t know what I want, and I have no idea what the right thing to do here is.”

And hell if Sam is the one who has all the answers here. It’s not like he has the most stable head on his shoulders, after all. But apparently, in this situation, just being present in the room is enough to make him the emotion rock that Elise needs. He moves around the coffee table to sit next to her on the couch.

“Just… right now, take Dean out of the equation.”

Elise looks up and over at him at that. “What?”

“Dean… he’ll go along with whatever you choose. I know you want his opinion and all, but just take him out of the equation and tell me what you want to do.”

She still looks skeptical. “Sam, the reason I called him here is because I want his opinion. I’m really lost and-”

“Look Elise, I get that. But you’re the most important factor here right now. Dean isn’t going to tell you what to do. It may be his child, but it’s not his body. That’s your decision.” Sam runs his hand through his hair and takes a moment to assess the situation. “Let’s figure out what you want to do right now. After that, I’ll go get Dean. He’s probably just sitting in the Impala, blasting one of his AC/DC cassettes. It’s what he does to calm himself down sometimes.”

Elise huffs out a laugh as she wipes some of the moisture off of her face. “Seriously?”

“Yeah. Apparently he finds the voices of Bon Scott or Brian Johnson really soothing or something. It’s definitely something unique about him.”

They pause, both just looking down at the floor. As the moments tick by, he begins to feel more and more awkward. This isn’t his situation to figure out. Why the hell should he be the one who makes the decisions?

But Elise is still trying to rebuild her life. He knows that picking up the pieces isn’t easy, nor is it fun. She’s probably not in the best frame of mind to systematically weigh out the pros and cons of having a baby. Especially having one with Dean, who is just going to continue to run away from this problem till it either goes away or is forced upon him by Sam.

So Sam gets why he needs to be there, helping out Elise and his brother. He just doesn’t want to.

“So,” he says awkwardly, “Should we see what we can come up with?” Sam tries to keep his tone light, but it fails miserably. Neither of them want to be there, and Sam knows that Elise won’t want to go through this more than once. She already looks exhausted, like telling them about the baby was the most draining thing that she’s ever done.

Elise nods, still looking down. Sam sort of hates himself for having to go on with this conversation, when all she obviously wants to do is get away.

“Okay, so.” He pauses, trying to find the words without offending Elise. “What are your feelings on abortion?” Sam cringes a little at his lack of tact. But really, there aren’t very many sensitive ways to ask a woman about that sort of thing.

Elise shrugs. “Well, for anyone else, I’m for a woman’s right to choose.” She lets out a humorless laugh. “But for me?” She looks over at Sam, blue eyes sad and lonely. “I just don’t think I could go through with it, Sam.”

He nods, putting an arm around her in what he hopes is a comforting fashion. Normally, Sam and Dean make it a point to not touch the victims or the people that they’re interviewing. It always adds a new layer to the relationship, one that isn’t necessary and often isn’t welcome. But he feels like it’s acceptable with Elise. Like it’s something that should be done, as opposed to staying emotionally detached from the situation. “Okay. Fair enough. Well, do you want to keep it?”

She chokes out a small sob, burying her face in her small hands. “I don’t know. That’s why I wanted Dean to be here to help me make this decision. I suck at deciding what groceries to buy, let alone what I should do with a baby.” Elise takes a deep breath before moving on. “I’m having a hard time making ends meet as it is. Some months are better than others; it just depends on how nice people are feeling when they’re at the resturaunt. I don’t want to end up homeless and jobless because I decided to keep my kid. I don’t want to bring a baby into this world, just to give it a shitty life. That’s just not fair.” She begins twisting her ring again, an obvious nervous tic that Sam won’t try to stop. “But at the same time, I know myself. I get attached pretty easily. I will most definitely get attached to this baby over the next few months and won’t want to give it up when the time comes.”

Sam gives a small sigh. He feels for Elise, he really does. But this is something better suited for, well, just about anyone else in the universe. “And that’s why you called us back here.”

Elise nods, leaning in to his body a little for some comfort. “I can’t do this by myself, Sam.” She whispers.

Sam holds her a little bit tighter, leaning his head on top of hers, the fruity smell of her shampoo instantly filling his nose. “Look, Dean will be back soon enough and then you can talk things over. Right now I think you just need some rest. It’s been a long day.”

Elise nods and sniffles a little, giving him a watery smile. “Thanks, Sam. I’m sorry that you were just sort of thrown in this situation. Hell, we don’t even really know each other.”

He shrugs a little. “It’s okay. Let’s just get you to bed right now; you look terrible.”

“Sam Winchester, you say the sweetest things.”

After running down four flights of stairs, the Impala is a comforting sight in the parking lot of Elise’s apartment. Dean doesn’t even think, just climbs in and starts up the engine. Something ingrained in him says that he can’t just leave, so he doesn’t actually get the car going anywhere. Dean pops open the glove compartment and fumbles around for a good tape to listen to.

Back in Black. Perfect. He sort of had it on loop last month, and Sam nearly threw the tape out the window when “Shoot to Thrill” came on one too many times. He is currently under another monthlong ban of it, but screw Sam. It’s a classic, and he needs something comforting on the radio right now.

The opening chords to “You Shook Me All Night Long” come over the Impala’s speakers though, and Dean instantly pops the tape out. His brows furrow at the radio. There is no way that his car is actually that psychic. A one night stand finally coming back to haunt him, and a song about tons of sex? Not okay. He flips through a couple of cassettes in the glove compartment to see nothing appealing, before finally shutting the drawer and just sitting in the driver’s seat.

Dean’s usually pretty good at dealing with rapid-fire thoughts, especially when it comes to those life or death decisions made during the middle of a fight. But a baby? A baby puts so many thoughts flowing into his brain that there’s no room left for anything else. It’s like he’s drowning in the different possibilities of the future, and nothing sturdy is coming by for him to hold on to.

Dean wishes that Sam was in the car with him, comforting him like he always is able to. But no, Dean’s fight or flight response told him to run, and he had to listen.

His mind can’t stop thinking. It almost physically hurts for him to go through the motions of breathing. The walls in his mind are closing in, and there’s not much he can do but ride the thoughts out.

1) Denial.
Elise is totally not pregnant. It’s an elaborate setup by her and Sam for an intervention to show Dean that he needs to stop fucking around with women across the country because eventually somebody is going to get hurt. Dean doesn’t exactly remember using a condom that night, but he’s pretty good about that sort of thing. Ever since he was a kid, he knew that knocking up someone when he’s on the road all the time would be a bad idea. No way is Elise actually pregnant.

But the only way for you to be sure is to not have sex at all. And well, they obviously fucked that up.

2) Anger.
As if Dean didn’t have enough on his plate as is. It’s his job to go around hunting the things that people ignore. Now he has to be responsible for someone else, too? This is probably something that the angels cooked up as their form of a prank. Balthazar has a twisted sense of humor like that. Or maybe a demon is behind it. Crowley would be that sort of jackass.

But, really, the angels and demons probably have better things to do with their time than to fuck his life up even more than they already have. Maybe.

3) Bargaining.
Well, if Dean goes off and saves more people across the country, that means he shouldn’t have to deal with a pregnant chick and a baby. Right? He cannot possibly be responsible for everyone out there, so Elise and the baby just won’t be on that list. Cas probably owes him a favor or something, so they should just be able to give Elise whatever she needs without question. It’ll be fine. He can just help her out one more time and then move on with his life.

But Dean couldn’t possibly just leave Elise there. He’s not that cold-hearted.

4) Depression.
Does this mean that he has to give up hunting in favor of staying with Elise and the baby? Does that mean he has to put the Impala in a garage somewhere, and not take off onto the open road just because he feels like it? Does this mean that he’s stuck in one place for the rest of his life? Dean doesn’t actually know if he could do that. Doesn’t know if he could handle the feeling of being tied down and trapped, especially when there are things out there that need to be hunted down and killed. How is he going to live with himself if he knows that people are out there, dying, and he’s just sitting around on a Sunday afternoon, watching the football game and taking care of the baby?

But at the same time, this is his mistake.

5) Acceptance.
He fucked up and got Elise pregnant. There are consequences to your actions, and it’s about time that he took responsibility for his. He would feel terrible leaving Elise in Idaho with a child, especially one that she obviously had no intention of having in the first place. Dean is really good at leaving women behind, in any region of the country, but one of the lessons that John shoved into his brain as a child was to never leave before the job is over.

This job is just going to take the rest of his life.

And that’s when he knows that he’s going to stay and help Elise. She’s in need, and he’s here to help.

Dean takes the flask out of the inner pocket of his worn leather jacket. He may be here to help, but he’ll need a little liquid courage to go along with his determination. Dean gets out of the Impala, and heads back into the apartment complex.

Purple and orange dusk has fallen on the Idaho skyline as Dean heads back into the building. It’s pretty, for sure, but he doesn’t want to see it forever. He still has no idea what they’re going to do about this baby, but if being with Sam has taught him anything, it’s that running away from your problems doesn’t actually magically solve them. This? This is a problem.

He takes a deep breath before knocking on her door. Fleeing her apartment earlier was a dick move in general, but leaving Sam there too? That was just wrong. Dean knocks three times quickly, knowing that Elise has every right to kick his ass.

It takes a little while, but Sam finally answers the door. His hazel eyes are heavy-lidded and hair a little messy. Definitely was taking a nap. He gives a glare that, if Sam was fully conscious and functioning, could melt the flesh right off of Dean’s bones. Even after the death glare, Sam still doesn’t let him in though. He steps into the hallway, slowly closing the door behind him.

“You are sort of the worst brother in the world right now.”

“I kno--”

“No, Dean.” Sam cuts him off, crossing his arms across his broad chest. “You don’t know. You don’t know how fucking scared Elise is right now. When you left, you looked part furious, part completely lost. Hell, I think half of her fear is that you’re going to come back here and, like, stab her or something. It took a lot of courage for her to call and ask for our help and for your fucking opinion about the baby, and you ran like a damn coward.”

It hits a nerve in Dean. He’s known for being the one who helps everyone else and doesn’t back down in the face of death. But for Elise? He was a coward. Dean sighs and scratches the back of his head. He doesn’t dare say anything because he can tell that Sam isn’t anywhere near done calling him out.

“Dean, she just wants someone to be there for her. You know how she lost everyone she cares about. She needs help. And you selfishly turned tail and ran just because you couldn’t take a little heat in the kitchen.”

But it’s that last comment that gets his blood boiling. Dean was trying to keep his calm in this situation, but there’s some things that he just can’t tolerate.

“A little heat in the kitchen? Fuck you, Sammy. She just comes out and says that I have a fucking kid on the way. I think I’m sort of entitled to a little bit of thinking time after that.” Sam opens his mouth to protest, but Dean waves him off. “Look, I know I fucked up earlier. It was wrong of me to not say anything and just go. But you know me.”

Sam snorts. “Yeah. You could say that again.”

“But I want to help. I’m here now, and I want to help Elise out. Does she know what she’s going to do with the baby?”

Sam looks at him skeptically, but he opens the door without taking his eyes off of Dean. “No, she doesn’t know. Abortion is out-doesn’t think she could go through with it. Doesn’t know if keeping it is the right thing to do, either, since she’s barely able to keep the apartment with her salary and tips from the restaurant lately. Doesn’t know what to do when she’ll have to be out on maternity leave, because then there’s no income coming in. I said we could help out financially as much as we could, but that it wouldn’t be much.” Dean nods as they walk through Elise’s apartment over to her bedroom.

Her bedroom door is closed, and as Dean goes for the handle to open it, Sam puts a hand on his chest, pushing slightly until they’re facing each other.

“Dean, she really wants to know what you want here. Don’t just evade the question, like I know you’re planning on doing.” Sam sighs. “Please just put away your baggage and help her out for a few minutes? I know it’s not exactly your favorite thing, but it needs to be done.”

Dean nods shortly. “Yeah, got it.” He feels his palms get a little damp at the thought of the conversation he’s about to have. But this is something he can’t run away from. It’s not like Cassie or Lisa, who he could leave behind when everything started falling apart around him. He needs to stay. He has to stay. Dean regularly takes on demons and ghouls and all of the things that go bump in the night. He can take on one baby.

Dean opens the door to Elise’s room and peers inside. It’s a little bit messier than the last time he was in it, but it’s definitely still the same room. The same room where he got Elise pregnant. And actually, that’s just awkward to think about. He should stop that. She’s curled underneath two thick crocheted blankets, and based on how much she’s bundled up in them, Dean can tell that they’re a comfort object to her. Something that soothes her when she just needs real life to go away for a little while.

Dean toes off his muddied boots and shrugs off his leather jacket, placing each next to the window-seat on the far side of the room. He climbs into bed next to Elise slowly, trying not to move the mattress too much so she doesn’t wake up. Although her eyes never open, Elise does shift around a bit, and Dean takes that opportunity to put his arms around her. She’s a little bit colder than he is, and seems to welcome the warmth suddenly enveloping her.

Although the hold has no words, Dean kisses the top of her forehead and tries to make it say everything.

At twenty-one weeks, Elise needs to go to the doctors for her ultrasound check-up.

“I’ll take you.” Dean says. It’s the day before the appointment, and they’re sitting in her living room, TV dinner trays sitting on their laps.

Elise gives him a dubious look. “You? Want to come to the doctor? With me? You realize there are actually no attractive nurses at that clinic. You’ll be bored out of your mind in about five seconds, Dean, and I’m definitely not in the mood for any of your complaints.”

Dean makes a face. “I wouldn’t!”

Both Sam and Elise raise their eyebrows at him. At the same time. It’s a little too creepy for his tastes.

“What? Can either of you give me a little credi-”

“No,” They respond at once, cutting him off.

He pouts a little. “Come on, you guys.”

Sam snorts. “Dean, you’re going to get bored within the first fifteen seconds of walking into the place, and will promptly complain about it. Plus, you know you hate hospitals. I end up having to do most of the first work in the morgues because you’re too busy screwing around and trying to make me poke things.” He looks over at Elise, who looks a little disturbed at this revelation. “If you want some company, I’ll go with you.”

She’s about to thank him when Dean interrupts. “No, Elise, I’ll take you. And I won’t complain. I want to be there for this.” He glares over at his brother. “It’s my baby too, right?.” That shuts them up for the moment.

But as he gets up to go to the bathroom, he hears Sam and Elise chuckle together behind his back.

Sam stays behind while Dean and Elise go to the doctors. It’s not something that they talk about, it’s just universally known that Sam should stay behind and let the parents of this baby go off on their own. Besides, there’s research to be done.

Dean doesn’t turn on any music on the drive, because, despite being with her fairly constantly over the past couple of months, he still doesn’t know her opinions on classic rock. But lately Elise has been getting less and less patient with him, and he knows not to push any of her buttons unless it’s a life or death situation. And even then, he’s bound to die from her wrath anyways. She’s been getting more and more tired, and complains often about not being able to find a comfortable way to lay around her growing belly while trying to sleep. Sam had read up on it, and gotten her one of those body pillows that Dean just finds tacky. It helped occasionally, but mainly Elise just keeps looking like she needs a nap constantly.

He parks outside of the doctor’s office and looks over at her. “So, are you ready for this?”

Elise nods shortly. But she grabs Dean’s arm as he moves to get out of the Impala. “Dean there’s something we have to discuss though.”

“And what’s that?”

“They’re going to ask us if we want to know the sex of the baby.” Her voice softens as she asks, “Do we?”

If there’s one thing that the Winchesters have learned from their times with Elise, it’s that she’s terrible with making decisions. She always wants to make the right decision every single time, and hates the thought of messing up. Elise constantly has a hint of doubt hidden in her blue eyes, that Dean has seen more and more lately. She’s begun to second-guess herself all of the time with anything doing with the baby, and Dean would call her out on it if she weren’t entitled to be so nervous.

Dean shrugs. “I don’t see why not. That way we have a better idea of a name and don’t end up having to return everything for a different color once the baby is born, right?”

She still looks a little nervous. “Okay. Sounds good to me.”

“Elise, do you want to know?” Dean asks.

Elise looks over at him, eyes a little bit sad and doubtful. “Let’s just get inside before we’re late, okay?” And she opens up the door to the Impala. Dean knows that that’s the end of that conversation. He rushes out of the car and over to her side, attempting to help her out of the car because of how low it is to the ground.

The doctor’s office, much to Dean’s surprise, is modern and tidy, free from the toys and crayons that Dean thought were going to be scattered around. Elise signs herself in, and Dean tries to make himself not look too awkward. The office is lacking the medicinal smell that he loathes so much, but he’s still uneasy in a place where things are routinely prodding at vaginas.

He’s visibly tense, because Elise looks over at him and smirks. “Told you you would hate it.”

“I don’t hate it.” Dean replies defensively. “It’s not my idea of heaven on Earth, but it’s better than a lot of things that I do on a regular basis.”

Truth is? He’d rather be digging up a grave in broad daylight right about now. He really does want to be there for Elise, and wants to help out with the baby any way that he can. But there are just some things that Dean Winchester wasn’t meant to do.

They’re called back in a few minutes, luckily right before Dean actually picks up the issue of People that has been taunting him from the nearby table. He doesn’t hold Elise’s hand as they walk to the back, just puts a reassuring hand on the small of her back. They’re not technically dating by any means, and Dean doesn’t see himself taking Elise out any time soon, but it would be awkward for the father of her baby to be there, and not be physically supportive.

And Dean hasn’t been “physically supportive” to anyone besides himself in the past three months. It’s not that he’s hit a dry spell; he could totally pick up anyone off of the street in a hot second, it’s that he doesn’t really want anyone. Elise is still gorgeous, and the testosterone in his system still says, “Yep. I’d hit that,” on a fairly regular basis. Sam is still off limits, because the fact that they’re brothers isn’t going to be changing anytime soon. And he’s still a little bit awkward whenever they get too close on the couch or when they look at each other a beat too long, but it’s okay. They’ll get through it. The Winchesters always get through it.

The room that they’re lead in to is small, without any additional chairs for Dean to sit on while Elise is laying on the examination table. He leans up against the wall, right next to the window and looks outside. It’s a nice day outside for Idaho. He should be out and enjoying the free time that he has without a case to work on. The Impala could use an oil change, there’s gear that has to be restocked, knives to be sharpened, guns to be cleaned, and beer to be in his stomach. But no. Dean is waiting for someone to prod in and around Elise’s vagina so they can tell what sex their illegitimate child is going to be. Great. The nurse asks Elise some questions about her pregnancy and habits, and Dean mainly just tunes everything out. He should know the answers to these things, because you never know when the littel details are going to be the most important thing in the world, but at the minute? He can’t be bothered. The nurse gives Elise a dressing gown to put on before the doctor can come in and then leaves.

Elise turns and looks at him, standing up and starting to unbutton her shirt. “There’s a bar across the street. This should take about 45 minutes. Want to just meet me outside in the parking lot in an hour? You obviously don’t want to be here, Dean. Just get out while you have the chance.”

“No, Elise.” Dean says shortly, looking over at her with intense eyes. “I’m sticking this out. I know you and Sam want to think that I’m just going to bail at any minute here, but I’m really not. This baby is now a part of my life forever, and I’m not getting around that, no matter how much I try to run away. I’ve accepted that. Can you please just trust me enough not to fuck this all up and let me help you out here?”

She looks guilty. She knows that she’s been making fun of him with Sam, taking every opportunity to tag team mock him until he goes to hide in the Impala to calm down. She knows that she consciously doubts his devotion to this baby, and is still pretty confident that she’s going to wake up one morning without Sam and Dean to fall back on. Elise knows that, and it’s time for her to face the facts head on.

“Sorry.” She says simply.

And because Dean knows how hard that one word is to get out, he just takes the apology and goes with it.

Dr. Debbie Jacobsen is a petite women with long black hair and a mole on the apple of her right cheek that Dean cannot take his eyes off of. Normally he doesn’t fixate on physical characteristics on those around him unless they’re good examples to the perfect human anatomy. But this mole is sort of ridiculously prominent on her face, and Dean feels like he’s in a trance to looking at it.

She asks the same sort of mundane questions that the nurse already asked, and Dean still doesn’t pay attention. He’s beginning to count the number of American-made cars in the parking lot when the doctor says, “Ok Elise, I’ll get the nurse to bring in the ultrasound equipment now. The full test will take about thirty minutes, but you shouldn’t be in any real discomfort. Mr. Winchester?” Dean startles a little bit and looks over at the doctor. “If you can, please come over here and help me get Elise ready for the procedure?” He nods and comes over.

He helps move Elise into a leaning position on the examination table wordlessly, and the nurse brings in the rolling cart with the monitor and other various technical things on it. Elise’s dressing gown is rucked up as the nurse pours a gel onto her stomach. She hisses at the cold a little, and the nurse gives her a small smile.

“Sorry,” she says. Dean idly notices that her name tag says “NICOLE”. If this was four months ago, he would probably be attempting to catch her eye. But it’s not, and Elise is right here. It’s a little lightbulb moment that causes Dean to stop and think about how much his life has changed in such a short period of time. He doesn’t dwell on the subject, but instead takes note of it, and files the information away for later analysis. Now isn’t the time for life reflections.

The room is oddly still as Nicole moves the transducer over Elise’s stomach. The nurse asks her to hold her breath every once and awhile, but there’s nothing truly exciting in the air. A heartbeat monitor that’s hooked up to Elise’s stomach beats fairly rapidly, and Dean feels like his heart is trying to pick up to that same tempo.

“Would you like to know your baby’s sex?” Nicole asks quietly.

Elise replies pretty quickly, brow furrowed and eyes closed, like she’s anticipating pain. “Yes.”

She still looks more concerned than excited when Nicole is searching around on Elise stomach. The nurse smiles and turns the monitor with her free hand.

“Say hello to your daughter.”

Dean feels ridiculously trapped. He’s so used to knowing that there’s the open road, the Impala, Sam, and another hunt on the horizon. But here, with Elise? He’s itching to run, with nowhere to go.

It’s not like there’s been any good hunts around either. Sam has let him loose through the Pacific Northwest. A poltergeist in central Oregon, a couple of demons that were wreaking havoc in the Capitol Hill neighborhood of Seattle, and a weird cult that slaughtered sheep in Montana. Nothing new. Nothing exciting. There’s almost a force field around those couple of states, and Dean just wants out.

He knows that Sam tells Bobby no to some jobs elsewhere around the country. They haven’t exactly found a way to tell Bobby yet, and they’re not going to cross that bridge till the very last second if he has his way. But they promised Elise that they’d stay, and no Winchester ever dares to go back on a promise.

It’s been three months of entrapment, and Elise’s belly is starting to show. She’s still a thin little thing, but parts of her body are starting to get more full and plump. Elise looks good. She looks especially good for being pregnant and working 40 hours a week or more. But she looks good in general.

And, for some reason, Dean has no desire to fuck her.

It’s not the pregnant thing. It’s not the junk in the trunk, or her rounding stomach or her increasing irritability. No, it’s because there’s something wrong with the picture. Dean doesn’t want breasts and lingerie and curvy hips. He wants something more firm, more solid. He wants biceps and abs and a dick to complete the deal. With maybe some floppy hair and puppy eyes. And maybe, just maybe, he wants someone with an anti-possession tattoo over his heart, and who knows Dean almost better than he knows himself.

But he’ll never tell.

Part 3

Borderline - Part 1

lesson_in_love — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 00:21:58 GMT

They’re three miles outside of Greenville, Missouri when Dean gets the call. Sam has the wheel of the Impala, and they’re investigating some hitchhikers who have turned up dead on the side of the highway over the past six months. It’s nothing apocalypse-worthy, but they’re trying to go back to the family business. Saving people has become the endgame again.

“Dean? I need some help.” She’s sniffling, and he hears road noise in the background. The voice takes a minute for him to place.

“Elise?”

“Yeah.” She gives a weak little chuckle. “I was hoping you would remember me.”

Dean’s brow furrows. “Those vampires can’t be back…”

“No,” Elise says. “But I was wondering if you and Sam could come back to Post Falls. I sort of have to talk to you, and I don’t want to do it over the phone. I need some help.”

“Elise, we’re halfway across the country working another job. Is it urgent?” He really doesn’t mean to sound impatient and rude, but Dean doesn’t like thinking about other things while they’re on a job. It’s hard enough to take heaven and hell into account on a daily basis. He doesn’t need the thoughts of a past job on his mind, too.

“Um.” She sniffles again. “Not really. But do you think you could be here within the next couple of weeks? I’ve got till the end of the month until…”

His curiosity gets the better of him. “Until what?”

“Just… just get here as soon as you can, okay?” Elise sounds absolutely wrecked. And Dean, of course, wishes he could help her out. Hell, it’s hardwired into every fiber of his being to drop everything and help out those in need. But they’re at least a three day drive from Idaho, and there’s some spirit that needs to be put to rest in Missouri first.

“Okay. We’ll be there in about a week. Maybe two, tops.” His tone softens. Dean can almost see her sigh in relief.

“Thanks. I’ll talk to you soon.”

Sam stares over at his brother with concern. “What’s up with Elise? Is something wrong back in Idaho?”

Dean shakes his head and slides his phone back in his front pocket. “Apparently not, but it sounds like she’s in trouble. Wouldn’t give me any details over the phone.”

“Well, should we head over there? I bet you’d like to see her again.” Sam doesn’t mention Dean’s relationship with Elise and how they got to be more than just friends. It’s the closest that they’ve come to talking about that night, and Dean definitely doesn’t want to go any further with that conversation.

Dean shakes his head. “No. We’re here; we should look around to see what’s up with these hitchhikers. After, then we’ll go see her. If it’s an emergency, she obviously has my number. She’ll call.”

Dean’s favorite part of the hunt is the adrenaline rush. There’s always something so satisfying about killing evil sons of bitches and making the world a little bit of a better place. They took out three vampires without anything worse than a few bruises and aching joints. In the middle of a field, in the middle of Nowhere-Fuckville, Idaho. It’s a good night.

Instead of heading over to the nearest bar, they decide to just go back to the motel. There’s a bunch of beers in their mini-fridge and no need to leave early tomorrow morning. It’s the closest thing to peaceful that they’ll ever get and everything that their world should be now that they’re not having to constantly think about the battle between heaven and hell.

Sam is sitting up on his bed, leaning against the headboard and flipping channels on the outdated television. Dean is on his back, head barely propped up by the pillows. One hand holds his cold beer, and the other is preoccupied with twirling around a small knife.

“Sammy, are you going to actually land on a show, or do I have to take the remote from you?”

Dean can practically hear his brother roll his eyes. “It’s not my fault that there’s nothing on,” Sam scoffs, “And you’re sure as hell not going to steal the remote and turn on some random porno, like I know you’re thinking of doing right now.”

“Was not,” Dean lies, taking another sip of his beer.

But, as always, Sam can read him as easy as breathing, and snorts at him. “Uh huh. Sure.” It’s not like Dean wants to watch porn with his baby brother right there; it’s that he need some form of entertainment right now, and there’s nothing more enjoyable than an X-rated flick with a terrible script. Most of the actual movies that they’ve seen in the past six months have horrible acting and dialogue anyway, there might as well be something good going on in the story. Sam finally lands on Wheel of Fortune of all goddamn things, and Dean is less than impressed.

“You seriously trying to keep that brain of yours in shape by watching this game show crap? Considering how much of a hard-on doing research gives you, I always figured you’d be a Jeopardy man.”

Dean can feel Sam’s tension rising from halfway across the room. He doesn’t even know how the hell Sam deals with it. He’s the older sibling who will find any and all opportunities to pick on his little brother. They’ve been at this for years now; Sam should be used to his sense of humor. But they did just finish a job. He’s probably tired, and not in the mood for anything that Dean has to say.

But Sam doesn’t say anything, just throws the remote on the other side of the bed and watches the television with vague interest. Like the millions of other digs that Dean gives him on a daily basis, Sam just lets the words roll off of his back.

After about five minutes, Dean is sick of Pat Sajak’s voice, and has lost interest in Vanna White’s long legs. He needs something different to watch ASAP; otherwise it’s going to be a long night. And that’s when Sam gets up to go to the bathroom.

As soon as the door closes, Dean hops up off of his bed and dives face-first onto Sam’s. He snatches up the remote and flicks over to the pay-per-view section, glancing at the titles quickly in hopes of finding something before Sam comes back. He passes by things like, Romancing the Bone and One Dick, Two Chicks 5 because he likes to have higher standards for his porn. Well, mainly if he’s going to be watching some porn with his brother. He normally wouldn’t give a flying fuck how terrible the flick was, but some porn movies are just better than others. There’s no comparison between The XXX Files and Sleeping With the Enemy 2, really.

Just thinking of all of the porn he’s managed to consume in his lifetime makes Dean’s dick start to harden. It’s probably not the most appropriate time for this, but

Sam rolls his eyes when he gets out of the bathroom. “No. No. No. Dean, turn it back and get the hell off of my bed.”

Dean pouts stubbornly. “Come on, Sammy! You know there’s better things on than Wheel of fucking Fortune!”

“Sure, but none of those include The Best of Busty Asian Beauties or any of the other crap you’re about to put on. And why the hell do you think two brothers watching porn together is a good time? What did they do to your brain in Hell that makes you think that that’s a good way of spending our night?”

He shrugs. “You can’t deny the quality of some of this stuff, Sam.” Dean is still flipping through the movies, going through pages and pages of brightly colored art and terrible pun titles.

Sam looks at him skeptically. “Yeah. Right.” He moves closer to Dean. “Come on, man, get off of my bed.”

Dean just keeps on scrolling, not even bothering to look at his brother. If he looks at Sam, it’s almost like he wants to give in to those damn puppy eyes.

“Dean, seriously, this isn’t funny. Get off my bed.”

Nothing.

So Sam lunges at him, attempting to get the remote out of Dean’s right hand. His chest lands on Dean’s thighs, slightly knocking the wind out of him. But a little shortness of breath never stopped a determined Winchester, so he keeps reaching for the remote as Dean moves and dangles it out of reach. Dean’s holding the remote as far above his own head as he possibly can, but Sam’s still got height and long limbs on his side, and he quickly turns over, crawls up Dean’s body, and gets the remote.

“Ha!” Sam exclaims in triumph, his face beaming. The grin falters when Dean realizes what position he’s in. He’s being straddled by Sam, dick half-hard and getting worse by the second. It feels warm body, it wants warm body. Apparently, it doesn’t matter if that warm body is male and of full blood relation to Dean.

Dean expects Sam to scramble off of him. He expects to get awkward looks from Sam for the next couple weeks, and maybe a drunken question about the ordeal in a year or so. There aren’t words for how awkward this is.

Instead, Sam pauses to look at Dean’s face for a moment. Dean’s seriously about to shove Sam off of his torso, because they’re not actually kids again, and Sam isn’t a delicate little flower. Their eyes meet, and Dean sees some heat flash into Sam’s eyes.

That’s when Sam leans down and kisses him.

It’s a new sensation, kissing a guy. Dean hasn’t really thought about it before, but he was never truly opposed to the idea. Might as well try everything once. Kissing Sam, on the other hand, might happen more than once.

They’re making out like teenagers, quickly going from Sam’s original smashing of their faces together to tongues and biting lips and teeth and the temperature in the room getting hotter and hotter. Sam has himself plastered on top of Dean’s whole body, two sets of denim making for wonderful friction against groins.

But when Dean lifts his hand to cup Sam’s cheek, the feeling of slightly rough stubble against his palm makes him lurch away. This is Sam. Not some guy he picked up at a bar. There’s a difference between trying out your supposed heterosexuality with a random guy and your brother. He flails, pushing Sam off of his body, and rolls out of bed onto the floor.

He sits up and looks over at his brother. Sam’s cheeks are red with the burn of his own stubble, and his hair is more ridiculous than normal. This is wrong.

“I… I can’t.” Dean says quietly, shaking his head. He gets off of the floor, grabs his jacket and keys, and leaves without looking back.

Dean’s mind races as he climbs in the Impala. There is no way in hell this is actually happening to him. He did not just make out with his brother. No. Hell no. And he definitely didn’t like it.

Sure, he’s thought about Sam’s attractiveness. It’s impossible not to, when your baby brother ends up looking like Sam does and gets the sort of girls that Sam does. Jess was definitely hot, for the two minutes that they actually interacted with each other. So was Madison and hell, even Ruby had her moments. But not Sam. Because Dean would not have sex with his brother. No. Definitely not.

Dean doesn’t know where he needs to go, but he needs to get out of the motel’s parking lot, and away from Sam. He peels out of the lot, jaw tense and grip tight on the steering wheel. He knows he’s not going too far away. It’s not like he’s going to suddenly drive out of Post Falls, leaving Sam to fend for himself. They didn’t have a fight. They’re not pissed at each other, so Dean isn’t about to leave, not that he would anyway. It’s Sam. But he needs out for a little while. Preferably with a chick. A pretty girl who he could easily let off some steam with. Dean really needs that right about now.

And that’s when it hits him: Elise.

Elise Graham was pretty much the most integral part of their case here in Post Falls. She was captured by the nest of vampires and managed to get away by waiting till they were all asleep during daylight, and using a bobby pin from her hair to pick the lock on her handcuffs. Dean was downright impressed when he heard how she got away; he’s always liked women who can stand on their own two feet in a fight, and Elise is no exception. After talking with her quite a few times, they’d managed to get the location of the vampires’ nest from her vague descriptions. Without her, a lot of other people could have died. There’s a lot of ground that the vampires could have covered around Post Falls. Elise practically led them straight to that field and abandoned barnyard where they found the vamps.

But Elise is gorgeous. Curly long blonde hair, blue-green eyes, and a bright smile that relieves some of the tension in Dean’s shoulders. She’s not the most attractive person that Dean has ever come in contact with, but she’s pretty. Considering that they just killed vamps for her, he’s probably sort of her hero right about now. And even if Elise doesn’t want to sleep with him, she’s pretty cool. She’d probably be up for a few beers and some good conversation until he stops thinking about Sam’s lips on his.

He makes it to Elise’s apartment without a problem, speeding through the night with AC/DC in the cassette player. He sings along as off-key as he can, just for the hell of it. It’s not the most effective thing to help push away the feel of Sam’s lips on his, but Dean manages.

Although Elise lives on the fourth floor, he decides to take the stairs, just to work off some of is excess energy. If he wants to hook up with Elise, he’s going to have to be a lot calmer and not obviously freaking the fuck out.

She answers the door in her pajamas: an extra large navy blue shirt that is probably from an ex and loose, dark grey sweatpants. Elise’s hair is still damp from a shower, and she has that glow of someone who just washed up. Her eyebrows raise when she realizes it’s him, but then she smiles and moves out of the way to let him inside.

“I didn’t think that I’d be seeing you, like, ever again.” Elise pads over to the kitchen, pulling down two glasses and some whisky from a cupboard next to the fridge. Dean shrugs, leaning against the kitchen island, the granite cold against his forearms. Elise has a nice apartment. The kitchen opens up into the living room, and he knows there’s two bedrooms past there. It’s practically a mansion, compared to the motels that Dean grew up in. She’s made the place sort of homey, with pictures of family and friends decorating most of the surfaces. He thinks for a moment that Elise is probably lonely now. She just lost a couple of close friends due to these vampires, and looking at their pictures on top of the television must be difficult. In fact, he’s surprised she’s holding herself together as much as she is. Most people would have broken down by now. Dean has seen a lot of people fall apart for much less than what Elise has gone through.

She pours the whiskey into both of the glasses and hands one to Dean. “So, where’s your better half?”

Dean unintentionally flinches at the remark. Elise’s brows crinkle. “Did you guys have a fight or something?”

“The ‘or something’, yeah.” He takes a gulp of the drink, the alcohol burning in his throat and eyes. “We just really spend too much time together. You always end up needing time away from people. So Sam’s off doing his own thing, and I figured I’d come and see how you were doing.”

“No you didn’t.” Elise smirks, gulping down half of her glass in one go.

Dean knows that he isn’t subtle by any means, but he isn’t that transparent, either. He takes another swallow. “What makes you say that?”

“Because I’ve seen guys like you coming in to the restaurant all the time. Cocky, attractive bad boys that think they’ve got the world wrapped around their little finger. And you think that I’m going to come falling into your arms or something, just because you killed those vampires, right?”

He realizes that there’s no point in trying to hide his intentions is Elise is just going to see right through him. Dean is an awesome liar when he wants to be, but she really does deserve better than that.

“Okay, you’ve got me. Well, partially. I do want to know how you’re doing. Sam and I usually take off after a job so fast that we don’t follow up. Starting to feel like maybe I should help out on this side for once, even if it’s just for a night.” Dean isn’t used to giving explanations for his hook ups, but Elise is different. She knows what kind of hell he’s living on this earth, and saw a side of him that most people don’t think about in their wildest dreams.

She smiles. “I think I can deal with just one night.”

Dean puts down the glass and looks over at Elise. He recognizes the look in her eyes from years and years out on the road, fucking anything that moves. It’s a little bit of spark and a whole lot of fire.

He crosses over to her and leans down, kissing her softly. It’s all lips and no tongue yet, and his hands are gently holding on to her waist, not providing anything more than just balance. Dean doesn’t want this to go too fast, the taste of Sam still lingering in the back of his mouth.

He doesn’t know whether he wants to gets rid of it quickly, or savor it until Elise replaces it with hers.

But this isn’t about Sammy. Dean needs his kid brother out of his mind because right now, he’s with Elise. Sam is literally miles away, and that shouldn’t change in his mind either. It never has before. So he deepens the kiss, opening his mouth and Elise doesn’t waste a second to respond. She’s a lot more aggressive than he would have given her credit for. Her tongue snakes into his mouth, licking at his lips and then inside.

His hands fall down to grab both cheeks of her ass and Elise smiles into their kiss.

“What do you think you’re doing there, cowboy?”

“Oh, nothing much.” Dean says, smiling back at her as Elise’s hand come up to wrap around his neck, pulling him down for more kissing.

Dean’s actually sort of just content with the making out. She’s pretty brazen, compared to some of the women that he’s been with recently, not afraid to lightly bite down on his bottom lip when he’s not expecting it. His brain is only sometimes comparing her moves to Sam’s, and that’s definitely a step in the right direction. Elise moves her hands from where they’re creeping up into his hair down to his, which are still gently kneading her ass. Dean backs away a little as she interlaces their fingers but she just smirks and pulls him across the living room.

The lights in her bedroom are already on, like she constantly leaves them that way now, for fear of what lurks in the dark. And she’s right to believe that, so he doesn’t make a witty comment. Elise turns as she sits on the bed, still pulling Dean with her so he comes up basically straddling her waist.

“I feel like there should be less clothes in this scenario.” Elise snickers and undoes the button and zipper on his jeans in one fell swoop. Dean really likes where this is headed.

“Y’know, I think you might be on to something there.” He leans over, picking up the hem of her shirt and lifting it up and over her head. Since she’s just in her pajamas, she’s not wearing a bra and Dean thinks her tits look gorgeous. The light sheen of sweat between her breasts catches the light and he has to duck down and lick there.

Elise makes a noise that’s halfway between a giggle and a moan. She reaches forward as he straightens and pulls down his jeans and boxers at once. His cock bobs a little when it’s released from the confines of his boxers, already leaking at the tip.

“Finish the rest of that,” She gestures to the all of the clothes still remaining on Dean’s body, “for me.”

Dean isn’t stupid. Sex may make him a bit slower on the uptake, but he’s far from stupid, and an invitation to strip is an invitation to strip. He makes quick work of the tight black shirt still on him, before kicking off his boots and socks. His jeans and boxers are still just about his knees, and he looses his balance and nearly falls over on top of Elise. She starts to laugh, and Dean quickly kisses the teasing smile off of her face, hands placed firmly on the bed right beside her hips.

Dean doesn’t get back from Elise’s till after sunrise. She had the morning shift and told him that he could stay as long as he wanted in her apartment. Which basically translates in Dean’s mind into: “ABORT! ABORT! LEAVE THE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY!” So he left without a note goodbye or thanks. And he definitely didn’t leave a note saying, “Thanks for sleeping with me last night, and helping me take my mind off of the fact that I really wanted to keep making out with my little brother all night long”. Because that is not the truth. At all.

Once he gets back to their room, he finds that Sam is nowhere to be found. Sam’s bags are still at the foot of his bed, so he can’t have gone far. And it’s only, like, 8:30 in the morning, so there aren’t a hell of a lot of places that he could have wandered off to in this small of a town. Dean pulls out his cell phone and doesn’t even have to look at it. He just hits redial and hopes that Sam actually picks up.

“Yeah?” Sam answers after the third ring. “What do you need, Dean?”

“Where the hell are you?”

“At the Old European. Elise wants to know if we’re having another night apart tonight.” Sam seems to bite the words out in frustration. “I told her we were heading out of town this afternoon.”

“Okay.” Dean doesn’t feel like getting in an argument this early in the morning. And a one night stand is his normal prerogative anyways. Elise is a great girl, but he knows from experience that having a hunter in your life for too long is just asking for trouble. She’s gone through enough as it is. “When the hell are you getting back here, then?”

Sam sighs. “Give me twenty minutes, and then a few more to pack. Do not touch my stuff under the guise that you’re trying to save time.”

“Fine,” Dean says after a pause. Maybe he was onto something when he told Elise that he and Sam need some time apart. But it’s not going to happen now. Right now, they have to move on with their lives, and go find the next hunt.

Part 2

Hawaii Five-0 - Steve/Danny - you rattle my bones

lesson_in_love — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 01:08:29 GMT

Medium: Television
Fandom: Hawaii 5-0
Title: you rattle my bones
Subject: Danny/Steve
Mixers Notes: This is my "Steve and Danny are together and everything is happy and joyous" mix. I sort of made this thing as ridiculously sweet and sappy as I could, with also trying to keep the tempo up to mimic their fast-paced lives. Or something like that. WHATEVER, THIS IS JUST FILLED WITH FLUFF.

matt nathanson // faster
you're so delicious
you're so soft
sweet on the tip of my tongue
you taste like sunlight
and strawberry bubble gum

elton john // hello hello
ducking up and down
all those crazy sights and sounds
bounce around like puppets on a string
never gonna find, anything to change my mind
famous last lines of a fool

the rocket summer // so much love
oh i swear, i know, i believe it
oh i can't stop hearin' all of the singin'
oh my soul has never had this feelin'
and it feels like gold
you've got so much love in you

jack johnson // banana pancakes
and everything we need is enough
just so easy
when the whole world fits inside of your arms
don't really need to pay attention to the alarm
wake up slow, yeah, wake up slow

relient k // the best thing
it's been a year
filled with problems
but now you're here
almost as if to solve them
and i can't live in a world without you now

lifehouse // first time
looking at you, holding my breath
for once in my life i'm scared to death
i'm taking a chance, letting you inside

matt wertz // the way i feel
i could talk until my face turns blue
goin' on about what i wanna do with you
i'm so tired of being alone, yeah

jason mraz ft. colbie caillat // lucky
and so i'm sailing through the sea
to an island where we'll meet
you'll hear the music fill the air
i'll put a flower in your hair
ZIP!

X-Men: First Class - Charles/Erik - we're gonna start a war

lesson_in_love — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 05:26:07 GMT

Medium: Movies
Fandom: X-Men: First Class
Title: we're gonna start a war
Subject: Charles/Erik, because I ship it like the angry fist of god.
Mixers Notes: Made for singustosleep's June prompts, at the movies and black and white. I originally was going to do something completely different for these prompts, but then I went and saw X-Men: First Class. And then promptly had to make a mix for their epic (b)romance. Songs are split up into their separate points of view.

the national // start a war
we expected something, something better than before
we expected something more
you were always weird but i never had to hold you
by the edges like i do now
you were always weird but i never had to hold you
by the edges like i do now
walk away now and you're gonna start a war

the devlins // reckless
somewhere along the way
you raised your hand up to my face
and said you never should look back
experience taught us that

dashboard confessional // vindicated
i am vindicated
i am selfish
i am wrong
i am right
i swear i'm right
i swear i knew it all along

the spill canvas // low fidelity
would have carried you to anywhere you please
even if my limbs were broken
and my body was diseased
i can't seem to operate from this far away

adele // turning tables
next time i'll be braver, i'll be my own savior
when the thumb that cost me
next time i'll be braver, i'll be my own savior
standing on my own two feet

muse // starlight
the starlight
i will be chasing your starlight
until the end of my life
i don't know if it's worth it anymore

neon trees // in the next room
there you go messing with my mind
i'm usually better when i lie
there i go, stuck inside a shell
and you're living on the other side
a lover's carousel

snow patrol // just say yes
i'm running out of ways to make you see
i want you to stay here beside me
i won't be okay and i won't pretend i am
so just tell me today and take my hand

ZIP!