I am a big fan of the arts. I enjoy reading, from fiction to nonfiction, you name it. I watch movies for more than the plot. I examine and analyse every single choice made by the characters, directors, producers, and even the significance of the fashion choices made by the costume designer. I love fashion. I am an expert at analysing people based on their fashion choices. I can tell you why and why a person chose to wear what they wore. I can tell who understands fashion, from merely looking at what they wear to church.

Most importantly, I love writing. Writing is my lifeline. It keeps me alive. It's one of the ways I ventilate my spirit and how I give back to the creative flea market of life.

When I was in SS3, someone asked me what I liked to do since I didn't watch football or play it, play first person shooter games (Call of Duty etc.) or even basketball like all the other tall guys. I told him that I watched movies, wrote about anything that piqued my interest, and if I had any titles, I read. He scrunched up his face in disgust like my breath reeked of shit and called me a fag. In his words "na wetin women dey do na e you dey like".

I have a cousin who used to be a tomboy when she was in secondary school. She would wear massive shirts and trousers and would only cut her hair Anita Baker style. All the women in the family thought she was a lesbian and they all hounded her about it, trying to get her to change how she dressed and be more "feminine".

These 2 examples show a pattern of social conditioning, where gender is assigned to activities that can be performed by anyone regardless of their gender. I was called gay because I liked things that "were for girls/women" and my cousin was called a lesbian because she dressed in a manner that she was most comfortable.

I spoke with a friend extensively last week about how I thought gender roles didn't make a whole lot of sense and that conversation birthed this post. Ife if you're reading this, I love you so much.

From birth, society by means of socialisation has dictated how males and females are supposed to behave. People are born into the world with a laid down set of expectations and codes of conducts that guide them without allowing them to discover for themselves what they want or what they like.

Humans are called "individuals" for a reason. The word "individual" is a noun that refers to a single, distinct, and separate person or thing. It is commonly used to describe a person, emphasizing their unique and independent qualities. Here's a breakdown of the word:

1. "In" is a prefix that means "not" or "un-," indicating that something is not divided or not shared with others.

2. "Divid" is the root word, which comes from the Latin word "dividuus," meaning "divisible" or "separable."

3. "Al" is a suffix that is often added to nouns to form adjectives, and it denotes a quality or state.

So, when you put it all together, "individual" essentially means "not divided" or "unshared," emphasizing the distinct and separate nature of a person or thing. It highlights the unique characteristics and identity of a single entity.

From the above you can see that humans are designed to have a mind of their own and not live like they are a part of a hive mind or a shared collective consciousness.

So why is it such a bad thing when someone doesn't like or show interest in the things that society believes they supposed to like. In my opinion it's fine that guys like football and girls are interested in makeup and what not, but why are people who do not fit this standard demonised and treated like outcasts ?

Society has nearly destroyed itself with the preconceived gender roles that it has assigned to everyone under the gender binary. So a girl who wants to be a petrochemical engineer is told to choose a course that is "softer" because she's a girl and only men get to be engineers. A boy says he wants to be a model and he's asked "are you gay ?" as though sexuality is what defines personal interests.

A lot of older people who are unhappy with the path they have chosen for themselves are people who were victims of this flawed mentality and rather than wish better for the younger generation, they seek to impose these ideals on them.

Take for example Michael Groff from the Sex Education. Mr Groff was an unhappy headteacher and teacher. It was so obvious that he hated his job and it was affecting his life very badly. From season one to three of the series, we can see how his sadness morphed into resentment for his job and his family till it eventually caused his marriage to collapse.

TW: SPOILERS AHEAD.

In season 4 I began to understand the kind of life that he must have led to make him such an unhappy man. Mr Groff liked cooking. In season 2, in an attempt to reconnect with his family he makes them a meal. This seems like a regular activity until season 4 Mr Groff and Adam have an intense conversation. Adam calls his father "... a sad man who does a job that he hate because he's too afraid to do anything else"

After that conversation Mr Groff goes on to volunteer to make the food for the charity ball the school was holding. It is so obvious that he loves cooking and he enjoys doing it alot. But Mr Groff was bullied as a child by his father and his brother for being "soft". I can't even imagine if he had decided to show an interest in cooking.

Society is full of unhappy men and women who hate the lives they are living because it was imposed on them as per their gender. There are men who would probably have made it big as singers, actors, artists etc; and women who would have been giants in their respective fields but because of societal pressures, they are forced to squash their dreams and conform to standards that don't fit their true nature.

Men are socialised into stoicism and emotionlessness. They are taught that just by virtue of having penises the world is theirs for the taking and that women are theirs to "conquer" and "subdue". They are socialised into a deadly level of hyperindependence that renders them vulnerable in the times of need.

Society doesn't teach women to aspire to anything more than child rearing and caring for a man. They aren't told that they can carve a niche in the world for themselves and be successful. They are made to believe that being high achievers and being successful masculinizes them as though success was restricted to gender. From the day they are born they are being prepared and raised for "husband house" like lambs being fattened up for slaughter.

Society foams at the mouth when they see people who have refused to conform to gender norms because it doesn't fit them or align with their feelings. A month or two ago, +234 Twitter was in flames over a young lady who refused to cook for her father and brothers because she was attending online classes during the lockdown. Many people called her spoilt, wicked, and rotten because she didn't drag her tired self to the kitchen to make food for the able bodied men in the house. People had so many opinions, saying that she didn't know her job as a lady and whatnot.

In what universe is cooking, which is a basic life skill solely the job of a female ? It's to the point that in some families, girls as young as 10 are being forced to cook for their brothers who are more often than not, older than them. Is that not barbaric and wicked ?

Parents may not want to hear this but the reason why your daughter doesn't want to cook is because it has been made clear by society that her job is to take care of a man and not have a life of her own and knowing how to cook is a step on that terrible road.

Enioluwa Adeoluwa, started out as a skincare and beauty content creator. That means he understood cosmetics well and even wore them in his videos. When he started out as "Lipgloss Boy" Nigerian men had their g-strings in twists. Talmabout how he was gay and a woman wrapper etc. Today Enioluwa is one of the leading male influencers in Nigeria. He has worked with international brands such as Fenty Cosmetics, MAC, Spotify, Crocs, Samsung but to name a few. He is a European Union Ambassador to Nigeria. Imagine if he broke himself to fit the constrictive mold that society had created for men ? Imagine he didn't pursue his passions ? He would have probably offed himself because of the level of bullying he must have faced or he'd be living a mediocre life somewhere in Nigeria.

Humans should be allowed to live as their own people. Not everyone is designed to conform to gender norms. Some people may, but not everyone. People should be allowed to live as the truest versions of themselves and not be forced to be what they are not.

There will be more happy individuals in the world if people were allowed to follow their hearts and understand their interests rather than being told this is what you should do because you're a boy/man and this is what you shouldn't do because you're a girl/woman.

We are individuals and we have the right to carve out our own paths in life.