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Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, The Worst Jack and Coke You Ever Had!
Srsly. It's bad. Good, but also bad.
 • Matthew Hooper
Candace Owens: Charlie Kirk Was A Time Traveling, Telekinetic X-Man
Sure, why not?
 • Robyn Pennacchia
Gov. Tim Walz Urges Minnesotans To Keep Calm, Carry Phones. Trump Freaks The F*ck Out.
We know, any story on anything could be headlined 'Trump Freaks Out.'
 • Doktor Zoom
Dementia Ward Nurse: Trump's Decaying Brain Was Only Joking To Reuters About Cancelling Elections
Is REUTERS helping hide from the public that Trump's brain is oatmeal? A Wonkvestigation!
 • Marcie Jones
Department Of Defense's 'Department Of War' Glow-Up Will Cost $125 Million. Is That A Lot?
Probably $5 million for the montage alone.
 • Robyn Pennacchia
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THE SPLIT: Chapter One
In which we meet our heroine and her dainty little gun.
All the rest of THE SPLIT!
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Trump Gets Regifted Nobel Peace Prize, Is This What Being Obama Feels Like?
No, he has far bigger hands.
 • Evan Hurst
Accountability Is Coming. Tabs, Fri., Jan. 16, 2025
Morning news roundup and things to read!
 • Rebecca Schoenkopf
US Attorney Boxwine Harassing Lawmakers Who Reminded Troops Of Duty To Defy Illegal Orders
She gonna raid their houses, see if they got any pocket Constitutions or liquor lying about?
 • Evan Hurst
When Will US Invade Greenland? What Channel Is Greenland Invasion On? Where Can I Get 'Invade Greenland' T-Shirts?
AI slop T-shirts are already out there, and they suck.
 • Doktor Zoom
Texas Happy To Send Taxpayer Money To Religious Schools, Just Not Yours.
They're blocking Muslim schools, in case that wasn't obvious.
 • Doktor Zoom
The latest from
Matthew Hooper
Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, The Worst Jack and Coke You Ever Had!
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Robyn Pennacchia
Candace Owens: Charlie Kirk Was A Time Traveling, Telekinetic X-Man
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Doktor Zoom
Gov. Tim Walz Urges Minnesotans To Keep Calm, Carry Phones. Trump Freaks The F*ck Out.
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Marcie Jones
Dementia Ward Nurse: Trump's Decaying Brain Was Only Joking To Reuters About Cancelling Elections
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Evan Hurst
Trump Gets Regifted Nobel Peace Prize, Is This What Being Obama Feels Like?
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That Time The Cops Went Wilding In Tompkins Square. No, The First Time.
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Gary Legum
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The Fascist Murders Will Continue Until You Stop Calling Them Fascist Murderers!
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Pentagon Picks Fight With Canadian Sex Shop
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ziggywiggy
Wonkette Movie Night: Shirley Valentine
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New Years Eve

View all
2025 Hero Of The Year: Zohran Kwame Mamdani!
Hope and glamor are back in New York City, baby!
 • Marcie Jones
2025 Shitheels Of The Year: Trump’s Clown Car Cabinet
How can you pick just one?
 • Marcie Jones
Who Are The Heroes Of 2025? It's A LONG F*CKIN' LIST.
If you're doing anything tiny to fight fascism, you're on it.
 • Evan Hurst
2025 In Hungry, Hungry Leopards
Here, have some schadenfreude.
 • Robyn Pennacchia
A Sober [Hic!] Assessment Of Pete Hegseth’s First (Last?) Year As Defense Secretary
WARFIGHTER! WARFIGHTER! WARFIGHTER!
 • Evan Hurst
Five Things That Didn't Suck In 2025
Fairly sure we can find that many.
 • Doktor Zoom
The Year Trump Made The White House Resemble A Tacky Russian Whorehouse
Which we suppose makes sense in a way.
 • Gary Legum
2025: The Year The USA Got Infected With Both Measles And Robert F. Kennedy Jr.
One could cause hearing and vision loss, the other may make you pray for them.
 • Robyn Pennacchia
2025: The Year In Trump Making Peace!
No more wars? No! More wars.
 • Marcie Jones
2025 In What Did They Do To Their Face!
Time to be a catty bitch!
 • Robyn Pennacchia
2025: The Year Big Oil's Investment In Trump Paid Off
Also the year Trump outlawed science, Project 2025 happened to the planet, and China became the climate's best hope.
 • Doktor Zoom
2025 In Trump's Rotting Body
We just hope it hurts!
 • Gary Legum
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