I didn't take the test
I still don't want to take the test
And I don't know how to get it through my professor's brain that I don't care if I fail the test, the course, etc.
And I'm not taking tomorrow's test either

My parents were asking me how the test went
Eventually they were too direct for me to avoid
I think they nearly had heart-attacks when I told them
And I had to make-it-all-better by telling them that Prof Young was figuring something out.
I'm still too scared to disappoint them.
I feel a bit like Kevin all over again
Only I made it out of high school without the issues and the tension.

I really hate this
This everything
And it will repeat tomorrow
And the next day and the
Next day and
The next day
Because I am a broken child
I am a shattered glass
A smashed guitar
Useless.

But for some strange reason
Through ALL of
This
I keep dreaming of JeriJo's cabin
Sylvia's sand blasting
And the freedom of knowing
That when I wake up
If I don't want to get out of bed
I can go back to sleep
But I'll not be angry-scared at the world
I know I'll be waking up
To simple pleasures
ALL I NEED

I'm going to end up an artistic hermit
The old lady down the street, with the cats, and the
Strange habits.

But I'll be free
maybe happy?
maybe just not-as-sad
or just empty-but-beautiful,
it all sounds better than this failure failure failure
repete avec moi
failure failure failure

I want to try to be an artist
For some strange reason I think you can't fail as an artist
Or, well, not as the type of artist I want to be
The making things
Or making them prettier
Somehow you can't fail.

HOPE?

hope